The Family Way
by CreativeBacon11
Summary: Raphael was never one for family, seeing as his first one abandoned him when he was very young, but when foster-care is running out of care-takers one man along with his three sons are ready to take on the challenge of this troubled teen. Raphael will go through troubles and tribulations and will learn to once again have a family, learning to do things- The Family Way. (Human AU)
1. Chapter 1:Breathe In Breathe Out

**(2595 words)**

Raphael sits on a plastic chair in the waiting room of the orphanage he had called his home for most of his life.

He swings his legs back and forth in an almost hypnotizing motion.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and forth.

Back and-

"Raphael?"

Raph's head shoots up to look at the man standing in front of him.

He had brown hair, not unlike his own. although the man's was combed back into a slick hair do.

"Raphael, it's time to go."

Raph nods and stands up from his seat, grabbing his duffel bag from the floor. He hoists it up onto his left shoulder and hisses, taking it back off and putting it onto his right.

"I'm really sorry about that." the man says, gesturing to Raph's shoulder. Bandages were visible underneath his red tank top, winding their way down his shoulder and to his torso.

"S'not your fault Greg. You didn't do it."

Raph walks out the glass double doors with Greg on his tail.

He stops in front of an old nineteen ninety cadillac seville while Greg unlocks it with a key.

He opens the door and plops in, holding his barely full duffel on his lap.

"Greg, this is the third family this year." Raph says quietly.

"Yeah?" Greg says, knowing what was going on.

"I just- well... How long am I going to have to do this? Going from family to family, house to house? I used to actually think that one of them would _actually_ adopt me for real, I actually use to _try_ and get them to like me But now, it's not even worth it."

As Raph rambles Greg starts the car and pulls out of the drive way.

"Raph, how many times have I told you, don't think like that. You've tried so hard to make things work, even in the cases where you are not the problem. So just chill my man, I have a good feeling this time."

"You say that every time. He grumbles, looking out the window.

The drive wasn't too long, not leaving the city but it was close.

The big old house they pulled up to was just on the edge of town.

"Here we are." Greg says enthusiastically. "This is the Hamato's place. Mr. Hamato Yoshi said he had three other sons, about your age, so it shouldn't be so bad."

Raph grunts and slams his head against the dash-board.

"All right, take your time." Raph picks up his head and slams it down once more.

Raph sits there, too many thoughts running through his head.

 _'Three sons?'_

 _'they are going to look at him like everyone else does'_

 _'they're going to hate him'_

 _'they are going to-'_

 _'NO, that won't happen.'_

 _'that can't happen'_

He thinks he might have fallen asleep for a couple minutes, but gets up and out of the car without a word.

Greg follows him as they walk up to the old house.

he rings the door bell and within seconds he hears foot steps coming up to the door and opening it with ease.

"Hello, you must be Raphael"

An man, probably in his thirties Raph thinks, with black hair and brown eyes greets them.

Raph nods and Greg takes over. "Hello, Yes, this is Raphael and I'm Greg, it's nice to meet you."

Yoshi steps aside, allowing them in. "Won't you come in for tea?" He says to Greg.

"Of course."

Greg walks in along side Raph who is scanning the place like he was searching for escape routs.

"I have just finished a pot of my favorite chamomile tea."

As the two adults and one lone teen sit in the living room drinking their tea and talking three new teens appear, peaking in from the kitchen and eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Leo, what are they saying?" says a short boy with curly red hair and freckles.

"Mikey, shut up, they'll hear you!" A tall brown haired boy says in a whisper-shout.

"If you both don't knock it off, I won't be able to hear anything!" A teen with blond hair and a blue form fitting t-shirt snaps.

"I'm sure you know of all his... quirks... So I'll have to be off" Greg gives a sigh as he stands up to leave. "I still have quite a few things to do tonight."

"Alright, let me walk you out." Yoshi says, standing as well. They walk past a seemingly empty kitchen and to the door.

As Yoshi is saying his goodbyes a small grunt could be heard from the kitchen ceiling as a tall boy struggles to hold himself up between the over head cabinets.

* * *

Yoshi walks back to the living-room where Raphael sits alone on the couch.

"Raphael, I am glad to have you here with us, me and my sons who- just a moment"

Yoshi turns to the doorway and speaks calmly. "Boys, if you'd like to know about Raphael, it would be wise of you to come talk to him instead of eavesdropping from the kitchen." Raph hears a thud, then a creak and a crack.

The tall boy had dropped from the ceiling while the smallest had crawled out from a lower cabinet. The blond had stood up from behind the island in the middle of the kitchen, causing his knees to crack and pop.

All three walk into the living-room with sheepish expressions on their faces.

"Raphael these are my sons. Leonardo" he points to the one in blue "Donatello" he says pointing to the tall boy "And Michelangelo." He finishes with the small boy with freckles.

"Hi" they all chorus.

Raph waves silently, many thoughts raging through his head once again.

 _'They seem friendly enough.'_

 _'This Yoshi invited Greg in for tea so he's probably better than most of the other foster dads.'_

Raphael's stomach makes an angry noise and Raph shrinks back into the couch. "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry! It's dinner time anyways." Yoshi says, brushing off Raph's odd behavior. "What would you boys like tonight?"

"Pizza!" Michelangelo shouts

"I'd be fine with some Ramon." Leonardo says with a respectful air in his voice.

"I could try this new recipe I found the other day." Donatello says excitedly.

"How about we let Raphael choose." Yoshi says over the noise of three teenage boys talking about food. All heads turn to Raph and he looks around nervously. He hadn't really been listing, he had been trying to figure each of the people out in front of him.

"Oh um, I don't mind. Anything's good."

Raph stuck by that mentality.

As long as it's food, it's good.

"So it's decided then? Pizza?" Michelangelo says.

"If you want. Raphael is that okay with you?"

Raph nods, hands wound tightly around the strap of his duffel. "Yeah, yeah, that's fine."

"WHOA, wait dude, what happened to your shoulder?" Michelangelo says in surfer like speech. Raph glances down at the bandages that were slowly turning a deep shade of crimson. "Oh uh it's a long story." he says, closing himself off a bit.

"Mikey, don't ask the guy questions like that. It's obviously a pretty bad injury and it probably wasn't very fun to get." Donatello scolds.

"Right then, I'll order a couple pizzas for us tonight while you get to know each other." Yoshi says, leaving the four teens alone in the living-room.

* * *

The three new teens plop down on the furniture in the room, all of them looking at Raph with different expressions.

"So Raphael, why don't you tell us about yourself?" Leonardo says.

"Uh, like what? I'm fifteen, I-"

Raph gets cut off by a high pitched squeal.

"OH MY GOSH! I'm fifteen too!" Mikey shouts. "This is so cool!"

"Right."

"Well, I'm fifteen, I've gotten into some... stuff... and... Yeah..." He says, trailing off.

I mean, what was he supposed to say? _'Hi I'm Raphael, I've been in foster care sense I was three and I feel like I'm suffocating right now!'_

"O-kay, Well you can call me Leo," Leonardo says. "I we normally don't go by our full names. I'm seventeen and I'm sorry for anything Mikey says or does."

"What? Dude, I'm cool as a cucumber." Mikey says happily.

"Yeah, a cucumber that's been thrown into the sun..." Donatello says.

"That just means I'm _hot!_ "

"Ugh. Well, you can call me Donnie." Donatello says, crossing his arms.

Mikey hops up onto the back of the couch he was on, facing Raph on the other. "Just call me the Battle Nexus CHAMPION!" He says, hands on hips. "Mike, just because you finished the game with an extra life left doesn't mean you have to say that at every chance you get." Leo huffs annoyed.

"What ever you say... LOOOSER!"

Raph watches the brothers interact, watching as Mikey messes with Leo and Donnie and falls.

Falls back onto Raphael.

"AH!" Raph shouts in pain and discomfort.

He shoves Mikey off of himself roughly and grabs his hurt shoulder. His breathing had quickened and he was shuddering with each short breath. "Whoa, sorry dude." Mikey says, watching Raph freak out.

"Are you okay?" Leo asks, creeping slowly towards Raph.

 _'Unexpected physical contact.'_

 _'get it off.'_

 _'I can't breath'_

 _'everything hurts'_

Raph's breathing quickens even more than you would've though possible. Leo reaches out a hand and places it on Raph's good shoulder. "Hey, Raphael, are you okay? Do you need me to go get my dad?"

 _'my head's pounding.'_

 _'my chest feels like it's caving in.'_

 _'I can't fucking_ _ **breathe**_ _.'_

Raph digs his nails into his bad shoulder and shrugs Leo off his other.

The slightly reddened bandages were now filling quickly with blood. "Watch him." Leo commands.

Mikey and Donnie stood there in shock as Leo bolts from the room to find their father. "Donnie, quick explanation?" Mikey says worriedly.

"I wish I knew!" Donnie replies.

Raph digs his nails deeper into his shoulder, causing tears of pain to pool in his eyes.

 _'Having a fucking panic attack on the first day with a new foster family. How fan-fucking-tastic!'_

His thoughts weren't helping him calm at all.

Raph barely acknowledges the man rushing into the room along with Leo. He kneels down in front of a panicking Raphael and pulls his now bloody hand away from his bandages. "Raphael, please listen to me, you are having a panic attack. You will be okay, just breathe."

Yoshi, surprisingly good at calming the boy in a full blown panic attack, takes his hands in his own and squeezes them. "In and out, breathe..." He says, breathing slowly and clearly so that Raph would follow.

In and out.

In and out.

in and out.

in and out.

Soon Yoshi had pulled him out of his panic, his bloody hand in the older man's, staining it red as well.

"Shit. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. Just tell me where the bathroom and where i'll be sleeping are and I'll stay out of your hair." Raph says with a shake in his voice.

"Raphael, it's okay, I'll show you to the bathroom and we can fix up your arm. Then, you should eat. It is not wise to go without food." Yoshi reassures.

 _'Damn it damn it damn it! I can't believe myself! I couldn't hold it together for one more hour!?'_ Raph thinks, scratching his arm a bit and following Yoshi out of the room.

"Dude, I swear, it's not my fault." Mikey says to his brothers, hands up in defense.

"Mikey the guy just had a panic attack be cause you fell on him. How is that not your fault?" Donnie questions.

"Well uh-"

"We aren't going to talk about it." Leo silences his bickering brothers and turns to leave as well. "he probably won't want to have us talking about that so how about we act like nothing happened." Leo finishes, sounding less like a question and more like a demand.

* * *

Yoshi washes Raphael's arm and hands off, blood having run down his arm onto his other hand. He takes off the bandages and Raph takes some medical gear out of his bag.

He stares at Raph's shoulder for a moment, shocked at the injury on the young teen.

"Raphael, if you don't mind me asking, how did this happen?" He gets to work cleaning the wound as Raph sits in silence.

"It, uh... It's a long story."

Yoshi just nods and finishes cleaning it before wrapping it back up in gauze.

"C-Can I just go to bed, please? I really don't need anything to eat right now anyways and I'm really tired-" Raphael gets cut off by a loud gurgle from his stomach.

"Are you sure?" Yoshi says slyly.

"... Yeah, please?"

"Fine, If you feel you must, I will escort you to your room." He gives Raph his things back and helps him up, leading him out of the bathroom towards the stairs. Although you had to pass the living room to get there, Raphael didn't see any prying eyes or disgusted faces. Just three teens sitting in their living-room playing games, reading, or-

What is he doing?

Leo looked as if he was trying to to karate in slow motion.

...Weird.

Yoshi leads Raph to a room at the end of the hall that had nothing on it, the other ones had skateboarding pictures, science _things_ , or Japanese... stuff on them.

When he opens the door he looks around the room cautiously.

There was a bed with plain white sheets.

 _'Better than last time'_

There was a dresser with a lamp on it.

 _'I don't really have anything to put in there'_

And there was a small desk with a chair.

"Thank you" Raph says, shuffling into the room.

"Have a good sleep." Yoshi replies, closing the door halfway.

Raph quickly gets up and closes it the rest of the way, making sure to turn the dob before closing it so that it wouldn't make a sound.

He goes back over to the bed and lays down with his feet handing off the side.

 _'New place, anxieties were high, and the guy surprised me. it's fine.'_

 _'Gosh, I must seem like a total fucking Idiot! a wimpy idiot who can't handle two seconds of physical contact.'_

He closes his eyes and lets out a frustrated sigh.

 _'Breathe in, Breathe out'_

 _'I'm okay'_

* * *

 **Take a look at me, from one side I seem to be  
So calm, so cool, collected  
And on the other side  
I'm melting down. Until then, I will choose to display  
All these feelings that I hate  
You think you know me but you don't  
So look who's laughing now.**

 **Breathe in, Breathe out**

 **set it off.**

 **Thanks for reading the first chapter of my new story! I know Raph is coming off as this weak guy right now but it was just a rough first day, he'll get tougher.**

 **.O/ Bye!)**


	2. Chapter 2: Politically Correct

**(4183 words)**

Raphael wakes up to the sound of voices outside his door.

"I'm not gonna wake him up! The guy flipped out the last time I touched him!"

"Mikey, all you'd do is talk to him and maybe poke him, that'd probably wake him up, unless he sleeps like a tank."

"Leo why don't you do it?"

"Because, If I do it he might flip out on me, and we all know you're the most durable when it comes to this kind of stuff."

"Donnie! help me out here!"

"Leo's got a point Mikey."

Raph stands up, stretching, and walks over to his duffel, the teens on the other side of the door still arguing.

He reaches in and goes into one of the inside pockets, taking out a Swiss army knife and stashing it in his pocket. He throws on a hoodie with large pockets on the front and rolls up the sleeves.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, just watch out for-" Leo stops mid sentence.

Raphael opened the door, stopping the brothers in their tracks.

"Oh, hey. Um breakfasts ready." Leo says, trying to keep his face neutral.

Raph nods and brushes past them, leaving them to stand in front of his doorway.

"O-kay..." Mikey says.

"Don't be rude Mikey" Donny scowls, slapping his shoulder.

"What? It's not like he heard me or anything."

They all walks down the stairs, not sure how their first meal with the new guy would turn out. In the kitchen they all sit at their usual spots, looking at an extra chair across from Leo where Raph sat, waiting for them all to sit down before he started eating.

Yoshi comes into the kitchen and greets his sons and Raphael.

"Good morning, I hope you all had a good nights rest."

Everyone gives him a nod or a 'Yeah' while they all ate, some faster than others.

"Raphael, why so fast?" Yoshi asks, sipping a cup of tea.

"Uh..." Raph replies with his mouth full. "You are eating quite quickly, do you have somewhere to be?"

" _Yeah Raphael_ , got a hot date?" Mikey leans over the table with a smug grin on his face, chewing on a piece of bacon that was half way sticking out of his mouth.

"No." Raph replies gruffly. "And don't call me _Raphael_ , I hate that name." Leo gets a look on his face that only his brothers would know. It was the face he used for bullies at school. "Well-" He says, starting to get up.

"So then what should we call you?" Donnie says nicely, placing a hand on Leo's chest to stop him.

"Raph 's fine." He says not once looking up from his plate.

"Alright." Donnie says, the whole table going quiet.

Raph finishes his eggs before snatching the two pieces of bacon he had left and putting them quickly into his pocket. Leo narrows his eyes at him, thinking he saw something, but Raph doesn't notice, asking to be excused.

"Uh, can I be excused please?" He says nervously.

"Yes you may." Yoshi replies, granting him permission to get up and leave. "Oh, and Leonardo, Donatello and Michelangelo have training today at five this afternoon if you would like to come along and observe."

Raph stands up and awkwardly moves around his chair. "Uh yeah, maybe." He quickly leaves the table and rushes upstairs and into his room, closing, but not locking it.

He looks around the room, his hand hovering over his pocket.

"Where, where, where to hide it..." He mumbles, pulling out drawers and lifting up furniture.

He finally settles with stashing his two measly pieces of bacon under the bed in a old wooden box he found. As soon as he stood up from stashing his food his door gets swung open by none other than Leonardo himself.

"Don't you knock?" Raph says in what he hoped was an irritated sounding voice.

"Yeah, sometimes." He says smugly. "So, what are you doing standing in the middle of the room, and looking... _Panicked?_ " He fakes a question before changing his face to what most people would see as a glare.

"I ain't doing anything." Raph says, crossing his arms in hopes of not seeming guilty.

" _Oh yeah sure_. Just like I'm not standing in the doorway right now." Leo says sarcastically, leaning up against the door-frame that he was very obviously standing in.

"I saw you take something and put it in your pocket, _Raph_. You might as well tell me what it was."

"I'm telling you," Raph says, getting closer to Leo. "I didn't. take. anything."

"Hey Leo, do you know where my new watch is?" Donnie comes up behind Leo, looking down at his phone.

He looks up to see Leo standing in the doorway, in an obvious offensive stance, while Raph stands tense in front of him.

"Um... Is this a bad time?"

Leo glares at Raph with all his might.

"Yeah, Don I'll be with you in a second." Leo steps out of his stance, still tense.

"Um, Kay..." Donnie walks away, not really wanting to be involved in the fight that was bound to go down.

Once Donnie was out of ear-shot Leo takes a couple steps closer to Raph. "You took the watch, didn't you?"

Raph rolls his eyes, for once sense he'd been confronted able to say something true. "Why would I want to take a stupid watch?"

"Well I don't know, maybe you'd go sell it, or give it to some pawn shop or something. I just know that I don't want to be giving you any ideas you haven't already thought of and done." Leo finishes, now convinced that he had stolen the watch.

"I didn't take the frickin' watch, 'kay? You just made that up on your own."

Leo sighs and folds his hands in front of himself. "Okay, I didn't want to do this, I thought that if you could've just be cooperative and give me back Don's watch I wouldn't have to play this card." Raph looks at Leo skeptically.

 _'Good luck finding a card I haven't seen before, Bucko'_ Raph thinks.

"But I'm sure once I tell my dad, and if you give the watch back right away, he won't tell foster care about this little incident, though I'm sure with your attitude this kind of thing has happened before."

"Nice try, but I don't have a watch to give back." Raph says, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Leo flips his short blond hair and huffs. "Fine, if you want to be like that, go ahead, I'm sure this won't ruin your record more than it already is." Leo walks out of the room, not closing the door all the way.

Raph growls and closes the door.

"What an ass."

* * *

"That guy just rubs me the wrong way."

Leo paces the living-room, Donnie sitting on the couch trying to fix the T.V. remote.

"He just has this aura around him that practically screams at me _'F you!'_ It just ticks me off, and now he's saying he doesn't have your watch, even though I _saw_ him take something and hide it in his pocket and almost right after that you said your watch was missing."

Leo rambles on and on, his speed picking up in both is voice and his pacing.

"Leo," Donnie interrupts "did you ever think to just believe him? That maybe he's telling the truth?" Leo stops his pacing for a moment as if to actually think about this but continues on anyways.

"Don, you don't know how he was acting. He was totally sketchy and he's a foster kid so that makes him even more untrustworthy so-" Leo stops, looking at Donnie who is almost glaring at Leo.

"Leo, just because someone is a foster kid doesn't mean they are untrustworthy."

Donnie sets down the broken remote and gives all his attention to his brother. "Don, I know, I know, but he's been in the system for almost his whole life, you heard what his social worker said, and..." Leo trails off, unsure how to continue. "It was different with you, we got you out of it pretty early, so it wasn't as bad..."

Donnie sighs and looks away from Leo. "Just... Give him a break. Maybe he didn't take it, I could have just lost it or something."

"Yeah, like you're the king of losing things." Leo says sarcastically.

"You never know..."

* * *

As the day went on, nobody saw much of Raphael. They had lunch, but Raphael claimed he wasn't hungry, only coming out of his room for dinner right before they left for training at their family's dojo a bit further into town.

The car ride was the most awkward any of them had ever had.

They all piled into their van, Leo opting to drive while Donnie sat in one of the middle seats so that Yoshi could have the passengers seat.

Raphael went automatically to the very back seat, hoping to be mostly separated for the the whole ride, but luck was not on his side as Mikey came straight to the back with him.

"Wouldn't you like to sit closer to your brothers?" Raph asked, trying to get him to move to the only other open middle seat.

"Na, I thought it'd be nice to sit back here with you." Mikey says joyfully. "Also, I kinda wanted to say sorry for that whole ' _thing'_ last night..."

"Apology accepted." Raph says gruffly, scooting to the opposite end of the car.

They drove for exactly three minutes before Mikey claimed he was bored and unbuckled to get to the radio at the front of the van.

"Mikey sit down!" Leo says, hitting his shoulder gently to try and make him back off. "Mikey, you really shouldn't be standing in a moving vehicle." Donnie says from his spot in the middle. Raph doesn't say anything, not because he doesn't think it's dangerous but because the guy wasn't sitting next to him anymore.

"Michelangelo it is not wise to be standing while the van is moving." Yoshi says, doing the thing where he's not _explicitly_ saying to sit down but _really_ he's telling you to go sit your butt down.

"Okay..." Mikey says, turning like he's going to sit back down. "But not before I get some tunes playin'!" At that moment they went over a pothole and Mikey went flying backwards, only to be caught by Raph.

"Whoa, thanks dude."

Raph just pushes him into the far seat, gesturing to the seat belt.

"Oh, yeah, thanks again." Mikey says as he starts buckling up again.

Leo turns on the radio and lets some random station play to satisfy Mikey's boredom but every one in the car stays silent the rest of the way to the dojo.

* * *

Luckily it was only fifteen minutes away in total so the awkward silence hadn't last for too long.

"Here we are! the fantastical, magnificent, amazing dojo of pure awesomeness!" Mikey shouts as they enter the doors. "Cool it Mikey." Donnie says, dropping off his gym bag in a corner.

"Start warming up, how about twenty laps around the dojo." Yoshi says.

The dojo wasn't very big, most likely around thirty by thirty feet, but twenty laps for anyone who wasn't fit as a fiddle would be their whole workout.

The trio of brothers start the worm up while Raph stands next to Yoshi, arms crossed and feeling completely out of place.

"Would you like to join in?"

Raph jumps at Yoshi's voice cutting through the silence.

"What?" He says.

"Would you like to join in?" Yoshi asks again, this time a bit slower.

"Um, I guess?" Raph says apprehensively.

"twenty laps then." Yoshi says, nodding his head towards the other three. "Oh, yeah, all right." Raph says, taking off his jacket and tossing it aside.

He waits for the rest of them to pass before joining their rotation, knowing they were a few laps ahead of him.

Yoshi watches as his sons and Raphael run their laps, Raph keeping up quite well. The first three finished their laps and started to stretch while discretely watching Raph finish his laps.

Surprisingly enough, when the other three finished running their laps, Raph sped up. He was now almost sprinting his last couple laps without getting anymore tired than he was before.

"Yeash Raph, you speed demon!" Mikey says, sitting in the splits.

"Ouch" Raph points to Mikey before he starts doing some stretches himself.

"If you think that's painful, just wait until you see him when we work on flexibility." Donnie says, sitting in a straddle.

"Hm" Raph grunts before doing a shoulder stretch.

Leo watches him silently, nobody noticing but his father. "Leonardo,"

Leo turns to look at Yoshi. "Come here for a moment." Leo stands up from his spot on the floor and walks over to his father. "Uh, yeah?" Yoshi leads Leonardo into a side room that would lead to the bathrooms.

"Is something bothering you my son?"

"Wh-"

"I can sense your animosity towards Raphael." Yoshi says in a calm and non-accusatory voice. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Leo takes a step back, scratching his neck. "Well, uh... Dad, he stole Don's watch, y'know the one he _just_ got. He stole it and now he won't admit it!"

Yoshi 'hmm's and 'haw's, stroking his short, thin beard. "Did you ever think that he might be telling the truth?"

Leo brings his hands up to his head in frustration, turning around so that he wasn't facing his father. "Ugh, that's just what Don said!"

"Maybe he had a good reason to say that."

"Or maybe he's just thinking up some reason for _Raph_ to have not had done anything wrong just because he's very remotely like him!" Leo says, getting angrier and angrier as he went on.

"Leonardo, there is no need to get worked up at this moment. Go join your brothers and we will finish this talk later." Yoshi says, not realizing that he had opened a much bigger can of worms than he first thought.

Leo takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Okay." He turns towards the dojo but stops for a second. "Just watch him, please. I just don't trust him..." Before he could leave Yoshi gives him some last words to think about.

"I believe you must learn to give your trust to him before he gives his trust to you."

* * *

Leo doges Donnie's attack with his staff, swinging his leg underneath the back of Donnie's legs, knocking him down.

They had been working on sparring each other while one was weaponless.

Mikey sat next to Raph on the edge of the dojo, watching Leo and Donnie spar.

"So you guys do this like all the time?" Raph asks, shifting an ice pack on his shoulder. "Yeah, four days a week, four hours a day." Mikey replies, swinging his nunchuck around in circles.

"Yikes." Raph turns his attention to the two sparing teens. "So, you guys are like ninjas or something?"

"Uh... _yeah_ , something like that."

They watch the eldest spar until Yoshi calls them off.

"Raphael would you like to try and spar with Leonardo?" Yoshi offers, motioning to his oldest son. "Uh, sure. I don't have all the fancy training you guys have though."

Leo looks at him smirking "Oh, don't worry I'll go easy on you." He says, his tone of voice saying 'Like hell I'm going easy on you.'

The two of them stand at the ready and Yoshi sets them off with a word.

"Hajime!"

Leo starts circling Raph and Raph does the same, never letting Leo get to his back.

Raph tries to take a couple jabs at Leo but he doges them, not as easily as he would have wanted.

Leo moves swiftly and carefully, only taking his chance at a blow when Raph has a lapse in concentration. He punches without realizing where he was hitting.

"Ah!" Raph gasps, grabbing his hurt shoulder. "What was that for?!"

Leo crosses his arms and watches as Raph holds his shoulder tightly. "In the heat of battle people aren't going to baby you just because you're already hurt, in fact, I'm pretty sure whoever it was would take advantage of that."

"Yeah, I know. I'm also pretty sure I know what this whole thing is about too. You still think I took the watch don't you?" Raph says, taking a few steps closer to Leo. "Now, I know I told you this before but I'ma just say it one more time to get it through your thick skull"

Yoshi inadvertently goes tense, ready just in case Raphael did anything.

"I didn't. steal. anything. Now leave me alone." Raph finishes, whipping around and grabbing his jacket. He walks out of the main doors, storming off down the street.

"Uh dad, shouldn't we go after him?" Donnie asks when Yoshi stays standing still in the dojo. "I believe he just needs a bit of time to 'cool off' as you say, as does Leonardo."

"What?! Why me?" Leo exclaimed.

"Because dude, you totally hit his bad shoulder on purpose, and then made up some lame excuse for doing it!" Mikey says, a little annoyed.

"Yeah Leo you do kinda need to chill out a sec." Donnie says, standing up from the floor.

Yoshi quickly glances at the clock and almost grimaces at the time. "Although, If Raphael doesn't come back withing the next twenty minutes or so we may need to go find him." Yoshi somehow mad even that sound calm and collected.

They went on with training, doing a couple more rounds of sparing before Yoshi called his three sons over to him.

"It is getting late so we will skip the work-out today so go find Raphael. I thought he would have been sensible enough to come back but I must have been mistaken." Yoshi turns to Leo first. "Leonardo, I wish for you to let go of your anger towards Raphael. Do not bring up this watch again."

Leo nods his head quickly and bows. Yoshi next turns to Donnie. "Donatello, I know it was your watch so if you wish, I will buy you a new one."

"You don't have to do that, I could make something just as good if not better with the scraps i have at home." Donnie says, but bows anyways.

Lastly he turns to Mikey who at this point is completely spaced out. "Michelangelo... Michelangelo!""

"Wha- Yeah?" Mikey says, snapping out of it.

"I need you to... Give me the watch."

"Okay..." Mikey says glumly, taking a broken watch out of his pocket. "I didn't mean to break it, I swear. It just kinda happened." He holds out the watch for everyone to see. Leo stares at it wide eyed.

"WHAT!?" Leo yells "HE HAD IT THE WHOLE TIME?! AND YOU KNEW!?"

"I only knew once I saw this-" Yoshi holds up a tiny clock hand. "Laying on the floor after Michelangelo spared with Donatello."

Leo, flabbergasted, looks up at his father. "But I know I saw him take something earlier and put it in his pocket, and right after that he asked if he could go!" Yoshi waves him off and turns back to his youngest son.

"Next time my son, do not keep the evidence in your pocket." He chuckles.

* * *

"Raph!" Donnie yells for the millionth time. "Raph!" They had been searching for hours. He didn't answer his phone. There was no way to trace it. And they had no idea where he would've gone.

"Raph!" Donnie yells again, passing by a bar. He looks inside, discussed. There were drunk people all over the place, throwing up on the floor and then slipping on it. "Eww..."

He rushes past after that, looking down each and every ally and yelling for the rouge teen. "Raph!" He yells again, coming up on the police station. He looks around before spotting two figures sitting on a bench in front of the station.

He starts to approach the figures, if anything he could ask if they'd seen Raph.

As soon as he gets close enough he could tell that one of the figures was a police officer and one was-

"Raph!"

Donnie runs the rest of the way to the bench. "Raph, we've been looking all over for you!" Donnie says, almost out of breath. "'corse you were." He says sarcastically, his face barely illuminated by the street lamps.

"We were! It's been three hours!" Donnie almost complained about how sore his legs were but he thought he'd better keep that to him self for now. The police officer stands up and faces Donnie. "Do you know this kid?" He asks.

"Yeah, he's my brother." Donnie says without hesitation.

"Okay, is there something going on? I asked him if he was okay and he said no. Should I call your parents?"

"No, that's okay, I'll call my dad and he'll come pick us up." Donnie says.

" _Alright..._ " The police officer says, starting back towards the building. "But if you need anything before he gets here I'll be right inside."

"Okay, thank you!" Donnie calls after him.

He turns back to Raph and sits down next to him. Before he did anything he sent a quick group text.

 _'Found him. Police station'_

"You know, I never thought you stole it."

Raph whips his head around, shocked. "What?" Donnie looks at Raph and sighs. "Yeah, Leo's just a bit high strung, especially about new things. Or new people."

"I know what it's like."

"Sure you do, and I'm the queen of England." Raph says, sarcasm just dripping from his voice. "Well then I should be bowing down then." Donnie says with a laugh. "I do know, really."

"I was a foster kid too." Raph looks surprised.

"Heh heh, yeah. I got sent to my dad when I was five and I could tell Leo didn't like me at first. Granted he was six, but still." Donnie continues, Raph listening intently. "He tried almost every trick in the book to get me out of there. It was't until I was probably around six and a half when he finally stopped. Mikey had, for some reason, stayed by my side constantly. He was four when I got there but he was the cutest little kid i'd ever seen." Donnie seemed to get caught up in his memories for a moment before he snaps back to reality.

"Um, anyways, My point is, even if we were eleven years younger than we are now, it felt the same and Leo has always been weary of new people. So don't take it too personally. Besides, we found out what happened to the watch."

Raph cocks his head to the side. "What happened to it?"

"Mikey took it and broke it, but he swears 'it just kinda happened'" Donnie finishes with a bad impression of his little brother.

"By the way, Leo said he definitely saw you take something and hide it in your pocket, now we know it wasn't the watch, but what was it?" Donnie asks.

"It- it's stupid." Raph stutters.

"I'm sure what ever it is I'll understand." Donnie says in a calm voice.

"..."

"What was that?"

"Bacon..." He said quietly.

Donnie has to stifle a laugh. "Why did you need to steal bacon?"

"I didn't know how your place worked." Raph says quietly.

"What?"

"How about I ask you a question."Raph says a bit louder, trying to change the subject. "How come you lied to that officer? I'm not your brother."

Donnie's eyes soften "Yeah you are, you're my foster brother and that's good enough for me." He smiles.

"... You do know that's still technically lying."

"Yeah, I know but my point still stands."

* * *

 **I don't mean to piss you off with things I might say  
But when I try to shut my mouth they come out anyway  
When I speak my mind, that's when we connect  
But that's not politically correct**

 **Politically Correct**

 **SR-71**

 **Hello! thank you all for reading! give this a review and tell me what you think!**

 **(I was** _ **this**_ **close to having a sappy ending but then my brain went "NA")**


	3. Chapter 3: Forever Stuck In Our Youth

**(5964 Words)**

Donnie and Raph ended up staying at the police department for a while, waiting for Donnie's father to pick them up.

After their talk it went silent until Yoshi got there, the van stopping just in front of the building.

"He's here." Donnie says nudging Raph, waking him up.

Raph grunts and stands up with Donnie, the both of them going to the van.

"Hey." Leo says from the passengers seat of the van. "Hey." Donnie says with a tired smile. Raph trudges to the back of the van and sits.

"Hey dude, sorry 'bout everything..." Mikey says from the middle where Donnie sits across from him. "I had the watch, it broke and I just didn't say anything." He scratches the back of his neck, continuing. "I swear though, if I had known Leo was harassing you about it I would've said something!"

Raph nods, crossing his arms and leaning against the side of the car with his eyes closed.

Yoshi starts pulling away from the police station and driving back home.

* * *

Back at the Hamato residence Raphael enters the house and goes straight up to his room, nobody bothering to stop him.

"Um Dad, can I talk to you for a minute?" Donnie asks, scratching the back of his head. "Of course my son." Yoshi replies, walking into the living-room with Donnie.

"Dad, before I found Raph he was, uh, with a police officer and apparently he... wasn't doing so hot..." Yoshi gives Donnie a look as if saying _'go on.'_

"Well the officer said he'd asked Raph if he was okay but he said no." Donnie explains. "I just- Do you know anything? I mean if you do, would you mind letting me in on it?"

Donnie hated being out of the loop on anything, especially things that concerned family.

"I do not think Raphael would like me spreading word of what has happened in his past, but he is troubled in many ways." Yoshi says, stroking his small beard. " I would like to commend you though on how you dealt with this whole situation."

Donnie looks up sharply in confusion.

"You rightfully did not accuse Raphael of stealing when Leonardo did, and you found him before anything serious happened."

Donnie bashfully pulls at his long hair. "Well um thank you... but he didn't exactly _not_ steal anything."Yoshi cocks his head to the side with a 'hm?'

"He Uh, kinda took some bacon and hid it somewhere... I know it's not _really_ stealing but I wasn't sure if I should've told you or not."

Yoshi chuckles and places a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "Donatello my son, it is fine. Now go off to bed, it is late and you have school in the morning."

"Alright, night." Donnie says. "Good night Donatello."

* * *

The next morning Raph woke up with a start, breathing heavily and sweating profusely.

"F-Fuck..." He breathes out, whipping the sweat off his forehead.

He swings his legs off the edge off the bed and puts his head in his hands. "Fucking nightmares." he whispers to himself.

 _'At least it wasn't a loud one this time.'_ he thinks, getting up off the bed.

Raph goes over to his dresser and pulls out some clean clothes, putting them on.

He stops at his door and takes a deep breath before he goes out, regaining his composure.

He walks down the hall, pretending that he didn't just have a terrible nightmare.

Raph lets out a startled gasp as he runs into- "Whoops sorry dude." Mikey backs off a little, hands up like he was afraid Raph would freak out again. "Whatever." Raph replies, walking away and down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Good morning Raphael." Yoshi greets as Raph walks into the kitchen. "Uh- Yeah, good morning." He sits down at the table and puts his head down on it.

"Not sleep well?" A new voice says. He looks up and there's Leo, holding a small pot of coffee. "Ugh." Raph groans, letting his head fall back to the table.

"Morning guys!" another voice says, overly cheerful for six in the morning. He doesn't even need to look when he hears a smack and a whiny "Ow!" to know that Mikey had just gotten smacked upside the head. He finally picks his head up at the smell of food.

"WAFFLES!" Mikey shouts, slapping down two on everybody's plates. Raph watches as Donnie, who had presumably been the one to smack Mikey, grabbed the pot of coffee from Leo and started to drink straight from it.

"Yo Donnie, that can't be good for you to drink that much coffee." Mikey says, sitting down at the table. Donnie just shrugs and chugs the coffee out of the pot.

"Hey, uh Raph, I just wanted to apologies for yesterday, I shouldn't have accused you of stealing when you said you didn't." Leo says, fidgeting with his hands.

Raph grabs his two dry waffles off his plate and gets up from the table.

"Wha- Where are you going?" Leo asks in shock.

"School. Got things to set up an' stuff." He leaves the room quickly, the rest of the Hamatos hearing the front door slam shut.

"Well, that went well." Donnie says sarcastically.

* * *

It was at least an hour later that the rest of the Hamatos got to the school. Donnie had checked what classes Raph would have since he transferred to their school.

"Hello Mrs. Lincoln." Donnie says, walking up to the receptionist's desk in front of the principle's office.

"Hello Donatello." A tall woman with chocolate brown hair says. "How can I help you today?" She says, her hazel eyes sparkling.

Donnie smiles. "Yeah, could you pull up Raphael's class schedule?" Mrs. Lincoln rolls over to the computer in her chair and starts typing. "Last name?" Donnie scratches the back of his neck. "Well, uh, I'm not really sure. He might be under Hamato."

The receptionist clicks a few times and then starts typing. "So Donatello, why do you need this Raphael's schedule?" Donnie leans on the counter and smiles "Why would you give me his schedule if you don't know why I want it ?"

She clicks once more and the printer behind her starts up.

"Because I know you and how much of a good kid you are." The printer finishes and she turns in her chair. "Donatello, could you grab it? My wheel is stuck."

"Sure" He walks around the counter and grabs the paper. He quickly walks over to the receptionist and bends down. "You really need to get a new wheel-chair Mrs. Lincoln." He un-sticks the wheel and she rolls back and forth a couple times. "Thank you, now It's almost time for class, you should probably get going, don't want to mess up that near perfect record." She smiles.

"Yeah, near perfect." Donnie mutters with a wave. He walks out of the office and back into the hall.

 _'let's see what he's got.'_ Donnie thinks as he looks at the paper.

 _' "first period, biology." Good, he'll have that with Mikey. "second period, Algebra"... Algebra sucks. "Third period,"'_

"What?" Donnie says out loud.

He looks at the paper again, just to make sure he was seeing it right.

 _' "Spelling five with Mrs. Parks?"'_

Donnie blinks down at the paper.

"Spelling five? And Mrs. Parks..." He says slowly. "That name sound so familiar..." Donnie's thoughts got cut off completely as the bell rings loudly in the hall. He quickly stuffs the paper into his pocket and rushes to his first class.

* * *

Mikey bounces in his seat. He, for once, got to class early.

He looks around as students start coming in.

The bell rings and more students file in. And right in the back was Raphael.

"Raph! Hey Raph! Over here!" He shouts excitedly, waving his arms in the air.

Raph rolls his eyes and walks over to Mikey's desk. "Hey." He says dully, sitting down in the desk next to him. "I can't believe we're in the same class! it's so cool!" Mikey says happily.

"Yeah, sure." Raph takes out a note book book from his bag and places it on his desk.

The class started quickly after, the teacher was a middle aged man who looked as if he was trying to win an award for least convincing comb over.

Throughout the class Mikey had poked and prodded Raph until he stomped on his foot to make him stop. " _Mikey, stop it, I can't pay attention_." he whispers. " _Come in dude, it's not that hard. besides, you're taking notes so you don't have to really pay attention_." Mikey points to Raph's note book.

Raph pulls his notes to the side and blocks the pages with his arm. " _What ever_." Mikey still had noticed Raph's sloppy handwriting. " _Nice chicken scratch dude_." He whispers, turning back to face the teacher.

Raph makes a low growl and looks down at his notes.

Yeah, they were sloppy but he didn't need somebody else telling him that.

The teacher says something that Raph assumes is important and goes to wright it down, but as the teacher continues to talk he looses track of what he was writing, it coming out instead something like _'A prokaryotic cell has five kingdoms in which the three domains contains a nucleus.'_

"Shit." Raph whispers. He doesn't cross it out because you never know if some of that miss-matched sentence would be helpful.

This goes on for the whole class, though at times he'll get the correct words down on the page, most of the time It'll be unrecognizable as a sentence.

The bell rings and Raph sighs a breath of relief.

He picks up his things and starts to try and leave immediately but is stopped shortly after he gets up. "Hey Raph, wait up!"

He doesn't.

Out the door and into the hall he goes, trying to ignore the babbling Mikey rushing behind him.

"Hey Raph, what's your schedule, maybe we'll have other classes together." Raph continues walking to his locker and stops in front of it. "I've got Algebra next." He says. "And after that?"

Raph closes his locker quickly and turns away from The strawberry blond. "I don't have time for this." He walks down the hall, a bit faster that everyone else, to his next class.

* * *

There was no way he was going to let anyone see him come out of this class room.

Algebra had gone decently well, though the kid sitting behind him almost got him in trouble... Three times.

He had just finished his third period class and was now needing to get to his civics class.

Raph creeps around the corner carefully. His class had ended early so there wasn't many people in the halls, but there was enough that he couldn't just walk out freely.

He looks up and down the hall before dashing away from the doorway.

As soon as he was a decent amount of distance away from the room he lets out a relieved sigh and slows down, walking to his locker.

"Hey Raphael."

He jumps and spins around, almost inhumanly fast.

It was Leo.

Raph crosses his arms and shifts his weight to his left leg. "What do _you_ want?" Leo walks up closer to him and tries to give Raph what he thinks is a reassuring smile. "I just wanted to see how it was going. First day at a new school and all." Raph waves one hand up dismissively. "It's going just dandy." He says with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

He moves to walk away but Leo starts again. "Your class let out early?" Raph looks away, with a slight nervous blush on his cheeks. "Yeah, can I go now?" He says, not really asking a question.

"So uh, what class was it?" Leo asks, not letting him leave, walking around him and blocking his way. "Civics." Raph lies, trying to go around Leo.

Leo grabs Raph's wrist, tight but gentle.

"Are you sure because the only things that I know of that are down that hall way" He points to the direction Raph had come from. "Are the counselors office, the nurses office and the special needs classroom."

Raph pulls out of Leo's grip and glares at him. "Why do you care anyways?" Leo brings his hands up by his stomach, reaching out with his arms bent ninety degrees. "Because I want you to stop lying. Pretty much everything you've done while you were with us so far has been lying or a lie."

"Whatever." Raph says, just as the bell rings. "I gotta get to class."

"Raph wait." But he was already gone, covered by the hoard of people coming through the halls.

* * *

Civics had gone painfully slow, almost as if someone was driving a knife into his brain. Thankfully Raph had made it through alive and was now walking down the hall for lunch, his head swinging from side to side to make sure Leo was nowhere around. He just didn't feel like being by the guy right now.

He bumps into a boy, around his or Donnie's age, looking quite frazzled.

"Whoa, sorry." Raph says, noticing his uneasy demeanor. "It's no problem." the kid replies. 'Um, this might be an odd thing to ask a random stranger, but would you like to buy a turtle?"

Raph cocks his head to the side. "A turtle?"

"Yeah, not really buy but- Here, come over here for a second."

Intrigued, Raph follows the kid to a mostly empty hallway.

"So, um, I have this pet turtle and I need to get rid of him by tonight. I'd give him to you for free but you'd have to bring a bowl or something, maybe even a box. He's not a pet you'd really carry around."

Raph makes a face and crosses his arms.

"Please," The kid begs. "If I don't get rid of him by tonight my rent's are gonna send him down into the sewers."

He can almost feel the kid's pain. He really cared for this pet. Raph leans in and whispers "Fine, but I can't come get him until late tonight." He crinkles up his nose after getting so close to the kid. He had a bad smell to him, one that he had smelled before but couldn't place.

The kid sighs happily. "Thank you so much, you don't know how hard I've been trying to make sure He can be safe." Raph gives the kid a small smile and decides to get down to business. "I can get him around eleven thirty tonight. Do you have a good meeting place?"

He nods. "Yeah, do you know that ally about two blocks away from the school where that hobo kid used to live?"

Raph nods.

"Alright. The ally at eleven thirty tonight." Raph says before walking away to lunch.

* * *

Mikey was walking happily down the hall, ready for his favorite subject.

Lunch.

He stops when he sees Raph and some kid walking down a hall way together.

"Hey, I guess Raph already made a friend!" He quickly starts to go over to the two when he sees who the kid actually is.

It was Liam Marcus. The resident weed man.

"Shiiii-oot." Mikey whispers. He moves to a wall where he could watch them without being seen.

He couldn't hear much from his spot, all he heard was, _"Box or something" "Not carry around" "Ally, two blocks away" "Eleven thirty" "tonight"_. But that was all Mikey needed to hear to know something was going down.

Raph turns around to leave and Mikey whisks out of sight.

"Raph..." He whines under his breath. "What are you doing?"

* * *

At lunch Mikey sits at a table away from his usual in hopes he'd be able to get Raph to talk.

Raph walks away from the lunch line with a tray of food, looking a little annoyed. "Raph! Hey yo Raph!" Mikey shouts across the lunch room.

"Yeash, this kid" Raph huffs, stalking over to him.

"Yeah?"

Mikey puts on a convincing smile and pats the bench next to him. "Come eat lunch with me." Raph rolls his eyes at Mikey and sits down across from him.

"So, how's your day going so far, do you like the school?" Mikey tries to keep his questions innocent, though he knew exactly what he wanted to ask. _'Are you going to get drugs tonight?'_

"Uh... It's okay? What kind of questions _are_ those?" Mikey shrugs and takes a bite of food. "Just wondering." Raph looks around a bit. "sure is loud in here..." Raph say trying to make small talk. "Yeah." Mikey tries to think of a way to ask Raph about the deal he had made.

I was silent for a while before Mikey thought of a way to bring it up.

Sort of.

"So have you met anybody interesting today?" He looks up from his food and straight into Raph's eyes. "There are tons of different type of people in this school, like George, he's an artist. Or Cathleen, she is totally into history, and Liam, he's... interesting."

Raph huffs and takes another bite of his lunch.

"I don't really know anybody's names here 'sept you guys." He looks at the clock. "I got to go." Raph stands up and walks to the garbage to dump his tray before leaving the lunch hall.

"Nice goin' Mike, totally didn't think that the guy wouldn't know people's names." Mikey says to himself under his breath.

* * *

The whole rest of the day went smoothly for all of the teens.

Mikey kept trying to get Raph to spill the beans about the deal he made every chance he got but Raph wasn't budging.

The two walked back to the house together. Well, Raph walked to the house. Mikey followed him, asking about the kid he saw Raph talking to. "Mikey, I told you already! I don't know any Liam Davis, now leave me alone!"

Raph waits for Mikey to unlock the door before storming in and going straight to his room.

Raph lets out a huge sigh, setting his bag down on the floor. He moves his hurt shoulder in a slow circle, stretching it out.

"Ah!" He hisses quietly.

Raph lays back on his bed. " _so tired..._ " He sits back up and grabs his homework out of his bag.

Deciding to start on the hardest thing he pulls out his-

"RAPH!"

Raph jumps at his name being shouted so loud.

He puts a hand to his heart, trying to calm his breathing. "Y-Yeah?!" He calls back, cursing his small stutter.

"I wanna talk to you!" It was Donnie.

"Just a sec!" He yells, standing up from the bed and putting his homework back in the bag, walking as slow as he could to the door.

He opens the door only to come face to face with Donatello.

"yeah?"

Donnie fiddles with his hands. "I just um... I wanted to ask you something about school."

Raph rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "If this is about that Liam Davis guy I don't know him." He says annoyed.

"What? No, It's, well, I was- now don't get mad, I was checking what classes you had at the office and I saw this class that I wasn't sure if it was a mistake or if it was just like a class you took or a misprint or something..." Donnie starts to ramble but stops himself.

He wasn't sure how to go about asking this kind of thing.

"Why do you take Spelling five?"

Raph has no idea how to answer. He stands, hand on the door, completely frozen.

He closes the door in Donatello's face as fast as he could.

Raph walks over to his bed and flops down. _'How can these people be so noisy!'_ He thinks to himself. He hears a knock at the door and Donnie calls his name again but he ignores it.

First Leo then Mikey and now Donnie? How can they get any more uncomfortable to be around?

"Raph! Hey dude d'ya wanna go boarding!?"

Raph groans.

He gets back up from his bed for what seemed like the millionth time and swings the door open. "Don't you have homework to do?"

Mikey holds up two skateboards, smiling. "I'll do it later. Lets go for a ride!"

Raph rolls his eyes. "You're assuming I know how to skate."

Mikey smirks "Dude." He points to Raph's exposed shins that were covered in bruises.

"yeah..." Raph says, trailing off.

It's not that it wasn't true.

Most of those bruises were from skateboarding.

"Sure, whatever." Raph grabs one of the boards from Mikey, walking out of the room.

"Sweet." Mikey says, following after the hot headed teen.

* * *

"Dude you should try to kick-flip over that bench!" Mikey calls over the sound of dual skateboards rolling across the uneven concrete.

They two had already been skating around town for a good four hours and the total amount of tricks Raph had attempted added up to zero. It wasn't that he didn't want to try or that he didn't want to show that he couldn't do any, it was that he didn't want to show that he could.

Raph gives another kick off his board to keep him rolling. "I dunno..."

Mikey jumps on top of the bench while his skateboard rolls underneath. "Why? You chicken?" He taunts, jumping back on his board.

This heats Raph's face, causing him to push harder, making him go faster. His gaze focuses on the bench.

Mikey watches in horrified amazement as Raph kicks off his board, popping it up and flicking it so that it spun. He made it over the bench but a unfortunate pile of gravel was waiting for him on the other side.

"Ahrg!" Raph cries out in pain. He skids across the gravel on his right side, scraping across the ground for three and a half feet.

"Awe dude!" Mikey shouts, picking up his skateboard and running over to Raph who was still on the ground, his already hurt left arm holding onto his freshly gashed right.

Mikey slides to the ground next to Raph. "Whoa! That was amazing!" He looks at Raph who has his eyes squeezed shut. "But dude, your arm is jacked up!"

Raph groans. "Yeah- Yeah, It is Mikey."

Mikey sits there, unsure of what to do.

"Do I call Donnie? He's bound to know what to do about this." Mikey thinks out loud.

"No, D-Don't call anyone. We'll- Ugh- We'll get in trouble." Raph says, trying to sit up. "Ah, it hurts. Hurts bad."

Mikey looks confused. "Why would we get in trouble? You just got hurt? I mean, maybe _I'd_ get in trouble, but _you'd_ be fine."

Raph pushes himself up to his knees. "No, No. I'm fine. We- I- Just let's go back to your house. I'll figure this out on my own." He struggles to stand up, looking at the blood stained gravel beneath him. "Damn."

Mikey grabs Raph's left arm to try and steady him. "Raph, dude, You are so not okay." Raph pulls his arm out of Mikey's grasp, not wanting to be touched. "Let's. Just. Go." He almost growls. Mikey backs off, hands up in surrender. "Fine dude, but I think they're gonna notice if you have a giant gash down your arm."

Raph grunts. "I'll figure it out."

He starts walking slowly back to the Hamato's house, trying to ignore Mikey's attempts to persuade him into calling his older brother.

The longer the two walked the harder it was to keep his groans of pain down and inaudible to the strawberry blond teen who was walking next to him. Raph stumbles on a unnoticed rock, causing him to have to catch himself on his bad arm.

"GOSH FUCKING DAMN IT!"

Mikey covers his ears.

"Wow, that was loud, and crude."

Raph stands up once more, trying to make sure he didn't trip again. "Yeah, sorry." Raph says, too tired to do anything anymore. "Are we almost there?"

"Yeah," Mikey says. "Almost there."

They walk in relative silence back to the Hamato's house, having only stumbled a few more times.

"So, what's your plan?" Mikey asks Raph.

"Uh... I- I don't know." Raph replies, at this point leaning heavily on Mikey for support. "Ah, screw it." Raph pushes off Mikey and goes to the door, finding out it was unlocked.

He walks inside, not looking for anyone who could be in the halls, and going straight to his room, closing the door so that nobody could see him.

 _"Raph"_ He hears Mikey whisper. _"Go away Mikey. I've got this under control."_ He whispers back, locking his door.

He goes over to his single duffel bag that he had kept since he was ten years old and pulls out a first aid kit.

Raph opens his kit and takes out a roll of gauze and tape, applying them to his right arm. "There." He says triumphantly. He throws on a giant hoodie to cover the bandages. Feeling a pain in his right leg, he pulls up his pant leg, revealing another smaller gash going down his leg, starting at his mid calf and going all the way up.

He quickly pulls off his pants and does the same he did to his arm to his leg and puts on a new pair of sweatpants.

Happy with how he decided to hide his injuries, Raph looks at the small digital clock sitting on the dresser.

8:35 pm.

"Three hours... Maybe less because of..." Raph thinks aloud, trying to get his thoughts in order. He closes his eyes, pressing the palms of his hands into them. " _Deep breath..._ " He whispers to himself.

He starts pacing around his room, even though he was barely able to stand without his legs shaking.

"Two and a half. Then I'll go."

In his two and a half hours Raph paces around his room, trying to figure out the best way to keep this secret away from the Hamatos. He eventually tries to get some of his homework done, figuring that he should at least try.

"Screw this."

Raph tosses his homework to the ground, laying back on the bed. He looks at the clock and bolts up.

 _11: 23 pm._

"Shit shit shit shit shit." Raph jumps out of bed and quickly sneaks out his door.

* * *

Mikey sits crouched in the dark kitchen door way, watching the stairs closely.

"It's almost eleven thirty, maybe he forgot... that sure would make my job easier." He whispers to himself.

Unfortunately this was not the case as Raphael walks silently out of his room and down the stairs, not noticing the teen watching him from the kitchen.

Raph looks around hastily before rushing out the door.

Mikey gets up from his spot, going as fast as he could after Raphael while trying to stay unnoticed.

Why doesn't he just go tell his brothers or his father? Because, Raph already seemed terrified of getting in trouble with them so actually getting him in trouble was quite possibly the worst idea you could have.

Mikey follows Raph down the street, watching as he stumbles every once and a while, seeming as if he had hurt his leg in his skating accident as well.

At one point he trips on a stray cat running across his path, causing him to fall on his left side, thankfully avoiding his fresh wounds. Mikey almost reveals himself to Raph, seeing him not get up for a good three minutes.

After he got up he picked up a box from next to a garbage can. It wasn't too big but not really a tiny box either.

To Mikey's distaste Raph makes it to the ally where he was to meet the druggy kid.

"Hey, You're late, couldn't get out or something?" It was Liam Davis.

"Something like that." Raph replies, walking up to the scrawny kid. "You got it?"

Liam nods and pulls out a satchel. "Yeah, got it right here."

Mikey watches from behind a building, his heart pounding in his chest.

Raph couldn't be getting drugs, and if he was...

Mikey tenses as Liam reaches into his bag and pulls out a-

" _A turtle?_ " Mikey whispers.

"I brought a box." Raph says. "How come you kept him in a bag?"

Liam turns away from Raph a bit as he puts the turtle in the box. "Doesn't matter, he's your problem now." He says, walking away. Raph scrunches up his nose, Liam smelling of something completely offensive... and familiar.

Raph looks down at the small turtle in his box. The turtle peaks over the top of the box, looking at the retreating form of Liam. "Ah, he seemed like a douche anyways." He says to the turtle. "What should I call you... How's about... Spike." The turtle looks up at this. "I've always wanted a pet named Spike." He turns away to start walking back to the Hamato's.

"You'll be easy to hide too, I'd be able to take you with anywhere."

Mikey isn't sure if he should stop Raph at this point. He didn't really do anything wrong other than sneaking out and he himself had done that just now. Plus he didn't come out to get drugs, only to get a turtle, and that can't be so bad.

Raph stumbles, his right leg having given out for a second. "Shit! no!" He says, regaining his balance. "Ugh." He holds onto the box tightly. "I feel like I'm gonna be sick..." Raph sits down on a bench, clutching the box tightly to his stomach.

It hit him just then what Liam smelled like.

Cocaine.

As soon as Raph realizes what the smell was his grip tightens on the box, his eyes dilate and his breathing quickens. He can almost see it, like it was happening again. The man standing, towering above him. The way the smell filled the room and burned his nostrils. The feel of the man burning his bare chest with his drug.

Raph cant help it. He drops the box and pulls his knees up to his chest, even though he felt like the scars were burning once more. He covers his ears and stops breathing. He didn't want to smell it anymore.

He could taste it in his throat.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and he doesn't move. He doesn't want to make him mad.

"Raph?"

Don't make him mad.

"Raph."

He's going to get mad.

"Raph!"

NO!

Raph feels someone shaking him and he finally takes a deep gasp of breath.

"Oh my gosh Raph, dude, you have to breathe! breathing is kinda something you need to do."

Raph looks up, getting pulled out of his flash back by Mikey.

"What are y-you doing here?" He asks, trying to remain calm.

"I could as you the same thing." Mikey replies, picking up the box from the ground, making sure the turtle was okay.

Raph brings his legs back down and takes the box away from Mikey as fast as he could. "Ah, whatever." He looks down at the small turtle in the box, checking him over for injuries.

Raph's eyes widen a bit and his head snaps back up to Mikey. "Shit. Please don't tell anyone I snuck out, I-I-I-"

Mikey holds up a hand, stopping Raph. "I won't get you in trouble, I promise. Besides, If I told on you then how would I explain how I found out without me getting in trouble?" He shrugs.

Raph sighs, standing up. "Thanks."

Mikey rocks back on his heels. "Well, uh, it's getting kinda late, maybe we should get back."

Raph nods in agreement. "Yeah, maybe."

* * *

Mikey opens the front door of his house with his left arm, using his right to support Raph. " 'ight, it's like twelve thirty so everyone should be asleep. If anyone's awake it'd be Don and he'd be to preoccupied to notice anything."

Mikey opens the door all the way to see his two older brothers and father, all standing in the hall way, arms crossed and faces stern.

"Oh, heh heh. Hey guys..." Mikey says sheepishly.

Leo stands in the front of the group, not amused.

"What were you two doing?" Leo asks, arms crossed.

"Uh..." Mikey says.

Raph stays silent, holding onto the box and hoping to dissipate into the air.

Donnie steps forward. "Why were you two out so late?"

"Well, you see-"

Mikey catches Yoshi out of the corner of his eye. He looked so disappointed.

Mikey sighs. "I wanted to go late night skating at this park and Raph came out to stop me."

Both Raph and Mikey knew this was a lie but Mikey promised.

Yoshi steps in front of his two oldest sons and looks sternly at Mikey. "Michelangelo, you know better than sneaking out at night. No T.V. or video games for a week."

Mikey bows his head. "Yes Father."

"And Raphael." He says calmly. "If you find one of my boys sneaking out, please come directly to me."

Raph nods hesitantly, unsure of how to really deal with this. Mikey was lying for him? Why would he do that?

"Now off to bed all of you." Yoshi says.

Mikey starts to help Raph up the stairs but Yoshi stops them. "Raphael, what happened?"

Raph looks surprised. "Uh- I uh, just fell." He says quickly. Mikey getting the idea, helps him up to his room faster.

Mikey drops Raph on his bed and starts walking out.

"Thanks... for y'know, everything" Raph says gruffly.

Mikey looks back over his shoulder. "No problem, what are friends for? besides, we're teens, we're bound to do stupid things once and a while." Mikey walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Raph lies on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with the box sitting next to him, thinking about what had happened that night. He hadn't had a flashback like that in months. That particular one was one he tried to keep buried deep in the dark pit of his mind.

It was so embarrassing to have that in front of one of his new _'family'_ members.

Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

* * *

 _ **Because I'm on a permanent vacation  
We're young, we're young  
We're dumb and we don't care, no  
And I don't owe an explanation  
We're young, we're young  
We're dumb and we don't care, no**_

 _ **Set It Off: Forever Stuck In Our Youth.**_

* * *

 **Hey! Sorry for not updating this much, school is really tough man. I hope you liked this chapter, tell me what you think and have a wonderful day!**


	4. Chapter 4: Best Friend

**I just wanted to warn everyone, in this chapter there's a LOT of swearing, like a lot.**

 **(5812 words)**

Raph lies awake in his bed, his eyes wide open. He had been trying to sleep for hours but nothing worked.

He'd tried sleeping with the light off, sleeping with the light on, listening to music, scrolling through his phone, reading, pacing. He almost tried eating his food stash but thought better of it and left it be.

He looks at the clock and groans.

He had two and a half hours until he needed to get up for school.

"Perfect."

The whole ordeal before he had gotten back that night was keeping him awake, his mind active and moving.

He keeps remembering everything that happened that night, whether it be conscious thought or not.

He remembers the man's name.

 _Conscious._

He remembers the way he smelled.

 _Unconscious._

He remembers his own age.

 _Conscious._

He remembers how it felt. All of it.

 _Unconscious._

He shakes his head, trying to rid himself of the images being played before him so that he could sleep.

He grows more and more frustrated as the clock metaphorically ticks on. He slams his head into the pillow and tries not to scream. It physically hurt to hold it back but he did it. He flips over and sits up, looking around his room.

He looks from the dresser to the bag to the window.

The window...

He stands up and goes to it, opening it without a second thought. He looks out and sees that there's a platform of mostly straight roof right outside.

He climbs out onto the roof and looks out around him.

It was decently chilly but there were still early risers jogging around in shorts. He sighs, annoyed that his room's window had to face a neighbors two story house.

"I'll take what I can get."

He sits there on the roof, looking at all the early birds doing their early morning routines for a long time.

He looks directly to his left to find a jutted out part of the house that had a window facing him. He leans over a bit to look through the window, seeing a clearly awake Donatello on a laptop at a desk, looking at what seemed to be a wall of text.

Raph nervously moves over, hoping that Donnie wouldn't see him.

Good thing he didn't have any luck on his side at all.

Donnie spins around in his chair lazily with his eyes closed and stretches his arms. He stops facing the window and opens his eyes.

Raph hopes he needed better glasses but it didn't work. Donnie stands up, shocked and walks to the window.

Raph stays on the roof, guessing it wasn't worth going back inside.

Donnie opens his window and leans out as far as he was comfortable with. "Raph, what are you doing? It's like four thirty in the morning."

"Uh, I couldn't sleep so I thought I'd get some fresh air." Raph replies, scratching the back of his neck.

Donnie looks at Raph skeptically. "Uh-Huh."

Raph shifts on the roof, uncomfortable with Donnie looking at him for so long.

A few moments pass in silence.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Raph looks up at Donnie sharply. "W-What?"

"I've seen that look in too many eyes Raph. You can tell me" Donnie says, leaning on the window frame. Raph starts getting up and moving to the window to his room.

"Uh... I don't know what you're talking about. Raph crawls into the room, hoping that Donnie would leave him alone. "See you later!"

He closes the window as fast as he could, sighing a breath of relief. Raph silently goes over to his bed and lies down, his mind finally clear.

He closes his eyes, relaxing into the bed.

"YO! DUDE TIME TO GET UP!"

Raph jumps, shooting up in bed.

Mikey didn't know he had just been able to fall asleep then and Raph knew that. But that wouldn't keep him from getting annoyed at the kid.

"I'M UP, GOSH!" He yells back.

Raph stands up and grabs a clean outfit out of his bag. His last clean outfit. He'll have to see if he can find some more clothes.

He takes his clothes and heads towards the bathroom, knowing that he probably smelled like a dump.

He passes Leonardo on the way there, trying not to make eye contact. "Morning." Leo says nicely.

"Mornin'" Raph replies, closing the bathroom door behind him.

He looks around the bathroom. It wasn't like he hadn't been in there before but this was the first time he was going to shower in that bathroom.

He starts searching the bathroom. He opens cabinets, looks under the carpet, check the corners of the room, where the walls meet the floor and the ceiling. He inspects the bath tub and the shower in general.

Once satisfied, Raph starts undressing. First his hoodie, then his shirt, then his shorts.

He stops after that. He looks at his boxers. He doesn't feel comfortable taking them off.

Raph instead look in the mirror at his bandaged shoulder. He slowly unwraps it and drops the bandages on the floor.

His shoulder still hurt like hell but he pushed through it. He stares at the wound, tracing lightly over the jagged edges.

Raph sighs. "A lightning bolt... I guess it was fitting..." He tares his eyes away from the wound and looks back at the shower, sighing. "It's gotta happen some time..." He finally pulls off his boxers and jumps in the shower, looking around as if someone was watching.

He showers as fast as he could, drying off with a towel and quickly getting dressed. His nerves were on high alert until he got his clothes on, not yet putting on his shirt. "Shit. Forgot the bandages." He leans against the wall, letting himself relax for a moment.

"Dude! I _really_ need to pee!"

And the moment was over.

Raph opens the door, coming face to face with Michelangelo, hopping from foot to foot. "Thanks man!" He rushes past Raph, closing the door behind him.

"Whatever" Raph grumbles, leaving the doorway. He walks down the stairs, feeling his stomach growl.

 _'Just grab some grub and get out.'_ He thinks. Raph looks around, trying to see if anyone was down-stairs already. He sneaks into the kitchen and opens the fridge. "Yowza, that's a lot of food." He closes the fridge and looks instead to the fruit bowl on the table. He takes a banana out of the bowl along with an apple.

He goes quickly back upstairs, hoping to make a clean escape to his room but of course there was no way the universe would let that happen.

Leonardo comes out of his room just as Raph reaches the top of the stairs, and of course his room had to be the first when you get to the top.

"Hey Raph." Leo says. He looks glances at his bandages on his right arm and then, ignoring it, at the fruit in Raph's hands. "That's not all you're eating is it?" Raph crosses his arms. Normally it's the other way around. They don't want him to eat all their food. It's their food, not his. "Yeah, what's wrong with that?" Raph says, annoyance in his voice.

"Well, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Everyone should have a good, balanced breakfast before doing much of anything. You really should eat more that a banana and an apple, that's only two hundred calories. One o' five for the banana and ninety-five for the apple." Leo goes on a rant about how much you should eat in the morning and how you need a certain amount of calories to get you through the day.

To be honest, Raph was just going to have the apple and put the banana in his stash. "Whatever." He says, waving Leo off.

"And another thing-" Leo starts. "You should really bandage that up." He says, pointing to Raph's shoulder.

He immediately turns away so Leo couldn't see his wound. "Yeah, I know." He quickly goes to his room, closing the door tight. With another sigh Raph goes to his still unpacked duffel bag and pulls out the medical kit he had stored there.

He opens the kit and lets out an aggravated sigh. "It's fucking out?" He tosses the kit back in the bag, a bit harder than one normally would. "I'll have to re stock... This was a nightmare last time." Raph gets up to his feet and goes to lie on the bed.

"OW!" He shouts, springing back up from the mattress. He had lain down too close to his open wound and it had pulled at his skin. He grabs his now throbbing shoulder and groans. He removes his hand to find it half covered in blood. "Damn it..."

He could hear two sets of foot steps coming to his door, though only one voice spoke up. "You okay in there?" Leo asks through the door.

"I-I'm fine!" Raph calls back. There was no way he was going to ask this uptight, obsessive, _possessive ass-wipe_ for help. He shuffles over to his bag where he takes out an old T-shirt and wraps it around his shoulder.

"Are you sure? What happened?" Leo asks, getting worried. He may or may not have overheard some things that the social worker had been saying on the first night Raph came there. And there may or may not have been some things that were said that made him a bit more worried than the others.

"It's nothing! I just- Stepped on a Lego..." Raph says, knowing that he's come up with the worst lie ever. You'd think after all these years he'd be better at it.

"Mikey, leaving those things everywhere..." Leo mutters under his breath. "Okay, if you're sure!" He hears Leo walk away, but there still was a presence at the door. "I'm fine, you can leave." Raph says.

"Raphael, open the door."

Raph freezes, the commanding voice makes his skin crawl. He quickly goes and opens the door, Not wanting there to be consequences. Right outside the door was Hamato Yoshi, The head of the house hold.

Yoshi looks calmly at Raph's shoulder and then back to his eyes. "You are in need of assistance." He says, his voice not wavering. "Please do not hide injuries from us, you could make them much worse." He looks at Raph's right arm, something like hurt shining in his brown eyes. "When did this happen?" He points at his arm.

Raph looks away. "Last night... I went skating with Mikey- Michelangelo..." He really didn't want to tell anyone what happened. It was embarrassing, and he was starting to figure out what kind of family this was.

Yoshi takes a step forward. "Let me take a look at it."

The overprotective kind.

He'd been through at least nine different homes, two or so of which were way too protective, never letting him leave their sight, always asking him if he needed anything or if he was okay. He may have been through Hell and back but he can handle himself... Most of the time.

He sighs and nods, taking a step forwards.

Yoshi looks Raph over and He lets his mind wander.

 _'What do I normally do with this kind of place...'_ He thinks. _'I guess I'd normally just run away. There's no point in staying in a place like this. They'll keep me locked up here and I'll never get to do anything. I'll be a prisoner, not that that's new.'_

Raph winces as Yoshi, seemingly out of no where, starts to redress his shoulder in bandages along with his arm.

 _'Guess I'll have to build up my stash and hit the road.'_ Raph thinks. He holds his arm close to himself when Yoshi was finished. "Make sure you change this at least once a day, we don't want it to get infected."

Raph nods, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Okay." He just needed to go with the flow for now and then he could get out of there.

"Get ready for school, you have only fifteen minutes before you'll need to leave." Yoshi says with a soft smile. Raph shrugs and tugs on a T-shirt, going back down the stairs. _'Definitely gonna have to get some of my stash built up a some more.'_

He looks around the kitchen.

Leo was hurriedly making a pair of pancakes, Donnie was sitting lethargically at the island, drinking what Raph assumed was coffee. Mikey was- What was he doing?

He stood one one hand on a chair so that he was wedged in between the chair and the ceiling. His other hand was out by his side, holding an orange while his left leg was out for balance.

"Mikey get down, you're gonna hurt yourself." Leo says, seeming to have caught Mikey out of the corner of his eye.

"But dude, I've almost broken Don's record!" Mikey complains, holding himself up strong. Leo all but glares at Donnie who just shrugs and sips his drink. Leo, angered, takes a dish towel and chucks it at Donnie's head. "Did you really need to do that?"

Donnie stays quiet for a moment before putting down his cup. "I had to keep him busy last weekend didn't I?" He folds his hands together. "It was either that or I let him into your room so he could try and find his action figure."

"Leo, how come you didn't find that yet?" Mikey asks.

Leo flips his pancakes and notices that they were burnt. "Ugh..." He says under his breath. "Because that particular action figure made the most annoying noises ever so he's gone for good."

Mikey wobbles in his handstand. "So un-fair!"

Raph wonders how well the other teens could do handstands. He Goes over to Mikey, giving his leg a bit. "Raph, come on!" Mikey whines. Raph gives him a harder push, laughing a bit. "Come on man! I'm almost there, I just need to make it five more minutes!" Mikey tries to kick Raph with his free left leg.

Raph smirks and leaves the kitchen, heading toward the doors. He knew he couldn't grab anything else for the stash now. He had left the apple in his room, deciding it best if he just skipped breakfast so he'd have more food for later.

"Where are you going?" Donnie asks, getting up from his stool.

Raph rolls his eyes and turns around. "I'm going to _school_." Donnie shrugs. "Okay." Raph is the most relieved as he's ever been. It seemed like Donnie was the only one who trusts him. Raph smiles and leaves, feeling a little better than before, even if his arm hurt like hell, his shoulder felt like it was tearing off and he was _this_ close to amputating his leg.

Raph walks down the street, making sure to not look like he was limping.

Half way to the school Raph hears shouting from down an ally way. His curiosity peaking, Raph turns down the ally and peaks around the corner.

"Get the hell off me!" Someone shouts. Raph hears a thud and a another shout. He furrows his eyebrows and starts creeping closer.

"You fucking bitch!" A different voice yells, the sound of skin on skin accompanying it. There was a slam of a car door and the sound of the car driving away.

Raph moves a little faster down the ally, turning the corner to see a boy, around his age, getting up from the ground, his lip busted open and his bare fore arms bruised at the wrists.

"What do _you_ want?" He says angrily, wiping his face on his sleeve.

Raph realizes he was staring at him and looks away, crossing his arms. "I heard some shit going down so I thought I'd make sure nothing too bad was going on. by the sound of it someone got a beat down." Raph says with anger bubbling in his chest. He was already annoyed to begin with and now this guy was being an asshole to him?

"Yeah, well whatever." The teen says, his straight black hair moving slightly in the wind. "Hope to see you never jack ass." He starts to walk away.

"Fine Fucktard! I was just seeing if anyone needed help!" Raph turns back the way he came, storming off as fast as he could to the school. The teen, hereby dubbed 'Fucktard', stops and stays where he is, watching Raph as he left.

Raph makes it to the school without interruption after dealing with the whole ally situation, his mood having plummeted about ten notches. He moves as fast as his busted up leg would allow him to his class.

"Raphael." The teacher says in a warning tone of voice as he enters the room. Raph moves slowly with his back hunched over to his seat. "You're late." He says monotonously.

"Yeah..." Raph says, sitting down.

"Come see me after class." The teacher says, jotting down a note. Raph nods and rests his head on his hand.

"Dude, you're so late!" Mikey says in a whisper from the seat next to him. "And you left before us too! What's with that?" Raph rolls his eyes and looks away. "I just got held up okay?"

He starts taking out his notebooks and a couple of pens, watching the teacher intently. "What of this am I supposed to write down and what of this isn't important?" Raph quietly asks himself, staring at the fresh, new page with next to nothing written down. "Gosh..." Without a second thought he glances over at Mikey's notes, his eyes scrolling down the page and his hand reflexively writing down what he saw.

After quite a few minutes of doing this Raph had a full page of barely legible notes.

With a triumphant smile he starts looking over what he had once more. After he had done that he glances back over at Mikey's page, only to have him staring straight back at him.

"Take your own notes dude." He whispers, blocking the view of his page with his arm.

Raph, shocked and a little nervous, looks back at his page and goes to the next one, listening as hard as he could for every little detail he could find. Every so often he dares to take a glance over at Mikey who, every time, turns his head and glares a Raph.

At the end of class Raph tries to quickly pack up his things and leave but Mikey wasn't having any of that. He grabs Raph by the arm, the right arm. "Ow, Mikey what do you want?" Raph says, pulling away.

"I want to know why you were copying my notes. I mean, I don't think that counts as cheating but it's still really rude dude."

Raph turns, starting to walk out of the class room along with the few teens that were still there. Once again Mike takes hold of Him. "If you need help with the notes you can just ask."

Raph freezes for a moment before yanking away, not turning around but not leaving either. He wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to keep a reputation but at the same time...

"I don't need help with the notes." He says, almost monotonously.

"Oh yeah?" Mikey says, his hands on his hips. "Then how come you copied a whole page of my notes and that's practically _all_ the notes you took?" Mikey keeps a straight face, borderline glaring at the other teen again.

Raph at this point had had enough. He, without another word, leaves the classroom, the teach calling after him. He didn't come back.

Mikey watches him as he goes, his mind made up and a plan forming.

Throughout his second period class Raph was completely distracted. His mind wandering constantly. Math had never been his strong suit but when you add the stress of the past few days and a _'brother'_ who is all up in your business, you'd be distracted too.

Thankfully he had gotten out of the class alive, his brain a little scrambled from the math, but alive. As he walks out of the class room he starts back to his locker, wanting to waste as much time as possible before he goes to his next class.

He shuffles things around in his locker, organizing papers, stacking up books, anything to make sure the halls were clear before he had to go to his class.

Eventually he leaves his locker, stopping to drink from every water bubbler he came across.

Finally he comes to the hallway.

He really wished there were more classrooms down this hall, it would hake his life so much easier.

"Welcome Raphael, so glad you could join us." The teacher says once he enters the class. Her voice was borderline sarcastic and her hair was in a tight red bun on the top of her head. "Now, take a seat and let's get down to business."

Raph sits down at an empty desk and starts taking out his books for this class. Once he had everything out he looks to his left to see a boy with straight black hair held back by a small ponytail and a bandanna around his head like a headband. He looked like he was scribbling something out but when Raph took a closer look he was coloring something in.

His bruised wrists moved across the paper as he drew a gorgeous picture of a woman. Her hair was flowing down with flowers intertwined. She was giving a small smile, the joy obviously spread across her freckled cheeks. The drawing was expertly colored and shaded, though it seemed to have been drawn completely from pencil.

The boy laces his hands together and pushes out, cracking his fingers and elbows. He must have felt Raph's gaze on him because he suddenly whips his head around to look at Raph. "Ugh, it's you." He says, rolling his eyes.

"Good to see you too fucktard." Raph says quiet enough that he doesn't get in trouble for swearing.

"What do _you_ want?" The boy asks, closing the notebook and quickly hiding away in his bag.

Raph shrugs and puts his arm on the desk.

"Can't a guy watch another guy draw without wanting something? Looked real good too." Raph adds as an after thought. The boy looks away but he was obviously flattered. "Yeah, whatever." He crosses his arms and sits back in his chair, looking to the front of the class room. "The name's Casey. Casey Jones."

"Raph." Raph says shortly.

They both sit in silence as the class continues on, neither of them looking at the other.

Though they didn't look at each other, they were both subtly checking each other's spelling and writing capabilities. As the class went on Raph noticed every little thing that went on with this Casey Jones character. Raph could tell that this kid was barely literate.

It made Raph feel a whole lot better that he wasn't the only one in the school who had a hard time reading and writing, and he wasn't even the worst too boot.

Once the class had ended Raph starts to leave in the same fashion as he had come in, cautiously watching around the corners and trying to make sure no one saw him.

He gets out into the main hallway and lets out a sigh of relief. He slows to a normal pace and walks to his next class.

He enters the class room and sees Casey sitting at a desk in the back, once again drawing in a note book. Raph goes over and sets his bag down at the desk next to his. "Hey Ass-Hat, you're in two of my classes. How come I didn't see you yesterday?" Raph ask Casey, plopping down in his chair.

"I was... Working." He says, not taking his eyes of the paper.

"Huh, I've never held a job very long before." Raph says, looking at the practically empty classroom. Casey, seemingly more comfortable with the conversation focusing on Raph, looks up from the paper and over to Raph. "How long was the longest?"

Raph smirks. "About two weeks. I got fired."

"For what?" Casey asks, intrigued.

"For setting the kitchen on fire." Raph replies, chuckling. Casey almost starts bursting with laughter but he turns away and puts a hand to his mouth. "Oh my gosh dude, you burnt down a kitchen?" Raph nods. "Yeah... The restaurant too."

At this Casey can't hold back any more. He starts howling with laughter, shaking his head. "You're alright man." He says fondly through the chuckles. "You aint too shabby yourself." Raph smiles.

"I think he's having trouble..." Mike sits at a table with his brothers, each of them looking back at the doors to the cafeteria every once and a while.

"Trouble how Mikey?" Leo asks, setting down his pizza and looking seriously into Mikey's eyes. "Well, his notes are chicken scratch and he barely takes any of them." Mike says.

"That's not too uncommon Mike, you can't really say much about it." Donnie says, taking a bite of a slice of pepperoni pizza. Mikey puts both hands on the table and looking at Donnie. "But today he was copying my notes. He did a whole page. I know it's not really cheating but it's still... He could've just asked. I told him that too but he kinda froze and left. It was weird." Mikey finishes, feeling a little uncomfortable.

Leo tries to smile tenderly at his youngest brother. "Mikey, Raph has been trough a whole lot of stuff. He's kinda messed up. There are going to be little... quirks about him." Mikey huffs and turns so he's facing the doors, upset that his brothers wouldn't believe that something may be wrong.

Leo sighs and stares at his plate consisting of a piece of pizza. He knew something wasn't totally right with the guy. The answer was right there but he just couldn't figure it out.

Suddenly the doors open up, two teenage boys walking in, chuckling. They get in line and grab their food before head back out of the line.

They both walk over, one being Raph and the other being the one and only Casey Jones.

"Hey." Raph says, a little more cheer in his voice than usual.

"Hey" The three brothers echo back. "Who's your friend?" Donnie asks absentmindedly as he eats, not even looking up at him.

"Oh, this is Casey." He says, motioning to the taller boy next to him.

Mikey smiles mischievously. "What, are you two best friends forever now or something?" Raph scowls. "No."

He sits down on the opposite side of Mikey but on the farthest end away from Leo, ending up being closet to Donnie which he didn't mind so much. Casey plops down next to him, ending up between Leo and Raph.

Raph looks down at the pizza and sees only one thing.

Two easy meals.

He glances down at his bag where he had stored a Tupperware container for a situation just like this. He takes one piece and quickly stashes it in the container.

"Hey Raph."

Raph jumps a little in his seat but tries to look as nonchalant as possible. "Yeah?" He looks up at Casey who glances at his plate then back at Raph who was trying his hardest to look innocent.

"Never-mind."

Raph gives a small sigh of relief and relaxes in his seat.

Soon the bell signaling the end of lunch goes off and the brothers get up and dump their trays, leaving the lunch room without a thought. Raph was close on their heals, about to dump his tray before a hand falls on his left shoulder causing him to wince a bit.

"Raph, what was with that?" Once again it was Casey. Raph turns around, getting annoyed with people being all up in his business recently. He glares into Casey's eyes but is taken aback. It wasn't the same pity look he got from the brothers or Yoshi. It was a look of anger laced concern.

Raph shrugs him off. "Nothing."

Casey grabs Raph's right arm, causing a shot of pain fire up his arm. Raph yelps and pulls his arm out of Casey's grasp. "I said it was nothing, okay?" Raph, even though he'd only known the guy for a day, felt a whole lot worse lying to him then to the brothers.

Casey stops Raph once again. "Raph... Can I have your number?" He says, shrugging. "Not in a weird way or anything." He adds, noticing the confused look on Raph's face.

"Like an exchange. I'll give you mine and you'll give me yours." Casey says, handing Raph a piece of paper with a series of numbers on it.

Raph, not completely sure why he was going along with this, wrote his number on the inside of Casey's arm.

"Later." Raph says awkwardly.

Casey replies with a little wave and a- "Later."

Raph opens the refrigerator door, taking out everything he could that looked like it would last a while and stuffing it in his pockets and under his shirt. He moves to the pantry and takes out a couple cans of spaghetti 'o's and some canned fruit before rushing out of the kitchen.

All of the Hamato's were at an after school practice and Raph had opted to stay _'home'_ so he had the whole house to himself to get his plan in action.

Quickly Raph goes back up to his room, closing the door even though nobody was home. He grabs his bag and stuffs the food into it, grabbing his very small stash from the room and tossing that in there too. Next he takes the container of pizza and puts it into the bag, completing his collection of food.

Next he rushes back down the stairs like he had no time to waste. He took three bottles of water from the fridge and bringing them back up to his room.

Raph sits on the floor for a moment, his head in his hands.

He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He was just sick of being tossed from place to place, all the rules changing, all the people changing, he was just sick of it.

With a growl he pushes himself off the floor, grabbing everything he owned and stuffing it into his duffel. He lets out a loud angry growl and covers his face with his hands, throwing his head back. "Why am I even _doing_ this anymore!"

It was just Raph's luck that the second he started having a breakdown his phone started to ring.

Raph picks up the phone and puts it up to his ear. "WHAT!?" Raph shouts into the phone.

 _"Woah, hey man. What's goin' on?"_

Raph recognizes the voice as the fucktard from earlier.

"Nothing, everything's great!" Raph says slightly quieter but just as angry.

 _"That sounds_ totally _believable."_ Casey says, sarcasm dripping from his voice. _"How about the truth now."_

Raph decides he doesn't care. He'd mostly made up his mind anyways.

"I'm getting outta here." He says, picking up his bag and storming out of the room.

 _"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?"_ Casey says, his voice cracking on the last word. _"You aren't doing anything like drastic are you?"_

Raph stomps down the stairs, jumping the last two. "I don't know." Raph says firmly. He goes to the door but his hand stops a few inches away from the nob.

 _"Don't do that man."_ Casey says, feeling like he was talking someone down from suicide. _"I don't think you want to leave. I know I just met you today but you've got a pretty sweet deal there, stick it out a little longer. See how it turns out."_

Raph's hand shakes a bit. "I can't do this bouncing around thing anymore."

 _"Then don't."_

Raph, shocked drops his hand "What?"

 _"Don't bounce around. Stay there. These guys aren't going to boot you outta there. and the only way you're gonna bounce around is if you leave."_

Raph lets this sink into his mind. He'll stay in one place if he stays. It may not be the best but it's the same place. If he leaves everything'll change again. He'll be familiar with the change but it'll still be a change.

Raph sighs into the phone. "What happens if I leave? What does it matter to you?"

 _"Dude, it may not seem like it but it matters to me like a lot. I've never really had a friend, especially not one that gets me as much as you have just in this one day. You run away, I lose a friend... and so do you."_

Raph sits down in front of the door. "Ugh..." He leans back so his head is against the door and he was looking at the ceiling.

 _"How about we just talk for a while."_ Casey says, now really feeling like he was the captain of a suicide watch.

Raph nods, though he couldn't see it. "Okay..."

 **he's my best friend.  
best of all best friends.  
do you have a best friend too?  
it tinkles in my tummy,  
he's so jummy jummy  
hey you should get a best friend too.**

 **Toybox: Best Friend**

 **Yowza! I'm so sorry about not updating! I have a book I'm supposed to be writing for school and I just have a whole crap-ton of work I have to do.**

 **Thanks for reading! I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter so give it a review to tell me if you liked it! I'll see you next chapter! BYE!**


	5. Chapter 5: Freak Like Me

**(6688 words)**

The door to the hamato house hold opens up, three tired teens walking inside, followed by an old man. "And now you know why it is important to keep pizza off the training mats." The old man says, as if he was finishing a long lecture you'd be glad to have missed out on.

"Okay, okay, I said I'm sorry." Mikey groans. He gets three feet into the house before he trips on something. "OW!" He shouts as he connects with the floor.

"What the-?" He looks to his left and quickly covers his mouth to stifle any giggles that might eep out.

On the floor was Raphael, sound asleep, his phone in his hand and flashing the symbol for it being dead on the screen for only a few more seconds before it dies completely.

"Adorable!" Mikey coos, standing up and snapping a picture on his own phone. "Blackmail."

Leo and Donnie both look at the odd scene with confusion.

"Uh, Father, what should we do?" Leo says, turning to Yoshi. The man hums and strokes his beard for a moment. "We shall just wake him up. It seems the most logical path."

"I don't think that's a great idea, He was up all night." Donnie interjects, his eyes focused on his father and his finger up as if raising a tiny hand. "Uh- Father." He says, trying to make what he said more respectable. "He might not be able to go back to sleep."

"Well, we can't just leave him in the middle of the hall." Leo says, crossing his arms. Mikey pops up beside Leo and pokes him in the side of his head. "Why be cause it's a _'fire hazard'_?" He says, making air quotes.

"No, because it's rude to leave people who are knocked out on the floor and not do anything about it." Leo watches as Mikey stares at him skeptically. "Okay, okay, It's a little bit because it's a fire hazard!"

"We could try moving him, there's enough of us to be able to lift him." Donnie suggests as Mikey crouches back down by Raph.

"I wonder what he was doing here in the first place." Mikey reaches out his hand to poke Raph's cheek. "I bet he was waiting for us to get back" He chuckles.

Karma decides it's time to pay Mikey a visit because as his finger is only a few inches from Raph's face He snaps his eyes open and grabs Mikey's wrist, his grip growing tighter and tighter. "Uh, guys?!" Mikey says, wincing as the grip gets painful.

Leo looks down at Mikey, his bored expression quick turning to one of confusion then surprise. "I think he's awake." He says, placing a hand on Donnie's shoulder.

Donnie looks down along side Leo in surprise. Raph had a death grip on Mikey's wrist, his eyes open wide though, glazed over lightly. He squeezes Mikey's wrist harder and Mikey squeaks in reply.

Yoshi shoes Leo and Donnie away from the two youngest teens and bends his old knees, sitting on his heals beside them. "Raphael, can you hear me?"

Raph gives little to no acknowledgement to Yoshi that he knew he was there. The most noticeable thing was that His grip tightens once more and his eyes shift back and forth before resting in the same spot as before, shaking the slightest bit.

"Raphael, let go of Michelangelo please." He says calmly.

Within seconds the grip Raph had on Mikey loosens, slowly but surely. Once Mikey can feel it was loose enough he pulls his hand out, rubbing the bright red grip mark on his wrist with a frown on his face.

Yoshi notices Raph's hand still up and gently pushes it down, making sure it rested at his side. "Come to the living-room, will you now." He says, pulling him up. Raph stands up, Yoshi supporting most of his weight as the other teens look on in curiosity.

They hobble to the living-room, Raph not making any noise except his slow breathing. Yoshi lays Raph on the couch facing the doorway, making sure to put his arms on top of his chest in a more comfortable position than a plank.

The not sleeping teens pear into the living-room from the doorway, watching as Yoshi lays a blanket over top of Raph.

Raph shakes as if he were freezing. "You are safe." Yoshi says, his voice calm and steady. He pushes some of Raph's hair out of his face, Starting to rub his shoulder comfortingly. Slowly The shaking settles down and Raph's eyes drift closed. Yoshi sits by him for a moment before standing up and walking towards the door way. He somehow grabs onto all three of his son's ears and drags them all into the kitchen, setting them down one by one and giving them a stern look.

"I know you boys are curious but you need to learn to keep to yourself. Not everything is your business because you're around someone more than others are." Yoshi lectures. "I am disappointed in how much you three have been snooping in Raphael's business." They don't question how he knew how nosy they were being even though the majority of the nosing around was at school. _He just knows._

"Now off to your rooms, all of you." Yoshi commands, pointing out towards the stairs.

Donnie leaves without any problems, Mikey following quickly after. Leo on the other hand stays in the kitchen. "But father, we're just trying to keep an eye on him. He's... Not the most stable of people y'know?" Yoshi's eyes narrow slightly. "And what makes you say that?

"Father, He just woke up and was crushing Mikey's arm! For no reason!" Leo finishes, throwing his hands in the air.

"Raphael may be troubled, but that gives you no right to snoop in his business. Now go to your room." Yoshi commands. "If there is something troubling you about him you may come to me but do not try and handle things on your own. It may in fact start making things worse."

Leo looks down at his shoes. "Hai chichi." He says before leaving the room. Yoshi watches him leave and moves back to the living-room. Raph lies on the couch, his hands slightly twitching.

The older man sighs and kneels on the floor next to the couch containing the teen.

Maybe he was in over his head. He thought he could handle this case. He'd gone through all of the normal teenager things and some of the non normal ones. This was just a lot to deal with. Raphael was in fact a messed up kid. There was a lot going through his head all his past, his future...

Yoshi rubs his eyes and tries to still the shaking boy's hands with his own. He couldn't just let this boy go back to the home he came from. From the way the social worker was talking it seemed as if this would be the first good home he would've had.

Yoshi pets his hair down, watching the boy sleep. He already felt like he was his own son, he could not let him go.

* * *

Raph wakes up, shooting up from the couch. "Wha- where?" He swings his legs off the couch and runs his fingers through his hair. "Oh. Oh..." He says, rubbing his temple. He gets off the couch and stumbles slightly as he gets up.

Raph creeps around the corner, dashing past the open kitchen doorway and up to his room.

He closes the door, turning the nob before shutting it. He turns around, walking into the room. He looks at the dresser next to the bed, his eyes focusing on the tan box moving jerkily towards the edge of the dresser.

"Spike." Raph breathes out. He dashes to the dresser and catches the box just as it was about to fall off the edge. "What are you doing little guy? You're gonna get yourself hurt or killed." He takes the small turtle out of the box and holds him in his hands, petting the top of his green head. "I'm sorry I was gonna leave without you. I wasn't thinking."

He puts the box on his bed and sets the turtle back in it. "See you later little guy." Raph says, pulling on a clean sweatshirt over-top of his second day shirt. He cautiously opens his door out of habit and steps out into the hallway.

He knows he should probably shower and do other hygiene like things but He didn't want to go through the stress of the bathroom again.

He creeps down the stairs, his back to the wall. He can hear voices from the kitchen talking and he waits outside, just barley able to see inside the room.

"This dude texted me and said to just not come today." A voice says exasperated, as if he had just repeated himself

"And when have we ever listened to some random person you got a text from?"

"There was that one time-" The same first voice says.

"No. We will never, _ever_ do that again."

"I swear, I never thought I'd have to think about getting mayonnaise and super glue out of my hair."

The room goes silent and Raph decides it was a good time to enter the the kitchen. "Hey." He says quietly. As he sits down at the table he feels a wave of tiredness wash over him.

"Hey Raph." Mikey says cheerfully. The other two brothers look wearily at him but both give him adequate 'hellos'.

There was still silence until the tall man, Yoshi, enters the kitchen. "Boys, why are you not at school?" He asks.

Donnie speaks up, stepping forward. "Father, Mikey said he got a text from a friend that said to not even come today. We told him to ask the guy what that meant but he didn't answer."

Mikey twists in his seat to be looking at Yoshi head on. "Hey, Kyle is a respectable dude! If it was important, he'd tell me. No lie." Donnie waves him off and grabs a bag from the floor. "Well I'm leaving, you do what you want. I'm not going to be late."

Donnie walks out of the kitchen, not waiting for anyone.

"Donnie's right, School or no school, we should probably go. Just in case." Leo says, picking up his own bag. Mikey groans but follows suit. Raph watches them leave the kitchen and lets his head drop to the table. He felt like he just kept getting more and more tired.

"You better get going Raphael, you wouldn't want to be late." Yoshi says with his hands behind his back. Raph picks his head up and scoots his chair out. "'Kay..." He says without a fight. He goes back upstairs, quickly grabbing his backpack and slipping on his shoes and going out the front door, still groggy.

He could see the brothers down the street, walking at a decent pace. Raph wasn't sure if he wanted to try and run to catch up to them or just walk behind. He tries to jog for a few feet but his leg immediately protests, sending a throbbing pain up and into his spine. "Ooo... Bad idea, bad idea..." Raph mumbles to himself, instead hobbling down the street.

He keeps walking for a while alone, his leg feeling like it was ripping apart from the first run he tried. He stops at a bench, taking deep breaths. He can see the three brothers ahead of him getting further and further away. He sees Leo look behind him, stopping for a moment. The other two seem to ask him something and they keep walking, Leo turning around and walking back towards Raph.

 _'Great.'_ Raph thinks. _'Now he's gonna come and dig up all in my business.'_

Leo reaches where Raph was resting and Raph immediately goes on the defensive. "Go mind your own busine-" Leo stops him, helping him up and letting him use the other as a support. He doesn't ask anything, he doesn't dig into what was going on, he just helps him down the street. They don't talk at all, not until they reach the school.

As they walk up to the school they could see a crowd of students all outside. Raph spots Donnie and Mikey who had arrived just a few minutes before they had. He walks over to the two, both turning around just as he walked up to them. "So, what's goin' on here?" Raph asks. Leo walks up behind the small group. "Is it an early fire drill?"

Mikey shakes his head, his curls bouncing. "Na man!, I told you guys, Kyle said not to come, we shouldnt've come." Donnie crosses his arms and glares over at nothing. "It's a gas leak, the whole school is closed for the day."

Raph looks at Donnie, confused. "Isn't that a _good_ thing?" Donnie shakes his head near violently, his short low ponytail whipping side to side. "No! I had three tests today and I studied almost all night!" Raph chuckles. "Dork."

Leo sighs. "I guess we should just go home then..." Donnie groans but nods in agreement. Mikey seems ecstatic, deciding to be the exact opposite of Donnie. "YO! NO SCHOOL!" He shouts, flinging his arm around Donnie. "Yay." He says sarcastically. They all leave as a group, going back the way they came, each of them taking turns making sure Raph didn't collapse.

"Dude, I'm pretty sure you ripped that leg thing back open." Mikey points out, pointing to Raph's jeans where a red stain was forming. "Oh shit." Raph says, looking at his leg. Mikey looks at his smart brother. "Don, is it bad for Raph's leg to be bleeding again?" Donnie looks over at Mikey who's turn it was to help Raph. Then down to Raph's leg. "oh... Yeah, probably."

Donnie takes out his phone, checking the time quickly. "Okay, let's get back as quickly as possible, if it doesn't stop by the time we get back there might be a problem." The group starts walking a little faster and Mikey looks at Raph.

"Donnie wants to be an engineer." Mikey says, rolling his eyes. Raph looks a little confused. "What kind?" He asks, nearly tripping on a stray cat. "All of them." Mikey says with a smile.

* * *

They walk into the Hamato house, closing the door loudly behind them. "Father!?" Leo shouts down the hall. "We're back!" Leo continues. They all stop in front of the kitchen doorway where thy could see Yoshi sitting at the island and drinking some tea. "My sons, why are you back so soon?" Leo nods, taking lead and entering the kitchen. "There was a gas leak at the school. It's been called off for the whole day."

Yoshi nods and takes a sip from his cup. "Well, it is convenient. We seem to have run out of some food. And I must have forgotten to get a can of fruit for the fruit salad I was going to make tonight. Could you boys go to the store for me and pick some things up?" The boys all look at each other. The eldest two and the youngest all knew, no matter how old their father got, he did _not_ forget things. But they made a promise, so as long as Yoshi was letting it go so would they.

Yoshi takes a pad of paper and a pen off the counter and writes down a quick list, handing it to Leo. He also digs out his wallet, placing separate large bills on the table. Mikey looks over his brother's shoulder. "Dad, how come you have this stuff on here? lettuce, a fish tank? Heat lamp? I mean, the lettuce isn't really that weird but seriously? Who wants to actually eat that stuff?"

Yoshi keeps a straight face and picks up his cup of tea. "I believe we have a house guest that would very much enjoy those things instead of a cardboard box." He takes a sip of tea and a small smile creeps onto his face, barely visible behind the cup. Raph and Mikey both look a little shocked.

Yoshi looks at Raph who was still being slightly supported by Mikey. "Raphael, are you well?" He asks. Raph shrugs the best he could with his arm around Mikey. "Yeah..."He says, crossing his legs slightly. Donnie sets his bag down on the floor. "No, he needs to get his leg re-wrapped." He says absentmindedly, not really looking at anyone. "It bled through his pants."

Donnie quickly grabs the last apple in the fridge and swipes up his bag, going quickly out of the kitchen and upstairs to his room, being very uncharacteristically broody. The boys look at the empty doorway, very confused. "Just let him cool off, he's probably still upset about school closing." Leo says to Raph who was at this point getting a little concerned about his leg starting to drip blood.

"Let us get your leg fixed up and then you boys can go to the store." Yoshi says, taking Raph from Mikey's grip. Raph shudders slightly at the new touch but allows Yoshi to lead him out of the kitchen and across the hall, into a small bathroom. Raph sits on the closed toilet and watches Yoshi bring out medical tape and gauze, making quick work of the awkward job. Raph only flinches a couple times as his leg gets rewrapped. "You're pretty good at this whole injury thing." Raph says, making conversation.

"Yes well, I don't believe his hospitals so I learned healing arts myself. I also get much practice with three clumsy boys in the house." He adds, chuckling. He finishes with Raphael's leg and leans back slightly. "There, no go change into clean pants and go to the store with-"

Yoshi hesitates for a moment, not sure of what to call his sons to this boy. "With Leonardo, Donatello and Michelangelo." Raph nods, standing up and steadying himself before leaving the small room, using the banister to climb the stairs without straining his leg. He stops ad Donnie's door and gives a small knock.

"Donnie?" He calls. There was no answer so he knocks again, this time a little louder. "Hey Don?" He calls, putting his left hand in his pocket. The door swings open and Donnie stands in front of him with the biggest, roundest glasses on that he had ever seen. "Pfft hahaha What are _those!?_ " Raph laughs out, doubling over with laughter. "They're my reading glasses." Donnie says, swiping them off his face and stashing them in his pocket. "What do you want?" He asks snappily.

"Uh..." Raph drones out, not use to seeing Donnie with a temper. "Your dad wants us to go to the store. I'm just gonna change and we're gonna go." Donnie nods jerkily and closes the door in Raph's face, leaving him with multiple unanswered questions. "O-kay then." He says quietly, turning on his heal and walking the short distance to his room.

Raph smiles, his eyes catching the cardboard box holding his little friend. Before he even thinks of changing first he goes over to Spike. "Hey Spike, how's it goin' little buddy." He says, patting the small turtle's head with his finger. "We're gonna get you a real tank and some good food. You're gonna love it." He says. Raph doesn't know why he felt so comfortable talking to this little creature but he wasn't going to question it.

He gives him another little pat and grabs his sweatpants, taking off the jeans and slipping the more comfortable pants on. He tosses the bloodied pants on top of his packed bag, feeling entirely guilty all of a sudden. "Oh yeah..." He mumbles to himself. He shakes his head, ridding himself of the guilty thoughts, changing the internal subject. "I really need more than three pairs of pants." He says, brushing some hair out of his face.

Without another thought he walks out of his room, closing the door behind him. As he passes Donnie's door he pauses slightly, trying to listen through the door. He knows he's being just as nosy as they were but he couldn't help himself. He promises himself it was going to be a one time thing. What's their business is their business.

He hears a couple of soft hums and the squeaking of a chair moving. He decides if he's going to be nosy he might as well go hole hog. Raph pulls out one of his old tricks and starts trying to find the right angle to look through the crack between the door and the wall. He tries over and over again but can't see anything. He sighs quietly and backs up, going back down the rest of the hall and down the stairs.

"Hey Raph, have you seen Donnie?" Mikey says as Raph enters the large living-room. Raph liked this room the best out of the entire house. It had lots of open space with tall ceilings and at the back a large window that stretched along almost the whole back wall. "Yeah, he's in his room. I told him we were supposed to be leaving." Raph says, sitting down on one of the couches.

Mikey almost rolls his eyes. "He's so annoying sometimes. He really needs to get over this." He walks around the couches and out of the room, presumably to go get Donnie. Within five minutes Mikey comes down with a slightly less grouchy Donatello. "'Kay bro's let's go!" Mikey shouts, making sure Leo could hear him. Raph then wonders where Leo was.

He looks around and his eyes land on The blond teen outside on a wooden patio the big window which not only was a window but had a sliding door on the left side that Leo used to get back inside. "Alright, fine." Leo says. He comes over to the group and gives Donnie a little thumbs up. Donnie does not respond. "Can we just go?" Donnie says suddenly, walking out of the room. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we can leave."

Mikey leans towards Raph, his hand up by his face. "Somebody's on their _period_ " He says in a sing song voice. Raph chuckles and they follow behind the angry teen.

* * *

After a long, loud debate about who would be driving Leo, as the oldest, responsibly yells at the others before announcing he would be driving, ending the never ending war of who shall drive. With that Raph sits in the back, Donnie in the passengers, and Mikey supposed to be sitting in the middle section was bouncing around from the front of the van to the back, almost never sitting still.

When they finally reached the superstore they park in the closest spot they could find before jogging in, not wanting to be out in the slight cold. Raph tries to jog but it ends up as a sort of limp hopping thing. Inside the store the four of them look over the list, realizing just how long it was. "Yeash, that old man can write fast." Raph says. There was nearly thirty items on the list, each of them seeming to be on opposite sides of the store.

"Oh man, this'll take forever." Donnie says. Mikey nods in agreement. "Dude, you know what we should do?" He says with excitement in his voice. The other three look confused. "We've never had enough people for this." He says, almost bursting at the seams. "What _is_ it?" Leo groans. "We should have teams!" Mikey shouts. "It could be me and Don and you and Raph! We could each take half the list and get it done faster! It could be like a race!"

They stand shocked at Mikey. "That's..." Leo says. "Not an entirely terrible idea." Mikey bounces happily. "This is gonna be great!" He says, grabbing Donnie's arm roughly. Leo looks down at the list his father gave him and ripped it in half, handing half to Donnie. "Okay, we each get fifteen things and first to the car wins. And _both_ members of your team have to be there to win." Raph nods and Donnie does the same, trying to keep Mikey away from the list.

"Awe, come on! How come Donnie gets to have the list?" Mikey whines. Leo pulls out a cart from the horizontal stack. "Because, he's less likely to drop it, or set it down, or rip it up." He brings the cart to a prominent blue line on the floor, setting it straight and motioning for the rest to follow. Mikey quickly grabs a cart and dashes over to the line, bouncing in anticipation. Donnie stands beside him, looking slightly cheered up.

"Ready. Set. GO!" Leo says, counting them off. As soon as the word left his lips they were off, all four sprinting into the store. Raph, who had never had the best of memories, forgets about his leg and starts sprinting along with Leo. He only gets a few steps in before he realizes the extreme pain in his leg. "Oh gosh, oh gosh, _oh_ man." Raph says, holding his leg and sowing down to a slow hobble. Leo stops, noticing Raph wasn't beside him. "Raph! They're getting a head start!" He says, looking back.

Raph hobbles over to the cart. "I can't run. It's not going to happen." Leo only has to think for a moment before he grabs Raph's wrist. "Get in." He says, putting Raph's hand on the cart and grabbing the handle. Raph was about to question why he should or how Leo was okay with this kind of actual fun behavior but instead just shrugs and climbs into the cart, making sure to find a comfortable spot for his hurt leg.

They couldn't even see the other team anymore so as soon as Raph was in, Leo sprints off with the cart, passing the ripped list off to Raph. "What's the first thing?" Leo asks almost urgently. "Uh... three cans of sweet peas." Raph answers, reading off the list. Leo turns a tight corner and continues his sprint. "Then we're off."

* * *

Mikey laughs as he and Donnie sprint down the aisles. "They totally stopped dude! We're gonna win!" Donnie runs alongside the cart, looking at the list. "First thing's, a- uh, three boxes of athletic tape." Mikey makes a sharp left turn. "Yeah, we're running out of that." They reach the sports isle and Mikey swipes four boxes off the shelf, not noticing the extra one falling into the cart with the others. "What's next?" Donnie scans the list. "Next is three boxes of cereal." They start running off into the store again.

"What kind?" Mikey says, nearly running into an old woman's cart. "Two nasty brands and one sugar hyped bran for you." Donnie replies, steering the cart away from a shelf. "Maybe I should drive the cart." Mikey turns sharply to avoid a worker. "Nope!" They run all over the store, picking up thing after thing from their list. Every once and a while they would have to stop, almost running into other customers and apologizing. Well, Donnie would apologize. Mikey would keep running, shouting things like: "Hurry up Don!" Or "No time for apologies!"

Eventually they pass the electronics section of the large store, though Mikey tried his best to keep Donnie away from it he forgot for one moment, taking a turn into what would suck up precious time. "Is that what I think it is!?" Donnie nearly shouts, breaking off from his brother, his bad mood completely turned around now. "Is that the next generation cadmium processor with quantum encryption?!" Mikey groans and hops from foot to foot. "I don't know Donnie but I do know we're gonna lose if you keep gawking at these computers!"

Donnie doesn't listen, he just keeps looking at all the computers and pointing out all the names and capacities of them all. "Donatello! Please! I know you like computers but we're gonna lose so bad! We can come back and look at them later, promise!" Mike leaves the cart for a moment only to tug on Donnie's shirt. "Please!" Mikey keeps bouncing next to his brother who was smiling and reading the information about the computers. "Donnie, I can't win without you!" Mikey tries, pulling on individual hairs in Donnie's small pony tail.

After eight hairs Donnie stiffens up, standing up straight. "What are you doing." Mikey backs up into the cart, laughing nervously. "Uh..." Donnie turns around and gives Mikey a dark look. "You messed up my hair." He grits through his teeth. "Dude, You can't be that mad about me pulling a few hairs out of your little tail?" Mikey says, grabbing the cart and getting in a ready position.

"I had it perfect. _Now_ it feels wrong." Donnie growls. He slides one foot back and lunges forward, grabbing at Mikey. Mikey was ready for this though, sprinting away again with Donnie on his trail. He swerves in and out of aisles, grabbing an item here and there from their list. "I'm going to kill you!" Donnie shouts, grabbing the hood of Mikey's orange hoodie. "Hey! But dude, look! We're at the registers! And I don't see Leo or Raph! We're gonna win!"

Donnie looks to his right and gasps. "...That's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen..." Mikey looks at Donnie and swears he could see hearts in his eyes. "Dude, You like a girl? I thought you were gay." Donnie Places his hand over Mikey's face. "No, shut up." He says in a love struck voice. "How do you just go up to a girl like that?" Mikey moves Donnie's hand from his face "Uh, well she's working a register so we could just go to her register." Mikey says, pushing the cart over to the third register in the row.

"Wait, no, Mikey!" Donnie says, reaching out a hand to his brother. After seeing that he wasn't coming back he begrudgingly follows him to the girl. "Hi, and did you two find everything alright today?" She asks. She had medium length red hair and a yellow t-shirt underneath a dark grey apron with the store's name on it. Donnie stares at her for a moment. "Uh... Y-Yeah! We found everything great!" Donnie chuckles. He reads her name tag and looks up at her bright blue eyes. "April... That's a really pretty name." He says, trying to keep his voice from sounding like he was completely love struck.

"Oh, um, thank you?" April says, putting the rest of the items in a bag. "That'll be fifty dollars and twenty eight cents." Mikey pulls out a wallet from his pocket and dishes out a full fifty dollar bill and a single bill along with it. "Thanks April!" Mikey says, nudging Donnie a little. "Oh, yeah, thank you." He says, picking three bags while Mikey takes two. Donnie lingers at the register but finally follows after Mikey pulls him along a few feet. Mikey returns the cart and runs towards the door with his two bags. "We're gonna win!"

* * *

Leo and Raph Roll through the store, each of them focused on their goal. Leo pushes the cart with ease, as if there wasn't an extra hundred and twenty pounds sitting in the cart. "List Raph, what's next?" Raph tilts in the cart and grunts. "The soup aisle, two cans of chicken noodle soup." He frowns for a second. "You guys planning on getting sick?" Leo shakes his head and continues on. "No, Father just likes chicken noodle soup."

Raph chuckles and feels how the cart moves when Leo turns. It was so smooth. It was weird. "You drive this oddly well." Raph says, shifting in the cart to a more comfortable position. "You look oddly comfortable." Leo replies. Raph leans back into the side of the cart and crosses his arms. "Ah, whatever." Raph grumbles.

They enter the soup aisle and Raph swipes two cans off swiftly without really looking at the labels. "Let's go." Leo continues at Raph's words, deciding to get this done he would be better off not talking.

It didn't last for long.

"We need a whole salmon!" Leo nearly shouts. They had gotten almost everything on the list accept for the salmon. The last two things they could get at the register. "How are we going to find this! The whole fish section is EMPTY!" Raph looks at Leo as he scours the fish section for anything at all. "We could just go back and say they didn't have any." Raph suggests. Leo spins around and looks at Raph with concern. "But we wouldnt've gotten everything on the list! And then Father would be disappointed in me and then-"

"Leo!" Raph shouts, snapping Leonardo out of his panic. "You don't need to be perfect man! Nothing bad will happen if we don't get a fucking fish!" Raph watches as Leo calms himself from his mini panic attack. "Okay, okay. Yeah. It's fine." Leo says to himself. "Let's go up to the registers, I'm sure we're going to win." Raph smirks at this and Leo pushes him and all of their items up to the front, along the way hearing a familiar voice yelling. "I'm going to kill you!"

They both hold their breaths as they reach the registers, hoping not to see Donnie or Mikey. "I think we're in the clear." Leo says. He quickly looks over Raph's shoulder at the list and grabs the last two things from near the register. They quickly hop in line and wait very impatiently. "Could this line move any slower!?" Raph complains.

After five minutes in line that felt like an hour they get to the front of the line, placing their items on the belt. "Hello, did you find everything alright?" A teenage girl says boredly. Se looks up from her nails and her eyes instantly lock onto Raph sitting in the cart. "Uh..." she says, pointing lazily to him. Leo places a hand on Raph's shoulder and looks into the girl's eyes. "He can't stand for long, his legs..." He trails off, dragging his finger across his neck and tilting his head a bit.

"Oh. What's he doing in there? We have those scooter things you know." The teen says, popping her gum. Leo doesn't answer right away and the girl's eyes go wide. She leans in towards Leo. "Is he paralyzed?" She whispers. Leo has to stifle a laugh and looks at Raph who just smirks and gives him a tiny nod, making his limbs go limp. "Yeah, we just needed to grab a few things quick so we couldn't bring his chair. It's nearly trashed by now though, with all the times he's gotten it stolen and broken."

The girl looks horrified and both boys have to try their hardest not to burst out into laughter. She scans the last item and mumbles the amount they owed. Leo dishes out the money and smiles. "The cart is just faster." Leo grabs the bags and puts them in the cart around Raph before sprinting out the doors with the cart into the cold air. Once they were far enough away from the store they both burst out laughing. They roll up to the van and slide the side door open. "We won!" Leo says, unloading the bags into the van.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Raph says, unable to control his laughter. "Oh, yeah... Heh, I just kind of did it." Leo says awkwardly, rubbing his neck. Raph climbs out of the cart and sits on the floor of the car, his legs hanging out of the van. "You just need to chill sometimes. You see what happens when you do? You're actually tolerable."

Leo rolls his eyes and shoves the cart away a bit. "Wow big word for you. Where'd you get that one?" Raph smirks. "Real funny." Leo sits down next to Raph and leans back on his hands. "We work pretty well as a team." Raph leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Yeah, pretty damn well." They sit in silence until they see two sprinting forms come out of the building.

They run up to the van and drop their bags to the ground. "NO...!" The shorter of the two groans. "WE WERE GOING TO WIN!" The taller picks the bags back up and places them in the van. "Mikey give it a rest, we knew we were going to lose." Donnie says, not feeling upset in the slightest. Raph sits up straight. "I guess we're the A- team. Huh?" Leo catches on to Raph's banter. "That must make you two the B-team." Leo smiles. He was excited that they were all getting along for once.

"Oh please." Donnie says, a goofy smile on his face. Mikey, annoyed at how calm Donnie was being about losing pushes Donnie a little. "Oh, guess what~" He say in a sing song voice. "Donnie found his _girlfriend_ ~"

"Oh really?" Leo asks, nudging Donnie's side. "I was starting to think you were gay." Donnie turns a bright red and opens the passenger's side door. "What is it with you guys and thinking I'm gay." Leo stands up and pokes Donnie's red cheek. " _So_ , what's her _name_?" Raph chuckles while Mikey gets into the van past Raph. "April." Donnie mumbles. "She's so pretty. She's got this beautiful orange hair, and her eyes, oh her eyes are this gorgeous shade of blue." Donnie says, marveling over the girl.

"Oh I think I know her." Leo says casually. "WHAT!?" Donnie shouts, snapping out of his haze. "Yeah," Leo says again. "She's in my grade. She's really smart too. You two would probably get along really well." Donnie looks at Leo with the larges puppy dog eyes. "I could introduce you two if you-" Leo doesn't even get to finish his sentence before Donnie lunges at him with a hug. "Oh my gosh Leo, would you!?"

Mikey whispers to Raph as they were excluded in the conversation. "This is the happiest I've seen him since he got some computer for Christmas." Raph nods, watching Donnie happily move his body in ways nobody else would consider normal. But he was happy. And so were they.

* * *

 **If you're a freak like me,  
Wave your flag!  
If you're a freak like me,  
Get off your ass!  
It's our time now,  
To let it all hang out**

 **Freak like me: Halestorm**

* * *

 **HOLY FRICKING CRAP. LONGEST CHAPTER EVER! I hope the long wait was worth it for this chapter. This long. Long. LONG. Chapter. Let me know what you thought of this. I'd love to hear what you guys think is going to happen with this story.**

 **Thanks for reading and I'll write you next time!**


	6. Chapter 6: Dirty Little Secret

**(3808 words)**

The boys make a loud return trip home, all the while Leo and Raph bragging about how they won and the others lost. It was childish but nether cared. Mikey ended up smacking Leo in the arm after Raph had said something that just barely crossed the line. "Mikey! What did you hit me for? It was Raph who said it." Mikey puts his hands on his hips. "Well I can't hit _Raph_."

Raph looks at Mikey. "Why not?" He says with a glare. Donnie pipes up from the back, messing around with his phone. "Do you want to be hit?" Raph crosses his arms. "No." "There you go then" Donnie says. Raph doesn't like being treated like a delicate little flower. Raph reaches to the back and smacks Mikey upside the head. "that's what you get for bein' and idiot." Raph says, trying to act macho.

"Oh whatever man." Mikey says, rubbing his head, messing up his red hair. The rest of the ride didn't seem so bad. They blasted some music, most-likely going partially def as Donnie kept reminding them. They almost stopped at a fast food restaurant but in the end Donnie said they didn't have enough money to get something for everyone. Leo had been on edge about returning home without everything on Yoshi's list and tried to convince them ten times to go to another store to find it.

"Yo! Guys look! There's a sign for a skating competition!" Mikey shouts. "Where?" Raph asks, looking out the front window. "To the left!" Raph looks out the window still. "Where? I don't see it." Mikey hits the seat impatiently. "Left dude, LEFT!" Raph continues to look in the wrong direction before looking out his side window. "I am!"

"That's the right Raph." Donnie supplies for him. "Raph quickly changes his view to the left but Mikey sighs. "It's passed now dude." Raph's face heats up slightly. "Well _Soorry._ " He says sarcastically. "It's cool man, it wasn't that interesting anyways." Leo says, trying to calm him down.

"Pfft, whatever." Raph grumbles. Mikey crosses his arms in the back and flops back. "It was a cool sign. Dude can't even tell left from right." He mumbles, not noticing how loud his mumbling voice was. "Mikey!" Leo and Donnie both yell at the same time, neither of them noticing Raph slouching down in his seat.

"What!? You guys weren't supposed to hear that and since you did, am I wrong!?" Mikey says, getting frustrated. "You don't just say stuff like that Mikey!" Donnie says. "That was kinda low Mikey." Leo says, keeping his attention on the road. Mikey shifts in his seat. "I feel so attacked right now." Leo rolls his eyes at the road. "As you should."

* * *

The boys walk into the house, having another contest over who could carry the most bags in. "Light as a feather!" Mikey says, holding four bags. Raph rolls his eyes. "Yeah, you keep tellin' yourself that princess." He says, carrying seven bags. "WHAT!? How come you got that many!?" Mikey yells in jealousy. "Because I'm not as much of a weakling as you" Raph says with his arms shaking.

Mikey notices and smirks. "How come your arms are shaking so much then smart guy?" Raph sets his bags on the table and sits down. "Because I went skating with you and ate pavement dumbass."

"Language Raphael." A commanding voice says. Raph jumps and looks behind him to see Yoshi had entered the kitchen. "Oh, heh-heh-hey." Raph says, a nervous laugh intertwined. Yoshi glares at him slightly. "Did you boys get everything on the list?" He asks. Leo bolts up straight, whipping his head around fast enough to give himself whiplash. "I- Father, the fish section was completely wiped out. I wanted to stop at another store and try and find the last thing on your list but the guys didn't want to stop and-"

Yoshi holds up a hand, stopping Leo's rant. "It is alright my son." He says with a chuckle. "It was not important." He sets a hand on Leo's shoulder. Mikey hops around the table, bouncing up behind Donnie and hopping up on his shoulders, holding himself up. "You know what we should do!? We should play a _'get to know you'_ game!"

" _Really_?" Donnie says, hands on hips. "Like truth or dare? Aren't those types of games reserved for ten year-old girl's slumber parties?" Leo smiles. "You know what? I think that's a great idea." Donnie looks at Leo like he'd betrayed him ten times over. "We get to know each other and it's all part of a game. So there's no need for feeling awkward." Raph rolls his eyes.

They just wanted to know about his past and he knew it. But there was the opportunity to know about them. How they worked and how he could make it in this family...

"Sure, why not." He says, crossing his arms. Donnie feels his hopes get demolished. "B-But guys! W-What- why?!" All three of them shrug and walk into the living-room, leaving Donnie standing in the kitchen. "uh-!" Donnie drops his head and he feels his father's hand on his shoulder. "You fought hard my son."

Donnie joins the rest of the group in the living-room where they all sit around on the couches. "So what do you guys wanna play first!?" Mikey asks excitedly as if he'd never gotten to play a game before. "Oh! no! wait! we should do truth or dare! That sounds fun!" Raph rolls his eyes and Leo shrugs. Donnie shrinks down in his seat. "Quick question, why don't you all just go watch TV or play a video game or somethin'?" Raph asks, trying to be nonchalant.

"Because we technically are on an electronics ban." Leo says, glaring at Mikey. "I told you man, it was a pop up ad!" He defends, turning red in the cheeks. Raph listens to the obvious past argument coming back up. "But I saw Donnie on the computer the other day." He says, breaking up the argument. They go silent and turn to Donnie. "W-Whaaaat? Noooo, You must've- I wasn't- I was studying for school!" Donnie says, obviously trying to lie but not well.

"Oh really? What were you studying?" Leo asks, crossing his arms. Donnie's face gets a bit red. "Okay! So it wasn't school! Lets just start this game already!" Leo gives him a look before shrugging. "Fine, but don't expect me to let this drop for long. We _will_ be talking about this later."

Donnie crosses his arms. "Wow, okay _mom_." Leo tries his hardest not to snap back but he couldn't help mumbling. " _What would you know about moms_." Luckily no one but Raph hears Leo's mean hearted comment. "That was a low blow man..." Raph whispers. Leo ignores him.

Silence settles in the room, causing each teen to feel uncomfortable. "SO!" Mikey shout. "I'll Start! Leo, Truth or dare!" Leo slouches down in his seat. "I don't care. Truth." Mikey thinks for a moment. "Mmmm... Have you... Ever kissed someone?" Leo rolls his eyes at Mikey's question. "Mikey, that was such a lame question. But yes."

"Well, aren't you going to tell us who?" Mikey presses. "That wasn't part of the question." Leo says smugly. "Fine." Mikey grumbles. "Now you ask someone else a question." Leo looks around, realizing he only had two people to choose from. "Uh, Raph... Truth or dare." Raph is staring off in the distance, not paying an ounce of attention to their _'game'_. "Truth..."

"Okay, um... How about what's-" Raph quickly snaps back to reality. "Wait, wait, wait! Can I change to dare? I-I wasn't paying attention." Donnie shrugs but Mikey shakes his head. "Nope! Rules are if you choose one thing you can't change it!"

"Ugghhh!" Raph groans. Leo glances away. "Well, uh... What's your worst subject in school?" Raph lets out a breath, glad it wasn't too bad. "Math. I suck at it, all those letters and numbers together, who decided to start putting the alphabet in math!?" Raph lies easily. It wasn't that he wasn't bad at math, he was. He was just worse at spelling, but most fifteen year olds don't do spelling in school as a subject on it's own.

Donnie looks past Raph slightly. "Hey, If you'd like, I could always help you study a little. I mean, I already help Mikey with a couple of his subjects." Raph shrugs. "Uh, sure, why not." He scratches his arm around the bandages. "Um, Donnie, truth or dare?" Donnie mulls over his options before deciding "I think I'll have an easier time doing truth." He says.

"Okay, how come you were so upset about school being called off? An' no skimpin' out on the answer." Raph says, crossing his arms. "Uh..." Donnie says. Mikey and Leo seem to already know what was going on so Raph decides this was common knowledge in this house. "I don't like change." He says simply.

"ah-ah-ah, that wasn't a full answer." Mikey tuts with a mischievous smile. "What do you mean, of course it was." Donnie shoots back. Mikey makes a forward twirling motion with his hand as if telling him to continue. "Dude." Donnie complains, but his little brother wasn't hearing it. "Fine. I have a routine. Wake up, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to school. That got interrupted and then changed without me knowing what to do."

"Then we went to the store and that wasn't going to be a thing until much much later." Donnie seems to start ranting so Leo budges him quickly to let him know. "Oh, oh yeah, sorry." He mumbles. "Mikey, truth or dare." He says a little quieter. Mikey smiles. "Since you guys all went the pussy route, I'm gonna go dare!" Leo glares at Mikey for his language but the hyper boy didn't notice.

"Um, I dare you to..." Donnie watches as Mikey squirms in his seat, his legs bouncing, his hands tapping. "I dare you to sit still for the entire rest of the game." Donnie says, smiling at his own observation skills. Mikey suddenly stops all his movements. "Got it dude, sit still." He gives his legs one final tap and sits stiff as a board. "Okay um, Raph truth or dare?" Mikey says quickly.

"Dare." Raph says, finally getting his head in the game. "I dare you to... do a back tuck! Off the couch!" Leo looks at Mikey, confused. "Mikey, that's not a good idea. It's dangerous and Raph hasn't been trained to-" Raph stands up. interrupting Leo's lecture. "Sure, I'll do it." Donnie looks on in astonishment as Raph steps up onto the back of the couch.

Luckily their living-room had extremely high ceilings so there was no way Raph would hit them. "Raph, don't do this, it's just a game. You're going to get yourself hurt!" Leo says, standing up like he was going to stop the other teen from flipping. "Na, I think I'm good." Raph says just before jumping up and back slightly off the back of the couch.

Once he reaches the height of his jump he pulls his legs over his head and opens up just in time to land perfectly on the floor. "How in the hell-!?" Donnie exclaims, hand on his head. Raph flicks some hair out of his eyes and climbs back over the couch, plopping down. "Mikey, your turn again. Truth or dare."

Leo feels slightly left out when Raph goes back to Mikey but quickly gets over it, seeing as this was a children's game. "Dare my dude!" Mikey nearly shouts. "Keep it down Mike." Donnie say angrily. "Dude, if I have to sit still and be tortured like this, I'm gonna be loud! Like seriously dude, this is like if I yanked your hair but ten times worse." Mikey complains.

"Hair?" Raph questions quietly. "Yeah dude, he freaks out when even a single hair is out of place!" Mikey whispers. "Vain much?" Raph smirks. "I have the perfect dare for you." Raph whispers in Mikey's ear for a moment and he gets a mischievous grin on his face. He stands up without a word and walks over to Donnie. "What was your dare Mike-"

Mikey yanks on Donnie's ponytail holder, pulling it half way out and leaving his hair a mess. "That!" Mikey says loudly. Donnie sits there in shock for a moment before his hands start twitching slightly. His eyes are wide and he went completely stiff. "Woah, dude, are you okay?I didn't think it'd be that bad of a dare..." Mikey lays a hand on his shoulder but Donnie swipes it off quickly.

He stands up and stomps out of the room, quickly heading down the hall. "Mikey!" Leo yells. "What!? It was Raph's dare, I had to do it! Plus I didn't know it'd be that bad of a thing!" Leo glares at Mikey. "You knew it would make him mad though, Raph didn't." Raph keeps quiet. He didn't want to say he knew just before he told Mikey his dare.

Mikey turns to Raph. "Raph, it was your dare, you have to make Donnie come back!" Raph frowns. "What? Why?" Mikey gets down on his knees and looks at him pleadingly. "Please! You just have to!" Raph stands up to get away from Mikey's pleading hands. "Fine! just get off me!" Raph stands up and leaves the room, brushing his hair out of his face. "I really need to get a hair cut." He mumbles.

Donnie stomps upstairs, his hair frizzed and half way pulled out of it's normal small ponytail. "Donnie, it was just a dare, I'm sorry!" Raph yells, dashing after him. The words felt foreign coming out of his mouth, he didn't normally apologize for things he did, let alone things others did.

Donnie doesn't respond, just going to his room and trying to slam the door closed. Raph catches it just before it closed and yanks it back open. "I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal. It's just your hair and you can fix it like no problem." Donnie obviously wants to say something but he holds it back, walking further into his room.

Raph goes after him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Come on man, let's go finish the game." Donnie forcibly shoves Raph's hand off of him. " _Don't touch me_." He says, his hands up close to his chest, fidgeting anxiously. "Dude, just finish the game so your bro'll get off my back." Raph says, grabbing Donnie's arm. "Don't touch me." Donnie says more sternly.

Raph doesn't listen, pulling him a little bit and grabbing his other arm. "It's just a game, why are you being so weird about it?" Raph says, exasperated. At this point Donnie had had enough. "I'm autistic! Stop _fucking_ touching me!" He yells, pulling out of Raph's grasp as hard as he could.

Raph takes a step back, looking on in shock after Donnie's small outburst. "Go away! just go away!" The distressed teen yells, squeezing his hands to his ears almost too tightly. Raph backs up and turns to leave the room. He goes down the stairs and glances into the kitchen. "Uh, hey, Mr. Hamato?" He says, seeing Yoshi sitting at the table, drinking a cup of tea.

"Something's um, bothering Donnie. You might want to go uh, check up on him." Raph says awkwardly, thumbing back towards the stairs. "Thank you for informing me Raphael." He says calmly, standing up from his chair. "Is he uh, okay?" Raph asks as Yoshi passes him. "Donatello will be fine." He says, walking slowly up the stairs.

Raph watches the older man walk through the still open door, pushing it open even wider. Raph could see from where he was standing Yoshi sit down on the bed next to Donnie who still had his hands covering his ears. Yoshi says something and surprisingly The young boy shakes his head. Raph was sure he wouldn't be able to hear anything.

Yoshi just sits there next to his son who had started rocking back and forth slightly. Raph wonders why he didn't do anything, why he wasn't helping him or trying to calm him down in any way. He shakes his head, deciding it would be weird to continue watching. He goes back into the living room and sits down next to Mikey who had leaned over onto Leo, tears streaking his face.

"Donnie's not coming back." Raph says calmly, looking over at Mikey. "What's with him?" He asks. Leo brushes some hair out of Mikey's face and squeezes his arm. "He's just upset that he made Donnie upset." Raph nods and it goes quiet. "... So did you guys know?" He asks. "Know what?" Leo asks, still consoling his little brother.

"That Donnie is- well, different an' all." Raph mumbles. Leo nods and Mikey sniffles. "Yeah, Father isn't really one for keeping secrets like that. All our shit is all out in the open" Leo says, letting lose a small curse. "When did- When did you guys find out?" Raph asks, hoping he wasn't being too intrusive to this family's business.

"Well, I think He was diagnosed about a year or so after being adopted, so I think he was eight. Father only really started considering it after a big thing that happened back then." Raph, slightly frustrated with how Leo was handing him the information asks one more probing question. "What happened?"

Mikey shakes his head and Leo pats his curly head of hair. "It really scared Mike, seeing as how young he was. Whenever Don would get upset or mad or overwhelmed he'd start hitting his head really hard. He even gave himself a concussion one time."

The way Leo talks about this like it was nothing makes Raph feel weird, like he was watching a movie about this sad boy who hurt himself. But as soon as he turns the movie off it wouldn't be a problem. It was either fake or not his problem.

Raph tunes back into what Leo was saying. "After that We'd tried to get him to stop but it only half worked. We did get him to stop hitting his head and he was doing a really good job about it, we had this whole sticker board and everything, but he started hitting his arms instead." Leo feels Mikey sit up from his lap.

"All out in the open" He mumbles. He looks up at Raph, or rather over to him, seeing as they were about the same height, if not Mikey being taller. "Leo, You're not telling him what happened though." He says, still looking at Raph. "One day, I think I was seven or almost seven, We went to the zoo. It was an exhausting day for all of us but it took it's toll on Donnie the worst."

Mikey clears his throat and shifts completely out of his lying down position. "He seemed fine to all of us, just tired, but when we went to the lion's exhibit they were roaring a lot. I guess it was too much for him and he just kinda broke down. He screamed and hit his head and cried. I thought he must-a been mind controlled or _something_. He didn't stop, not for a long time."

Mikey chuckles oddly. "We actually got kicked out of the zoo after everything. Anyways, we couldn't move him. Any touch of any kind wold make it even worse. I think it scared everyone the most though when he scratched all down his neck. If you look close enough you can actually still see the scars." The boy shivers.

Raph looks shocked. Both at the fact that that that had happened to them and that they seemed so comfortable talking about it. "Oh, uh, I'm sorry." He says, unsure how to deal with the situation. "It's cool dude, he's learned how to deal better now." Once again the room goes quiet.

* * *

Raph goes upstairs after not seeing Donnie for the rest of the day. He knocks on the door marked as Donnie's with science posters and deep scratches in the wood. "Donnie?" Raph asks cautiously. He hears shuffling from inside before the door opens. Donnie stands there with a sectioned blanket around his shoulders.

"Hey, um. I'm sorry about the whole dare thing. I-" Donnie holds up his hand, stopping Raph's speech. "It's fine. I'm sorry for yelling. C-Can I just ask you something real quick?" Donnie's voice sounds choppy almost. Raph nods, not wanting Donnie to stay mad at him. "Can you not tell anyone? L-Like at school and stuff? People like me don't usually get treated so well if people know."

Raph nods again. "Yeah, of course." Raph says. Donnie smiles a little. "Thanks bro" he says, making Raph's chest tighten a bit. Donnie closes his door and Raph walks away towards his own room. "Bro... Heh, yeah." He says under his breath. "I can keep a secret."

* * *

 _ **I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret**_ _  
_

 _ **Who has to know  
Who has to know **_

_**Dirty Little Secret**_

 _ **All American Rejects.**_

* * *

 **Hey! I know it's been a while but I hope you liked this chapter! I've been super busy with a lot of things including my original webcomic! If I've perked your interest check it out! (I know, self promoting is so stupid) Anyways it's at MissPunnyPuns on deviant art and the comic is called "Jo" If you like how I portray Raph, Jo is a lot like him, just a lot younger.**

 **Thank you for reading! Go ahead and share your thoughts on this chapter and I'll write you guys next time!**


	7. Chapter 7: I'll Sleep When I Am Dead

**(2701 words)**

Raph lies on his bed, staring over at his small pet turtle he had come to love. He felt like literal death and his body craved sleep but for some unknown reason he just couldn't sleep. He had been tossing and turning for three hours now and it was almost two thirty in the morning. He pushes himself off the bed and walks around the room for a moment.

A walk. A walk would make him tired. With that thought stuck in his mind Raphael pushes his door open quietly and sneaks down the hall towards the stairs. He wouldn't be out for long, not more than an hour and everyone would still be asleep at that point. He takes the first step down and immediately regrets it.

He doesn't know what was on that stair but all Raph wants to do is to curse it to hell. He trips and falls all the way down the stairs, landing on the floor with a thud. "Ow..." Raph groans, barely getting himself to sit up. After a moment of assessing his own wounds he figures his shoulder had been ripped open once again. He places his hand on it to try and stop the bleeding but it bled too fast. The liquid drips through his fingers and onto his sweat pants.

Amongst the quiet he hears the small squeak of a door opening upstairs. He looks up and sees Donnie is peaking out of his doorway, the sectioned blanket still wrapped around his shoulders. "Raph?" He whispers. "Are you okay?" Raph rolls his eyes. "Do I look okay?" He grunts out. Donnie shakes his head, not realizing it wasn't really a question. He walks down the stairs and finally gets a better look at Raph.

"Oh man, that does not look good. Not at all." Donnie says, bending down. He drops the blanket and it hits the floor with a small thud. "Geeze, how heavy is that blanket?" Raph asks with a small laugh. "About fifteen pounds." Donnie says, picking Raph up off the floor and leading him to the bathroom. "I'll help patch you up." he says.

"I can do it myself." Raph says. Donnie doesn't even look at him. "I bet you could. It would just be extremely painful and sloppy but yeah go ahead." Raph sits down on the toilet lid. "Alright, I get it." He says, watching as Donnie pulls out a first aid kit stored in an overhead cabinet. "How did you even get this thing?" Donnie asks with a yawn.

Raph thinks on this for a moment and in his tired mind he rationalizes telling the older boy. "Only if you tell me more about this what was it, altism thing." Donnie shrugs. "Autism." He corrects. "But fine. You go first thought." He says, starting to soak up Raph's blood with toilet paper.

"Okay, uh... Well at the foster family- foster dad really, he was the only one, but with him he was doing some stuff, like drugs and drinking and stuff and he'd freak out on me. So I left. He tracked me down real fast and he knocked me over onto the side walk. He pulled out a knife of all things and carved _this_ into my shoulder." Raph points to the lightning bolt.

"With some bat shit dumb luck a cops patrol car was goin' past just then and beat the guy offa me. Then I went back to the home until some other foster family could take me in which just happened to be you guys." Raph finishes out. "So uh, your turn."

Donnie moves to start wrapping Raph's shoulder back up. "So, autism. It's a neurological disorder that affects the way I think. So uh, like what happened earlier, that's what we call a meltdown. Those happen when I'm just really overwhelmed with sensory stuff or like emotional things." Donnie rips the tape off at the end and shoves the first aid material in the cabinet.

"Um, there's a lot to it but I'll just pick out the major ones. So there's um stimming. It's short for self stimulating behavior." Donnie fidgets with his fingers. "A-A few common ones are um, flapping and rocking but there's all different kinds of ways to stim and lots of different reasons to do it." Donnie yawns again and scratches at his arm. "Some stims are bad and harmful though."

Donnie looks away for a second, looking almost regretful. "Um, and then another big thing is special interests. They're just something we get super focused on and start really really liking. It could be literally anything but mine is engineering and computers. I know so much about those things you could literally ask me anything and I could answer."

Donnie scratches the back of his head."But uh, I wouldn't suggest actually asking me unless you're prepared for an hour of knowledge you probably don't care about." Raph snorts. "Okay, I'll take your word for it." Donnie smiles and reaches out a hand to Raph. "So uh, what keeps you up so late?" He asks finally. Raph shrugs. "Just couldn't sleep" He mumbles.

Donnie nods and the two of them walk out of the bathroom. "What about you?" Raph asks. Donnie walks into the kitchen and waves a hand toward Raph, motioning for him to follow. "Insomnia. Really sucks. Happens all the time though so I'm used to it." Donnie gets out two mugs and fills them with water.

Raph doesn't question what the older boy was doing, just watches. "Hey Raph?" Donnie asks suddenly. "Yeah?" Raph yawns out. "Would you tell me about your foster families?" He asks hesitantly. Raph who had at this point laid his head on the table wraps his arms around his head. "Maybe..." He mumbles.

He knew that Donnie had also been in the system and while he was curious, he wasn't going to just ask. That is, not until Donnie did. "If you tell me about yours." Raph finally says. With out picking up his head he puts up both pointer fingers, one right after the other. "One for one."

Donnie smirks. "I guess that's fair... But you're going first." Raph shakes his head on the table. "Nu-uh, I went first in the bathroom." Donnie takes out two packets of powder and rips them open, pouring them into the mugs. "Fine." Donnie huffs. "I don't remember some of them because I was so young but the earliest one I _can_ remember was when I was four or something."

Donnie mixes the powder into the water and puts both mugs in the microwave. "They were a decent family, a little boy who was probably a couple years older than me. A teen girl who very stereotypically was on the phone non stop. Now that I think about it, I think the mom might have been a drug addict. Maybe alcohol, I don't know."

The microwave beeps and Donnie takes out the mugs, setting one in front of Raph and sitting down across from him with his own. "It's hot chocolate." He says before taking a sip. "Anyways, It was okay until I saw the dad and daughter..." Donnie shivers. "In bed together. Then they made up some shit about me being unsuitable for their household and I was sent away."

Donnie takes a large gulp of the burning liquid and sets the mug down, wiping his mouth. "Your turn." Raph picks his head up "That's disgusting." He says clearly before taking a sip of his hot chocolate. "Ow! How did you just drink that stuff!?" Donnie shrugs and takes another drink. "Go." Raph sighs and looks to the right, thinking.

He needed to find a family in his mind that would be equivalent or better than Donnie's. He sure as hell wasn't going to tell him about any old family, he already told him a bit about the last one he had. "Um, well there was this one family that was okay. I think it was like a year or two ago. There were five other teens living there? It was weird."

Raph fiddles with the mug's handle. "Uh, there were a few little kids too, it felt like that cheaper by the dozen house or something. But I- Uh... I liked the parents, the little kids were sweet..." Raph looks as if he was remembering a fond memory for a moment before his normal natural unapproachable face appears.

"At first they all looked at me with pity but then it faded until it was only the one girl. A-Anyways We got real close and even though she started being my friend because she pitied me it turned into a real friendship. That is until she betrayed me." Raph scowls and takes a burning gulp of the hot chocolate.

"Betrayed you?" Donnie asks, confused. "Yeah." Raph says simply. Its silent and Raph can tell Donnie wanted to ask about what happened. "I can't tell you what happened." He says finally. "Hey, I didn't ask." Donnie says, gulping down the rest of his drink. Raph rolls his eyes. "So, you got any others?" Raph asks, knowing Donnie was adopted into the family he came to when he was five.

Donnie nods. "Two. One right after the other." He looks at Raph with a smirk. "But you have to tell me about more of yours if you want to hear them." Raph looks at the clock and shrugs. "Why the hell not?" He sips his cup and gestures to Donnie.

"Okay, so this one was when I was just about five, maybe four months or so until my birthday. I wasn't there long though. There was an older boy, probably seventeen or something. Then there was the dad, he... wasn't the best. And then there was this little foster boy who was like a year younger than me." Donnie stands up and sets his mug in the sink, running the water for a second to wash it out.

"The older brother wanted to care for us as the younger two. He helped us with small bits of school and made us food and stuff. But then he got in a car accident while he was driving the other boy back from a speech therapy thing. He was knocked out cold and was in a coma for a week or something. The younger boy, he didn't talk already but after that he started having crying episodes."

Raph looks at Donnie, almost suspicious. He frowns deeply. "Anyways, I got taken out of there mainly because the dad couldn't handle all of that. I heard the other boy was taken out of there pretty quickly after that too. I really liked him though. Even though he was kinda messed up, he was fun to play with and talk with. Well, talk to. As I already said, he didn't talk."

Raph has his hand over the top of his mug as he leans forward. "What was his name?" He asks. "I don't know. I only ever called him _'L'_. Why?" Donnie says. "Because that was the next house I was going to tell you about." Raph says, shocked. " _You're joking._ " Donnie says lowly. "No, I swear on my life, I was in that house. I barely remember it but the parts I do match up perfectly."

Raph looks at Donnie who's eyes are wide open now. " _You_ were L!?" Raph nods vigorously. " _Yeah_ , apparently!" Donnie leans back in his chair with his hands on his head. "What the f- Holy _shit_ " Donnie stops himself from cursing the first time and Raph laughs.

"This is so fucking weird." Raph says. "Wait, so that means you were in that car crash." Donnie says. "Yeah, that sucked. Zero out-a ten, would _not_ do again." Donnie snorts at Raph's laid back comment. "So what happened? I've been dying to know since forever!" Raph thinks hard, way back. "It's kinda blurry, but he was talking to me about some kids show and there was a cat in the street."

Raph closes his eyes like he was trying to envision it. "I-I yelled _'cat'_ and he swerved off the road. We would've been okay but he was so surprised that I talked that he looked back at me and we hit... Something? I really don't remember much after that... Which is stupid because that's kinda a traumatic situation."

Donnie gives a breathy laugh. "Wow, so you could speak?" Raph shrugs for what seems like the millionth time that night. "Sort of? I could speak to people I was super comfortable with but since there wasn't any consistent people to get comfortable with I really couldn't talk to anyone. I could speak in like super dire situations so in my tiny mind hitting a cat in the road would be the worst thing to ever happen."

"Yikes. Sounds like a hassle." Donnie says. "Yeah, it was." Raph replies, rolling his eyes and finishing his drink. In that moment Raph felt more connected to Donnie than he had ever felt with anyone in his life.

Unfortunately the moment was interrupted by a loud thump at the bottom of the stairs. Both boys instantly look out the doorway behind Raph to see Mikey stretched between the three bottom steps of the stair case. "Oh, uh, hey guys. What's up?" he says, flipping his messy hair out of his face. "What the hell are you doing up? It's like four AM!"

Mikey shrugs. "I'm hungry." He says, pulling his leg down the stairs so he could stand in an upright position. He walks past Raph and Donnie, opening the fridge and letting a painful amount of light into the dark room. Donnie rolls his eyes. "I swear, Leo's the only one who actually sleeps in this house." He grumbles.

"You're lucky I heard they couldn't fix the gas leak today. No school tomorrow." Donnie says, taking Raph's empty mug and setting it in the sink along with his own. "You two are lucky too." Mikey says, pulling out a package of ham. "I see you've had your midnight hot chocolate. _Is the little baby Donnie ready for bed now?_ "

Donnie purses his lips and crosses his arms. " _I think_ you'd better watch your mouth or I might not help you with your history homework anymore." Mikey nearly drops the small hoard of food he had gathered. "WHAT." He says loudly. "Shh! Mikey keep it down, you're gonna wake-" Suddenly they hear footsteps from the direction of the living room.

"Shit!" Donnie hisses. "Run!" Mikey yells quietly, shoving half his hoard into the fridge again and scrambling silently up the stairs. Donnie is the first of the two remaining to run after the redhead. Quickly after when Raph hears the switch of a light turning on he sprints after them, slightly louder, but still mostly silent.

By the time Yoshi walks into the empty kitchen all he sees is an open, messy fridge and two hot chocolate residued mugs in the sink. Raph lays panting in his bed from the short, panicked sprint. He saw Mikey and Donnie get into their rooms respectively so all he needed to do now was fall asleep. To Raph's surprise he felt much more relaxed and falling asleep seemed like it'd be no problem at all.

* * *

 **Attention: All insomniacs, please raise your right hand.  
And kindly, repeat after me.  
"I guess I'll sleep when I am dead!" **

**I'll Sleep When I Am Dead**

 **Set It Off.**

* * *

 **I was going to have Mikey eating Baloney but I couldn't figure out how to spell it and I also didn't want to do it multiple times XD (Oh, and I know it was a little cheesy having Raph and Donnie in the same home at one point but it popped into my head and wouldn't go away) Anyways, I somehow made this whole chapter in just two days! I did almost two thousand in one day and now I'm exhausted. Finishing that last one inspired me to do one more though! So I hope you enjoyed this, tell me your thoughts on this chapter and I'll write you next time!**


	8. Chapter 8: DEAD!

**(3754 words)**

Raphael wakes up with the biggest headache he could have ever imagined. He sits up slowly and groans, rubbing his head. "Owwwhy" He slurs, standing up from the bed. He turns around and stares down at the bed. It just didn't feel right. Raph decides in this moment that he hated beds. Just all beds in general

He stretches and looks over to Spike. "Hey buddy." He says, petting the turtle's head with a finger. "I'm gonna go see what I can scrounge up for you today." He swears he could almost see him nod. He gives a small smile and steps out of the room, still clad in his sleepwear. He lets loose a yawn and trudges down the stairs, feeling oddly safe for once.

He hears chattering coming from the living-room and he goes closer to investigate. "- and I think it would be best if we all picked a quarter of the work." Raph looks in the living-room and sees two familiar faces and one new one. "Oh, hey Raph." Leo says, sitting on one of the couches "Raph, my man! What's up dude?" It was Casey. He was sitting a cushion away from Leo, his face baring a fresh purple bruise.

"You know Raph?" Leo asks. "Yeah, he's in-" As soon as Casey starts the sentence Raph starts motioning for him to stop. "-my Special Ed class." Raph cringes and face-palms. "Special Ed?" Leo asks. "I'm sure it's none of your business." A new voice says. "He obviously didn't want you to know." It was the redheaded girl from the store the other day.

April. That was her name. She was the girl Donnie had been swooning over. Raph crosses his arms, feeling even more embarrassed now that he had been defended by a girl. "It's whatever." Casey leans forward, leaning his elbows on his knees. "Oh... Sorry man." Raph rolls his eyes and turns to the side, removing himself socially a bit more. "Like I said, whatever." He says, trying to play it cool. In reality he was feeling the exact opposite.

"Duuuuuuude" Someone drawls from behind Raph. "I'm like soooo tired." Raph jumps as Mikey flings an arm around his shoulder and leans heavily on him. "Oh, hey dudes and dudett." Mikey says, noticing their guests. "Mikey get off him." Donnie says as he stalks down the stairs. "He's probably tired too."

Donnie rubs his eyes as he reaches the main level of the house, walking up beside the two. "What are you doing anyways?" He looks into the living-room and his eyes instantly focus on April. "Eep-" Donnie screeches, only now becoming hyper aware of his sweat pants and lopsided T-shirt.

"Oh, Donnie. This is April and that's Casey." Leo says, gesturing to each of them respectively. "Geese, did you guys all just get up?" Casey says. Mikey chuckles while Donnie blushes slightly. Raph nods and leans up against the wall. " _No_." Leo says in disbelief. "Did you guys stay up all night _again?_ " None of the guilty party says anything, feeling as if they were being scolded.

Which they were. "I can't believe you three. You're so irresponsible, I thought at least Donnie would try and be asleep at an acceptable time and-" Mikey groans. "Chill mama Leo. It wasn't that late, besides, there's no school today anyways." Leo throws his hands in the air. "Guys, just because there's no school or Father hasn't caught you yet doesn't mean you can keep doing it!"

Leo huffs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "You know what? Next time I hear you've done this I'm telling Father. It's not good for any of you to be staying up like that." Mikey droops physically. "Awe, come on Leo, no one likes a _rat_!" Donnie tightens up and crosses his arms. "And Leo, I literally can't help it."

As the group completely forgets about their guests The argument continues. "Fine. Donnie you get a free pass but You two shouldn't be up that late." Raph makes a face. "What makes you think you can tell me what to do?" Leo walks straight up to Raph. "Because I'm _older_ and _smarter_ than you."

Raph snorts though he knew Leo was right on both accounts. There was no way in Hell that he was going to admit it though. " _Right~_ And I bet you're _stronger_ and _prettier_ than me too _Miss America._ " Leo jabs a finger into Raph's chest. "I'm not going to keep fighting with you in front of guests but just know you haven't won." Leo whispers.

Raph smirks. " _What?_ Too _scared_ to fight me in front of your _girlfriend?_ " Needless to say Raph has some control issues. "What is with you?" Leo bites back. "Are you trying to get yourself kicked out?" Leo hisses, venom in his words. "Fuck you." Raph says suddenly. He walks away quickly, not caring what he was wearing, and out the front door.

"What was that?" Casey asks. April slaps his arm and shakes her head. " _What?_ " Leo sits back down and sighs. "I don't know why Father ever let him in this house." Leo mumbles. "Sorry about that. Now, where were we?" Donnie and Mikey look at each other nervously as Leo continues on with his project, their guests putting the fight out of their minds.

"Where's our other partner?" Casey asks. "Oh, she texted me, she said she'd be late." Casey frowns and looks at Leo. "You have her number?" Leo nods. "Yeah, she's my girlfriend."

* * *

Raph trudges down the dirty streets of New York, hands in pockets and scowl sewn onto his face. "Fuckin' Leo with his fuckin' stupid group and his shitty family and his punk ass face." He mumbles, cursing every chance he got. "Why the fuck did I even stay there? Because a guy I barely know told me to? Na, I should'a just left the first chance I got. They're too good for me."

Raph walks slowly, anything he could kick he did. When he comes across a rat he stops and stares at it, imagining Leo's smug face on it before kicking the rat a few feet. "Why the fuck does he need to be so high and mighty? He ain't even that much older than me!" Raph feels a feeling he hadn't felt in a long while.

Pure rage.

His breathing quickens and his chest hurts. He turns to the building beside him and lets his fist fly into it, cracking the bricks and probably some of his hand too. He feels like yelling but he subconsciously doesn't want anyone looking at him so he settles instead for another punch to the brick wall.

Forget what his therapist used to say about bonding with his families, He was fed up with trying. There had been many times where he thought he was done trying but then again, there were lots of times he thought he had bonded with a family too.

He had thought that maybe, just maybe this family would have worked. He got along with Donnie, Mikey was so annoying it was like he was already a little brother. He liked Yoshi, he was nice and not too overbearing. But Leo. Leo had to take control of everything. He had to be a little parent and he _was_ the overbearing type.

Raph stomps down a random ally, his fist dripping blood. It almost scared him because it almost felt _good_. Thankfully a scream takes his mind away from his fist. It was a young girl's scream, and it wasn't a good one. "Get away from me!" The girl's screams. Raph jogs around the corner to see a young mixed girl with a purple streak in her hair being yanked at by an older dirt-bag type guy.

Raph runs up to the man, not thinking about anything and letting his pent up rage fuel his fist into the man's face. He immediately lets go of the girl and she runs behind Raph, clutching to his shirt like a life line. The man looks back at them like he was a raging bull and charges at Raph, swinging and missing multiple times before he lands a solid hit to Raph's left shoulder.

He grunts, pain shooting all the way down his arm. "Don't you get involved _boy_. I paid good money for that little _hore_!" Raph makes a stink face and backs up, pushing the girl with him. "You won't fucking touch her asshole!" He shouts confidently. "No, we have to run, we have to run right now!" The girl says to Raph as he readies himself for a fight.

"I can take him." Raph says. " _Can you take a bullet?_ "The girl whispers urgently. Raph raises an eyebrow and backs up even more. He whispers to the girl so that the man can't hear. "On my signal you run." He commands. He starts almost circling the man so that the girl was closer to the wall of the nearby building. "Go!" Raph yells and the girl breaks off into a sprint.

The man pulls out a gun and Raph starts running as well. He hears the man fire off a couple shots but he was a horrible aim. Once Raph was out of the ally he sees the girl waiting not too far away, her purple dress blowing slightly with the wind. "What are you doing!?" Raph hisses, grabbing her by the back of her dress and yanking her with him as he ran.

He runs, the girl's feet barely touching the ground. He can hear the man behind them and he tries to speed up, his leg burning. After a couple minutes of chasing Raph pulls the girl up and under his arm with a grunt. The man had to be getting tired at this point but so was Raph. He decides what would be best is to get to someplace with a lot of people.

Raph looks around and thanks God that there was a mall nearby. He picks up his speed, hearing the cocking of a gun just behind him. The girl lets out a scream and curls into a ball in Raph's arms. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Raph mutters as he skids around the last corner to the mall. "Get back here!" The man yells from behind them.

Raph sprints the last stretch and flings open the doors to the mall, running inside and away from the entrance. He spins around once he had run through a group of people and looks behind him. The man was standing at the doors, looking around. He had obviously lost them. "Okay, I lost him but not for long. Go hide somewhere kid, I'm going to deal with this."

"What? How are you going to deal with a fucking gun!?" The girl says, showing off her dirty mouth. "Hey, watch your _mother fucking language_." Raph hisses. He gives her a little push towards the bathrooms. "Go hide. I'll find a way." The girl glares at Raph and walks to the bathrooms.

Raph watches the girl go before looking back where the man had been standing. "What the-" Raph feels the barrel of a gun to his back. "Don't fucking say a word or I'll blow your guts out." Raph's eyes widen and he stands stick straight. "Walk." The man demands, covering the gun by shoving it up Raph's shirt.

Raph starts walking, glancing at the bathrooms where he could see the girl peaking out of the woman's room. He does the slightest of head shakes and keeps walking with the gun to his back. When the man gets him outside he takes him around the side of the building, pulling the gun around to the front. "If you took my thing away you're gonna have to be my new hore."

Raph grimaces and bites back a growl. "Fuck this." Raph says, quickly snatching the man's hand with the gun and tilting it upwards. The man, his reflexes not the sharpest pulls the trigger, a bullet grinding through the bottom of his skull and shooting out the top. Raph screams and pushes the man away, wiping splattered blood off his face.

"Holy fuck!" Raph backs away, backing all the way to the front of the building. He knew if he ran he'd be accused of murder but if he called the police he could tell them what happened, if they even believed him. He looks around and grabs some random woman walking out of the mall. "Uh, e-excuse me, c-can I use your phone? It's an emergency."

The woman's eyes widen slightly. "Um, sure. I guess." The woman starts taking her phone out of her purse. "What's going on?" Raph shakily takes the phone from the woman and starts dialing nine one one. "I need to call the police." The woman puts a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Raph shrugs. "I-I think I'm fine. S-Some man j-just shot him-himself." The woman covers her mouth. "Oh my gosh!" Raph pays her no attention, waiting for the other side of the call to pick up. His face was calm but everything else in his body was shot up with adrenaline. Finally a woman's voice on the other end of the phone comes through.

"Hello, nine-one-one what's your emergency?' Raph shudders and holds his stomach with his arm. "H-Hi, uh I'm at the Manhattan mall. A-A man had a gun and he Sh-Shot himself." There was a slight pause before the woman's voice calls again. "Okay, stay calm. Is he still breathing?" Raph moves his weight from foot to foot, nervous that the woman would think he shot him.

"I-I don't know, I ran when he fired." The woman _'humphs'_ and writes something down, the sound of pencil scratching on paper coming though the phone. "Okay, stay there. We'll have someone on the way as fast as we can." Raph sighs as the woman emphasis the _'stay there'_ like she thinks Raph would run away from the _'crime scene'._

The woman stays on the phone with him until the professionals got there. When he ends the call he hands the woman her phone and jogs over to the newly arrived ambulance and cop car. Three police officers get out of the car along with three paramedics from the ambulance. "Hello son, were you the one who called in the emergency.

"Y-Yeah, he's over there." Raph says, pointing to the ally beside the mall. Two of the cops go to the ally with the paramedics while the last one stays with Raph. "So what happened here." He asks. Raph scratches at his arm around the bandages. "Th-There was this girl, littler than me for sure, The guy was trying to take her with him and she obviously wasn't related to him."

The cop nod and motions for him to continue. "So I um, I helped her get away from him but he was shooting at us. We-We ran to the mall and I had her hide inside b-but he made me come outside with the gun and then he shot himself." Raph says. He hated it but he knew the only way he was going to get it all out was to ramble.

"What provoked him to shoot?" The officer asks. "W-Well, He was... He was about to shoot me and- and I tried to get him to drop the gun but it ended up facing himself and he shot." The officer nods and stops writing. "Now son, I want to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me. Did you pull the trigger?"

Raph takes a step back. "N-No! I wouldn't- I'd never- I couldn't kill anyone!" Raph, unlike most kids like himself, trusted almost all cops. He'd almost never lied to them and he wanted them to trust him one-hundred percent. "Okay, okay. Just calm down now. Do you have someone I can call? Parent or guardian?"

Raph nods. "Y-Yeah but I don't remember his number. I had it in my phone but I don't have that with me. I called from someone else's phone." He adds the last part, making sure nothing about his story could be considered sketchy. "D'ya have a name?" Raph fiddles with the hem of his shirt. "Uh, Raphael."

"Last name?" Raph looks down. "I uh... I don't really have one at the moment?" The officer grunts, understanding what he meant. What about your care giver. "Oh, yeah. Yoshi Hamato. But since he's kinda traditional he goes by Hamato Yoshi."

"Alright son, Stay calm. I'm calling this Mr. Hamato." The officer says as Raph starts shaking slightly, the events starting to sink in. The officer turns his back to Raph once the phone call started and the rest of the events until his foster family got there became a blur. He had been sat down on a bench after a while, completely detached from his experiences.

Someone offered him water and another person tried sitting next to him but left after a couple minutes of silence. He heard more police cars roll up and a crowd started to form. It was hectic and Raph could feel that but he didn't want to show it. He just wanted to go and sleep in his bed, forget all of this happened.

"Raph!" Someone shouted. "Yo Raph!" Another voice calls, closer this time. "Raph are you okay?!" Someone says from beside him. "Raphael..." He finally looks up to see his whole fami- The foster family standing around him. They must've called off the study group. "H-Hey guys." Raph says, trying to keep his chill.

"Oh my gosh Raph, we can't leave you alone for ten minutes!" Mikey jokes, sitting next to Raph on the small brick wall surrounding plants. "Seriously though dude, you okay?" Raph nods and keeps his eyes down. He could still feel the adrenaline rushing through his vanes.

"Boys, why don't you keep Raphael company while I talk to the police over here." Yoshi says, walking away. "Raph what happened?" Leo asks. "All we heard was something happened at the mall and the police were involved." Raph shrugs. "Some guy... It's whatever. Doesn't matter." Donnie folds his arms. "I mean, it's got to be kinda important if the _police_ were called."

"Fine. You wanna know what happened?" Raph says in a small surge of anger. "I saved a girl from being rapped by some old creep before he shot himself in the head less than a foot away from me." Raph crosses his arms as the rest of them look at him, shocked. "Happy?" He looks down, trying to keep himself from showing any emotion other than anger.

They can't use anger against you as much as the other emotions. "Oh my gosh! What- how- ugh-!" Donnie stutters "Yeah, what a day off of school this has been." Raph says, rolling his eyes. Leo steps forward to put his hand on Raph's shoulder but thinks better of it. "I'm- I'm sorry Raph." He says sincerely.

"Why? You didn't do anything." Raph grumbles. "I meant I'm sorry that happened to you." Leo clarifies. Mikey leans over on Raph, causing Leo and Donnie to cringe. To their surprise Raph just lets him stay, even putting his arm around the boy. "Hey Raph, what did that girl look like?" Mikey asks, glancing behind him. "Uh, she was black or mixed or something. purple dress and boots."

Mikey smiles a little. "Did she have a ripped hat?" Raph nods. "How-?" Mikey points behind them. "She's coming over here dude." Raph's eyes widen and he glances down at his clothes. They had blood splatters all over them. "Fuck." The girl dashes up to him and crosses her arms, taking on a sassy pose. "Hey, thanks... For saving me an' all."

Leo holds back a smile. He could tell this girl was practically a female version of their Raphael. "Uh... No problem." Raph replies. "I'm Angel by the way." She says, brushing away a couple curls from her face. "Raph." Raph says simply. She sits on Raph's left side and brings one leg up to her chest, leaving the other to dangle aimlessly.

"Oh, these are my... Foster brothers." Raph says. "Donatello, Leonardo, and Michelangelo." He says, pointing to them respectively. Angel nods to them and leans back slightly, scoping each of them out before whispering in Raph's ear. "D'you think you could help me out with one more thing?" Raph shrugs.

"I kinda need a place to stay that isn't under the watch of cops 'n stuff." Angel fidgets with the hem of her dress for a moment. while Raph _'ah'_ s. "Yeah, I think I could help with that." He stands up and almost shakily takes Angel away from the others . "Okay, do you know that empty where house on fifth and twelfth?"

Angel nods and looks back at the brothers who were watching them curiously. "Raph glances at them and quickly decides to hurry. "Well if you go through that one there's a door with a green lock on it. Knock on that and tell them Raphael sent you. They'll let you in and help you from there. 'Kay?" Angel nods again. "I need to go before the cops notice I'm here." Raph smirks. "I know the feeling."

Angel jogs off to a crowd, smiling back at Raph. He gives a little wave before she's gone from his sight, disappearing with the crowd.

* * *

 **And if your heart stops beating  
I'll be here wondering  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The ending of your life  
And if you get to heaven  
I'll be here waiting, babe  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The end, and if your life won't wait  
Then your heart can't take this**

 **My Chemical Romace**

 **DEAD!**

* * *

 **I haven't updated things in FOREVER! And I'm so sorry for that. Please accept this chapter as a peace offering... Or don't. It's chill either way.**

 **So ANGEL! She's here, she's cute, she's BAD ASS! If you want to see my version of her I have a picture and a short comic strip posted on my deviantart: MissPunnyPuns. So go check that out yo!**

 **And thank you to the guests: New Love and Guest. And to the plain old guest, yeah, probably they would get in trouble. Yoshi is the kind of parent who if you could get away decently convincingly he'd let it slide as long as he didn't actually catch you in the act. (For little things anyways) If they were caught he'd probably give some sort of punishment and then say:** _ **"Next time you'd better be faster."**_ **With a little chuckle.**


	9. Chapter 9: Kick In The Teeth

**(4474 Words)**

"Raph, I'm sorry for how I acted earlier. It was wrong and I just said those things out of anger." Leo stands in the kitchen, standing in front of Raph who was leaning on the counter. "Eh, whatever." Raph says, folding his arms. "I normally deserve it." Raph snorts at Leo's expression of shock. "Um... Uh, anyways, Father scheduled training for later today and he wanted me to ask if you wanted to come."

Raph lolls his head to the side. "Uh, yeah, sure." He says lazily. "Better than stayin' here by myself all day." He pushes himself off from the counter. "But uh... I got somewhere I need to go, just for a little while ya'know." Leo raises his eyebrows. "Uh, I don't think Father is going to want any of us going anywhere alone after today."

Raph moves towards the doorway. "You _ain't_ coming." Raph says. "Okay, okay. But someone has to." There's a stretch of silence before Leo speaks up again. "So when will you and Donnie be back?" Raph gives him a sideways glance. "How do you know I wasn't going to take Mikey?" Leo laughs. "Because no one wants to take Mikey."

They share a laugh before Raph walks out of the kitchen, rubbing his arms which were covered in goosebumps. "Damn asshole... Gotta go and pull the friggen' trigger..." He mutters as he goes up the stairs. He stops at the second door and knocks. "Hey Don?" He calls "Can I come in?" Donnie calls from inside and Raph pushes the door open.

Donnie was sitting on his desk chair, his feet pulled up with him and spinning around and around. He stops spinning after Raph had been standing in the doorway for an awkward amount of time. "Hey." He says, putting one foot down on the floor. "What's up?" Raph holds back a laugh and walks into the room a bit farther.

"Uh, I was wondering if you'd like to go out for a bit. Leo said your dad wouldn't want anyone going out alone today." Raph scratches the back of his head. "Where?" Donnie asks blandly. "Just some place I used to hang out with some friends at." Raph says, trying to not exactly give away where.

"But where _is_ it?" Donnie asks again. Raph rolls his eyes. "Look, do you want to come or not. I'd gladly go alone." Donnie stands. "Okay okay, I'm coming." He grabs a satchel from his floor and follows Raph out of the room the younger of the two wearing a small smirk.

* * *

Raph trudges through the streets after just barely getting permission to leave the house. Yes, he may have just been traumatized a couple hours ago but he'd been through trauma before. He could handle himself.

Donnie takes short quick steps, keeping the same pace as the shortest of the boys. "So uh... Are we almost there?" Donnie asks, picking at the skin on his hands. Raph nods. "yeah, we just turn here and there's a place to the right." Donnie looks around. "Raph, this doesn't seem like a very... Nice neighborhood if you know what I mean." Raph shrugs. "I'm not a very nice guy."

They turn and keep going down the street until Raph stops outside of a locked building and knocks twice with the back of his hand. He waits and he hears a the sound of metal on metal and two eyes appear, one bright green like his own and one a deep deep brown. A metal grate slides over the eyes and the door creeks open.

There was a short red-headed boy standing just inside, his dusty brown jacket ripped in multiple places. He holds the door open and Raph and Donnie walk inside, Donnie more uneasy than the other. "Thanks Frankie." Raph says, rustling his shaggy hair. "Kid kinda reminds me of Mikey." Raph mutters as they walk further into the empty building.

They go up to a door with a green lock and Raph hits a couple different spots before lifting it open, almost having to drag Donnie inside. As soon as they enter the whole world seems to get louder. There's kids and teens everywhere in this warehouse, almost a full society established. Raph walks up to the first person he sees, a tall brown haired boy wearing a flannel.

"Hey _Q_." Raph calls, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Where can I find Angel?" The boy shrugs. "She's been chillin' with the music junkies in the loft." Raph gives a nod of thanks and yanks Donnie away from where he was staring at a hunk of tech. "Come on nerd, I'm sure there's more junk for you to gawk at up in the loft."

They swerve their way through the people, Donnie picking more rapidly at his hands. "So what is this place?" Donnie asks, following Raph through the small crowds. "It's were all the kids like me come to chill for a bit or live for a while. Could be foster kids who ran or they could be street rats who wander but it doesn't matter, they can all come here. It's like a safe haven."

Donnie's hands flit up to his ears when a loud group of people pass them by. "Seems kinda _loud_ to be a safe haven." Raph shrugs and slaps his own leg as they walk. "Doesn't seem loud to me. Feels _just_ right." Donnie looks around. "How is there not any fights going on here? I mean, with all these different types of people and all?"

Raph chuckles. "Funny huh? There's kinda some unwritten laws about this place here. You don't fight and if you do you're banned for a month. That's real tough on some kids here. If you fight three times you're out. If you steel more than once you're out and if you ever, ever call any kind of authorities you'd better watch out because there's some kids here who will literally kill you."

Donnie raises his eyebrows and looks at Raph. "Yeah, some of those I think were written down but someone lost them a long time ago." A small siren goes off nearby and Donnie presses his hands up to his ears and closes his eyes tightly. He stops moving and Raph has to glance back at him before he notices he'd stopped.

"Don, what's the hold up?" Donnie cracks open his eyes and they jump from place to place before settling on Raph again. "It's just- Really... Overwhelming right now." He looks around a bit more before noticing a girl with large headphones over her half shaven haircut. She locks eyes with Donnie before her gaze wanders over to his hands on his ears.

She smiles and walks over to them. "Hey. I'm gonna take your friend with me. Knock on the white door when you want him back." She says, taking Donnie by the arm and dragging him away with her. "Ah, whatever." Raph says, waving a hand at them before continuing on his mission. "Axle's chill."

He goes to the far left corner and starts climbing a wooden poorly built ladder. He skips the second rung to the top and climbs through a hole at the top. He smiles a little, looking around. There were people all around, headphones in or instruments lying around. Music came from every corner of the loft. Raph starts walking through the beanbag infested floor, looking for the splodge of purple he'd recognize.

Finally at the back he saw her. Angel was sitting with a slightly older boy and another girl, playing around with a sound board. They were laughing and nearly falling over. "Hey Angel, what's so funny?" She looks up, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "Raph! Hahaha, hey!" Raph sits down and the other girl jumps on Raph's back while the boy flops over his legs.

"Raph~" Both of them whine, poking him everywhere. "You said we'd get a spot by now" Raph pushes them off of him playfully. "Well it was quicker when I was here. Long term spots are hard to get." They bound away, waving to Angel before tackling each-other to the beanbags. "So, I came to make sure you were okay and to maybe show you some of the ropes around here."

Angel smirks and moves closer. "Well I think I'm learning the ropes pretty well myself." Raph raises his eyebrows. "Really now shrimp? You've been here a few hours and you think you know more than me? That's bull-shit." Angel crosses her arms. "I ain't no shrimp. I'm twelve so I'm practically a teenager."

"Kid, you're practically a toddler by that logic." Raph laughs. Raph starts telling Angel about the rules they had until she starts to look uncomfortable. "What's up?" Angel looks away. "Uh... Nothing. It's just that... I _diiiiiidn't_ really know the rules when I got here." Se says, stretching out her words. Raph narrows his eyes.

"What did you do." He says lowly. Angel shifts, adjusting her belt. "I _maaay_ or may not have stolen a few things..." She says, wincing. Raph sighs. "What." Angel turns out nearly invisible pockets. A ring-pop, a necklace, a squishy ball, and a pocket knife fall out. "Okay, okay, that's an easy-ish fix... That knife might not be. Those things are like gold around here." Raph mumbles the last part.

"All you need to do is tell me who you took these from and I'll figure out how to get them back. We can't have people knowing you were steeling on your first day." Raph looks at each of the items. Angel points to the ring pop first. "This one some kid was just handing out so I don't think that one actually counts as steeling." She moves to the necklace and smiles sheepishly.

"This one was on a table next to this really pretty girl and I thought... Ah, it was stupid. The girl was blond and she didn't notice I took it because she had headphones in and so loud I could hear it clearly." Raph hums. "Long hair? small chest?" Angel nods. "She was eating a pickle slice." Raph lets out a small sigh of relief. "I can sneak that back no problem."

Angel points to the ball and pokes it. "This one I took from a bin by a white door. There were a ton of things like it so I didn't think it'd make a difference." Raph rolls his eyes. "It's gonna make a difference. The guys from the white door notice _everything_." Angel starts to look around. "And the knife?" Raph asks quietly.

"Mmmnnn..." She groans. "There was a bigger boy. I took it out of his pocket and ran." Angel tugs at her hat. "He had a cigarette in his mouth and was looking for a lighter. He also had a weird braided or dread-locked Mohawk?" Raph face-palms so hard it leaves a red mark. " _Ooooh_ fuck."

* * *

Donnie cringes at the girl's touch but the feeling was lessened by the fact she had grabbed him where his shirt reached. "Who are you? Why are you taking me away from Raph?" Donnie asks, getting anxious. "I'm Axle and because I know where you'll like it." She says, not looking at him at all. They come up to a white door and she pushes it open quietly.

immediately when he enters Donnie feels a flush of cool air hit him, making the warmth and stuffiness of the other packed room feel like it was of the past. He looks around and takes it all in. There were all types of seating options in this room, hanging chairs, hammocks, bungee chord chairs, bean bags, and some plain old mats like ones that he'd used in training.

There weren't as much people around in this room and the ones that were were silent or nearly silent. He noticed most of them were playing with some sort of toy weather that be a squishy ball or a tangle. "What is this place?" Donnie asks, Axle still standing next to him. "Heh, you say that like this is literal heaven." She says, gesturing around. "This is what we call the sensory relief station. Only people like us are allowed here." She says, raising her eyebrows.

"If you know what I mean." She finishes. Donnie smiles. "Y-Yeah, I think I do." He stands near the door, tapping his legs and bouncing a bit. "Go ahead. Everything's for everyone in here." Axle says. Donnie smiles and looks to three office chairs near the back. He rushes to them and takes the one that was the middle height, spinning around as fast as he could.

It wasn't exactly like the one at home but it was pretty good. After a while he notices that almost no one was talking to each-other. There were a couple people here and there but the more he looked the more he noticed only one of those people were talking, the other was just sitting and listening.

Donnie pulls his feet up on the chair and taps them a couple times with a big dorky smile on his face. "It's like heaven."

* * *

Raph holds the last object he needed to return in his hand, glancing from side to side. "Kid, you'd better never do anything like this here again because I can't help you next time." Raph growls to Angel. They walk around, acting like they were going to trade things, looking at some tables of things that some kids had laid out.

"I said I'm sorry. I just see stuff and I gotta take it." Angel says, moving quickly to not get hit by a large girl speed walking. "Well don't." Raph groans. As they walks Angel tries to explain herself. "It's like an itch that just gets worse and worse until I have to scratch it. Most of the time I don't even want the stuff!" Raph puts his hand over her mouth and points to a boy with camouflage cargo shorts and a black t-shirt. "That the guy?"

Angel nods and Raph creeps forward, passing the knife to Angel "Slip it back while I distract him." He whispers. She nods again and they move into position. "Hey man, what's up?" Raph says suddenly, clapping the boy on the back. "Hey, Raph! How've you been?" Raph shrugs. "I'm good." The boy snorts. "What brings you back ta' this place?"

"I brought in that new girl. I was checking up on her." Raph answers, glancing down at Angel who was creeping towards the boy's pocket. "Cool man. What's your livin' situation lookin' like about now?" Raph rolls his eyes. "I'm with this family that's _way_ too into my business. And there's this one asshole who acts like _he's_ the parent. _Gosh_ do I just wanna punch him in his smug face."

The boy lets out a hardy laugh and drapes his arm over Raph's shoulder. "Man, you just need to get out for a while. Runnin' away from a family like that is the best way to go. I mean, at least for a while. Get them to loosen up their rules or better yet, have _you_ make some rules." Raph shrugs and looks away. "Ya' know, I almost did that. Some guy talked me outta it."

The boy leans away from Raph. "You gotta be kiddin' me." He says, a thick Italian accent showing through. "If you gotta leave, _you gotta leave_. Don't let some asswhipe who don't know nothing tell you what to do." Raph nods. "Yeah, Vizioso, I guess you're right." They boy backs up and makes muscle arms. "The Don's always right!"

Raph glances down once again, seeing Angel had disappeared. "Well, I'll be seeing ya Viz." He says, waving a hand behind him. When he got far enough away he notices someone following him. He turns around quickly to see Angel looking up at him silently. " _Oh my gosh kid!_ Speak up!" She walks beside him and watches her feet. "So I put it back..." She says.

"Yeah, I'd hope so." Raph groans. "Kid, you can steal all you want out there but in here you just can't." Raph reiterates. Angel rolls her eyes. "Okay, okay. I _get it._ " Raph starts leading her back to the loft. "Now, what'cha gotta do is find a group of girls and see if you can join their sleeping spot because getting your own is gonna be hell okay?" Angel nods.

She opens her mouth but Raph starts talking before she can get any words out. "And you can't be in a boy's group because the likely hood of one of them rapin' you is gonna skyrocket." Raph says without hesitation. Angel shuts her mouth and starts climbing to the loft. "Thanks for everything Raph." She says before disappearing through the hole at the top.

"Yeah..." He says, staring up at the hole for a minute before walking away, brushing his long black hair out of his eyes. He sighs, tired of how the day had been going so far. He arrives at the white door and knocks quietly, learning a lesson from the last time he'd been too loud. The door creeks open and Axle comes out. "Yeah?" She asks, her face blank. "Um, I'm looking for the guy I came in here with, Donnie?"

She nods and closes the door. Raph waits a couple minutes and Donnie finally emerges, Axle giving them a little wave before retreating into the room. "So what was in that room?" Raph asks as they start walking towards the exit. Donnie seemed much more mellowed out than he had when they went there and he had a small circle pinned to his shirt that looked like it was made of colorful, plastic, macaroni noodles.

"You've never been in there?" Donnie asks, fingering the pin. Raph shakes his head. "Na, only certain people are allowed in there and I could never figure out what they all had in common." Donnie smiles. "I don't know if I should tell you why each person is allowed but I can tell you about the room."

Raph looks at Donnie and they go out the first door and into the nearly empty warehouse. "It was colder than that crowded room and there wasn't a lot of people talking. There was a lot of nice seating and there was some... toys around." Raph furrows his brow. "Was that a masturbation room?" Raph asks.

" _Oh my gosh, ew!_ No!" Donnie says, disgusted. "Is that a thing? You know what, I don't want to know." Donnie says quickly. Raph snickers and they go out the last door to the outside streets. "It's getting late... Late- _er_ anyways." Donnie says, looking up at the sun that had just barely started to set. "We have training pretty soon too..." Donnie mumbles. "We should get going." Raph says, resisting the urge to put an arm around Donnie like he would a friend.

* * *

"Don how are you of all people almost late for training!?" Leo asks as he, Donnie, and Raph slam the van doors closed. "Mikey and Father got here twenty minutes ago! He's probably almost started without us." Donnie doesn't say anything, knowing his older brother was right. Raph crosses his arms and they go inside the dojo. "Maybe you could just chill out a sec." Raph mumbles.

Leo glances over at him. "Uh, no actually. We don't screw off at practice." Raph smirks. "Yeah, you fuck yourself in your room." Leo tenses and was about to shoot back a retort but they enter the building and he closes his mouth. Leo sets down his training bag on a chair and jogs to the padded floor, bowing before stepping on. "I'm sorry Sensai. He says after bowing. I had to pick Raph and Donnie up because they got lost."

Raph rolls his eyes. "Well we could-a made it if Dorkanoid here hadn't wanted to stop by the tech store." Donnie shrinks back sheepishly. "I had to ask if they had the new parts come in yet." He says in a whiny defense. Yoshi stands, unfazed by his son's bickering. "Drop your bags. Your warm up today will be a sparring match between all four of you." They all look at Raphael who looks between the four hamatos.

"Uh... Okay?" Raph says. "If you are to train with us Raphael you must show us what you are capable of." Yoshi says calmly. "Whatever." Raph replies with a shrug, not feeling threatened in the slightest by the four literal trained ninjas in the room. The boys all stand at the four corners of the mats, waiting for Yoshi to say the word. "Last man standing, anything goes." He says.

"Hajime." The boys all rush to the center, Mikey going after Leo and Donnie charging towards Raph. Raph would've been content to let the three brothers battle it out until only one stood for him but apparently that wasn't going to happen. Donnie takes a swing at his chest but Raph dodges back, smoothly moving around the teen and landing a hit straight to Donnie's back.

He's jolted forward and swings around, ducking under another of Raph's attacks. As they continue their silent fight Mikey wouldn't shut his mouth. "Yo Leo, you tired bro?" He says snarkily. "You're getting sloppy man, wanna take a break?" He says, barely holding in laughs at the end. "You had half an hour to warm up." Leo says. "I just jumped in and I'm still kicking your butt." Leo smirks and knocks Mikey to the ground, kicking him away so that he rolls to the edge of the mats.

Raph sees Leo finish Mikey and realizes he'd be coming after them now. He needed to get rid of Donnie and fast if he wanted to win this thing. He realizes he had real fear going through him. He didn't want to disappoint Yoshi. He lands a perfectly formed kick to Donnie's chest, sending him flying backwards. He rolls backwards off the mats and looks up once he stopped. "Was _not_ expecting _that..._ " He says in painful awe.

Raph and Leo face each-other, both stopped for a brief moment of breathing. "Ready?" Leo asks, partially as a jab to Raph and partially as an actual question. Raph scoffs and charges Leo, hoping to take him by surprise. Leo gets a clear hit to his stomach and Donnie and Mikey as the audience groan in sympathetic pain.

Leo takes the small moment of distraction and moves around, slamming his foot into Raph's back twice, lurching him forward. It looked as if Leo was just beating down on him, as Raph gets hit multiple more times. He curls in on himself slightly as Leo keeps hitting him. "Give up yet?" He asks, noticing how much of a beating he was taking. Raph glances up at Yoshi who looked on with a stoic expression.

With that he gets a burst of energy and lets out a shout, elbowing Leo in the face and returning all that he had dished out onto him. He punches and kicks, barely giving Leo enough time to block them. once Leo's shock had worn off he starts attacking back, spinning Raph around eventually and grabbing both of his wrists together. Raph lets out a small shriek, his mind transferring back to what had happened just earlier that day, almost feeling the gun to his back again.

He separates his hands and with a shout reaches behind himself and flips Leo to the ground, using all his strength. He breaths heavily, standing over Leo who looked up at Raph with wide eyes and holding his arm Raph had used to flip him. He looks around at the other's expressions, Donnie and Mikey looking as if they were halfway to running over to the pair in panic while Yoshi stood with slightly wider eyes.

"Yame." Yoshi commands and Raph gets the idea, stepping away from Leo. Donnie and Mikey come to stand next to the other two in front of Yoshi, Donnie helping Leo up from the floor. Raph doesn't know what to think. Did he impress Mr. Hamato? Did he make him mad? Was he too rough? He didn't mean to do that last part, was he mad about that.

Yoshi walks up to Raph and stares at him for a moment. "Are you alright Raphael?" He asks, shocking Raph. _Was he alright?_ Why was that what he asked? He won. Of course he was alright. A little bruised but alright altogether. "I can take it."Raph replies, tapping the tips of his toes on the mats anxiously. "You sure can!" Mikey says with a laugh. "You took a real beating!"

Yoshi doesn't even have to spare him a glance, Donnie and Leo glare at the boy. He walks back in front of the boys. "Congratulations Raphael." He says, giving him a curt nod. Raph feels his chest swell with pride. If that was all he had to do to make someone even slightly proud of him, he sure as hell going to do it. He could take that. He didn't have to tell anyone that he had to nearly have a panic attack to do it.

* * *

 _ **"cause when it ..**_ **  
**

 _ **Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.  
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.  
Say what you want, take your shots.  
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth  
(Na na na na na)  
Kick in the Teeth (na na na na na na)"**_

 **"Kick In The Teeth"**

 **Papa Roach.**

* * *

 **I hope you all liked the new chapter! I actually really liked writing it and I can't wait to hear what you guys have to say about it.**

 **Constructive criticism is always welcome! (Keep in mind I'm not good at taking criticism so If i say something that sounds too defensive that's why.)**


	10. Chapter 10: Told Ya So

**(3449 Words)**

Raphael had been training with the hamatos for a consistent week, his injuries healing nicely in that time though he was sore almost all the time from either the intense training or the strain on the injuries. He had picked it up quickly and was bound to leap up the ranks rapidly. He had also been doing decent in school.

He'd been able to sneak notes off of Michelangelo easily without him noticing, Leonardo started to let up, and Donatello was the same as ever, if not more open to all of them. life in general seemed to just be starting to go his way. For now anyways.

Raphael wipes sweat from his brow, a small smile on his face after another successful day of training. "Nice work today guys." Leo says, taking a gulp of water from his water bottle. "I think you're all improving a lot." Raph tries not to show his pride in Leo's comment. He still wasn't his favorite guy to hang out with.

"Thanks Leo." Donnie says, tentatively patting Leo's shoulder. He wasn't one for hugs but he knew Leo mostly liked them so he tried. Leo smiles back at Donnie before getting tackled by the resident trouble-maker, Mikey. "Awe, thanks mama Leo!" He says, nuzzling his cheek into Leo's shirt. Leo laughs and rubs Mikey's back. "No problem little brother."

Raph stands a few feet away, feeling awkward as ever. Whenever the brothers got too touchy feel-y he normally just excused himself from the situation. It really wasn't his thing. Mikey looks up from Leo and over to Raph, giving him a knowing look. "Hey Raph~" He says in a sing song voice. "Uh, no." Raph says, crossing his arms.

"Raph~" Mikey says again, backing away from Leo and crouching down, getting ready to leap. "No." Raph says, narrowing his eyes. In Mikey's mind he heard a _'yes'_ and pounced on Raphael, tackling him in a big hug. "Oh, ugh!" Raph groans. "Come on man!" Leo and Donnie laugh as the two youngest struggle with each-other.

"Alright, alright, that's enough." Leo says as soon as the hug turned into a small sparing match. Mikey and Raph get separated by Leo and they both let out a small chuckle as they grab their bags. "Yo, where'd Dad go?" Mikey asks, sliding open the side door of the van. "He's still meditating." Leo answers. "He'll be back later." Raph never did get the point of meditation. It just never clicked.

They pile into the van and make the trip back home, joking about training and sending little jabs and insults at each-other. Like brothers do. "Dude, I wouldn't want to smell like you, or look like you for that matter." Raph had said with a laugh, aimed at Mikey. "I don't know what you're talking about. _I'm_ the cute one, plus I happen to smell like pizza." Mikey says with a laugh. "And at least _I_ can read."

Raph shrinks back slightly. "I can _read._ " Raph says defensively. " _Right_." Leo adds sarcastically. "That's why when we told you to put in the Carnival Beach movie you put in _care bears._ " They both laugh, leaving Raph to turn away form the conversation and Donnie to watch Raph. "Uh guys." Donnie says quietly.

"Or why you _still_ copy my notes." Mikey laughs. Raph feels a pang of panic and guilt in the pit of his stomach. _He knew he still did that?_ Leo laughs along. " _Guys?_ " Donnie says a little louder. "Or why you're in a _special Ed class_." Leo finishes, both boys laughing, in near hysterics. Raph folds his arms and looks out the window, trying to just block them out. "GUYS." Donnie shouts.

The van falls silent. " _Do either of you remember that I'm in one too?_ Or that it could be a touchy subject? I don't talk about it at _all!_ The fact that you even know was an accident. He wasn't going to tell us so don't be _asses_ about it." Donnie rants, standing up for Raph. It hurt that he needed someone to stand up for him but he knew that anything he'd try would just make things worse.

"Uh..." Mikey says. "Sorry man... We got a little carried away..." Leo nods in agreement, his eyes on the road. "Sorry." Raph doesn't answer. _Like he could_. Anything he said would be a lie. If he said it was okay, it would be a lie. If he said it wasn't, that would be too. He knew if it was anyone else he'd probably be doing the same thing.

A couple seconds of silence later Raph lets out a muffled. "Whatever." And the rest of the ride was silent.

* * *

Back at the house it was like the car ride never happened. They all silently agreed to put it behind them and they were all laughing and joking around like they had been all day. "Oh, oh, oh, do you remember when Donnie was like six and he thought Dad was going to send him away because he broke a plate?" Mikey says, giggling.

They had been sharing weird and funny stories with each-other for nearly an hour now, waiting for their father to get home. "Oh yeah! That was hilarious!" Leo says. Raph and Donnie both roll their eyes, the two pure breeds not understanding the feeling, though they still shared smiles. "He hid it behind the fridge and when he found out it was Father's favorite I think he had an Arianism!" Leo laughs.

"He finally fessed up when Dad was cleaning the house and was about to clean behind the fridge!" Mikey says, throwing an arm around hid brother's shoulders. "I was legit scared." Donnie says. "You two don't understand. When you could be booted out of a home for any reason at any time, anything you do wrong is absolutely terrifying. especially when you're that little."

Leo and Mikey shrug and Raph nods, mumbling a low. " _Real scary..._ " Leo bobs his head from side to side. "Yeah, I can see how that'd be scary." They joke some more and look at the clock. "Yo, it's getting pretty late. Where's Dad?" Mikey asks. "I don't know Mikey, sometimes when you meditate _right_ -" He gives him a look. "It's hard to come out of it."

They're silent for a minute when they all jump at the sound of the doorbell. "I'll get it." Raph says, going to the door. He opens it and a girl with very dark brown hair and dressed in a way that could almost get her confused for a prostitute stands in the doorway. "Oh-!" She says, surprised. "Hello there." She finishes, her voice going deeper.

She walks passed Raph, trailing a hand across his chest as she goes. "Uh, hey, guys we have a visitor?" Raph says, very confused. He follows the girl to the living room where she walks in, throwing her arms in the air. "Surprise!" She says with a smile. Leo's face lights up and he stands to go over to her. "Karai!" He says. "I missed you so much." He gives her a kiss and everyone in the room feels awkward other than those two.

"So, uh, who is this?" Raph asks. "This is my girlfriend, Karai." Leo explains "Uh-huh." Raph says, sitting back down. It was weird, she had just walked in like she was flirting with him, her hand touching him and lingering. "Leo, babe, I'm sorry I was gone so long, I was supposed to be back a week ago but my dad's work stuff got delayed." She says, rubbing his shoulders. The two sit on the couch opposite Raph, cuddling close together.

"It's okay baby, you're here now and that's all that matters." Leo says with a smile. Mikey makes a gagging motion with his finger and Donnie rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh at his little brother. "Leo, will you get me a snack." She says in a whiny voice. "Sure babe." Leo says, standing up and walking to the kitchen. Karai smiles and looks over at the remaining boys. "So who's this one." She says, gesturing to Raph.

"Raph." Raph says simply. "Fostering." He says after a minute of her staring at him oddly. "Ah, so you're just staying here for a while." Raph furrows his brow. "Uh, yeah, I guess." Raph says, noticing the weird look Donnie gave him. "Okay." She says, almost singing it. Leo comes back with a small plate of crackers and cheese, sitting back down by Karai. "So how was your trip to Japan?" He asks.

"Oh, it was just fine. Met up with some family, on my mother's side of course." Karai says. Leo nods and she continues. "I _really_ missed you" She says emphasizing the _'really'_. "And I have something to give you too." She whispers into his ear. Mikey wriggles in his seat before standing. "I'm gonna go play some War Battle." He says, heading up to his room, obviously uncomfortable. Donnie watches him go, obviously wishing that he was Mikey right then.

Leo sees Donnie was uncomfortable but didn't know how to get out of the situation so he helps him out. "Hey Don, didn't you say you had to help Mikey with his homework? I doubt he's going to do it after a whole night of gaming." Donnie nods gratefully. "Yeah, I should probably catch him now before he starts a round." He gets up and sprints upstairs, leaving Raph alone with the couple.

Raph wasn't sure what to think. Maybe Leo wanted him to leave too so he could have some alone time with his girlfriend. That would make sense, but at the same time he didn't say anything to him about it. Raph watches as they looks into each-other's eyes, leaning in for another kiss. _'Yeah, no.'_ Raph thinks, standing and leaving without another thought. He didn't even try and find an excuse and he didn't think he needed one.

Leo and Karai were really going at it at this point so he doubted they even remembered he was there in the first place. Raph stops in the kitchen and grabs a leaf off of a head of lettuce before heading upstairs, leaving the making out couple alone in the living-room, disgusted. He goes to his room and heads over to Spike's box. "Hey bud." Raph says and lays the leaf down in the box. "Gotcha a snack."

The little turtle starts chomping down on his leaf and Raph smiles but the happy moment doesn't last for long, shouts coming from downstairs now. "Don't you love me!?" Karai must've yelled. "I do but I cant do that!" Leo yells in a tone he didn't think he would've used with his girlfriend of all people. "But Leo, don't you want to do this for me!?" She shouts. "It's dishonorable! Not before marriage!" Leo again.

Raph frowns and tries to block them out. "Fine! I don't need you then!" Karai shouts. "FINE." Leo yells. Raph rolls his eyes and focuses on Spike. "Girls are way too complicated." Raph says to Spike. "Don't you think? Chew on your leaf if you agree with me." Spike takes a bite of his leaf. "Heh."

Raph whips around when he hears the door open. "Wha-" Karai stands in his doorway, a smile on her thin lips. "Uh, hey?" Raph says " _Hey_." She says lowly. She walks over to him, her eyes half lidded. She places her hand on his chest like she had when she first came in, letting it sit there instead of removing it. "You seem like a pretty fun guy." She says, moving so close to him he could feel her breath.

"You up to make me feel better?" She says quietly. Raph furrows his brow. "What?" She starts pushing him back. "Me and Leo had a little fight and I need someone to make me feel better." She says, pushing him all the way back to the bed. He trips and falls back, looking up at the girl standing over him. "Just once?" She says with a pout. She pushes him so that he was laying straight on with the bed. "Leo won't help me." She whines.

Raph felt his chest tighten as she crawls on top of him, her hand wandering down to his nether regions. His eyes grow wide, partially from surprise, partially from panic. She holds his arms down with her hands for a moment before leaning down and kissing him roughly. "Mmmm." She mumbles, going down and undoing his pants. She slides them down and exposes his boxers. "I need some help, releasing this energy... Looks like you do too." She says in a low voice.

This sends Raph careening back into a flashback, making him stiff as a board. A man was hovering over him, tearing at his pants. _"I need some help releasing this energy, looks like you do too."_ He had groaned out as he ripped the rest of Raph's clothes off. Another memory plays through Raph's mind. Three teenagers stand around him, taking turns pulling his clothes off until he was bare. They hold him down and he can't move. _Scream._

While Raph was having a flashback he couldn't control anything. It was terrifying. He heard the door open and he heard a yell but he couldn't do anything, he was struggling against himself. He lets out an ear-splitting scream and shoves Karai the rest of the way off of him. He yanked up his pants without a thought and curls up on his bed, hands on his head and shaking so hard the bed shakes with him.

Karai bolts out of the room and leaves Raph alone, letting out small screams of terror. He was sobbing but he couldn't even tell. It just felt like his body turned against him in a matter of seconds. He hears someone else come in the room and try to calm him down but it doesn't help. They try to rest a hand on his shoulder but Raph lets out another scream. "We have to help him somehow!" Someone says. "Do we call nine one one?" Another voice. "I don't know! Leo would know but he locked himself in his room! I can't get him to come out!"

"Screw it! I'm calling nine one one." The second voice says, leaving with loud footsteps. Raph couldn't tell what was going on around him. His eyes were open but he couldn't see. It was all shapes and colors, nothing real. He felt so alone.

After what felt like hours he heard loud sirens outside and he sobs harder. It all hurt his head and his muscles ached. He hears someone calling him but he didn't recognize the voice. He couldn't respond anyways, it felt like his throat had closed up. Someone touches his thigh and He screams bloody murder. After the hand left it felt like his skin was crawling and burning in that spot in the shape of a hand.

He wanted someone to pull him out of this hell, or maybe just end it all for him. Either one would be okay with him at this point. "Raphael, Raphael, can you hear me?" The unknown voice says, Raph finally able to understand the words. he takes a deep, shuttering breath and lets out a small noise.

He was scared out of his mind. He could start to think a bit outside of his panic and realizes after he came out of this there would be no way they'd let him stay. The panic rises again. He feels someone put a hand through his hair and he shutters, coughing raspily with dry sobs. He couldn't feel his hands and it scared him even more.

"D-D-Do-on't-!" Raph says urgently, curling in on himself more. "Son, you need to calm down. You're okay." Someone says. It hurt to listen. "You're going to hurt yourself if you don't calm down okay?" Raph manages to move his head, shaking it slightly but causing himself more pain. "H-H-He-elp-p." Raph manages out. It hurt so much. It hurt to think, it hurt to breathe, it hurt to live.

"Raphie, it's okay. Please be okay." It was Mikey. He could recognize it now. Mikey was by his side. "Come on Raph..." Donnie pleads, appearing beside Mikey. His vision was clearing but his mind stayed the same. Panic ran wild in his brain. They were going to kick him out. They wouldn't want someone so unstable in their house, especially one that had just tried to have sex with Leo's girlfriend.

It was going so well here too. He feels his breathing quicken and someone tries to settle him down but it doesn't work he lashes out, hitting something solid. It didn't really hurt him too much but he knew it would've hurt if he had hit someone else. Did he hit someone else? Suddenly his muscles tense and he bolts up, pushing himself so hard he falls off the bed.

"Raph!" Donnie shouts. Raph shakily stands from the floor and stumbles quickly out the door, nearly falling down the stairs and fumbling with the front door. He slams it open and falls outside, hands and knees on the pavement and most likely scraped open. The three or more people that were in the room with him were close behind and he tries to get up.

His arms were too shaky and he collapses to the cement. He shakes hard, having run out of tears. He feels his throat tighten even more if that was possible and he sits up, his hands over his eyes and scraping at the skin of his forehead. "Raph!" Donnie shouts once he gets outside. "Raphie, no, no, no!" It was Mikey again. "Stand back boys." The third voice says.

Raph feels two pairs of hands grab onto him and he screams, kicking his legs out and struggling against them. He feels a white hot pain in his arm as someone slowly inserts a needle into the flesh. He screams again and fights harder. Unfortunately the people holding him hold him too tight. He can't get out.

Slowly he feels his muscles relax of their own accord. Yelling and shouting as loud as he could as his body goes against him. He feels the men loosen their grip and he's starting to be lowered to the ground. He hears someone else crying and then he feels a tight grip around himself. Someone was hugging him. Hugging him really, really tight. "You need to let go now. He needs to be taking to the hospital."

The sobbing person lets him go and he's carried to a car where he's laid in a bed. "Can we please come with." Someone asks. "You may." Three people get in the car- van with him. He was too out of it at this point. The doors close and the start moving. He knew his life was going too well.

* * *

 _ **Hold your breath, and shut your mouth!  
The scene will be the death of us.  
I told ya so! Hey!  
Told ya so! Hey!  
Everyone's out to get me!  
Nothing left to prove to you,  
Well, no one's gonna stop what I do.  
I told ya so! Hey!  
Told ya so! Hey!  
Cause everyone's out to get me!**_

 **Told You So.**

 **Get Scared.**

* * *

 **Ahhhhh! This is crazy! I wrote this whole thing in a span of about an hour and a half and I'm freaking out! It all came out in a rush and I can barely tell if it's any good! But I'm kinda happy with it! I hope you all liked it and I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter!**

 **I just want to thank all of you for your reviews, it may not seem like it but even the smallest "Hey good chapter." Makes my day! So thank you all so much.**


	11. Chapter 11: I'll Be Good

**(3333 Words)**

Raph wakes up with the biggest headache he had ever felt. His whole body ached and he felt like death. "Oh..." He grumbles, sitting up. He looks around groggily and blinks a few times. It was dark in the room and he knew it must've been night. He looks at where he was sitting and frowns. It was a white bed.

Suddenly it all came back to him. "Oh no..." He starts to move but his hand was caught. He looks down, scared of what he'd see and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees another hand. Mikey was sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed, fast asleep with a grip on Raph's hand. He looks farther into the dark room and sees Donnie sleeping in an armchair in the right corner, a blanket draped over him.

All he wants to do is apologize and pretend like it never happened, just like Leo and Mikey's jokes in the van. How long ago was that now? Hours? Raph pulls his knees up to his chest, leaving his hand down for Mikey to hold. He was in a _hospital._ He had to let it sink in. How was it so bad he was in the hospital?

He'd be sent away... He didn't want to. He finally found a family he liked, for the most part anyways. He wished they'd let him stay but even if they did things would change. They always did. The second he slips up, the second he lets his guard down something triggers him and he freaks out. The world spinning out of control and the family looks at him different.

They treat him like a baby, like he'll be set off like a bomb. That's when he takes matters into his own hands. That's when he leaves. God, he wished they would just stay the same.

Raph picks at a loose thread in the blanket and sits his chin down on his knees. He was so tired but he knew there was no way he was going to fall asleep. Not until he knew he was okay. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours and before he knew it the sun had risen. Raph had barely moved. His stomach growled and his hands itched but he still didn't move. He felt like the slightest movement might make them more mad at him.

He feels an itch in his nose and he curses himself before he lets out a loud sneeze. They were sure to have heard it though it wasn't actually that loud, the room was quiet so anything louder than a fly taking a shit sounded loud. Mikey pops his head up and looks directly at Raph. He gasps and goes to hug him but stops quickly. "Raph, are you okay?" He asks.

He didn't seem mad but at the same time, Mikey didn't really have any authority. Raph shrugs. "D-Do you want anything? Water, or food?" He asks, seeming to cover all his bases. Raph just shakes his head, even though it felt like his stomach was trying to eat itself at this point. Mikey squeezes Raph's hand. "You scared us really bad." He says quietly. "We didn't know what to do."

He looks over at Donnie who was stirring in the chair. "We both came with to make sure you'd be okay... I don't know what was up with Leo though... He's just being and ass." Mikey says, trying to cheer Raph up. It doesn't work. Raph wants to ask if he was mad, if he thinks he'd be sent away after this but he can't get his mouth to open.

"Raph?" It was Donnie now. He had woken up and was now walking slowly over to the bed, the blanket around his shoulders like a cape. "Raph, I'm so g-glad you're alright. How do you feel?" Oh boy. Raph was _not_ ready for non _'yes or no'_ questions. He looks away, trying to figure out how to get his voice to work again. It hurt to try, he knew this already. Once again Raph shrugs.

"We called Dad to see if he would be able to pick us up and he told us a friend had died and he was taking some time to grieve." Raph bobs his head. "But he said he could send an uber or something, after he got back home." Donnie adds. Raph picks his head up a little. "H-He doesn't want to get rid of me?" Raph asks in a quiet, raspy voice. Donnie gives an awkward smile. "Well, he didn't say anything about that and I'd assume not. You haven't really done anything wrong."

"B-But I caused trouble." Raph says, putting his head back down. "Oh please, So you had a breakdown. We cause more trouble than that. Besides, you couldn't really help that." Donnie reassures. Raph shakes his head. "How do you know... How do you know he won't boot me?" Raph says, his voice painfully scratching his throat.

"To be honest... We don't. But even if he does want to, we'll fight tooth and nail for you." Donnie says with Mikey nodding his head vigorously beside him. Raph looks at his feet. "What happens now?"

* * *

Raph found out what happened next. A doctor of some sort comes into the room and asked Donnie and Mikey to wait outside. He went through, asking Raph questions about situations that had happened and situations that had never happened. Raph could tell the man was looking for something. Something that would tell him what was wrong with him but Raph didn't like that. He didn't like people probing him.

He'd ask questions like _'when do you feel safe'_ or _'why do you think you had such an extreme reaction.'_ But Raph would just shrug without giving a real answer. And yeah, he did have real answers, just none that he wanted to give to the man. _'when do you feel safe?' Never. 'Why do you think you had such an extreme reaction?' Because I had a fucking flashback._ Like he'd tell the man that.

The man asked so many probing questions Raph was sure he'd slipped up and given an actual answer here and there but he didn't think that would change much. When the man stopped asking questions he looks at Raph very seriously. and tells him all of the shit that was wrong with him. Raph rolls his eyes when the man was done. He knew he was messed up, he didn't care if there was a name for it.

The man tells him he can proscribe multiple drugs to make him _'More stable'_ but Raph just crosses his arms. He didn't want to rely on some medication for him to have a life. He wanted to just move on, but of course the universe could never let that happen. Thankfully he was allowed to deny the medication. After a while of talking to the man he leaves, allowing Mikey and Donnie back in, bringing some food with them.

"Raph, dude! That took forever!" Mikey says as Donnie lays a small trey of food on Raph's lap. "You weren't the one in here." Raph says. "Brutal." He finishes, looking at the food. "Thanks guys." He says, starting to feel better. He was no longer panicking about being kicked out. Donnie nods. "Hey, it's no problem." Raph picks up a fruit cup and starts eating them one by one. Mikey smiles. "It's what brothers are for."

This makes Raph tear up. Normally he'd brush it off or make a joke but he'd been a tad bit emotionally unstable lately if you hadn't noticed. He puts a hand to his mouth and looks down and away. "Thanks." he mumbles. Mikey breathes out a small laugh and steals one of his slices of orange. Donnie takes a grape and they just sit there in the silence, hoping for the best.

* * *

For hours Leo had been playing back what had happened the day before. His chest hurt and so did his head, he couldn't focus on anything but what happened.

 _Leo and Karai had been sitting on the couch, making out so much that they barely had time to breathe. She had reached down and started groping when he pulled away. "What are you doing?" He asked. "What do you mean? I thought you loved me?" Karai says. Leo scoots away a bit. "I do. But we can't do that." Karai huffs. "Why not?" Leo rolls his eyes. "I told you, I'm not having sex until I'm married." Karai crosses her arms_

 _"Maybe I should find someone who will do this for me." She says, annoyed. "Because you don't love me." She says to his face. Leo stays quiet. "Don't you love me!?" Karai shouts. "I do but I can't do that!" Leo shouts back. "But Leo, don't you want to do this for me!?" Karai asks loudly, getting angrier. "It's dishonorable! Not before marriage!"_

 _"FINE! I don't need you!" Karai shouts. "FINE!" Leo says as Karai storms away. "Manipulating little bitch." Leo mumbles. He hears Karai go upstairs and Leo doesn't think anything of it, just crossing his arms and glaring out the back windows of the house. All he could think about was how angry he got at her... And just when she had gotten back. He sits alone, cooling off for a few minutes until he decides it would be best to go apologize._

 _He gets up and heads upstairs, guilt resting in his gut. He goes, checking all the rooms. First he checks his room then Donnie's and Mikey's, seeing Donnie forcing Mikey to do his homework. He walks away and toward Raph's room tentatively. He didn't really like people going in his room so Karai being in there probably wasn't the best. But then again, him going in there wouldn't be the best for him either._

 _He pushes the door open and takes the scene in Karai was on top of Raph, his pants down and Karai going for his boxers. He lets out a yell of surprise and stands, frozen in the doorway. Raph Lets out an ear splitting scream, shoving Karai off of him and yanking up his pants. Leo looks at Karai in horror. The girl bolts up and out of the door_

 _"What the fuck Raphael!" Leo says angrily, not able to note Raph's distressed state in his anger. "You can't just go fuck with my girlfriend you reject!" Leo stomps out of the room, quickly slamming the door and locking it tight. Leo lets out a frustrated growl and slams the back of his forearm into the wall. "We took him in, we gave him a home! And he goes and does some shit like that!? UGH!" Leo feels so much energy in his body and he couldn't get it out._

 _Normally he'd go train but there wasn't any way he could get to the dojo, at least not without driving and he'd been taught never to drive angry. He hears someone knock on his door and he turns away from it. "Leo! Leo, something's really wrong with Raph, we need help." It was Mikey. Leo makes a disgusted noise. "Whatever's wrong with him I don't care." Leo says. "Leo, please!" Leo huffs. "Go away Mikey, He can die for all I care." He hears Mikey dash away and then he hears some chatter from the other end of the hall._

 _And then. "Screw it! I'm calling nine one one!" Leo frowns and listens carefully. There was soft noises coming from outside but he couldn't make out what they were. Finally he hears Donnie's voice from just downstairs. "Yes, hello, My brother, he just started screaming and now he's curled up, non-responsive but clearly conscious." There was silence and then Donnie speaks again. "Yeah, okay. Okay. Hold on a second."_

 _Leo hears Donnie run up the stairs and down the hall. He feels like he should do something but he was still pissed. Raph had been trying to have sex with his girlfriend. It was disgusting! He hears Donnie saying Raph's name loudly over and over, asking if he could try and respond but he didn't hear Raph's response at all. He either didn't give one or it was silent._

 _Eventually he hears a siren blaring from down the street, stopping just outside the house. Again, someone rushes downstairs and opens the door. At this point Leo's curiosity was getting the better of him. He opens his door, just in time to see Raph run past him, tripping down each stair and out the door. He follows Mikey, Donnie and three paramedics outside and watches as Raph breaks down in front of their house._

 _"He's sick." Leo had said. "He shouldn't be here. He's sick." He said before going back inside. He was a danger to Leo's family and Raphael needed to go._

Leo growls and walks downstairs. His brothers had been gone all night with that lunatic and Leo didn't like it. They shouldn't be around someone like him. He hears the front door open and he dashes out of his room. He lets out a breath when he sees his father walk tiredly through the door. "Father!" Leo says. Yoshi glances up the stairs at his eldest son and tries to smile. "Hello Leonardo." He says quietly.

"Father, is something wrong?" Leo asks, his mind wandering from it's original task. "My so, I have grievous news. Our friend Yusagi's mother has passed." Leo's heart drops. Yusagi was one of his best friends. Though he was quite a few years older than himself, Leo had made good friends with the young adult. "Oh no!" Leo says. "She was so nice..." Leo keeps a moment of silence before picking his head back up.

"Father I'm afraid I have some unpleasant news of my own." Leo says, his hands folded behind his back. " I saw Raphael try to have sex with Karai last night." Leo says awkwardly. Yoshi strokes his short beard. "Hm, I do not condone intercourse until marriage..." He says slowly. "Who, may I ask, was on top?" Leo cringes. "What?"

"Who was on top." He asks again. "Father, I don't understand the pertinence of-" Oh. He get's it. Whoever was on top would've been the one instigating it. Thinking back to it he realizes Karai was the one on top. Raph had pushed her off of him. He didn't want it to happen. "Raphael." He says confidently. It didn't matter. He needed to say whatever would get that maniac out. He would hurt his family.

Yoshi nods. "Where is he now?" He asks, his voice steady. Leo tightens his hands behind his back. "Probably the hospital." Leo says awkwardly. "What?!" Yoshi nearly shouts. Leo cringes and quickly explains. "He freaked himself out. He was curled up in a ball outside last time I saw him. The guys must've called nine one one because an ambulance ended up coming too." Yoshi frowns. "Thank you for telling me Leonardo."

* * *

Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello step out of the car, waving to their driver. They were glad their father had paid for them prier to them getting their otherwise they would've been stranded. Raph walked in between the two brothers, a hospital bracelet still attached to his arm. "I'm sorry again." Raph says, rubbing his arm. "It's _fine_." Mikey says. "Besides, you're pretty much family at this point."

Donnie turns the handle and opens the door. "Hey, who's car is that out there?" He asks absentmindedly. Mikey shrugs and Raph is barely able to look back at it before his eyes widen. "No..." He whispers. "Come to the family room my sons." Yoshi calls and all three of them walk curiously to the doorway at the end of the hall. They look inside and Raph feels his heart plummet to his toes. _No, no, no..._

Leo, Yoshi and one other man were sitting in the living-room, two bags were sitting near the end of the couch. "Raphael." The man says, addressing the boy. Raph shakes his head slightly. "I think it'd be best if we kept this brief." Greg says, sighing. Donnie and Mikey look at each-other in shock. "My sons, please say your goodbyes." Yoshi says blankly, his eyes showing a burning fire behind them. Donnie looks at his father, a horrified expression on his face. Mikey takes Raph's hand and has tears in his eyes.

Leo looks at Raph with a dark, grim glare. He gives a little wave, looking almost bored. Raph looks unbelievably at Greg and then Yoshi. "Wh-What did I do? What did I do?" Raph asks. "I'm sorry Raphael." Yoshi says. "Please, I'll-I'll be good!" Raph pleads. He didn't want to leave. He just found a family he liked. "I'll be good! I'll be good!" Raph repeats. "I didn't do anything!" Donnie goes closer to his father.

"He didn't do anything Dad, I promise! He really didn't." He says, pleading Raph's case. "That's a different story than Leonardo told me." He says quietly. "Tell me Donatello, were you there the whole time? what about You Michelangelo?" He says, noticing Mikey was about to speak. "No..." Both of them say. "So how do you know what happened?" The boys look at each-other and then to Raph.

He had pricks of tears in the corners of his eyes and he was almost shaking. "Please! I didn't do anything wrong! I'll be good, I won't cause any trouble! Please!" Raph begs, taking a step forward. "Time to go Raphael." Greg says, coming up from behind and taking Raph's arm. "No, no! Please!" Raph says, pulling away. Greg takes Raph's other arm and pulls them together, making his shoulder-blades touch. Raph once again feels the gun to his back and moves along.

He unwillingly feels his legs taking him to the door. He lets the tears fall down his face as he's lead out the door and to the car. "Please, please, please..." Raph repeats. "I tried so hard, please." The car door closes and Raph is trapped inside. He has to sit and watch as Greg goes in to get his bags. He's shocked when he sees Mikey run to the door as Greg tries to leave.

A little green lump moves in Mikey's hands and Raph chokes back a sob. It was spike. Mikey tries to get Greg to take it but he shakes his head, walking back to the car with just the bags. Raph buries his face in his knees as Greg gets in the car. "I'm sorry Raphael."

* * *

 _ **I'll be good, I'll be good  
**_ _ **And I'll love the world, like I should  
**_ _ **Yeah, I'll be good, I'll be good  
**_ _ **For all of the time**_

 _ **That I never could**_

 **I'll Be Good**

 **Jaymes Young**

* * *

 **Hahahahhahahahahahahaha! I am the angst QUEEN. Bow to my power! Thank you all for reading and thank you for your reviews. (Oh, and TBH, I just finished this chapter in the same day I wrote the last one, I just Decided to hold off on posting it.)**


	12. Chapter 12: This Is Gonna Hurt

**(4026 Words)**

 **Quick chapter trigger warning, there is intentional self injurious action and talk in this chapter, be careful if this triggers you.**

Raph sits silently in the bumpy car, his head still burred in his knees. "Raphael, I'm so disappointed in you." Greg says from the driver's seat. "I thought you'd finally got it together and now you blew it. This was the last one you know. This was the last family that was going to take you. Now there's only group homes left unless you're transferred out of state." Raph shakes his head. "I didn't do it. Whatever happened, I didn't do it." He says quietly.

"They said one of the boys saw you trying to essentially rape their girlfriend. Not much you can say against that." Greg says angrily. "I didn't do that." Raph says, picking up his head. "Yeah, you've been saying that for the last twenty minutes." Greg grumbles. "No, I really didn't do that. She forced herself on me and I panicked. I couldn't move. As soon as I could I got her off of me but by then whoever was there was gone by then." Raph explains.

Greg shakes his head. "I don't know Raphael, we normally trust the people without a history of lying and stealing." Raph puts his head back down. There was no way Greg was going to believe him and the one person he had truly trusted through life was now gone. He didn't trust him anymore, and why should he? Raph was obviously guilty.

Greg sighs and stops at a light. "I want to believe you bud. I really do. I don't think you'd do that but even if you didn't do anything you still have to leave if they want you to. I can't stop that." Raph looks over at Greg sadly. "I didn't do it. I really didn't. Even if I'm leaving I want you to know that." He puts his head back down on his knees, waiting to be taken to wherever he was going to be living for now.

The car stops and Greg gets out of the car. "Come on." He says with a huff, not giving any time to recuperate like he normally would. Raph slowly climbs out of the car and takes the bags from Greg, not saying a word. He keeps his head down and they both walk up to a big, white house. Greg knocks on the door while Raph stands slightly behind him. He truly hated himself in that moment.

Even though he didn't do anything he felt like he could've done something to stop it, to make sure none of this ever happened. Maybe if he hadn't been in the middle of a panic attack he could've told them what was going on, stop that bitch from leaving so she could tell them what she had done.

The door opens and a man a little taller than Greg greets them at the door. "Hello, you must be Greg." He says, small wrinkles forming on his face. He must've been about forty years old. "And this must be Raphael." He says kindly, waving them in. "My name is Cameron." He says as the walk into a living space. "So we're called the Wandering boys here, we have four other boys here at the moment and all of them have been assessed and made sure they were safe for a group home."

"Thank you for taking him in on such short notice." Greg says, placing a hand on Raph's shoulder. "He'll behave. _Right._ " Greg glares down at Raph. He waves a hand as if to say _'whatever'_. Greg nods to Cameron and leaves quickly, obviously still confused about Raph for what he thought he had done. Once the door closes Cameron gestures to one of the armchairs. "Why don't you sit down and I'll go get the other boys to introduce themselves."

Raph sits down and looks around, his self hatred boiling in his stomach. One by one teens start coming into the room. First it's a scrawny boy with cyan dyed hair buzzed on both sides to make a fluffy Mohawk. He had freckles just like Mikey but he looked much more grumpy than he'd ever seen Mikey. The next boy was much bigger. He was dark skinned and his hair was buzzed short with small designs on the sides. He wore cargo shorts and a large T-shirt with the letter _'Z'_ on it.

The next boy to come down was a taller boy, his hair long and blond and Raph could almost swear he was wearing makeup. The last boy comes down with Cameron. He has on a black hoodie covering his head and his hands in his pockets. He had black hair not unlike Raph's and it was pulled back in a short pony-tail from what Raph could see.

"Okay, how about we all go around and tell our names and..." Cameron says, thinking of a second thing to say. "Why we're here." He finishes, his fun demeanor chilling down to an in control one. He gestures to the Big teen and the boy sighs. "I'm Z." He says in a deep voice. "I scare people. Don't want me in their houses." He says simply before nudging the blond. "I am Matthew. I guess I _screwed_ up one too many times, Or got caught one too many times anyways."

Raph scans the boys as they talk, soaking in every fiber of their being. The blond swishes his hand through the air, crossing his legs and motioning to the cyan haired boy. "I'm Lincoln. An' I ain't done _nothin'_ wrong." He says quickly, tapping his foot and playing with large holes in his ears. Cameron gives him a look. "I didn't." He says, narrowing his eyes. "I've just been accused of stealing a lot. And lying- _but I don't lie! Not no more_." He says, his grammar horrendous.

 _Pathological liar._ Raph thinks before the boy in black goes. "Britney." He says. He mumbles under his breath before continuing. "I'm here because I stole _once_ and then the families I was with decided they didn't want to deal with my _shit_ anymore so they _abandoned me-!_ " Cameron holds out a hand towards Britney. "That's quite enough Britney." He says sternly before turning to Raph.

Raph doesn't look up from his hands. He didn't want to tell them why he was here, _he_ barely understood why he was here. It all just went too fast. "I'm Raphael." He says quietly, still not looking up. "And I'm here because I was _apparently accused_ of sleeping with my foster brother's girlfriend." He says, going with what everyone else thought he did. "Okay, thank you all for cooperating." Cameron says, folding his hands.

Raph runs the names through his head a few times, connecting them to their faces. _'Britney's a weird name for a dude.'_ He thinks just before Cameron starts speaking again. "I'm just going to go over the rules of this house and for you four this can just be a reminder." Cameron looks directly at Raph. "There will be no swearing, drugs, or alcohol in this house. You will do your chores without complaint. No one is to fight with anyone for any reason." His eyes flit to a couple of the boys before returning to Raph.

"Privileges can and will be taken away if you do not follow the rules. And no one is to harm themselves in any way, shape, or form." As Cameron says this Raph feels his insides turn. It felt like he had already done just that and he had been caught. He hadn't but now the thought was there. Raph notices another boy looking slightly uncomfortable as well. Britney shoves his hands deeper in his pockets and his head dips.

"Follow the rules and we'll be okay." Cameron says. "Raphael you will be bunking with Matthew so he can show you where to bring your bags." Raph nods and picks up his bags. "You'll get your chores list later. I'll give you time to settle in before I bombard you with more things."

Raph starts walking behind Matthew who hand flaunted his walk in front of Raphael. "Oh, and boys remember we're having a short outing to the store in a about a week to pick some things up." Cameron says. "Make sure to add anything you are running out of on the list." The other boys start getting up, going to each of their rooms.

Raph and Matthew go upstairs and into the door farthest from the stairs. "So, this is your room I guess." He says, something about his voice standing out to Raph. "I mean, I guess it's _our_ room now." Matthew says, letting Raph set down his bags before walking closer. "So, you're here because you had sex with your foster brother's girlfriend?" Matthew asks, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I didn't-" Raph starts.

"So you're a naughty boy now are you?" He says, putting his free hand on Raph's chest. _Oh no, not again, not so soon_. Raph pushes Matthew away as soon as he leans in closer. " _NO!_ " He says loudly, falling back onto the bed behind him while Matthew stumbles back a few feet. "D-Don't _touch_ me." Raph stutters. He hated himself. "You boys better not be fighting up there already!" Cameron shouts from downstairs. "No, we're fine!" Matthew calls back, moving closer to Raph again. " _Real_ fine..."

Raph keeps himself sitting up on the bed and glares fearfully up at Matthew. "You are one fine individual." He says. "Hey, you don't have to be afraid, I'll go easy on you." He purrs. He puts a hand on Raph's shoulder and Raph shutters. He did _not_ want to be known for these kinds of things. "I said don't touch me." Raph says more forcefully, pushing Matthew again. "I won't tell on you but you need to _stop._ " Raph says quieter, trying ever so hard to keep his composure.

"Oh, I don't mind." Matthew says. "Squeal little piggy, it'll be worth it. It's been... _So long_." He groans out, groping him. Raph hates it so much but he can't get in trouble on the first day, within the first _hour_. Raph squirms and Matthew Starts rubbing his chest with his restraining hand. "Mmm..." Raph squeezes his eyes shut and shoves Matthew off of himself again. "I said _don't touch me!_ " Raph yells, alerting the whole house to the commotion.

Loud footsteps dash up the stairs and down the darkened hall. Raph yanks himself up onto the bed and pushes himself into the wall. The door is flung open and Cameron rushes in. "What is going on here!?" He nearly shouts. Matthew pushes himself up from the floor, wiping his mouth. "Nothing _really_." He says with a smirk. Cameron looks to Raph who's eyes were wide. "I-I- He-..." Raph can't figure out what to do. No one believed him the first time so who would believe him now?

But it was worth a try. "He tried- tried to- He was on me... Touching me..." Raph says, trying to figure out how to say it. Cameron puts a hand to his face. "Matthew, pack your bags." Matthew flips his hair. "Oh come on Cam, I didn't _actually_ do anything." He says, his voice still slick. "It's called sexual assault _Matt_." Cameron says, grabbing his arm. "It's also called _breaking your parole_." He points to the small dresser that sat in the room. " _Pack_." Cameron orders.

Raph watches the encounter go down, not knowing how to excuse himself. He felt like vomiting and he just barely notices himself shaking. Cameron turns to Raph quickly, all the kindness that was in his eyes was gone for a split second before some returns as his eyes land on him. "Raphael, why don't you go downstairs, get to know the others some more. We'll talk later." Raph nods and starts to get up. "See you 'round _naughty boy._ " Matthew says, making Raph's skin crawl.

He hoped he never had to see that sicko again. He walks down the hall, rubbing his arms and thinking. What did he ever do to make the universe hate him so much? His life started turning to shit when he was so little, he couldn't have ever done anything wrong at that point. He must've though. He must constantly be doing something wrong for the universe to punish him like this. Maybe if he punished _himself..._

His thoughts break when he bumps into what feels like a large bolder. "Uh-!" Raph blinks up at the large black boy. "Oh, sorry." Raph says quietly. He was normally much louder but for some reason he just couldn't find the energy to be much louder than that. "'S fine." The boy says. Raph recalls his name was _'Z'_. "So uh, Z right?" Raph asks. Z nods. "Uh, what do you do for fun around here?" Raph asks, scratching the back of his neck.

"There's a basketball hoop out front." Z says in a low rumble. "I like to draw." He adds. Raph nods. "Cool..." After a couple awkward seconds of silence Raph realizes Z probably wasn't one for talking. That was okay. Raph didn't really feel like talking either. "Are you okay?" Z asks out of the blue. "Wha- Y-yeah. why?" Raph says. "You were gonna have a room with Matt. We heard you yell."

Raph shrugs. "It's whatever." He says. Someone grabs Raph's shoulder and he jumps. "That's the trouble Matt was talking about earlier." Someone says quickly. "He's raped or had sex with someone in _every single one_ of his foster homes. A real _slut_ if you ask me." Raph turns his head and sees the freckled boy, Lincoln. "You _really_ need to watch out for him, wouldn't really sleep if I were you." Raph frowns at the fast pace the boy was talking.

"I don't know if I'll really have to. I think he's leaving." Raph says, the last part just barely over a whisper. "WHOA, DUDE!" Lincoln says loudly. "Did you really get Matt kicked out?! I've been trying to do that for like a year!" Z nods in agreement. Raph shoves his hands in his pockets and looks away. "Whatever..." He really just wanted to curl up in a ball and die in that moment.

"You're _A-okay_ in my book." Lincoln says with a smirk. "Okay." Raph barely whispers. "Cops' here." A flat voice says to their right. The boy who was dressed in black was peering out the window. "That's Matt's ride." Lincoln says with a chuckle. Right on queue Matt walks down the stairs, two bags in hand with Cameron behind him. "See you guys." He says cheerily. "Fuck you later babe." He says, waving directly to Raph.

He takes a couple steps away from Matt and stares on in disgust. How was he so cheery when he was being kicked out? How was he so _horny?_ Raph shivers, crossing his arms tightly. It was too much of the same thing in a short amount of time. He had no idea how he got himself out of it this time without a major panic attack. Raph shakes his head and watches Matt be lead out to the police car by Cameron.

Britney waves solemnly out the window at Matt. He waves back, adding a disgusting hand gesture including his tong and Britney flings the curtains closed over the window. He turns around and plops down on the couch, crossing his arms. Cameron comes back inside, closing the door. "Alright. Raphael, may I speak to you in the kitchen please?" Raph nods and follows Cameron. " _Alone._ " He reiterates as Lincoln had tried to follow. He sulks back into the living-room.

Raph leans up against the counter and crosses his arms, staring at the table like it was the most interesting thing in the world. "So Raphael, about what happened upstairs-" Raph cuts him off quickly. "Yeah, I'm sorry, it won't happen again." Raph apologizes automatically. That was normally what people wanted. Cameron shakes his head. "No, I'm not looking for an apology but thank you. I was going to say it wasn't your fault." Raph's head shoots up.

"Matthew was close to having to leave anyways and the fact that he did that to you just set it over the edge. I know you didn't do anything wrong." Cameron finishes. Raph's eyes widen a bit. He really didn't think anyone would believe him anymore about anything. "If something like this happens again, which I doubt it will, make sure you come to me okay?" Raph nods, relieved he wasn't in trouble.

"Now then, we're having lunch in about half an hour, why don't you go unpack and settle." Cameron pats his back and Raph stiffens a bit, absolutely hating the touch. He goes upstairs and starts taking the small amount of belongings out of the bags and placing them in the dresser.

Unfortunately there were memories with each one. He takes out a new hoodie, bright red. Mikey had picked it out for him when they had all gone to the mall less than a week ago. Each of them had gotten one. Donnie's was purple, Mikey's was orange, and Leo's. Leo's was blue like his ice cold heart. Raph shoves it in the dresser and reaches into the bag once again.

He pulls out a graphic T-shirt. It had a Zombie hand reaching out of the ground. Raph shoves that in the dresser too. He had borrowed it from Donnie and he said he could just keep it, That it was too big for him anyways. He reaches in and his hand hits something hard. "What?" He grabs hold of it and pulls it out, his eyes gathering small droplets of water once he see what it is.

It was a small wooden picture frame with a lightly wrinkled picture of himself, Donnie, Mikey, Leo and spike all looking happy and almost like a family. Raph slams it face down on the top of the dresser. "Fuck..." He whispers, going over to the bed that was to be his and sitting down. He puts a hand to his head and leans over so he could rest his elbow on his knee.

Where did he go so wrong? Raph glares at the tipped over picture frame. What did he do to deserve this? His mind wanders back to his thoughts before he ran into Z. He knew it was wrong but it was what made sense to him at the time. He stands and goes over to his bag, opening the small secret pocket and taking out a pocket knife they hadn't found. He glances to the door and quickly and quietly closed it.

He went to the bed and sat on the floor, leaning his back up against it, right below the spot Matt had held him. He opens the small scissors, knowing they were sharper than the blades, and holds it to his wrist, shaking. He slowly presses down, harder and harder. It stung a bit but less than he thought it would. So he presses harder, blood starting to escape from the cut.

He had cut all the way across his wrist when he finally stops, watching the blood start to pool up. Then he just sits. He sits and stares at his wrist, the blood starting to drip down. He always was impulsive. when the blood starts to dry to his wrist he hears the door open and he panics, whipping his head around. In the doorway was Britney. He stared at Raph's wrist with a blank stare.

"Lunch is almost ready. Clean up quick." He says, turning around and walking away. Raph breathes heavily, getting up and stashing his knife again. He rushes into the bathroom and looks around quickly in a scan of the room before letting himself relax. _"I-Is he gonna tell on me?"_ Raph breathes out. He quickly washes the blood off and down the drain before searching for a first aid kit, panicking. _"Why did I do that? What was I thinking?"_ He mumbles.

He hears a quiet knock on the door and a large band-aid slides under the door. Raph's eyes widen. Someone- Britney was helping him. But _why?_ Raph snatches up the band-aid and unwraps it, placing it on the cut which was bleeding again. Luckily he was wearing long sleeves so he could just pull them down over his wrists. _Easy._

Raph buries the band-aid debris under a mountain of tissues in the garbage can and exits the bathroom, trying to not look like he had just sliced open his body. He goes downstairs and into the kitchen where all the boys were already sitting at the table, spaghetti on each of their plates.

"Finally! I'm starving!" Lincoln says, digging into his spaghetti. They were obviously waiting for everyone to arrive before they started eating. Raph sits down and the rest of the boys eat in silence. Raph was across the table from Britney and they lock eyes for a moment, making Raph severely uncomfortable. Lunch moves along quickly and Raph was briefed on a few more rules.

Get up by seven. Be ready for chores by eight. Lights out at eleven. Sneaking out will not be tolerated. For some reason Cameron never said anything about school. He guesses they just weren't doing that. There was one upside to living there then. Unfortunately Cameron says he'd be getting a service job soon.

Raph rinses his dish in the sink and leaves the kitchen, wanting to just go to bed at this point. He starts up the stairs but Britney takes his wrist, thankfully not the one he cut. "I need help with the garbage." He says, yanking Raph out the back door. Once outside Britney stares at him, them being about the same height. "Be more careful. I'm not gonna cover your tracks every time." He says.

Raph looks away. "I could care less if you do it, just don't get caught. The last time I was caught, no one left the house, everyone got searched and I was almost sent away." Britney crosses his arms. " _Don't get caught._ No one will like it." He easily tosses the garbage bag into the big bin before going inside. Raph grabs his burning wrist and sighs, staring up at the sky.

* * *

 _ **Well listen up, listen up  
There's a devil in the church,  
Got a bullet in the chamber,  
And this is gonna hurt  
Let it out, let it out,  
You can scream, and you can shout  
Keep your secrets in the shadows,  
And you'll be sorry **_

**This Is Gonna Hurt**

 **Sixx AM**

* * *

 **Yowza, I don't know how you guys are still reading this story right now. It's really great to write though so thank you so much for reading! All your reviews are so nice and they really encourage me to keep writing. You guys are the best! I also want to thank the two generic guests and the guest "M" for their reviews because I can't go straight to them through the PM. Anywho, tell me if you liked the chapter and I'll "See" you next time!**


	13. Chapter 13: Animal I Have Become

**(4502 words)**

 _Eight days._

Eight days Raph had been in this group home, away from the people he was so close to calling family. He had started making friends with the guys from the home. He played Basketball with Z, got any news he needed to know and even things he didn't need to know from Lincoln, and he made an unspoken pack with Britney that they wouldn't tell on each-other and the'd help each-other out every once and a while.

Cameron was nice enough unless they did something wrong. On the third day Raph had accidentally slept in and he got stuck with three extra chores. Raph vowed never to sleep in again. To Raph's dismay Matthew had been allowed to call the house every now and again. Each time asking to talk to Raph. Raph stopped answering the phone completely, only going near the land line when he was specifically ordered to.

Raph sits on his bed, glancing around his room until his eyes land on the picture frame on his dresser. He stands up and takes hold of the frame. It had a couple corners smashed off and the picture inside was mutilated. Leo's face was scratched and colored over with marker, making him unrecognizable.

There were several holes in the picture on his chest. Raph in the picture had a slash across his chest, ripping the paper. Mikey and Donne remained untouched. They never did anything to hurt him. Raph puts the picture back on the dresser and lies down on his bed. He had had a lot of time to think and it was not kind to him. The more he thought, the more he felt the universe was punishing him.

The more the universe punished him the more he felt he should punish himself. And he did. He didn't venture to his left wrist, the four long cuts residing only on the right. He didn't want to admit it but it felt like it helped. He hadn't gotten caught but there had been some close calls. At times like now he'd stare at his wrists as he thought. Life felt so crazy he wishes he wasn't part of it, just for a while until it got to a good part.

"I don't know why I got so attached to that one. I wasn't even there as long as I have been other places. It was like two weeks." Raph mumbles to himself. He really hadn't talked much over the past couple days and when he did his voice was very quiet. That was the Raphael the boys here had come to know.

He trails a finger along each of the cuts, a name coming to mind with each of them. _'Hamato Yoshi... Michelangelo... Donatello... Leonardo.'_ He grimaces, looking at the last one. It was the angriest of the four.

"Hey Raph?" Raph looks up and sees Britney in the door way. He had been the one to come get him for group things most of the time. It was useful for the times he was punishing himself and reassuring too. Britney had to be one of his favorites of the boys here. "Cameron says we're leaving for the store. No one's left behind." Raph pushes himself up, pulling his sleeve down over his hand. "'Kay." Raph says, following him out the door.

"You okay?" Britney asks quietly before they reached the stairs. "I'm fine." Raph grunts, going down without another word. In the living-room the boys waited for them, bored as ever. "You guys take so long you might as well be girls!" Lincoln says, tapping his foot rapidly. Raph rolls his eyes. "Oh whatever, you're just impatient." Britney says. Cameron waves the boys out the door with him, ignoring their bickering.

Raph stares at the large blue van and his stagnant bad mood increases. It reminded him of their leader in blue, Leonard. "Smug fuck." Raph grumbles. "Language Raphael." Cameron says sternly, having learned when and how Raphael would swear. Raph crosses his arms and glares at a large dent in the side before he climbs into the van along with the other boys, sitting in the very back. This was the first time he was riding in the van though he'd seen it plenty of times.

The dent brought back a scene in his mind, a not so pleasant one at that.

* * *

 _Raph and Z had been playing a game of one on one out front, chalk on the ground spelling out the first couple letters of 'horse'. Raph blows a piece of hair out of his face, most of it already pulled into a low ponytail almost like Donnie would wear but much lower seeing as he had shorter hair. Z was lying on his back, watching the clouds._

 _"Wanna get back to the game?" Raph asked quietly. Z shakes his head, closing his eyes. Saterdays were their only day where they didn't have to do any chores and they all wanted to just enjoy it. Raph feels a shadow come over him and he looks up, his nearly bare arms behind his head. "Hi." Raph says. There was a little brown haired boy standing over him, a curious look in his eyes._

 _"Can I play chalk?" He asks innocently. Raph looks at the small box of chalk lying on the pavement. "Um... sure." Raph replies, sitting up. The little boy grabs a chalk crayon and starts scribbling on the ground. Z looks up and smiles, sitting up and scooting over to the boy. "Hey, you like drawing?" Z asks. The little boy nods. "I'm drawing a cat." He says, scribbling in a circle. "Nice" Z says, picking up a piece of chalk._

 _Raph smiles. Z took any excuse to draw. Raph moves towards them and takes a chalk crayon and starts drawing a turtle. Suddenly there was a shrill scream and then a man yells from across the street. "HEY! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SON!" Raph and Z look over to see a brown haired man running angrily across the street. Z immediately backs off but Raph just stares at him._

 _"Are you deaf!? Get away from him!" The man yells. Raph stands and looks at the man, completely and totally confused. "What's the big deal? We're just drawing." Raph says but it was much too quiet for the raging man to acknowledge. "Get the fuck away from him!" The little boy sits on the concrete, looking up at his cussing father. Raph takes a step towards the man and he grabs Raph by the shirt, slamming him into the van._

 _Raph falls to his knees and the man yanks his son up. "Don't ever touch my son again you rejects!" He shouts, dashing back across the street. Raph holds his stomach and coughs a couple times, a couple speckles of blood came out and he wipes his mouth on his wrist bands. Z goes over to him and helps him up. "You okay?" He asks in his deep voice._

 _Raph shrugs, trying to get his breathing back to normal. They were a known group home. People just assumed that they were bad people. They didn't want their kids around them and they didn't want them in their neighborhoods but they were so they were treated like criminals._

* * *

Raph blinks and realizes they were sitting in the parking lot of a store. "I said _let's go_ Raphael." Cameron says, presumably for the second time. "Yeah, yeah." Raph grumbles, stepping out of the van. He slams the door shut and follows the small group inside the store. "Boys, you are to keep track of each-other, keep each-other in line and maybe I'll let you go to the community center tomorrow."

All the boys give each-other a look, knowing they were going to act like they were literal angels sent from heaven. Within the short time that Raph had been with the boys he had found out three things that could bring them together. Food, weekends, and the community center. If any of those things were on the line they'd do anything. Raph was sure they'd kill to keep them.

"Here's a short list of things for you four to get and meet me at the registers in forty-five minutes." Cameron says, walking away quickly with his longer list. Raph smiles, thinking it would be easy to act good until he was reminded of one of the few days he had gotten along with every brother in the Hamato household. It was the day they were sent to the store and he paired up with Leo.

Raph scrunches up his nose and they set off into the store. "How about we split up to get the stuff faster. Then we can all have time to check out stuff we _actually_ want to." Lincoln says, grabbing the list and ripping it in half. He shoves one half into Raph's hands and keeps the other half for himself. "See ya on the flip side." He says, grabbing Britney's arm and dragging him away.

Raph looks up at Z. "Guess we're gonna go get some-" He looks down at the first thing on their list. "Toilet paper." He shrugs and they start walking through the store. "Those two maniacs better be behaving themselves." Z says suddenly as Raph looks over the list again. Raph had picked up toilet paper, plastic cups, and a bottle of orange juice at this point, all of the things placed in a basket they had picked up.

"Yeah, I haven't been but you guys have convinced me the community center is literal heaven." Raph says quietly. Each time he speaks he gets slightly more annoyed with himself. Why was he so quiet? He was trying to talk like a normal person but it came out like a whisper. "Trust me, it is." Z says as they go down the isle full of sodas and chips. "Just grab a thing of bottled water here." Z says, pointing to all the bottled drinks. "Yeah, okay." Raph says, taking down a twelve pack of water.

They turn to leave the isle, only one last thing on their list when Raph stops at the end. Coming down the main walk way was the devil himself, Leonardo Hamato. Raph growls and Leo turns to look at Raph, wide eyed. " _You._ " Raph growls out. " _YOU._ " He says again, this time much louder. All thoughts of the Community center left his mind.

Leo takes a step back. "I hate you!" Raph yells. "I HATE YOU!" Suddenly his voice worked just fine, his yells filling the store. "You fucking asshole! You piece of shit! I hate you!" Leo starts backing up. "I-I-I-" Raph tries to charge at Leo but two strong hands grab him, holding him back. "I hate you so much! You ruined my only chance of being happy! I fucking hate you! I wish you'd just go to hell!" He spouts out everything he'd ever thought about him, all his bottled feelings flow out.

He tries to lift his arm to take a swing at the stunned boy but it didn't get much further than his own nose, being yanked up. "Raphael! _Calm down!_ " Z says, holding him tightly. " _NO!_ " Raph yells. He struggles against Z and the sleeve of his hoodie gets yanked down from the arm that was restrained above his head. "R-Raph, I-I didn't mean-" Leo starts, his eyes locking on Raph's wrist.

"Fuck you!" Raph shouts. Z felt completely taken aback, having known Raph as the quiet angry soul, not this explosive cussing mess. Z pulls Raph back, nodding to his right for Leo to get going. Leo takes the hint and starts running away. "Fuck you you motherfucking coward!" Raph yells. "I hate you!" He lets out, finishing his outburst.

Z wrestles Raph down to the floor, holding him down in a ball while people who were in the isle scatter, most of them probably going to tell someone of the boy screaming in the store. "Stop." Z says, holding him tighter. Raph tries to settle his breathing but it just wouldn't slow, adrenaline pumping through his veins. "I hate him..." Raph says, much quieter. "Do you hate him as much as the guys are gonna hate us if we can't go to the center tomorrow?"

Raph growls but stops struggling, coming to the realization. Z lets him go and they both stand up, Raph feeling weak and grabbing onto Z's massive shirt. "Oh gosh, they're gonna kill me." Raph says, his voice quiet and raspy again. "You're gonna kill me." Raph mumbles. "No. I don't do that. But Lincoln might." Z shrugs one shoulder, Raph still hanging onto the other. "Cameron might." Raph nods. "I'm dead." He groans.

"Not if we get out of here." Z says, grabbing Raph's upper arm. "We get out fast, no one has to know it was us." Raph wants to smile. He was so glad the boys liked to watch out for themselves because then they normally watch out for each-other. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go." Raph lets go of Z's shirt, still feeling a little drained. Both the boys cringe as the over head speakers blurt out some of the worst news they could hear.

"Would a Mr. Raphael and a Mr. Alexander please come to the service desk, again, Mr. Raphael and Mr. Alexander to the service desk." Raph and Z look at each-other. "shiiiiiiit." Raph drones out before looking Z dead in the eyes. "Your name is Alexander?" Z pushes him away slightly. "Shut up."

As the boys make it to the front of the store they both do their best to look like they hadn't done anything wrong. " _Boys._ " Cameron says warningly as they walk up to their guardian. Raph gives a little wave and they stop just in front of the man in charge. "So do you two know anything about two boys just about in your description having a loud dispute in the beverages isle?" Raph weighs their options.

On one side they could lie and maybe get away Scott free. On the other side they could tell the truth and get in trouble but not as much as they would for lying. "We couldn't decide weather the list meant to get a twelve pack of water or twelve separate water bottles." Z says, his voice not wavering in the slightest. "So you two were fighting. _Over that_." Cameron says. They nod in unison. "Uh-huh." Cameron hums. "Well go find the other two gremlins. We're leaving." He sighs.

The two walk away and after the first corner they turn they look at each-other in awe. "How did that work?!" Raph whispers though it wasn't much quieter than his talking voice recently. "I don't know. I just assumed that we'd get in less trouble if we were fighting with each-other than if you were fighting with some random guy in the store." Z replies. "He wasn't just some random guy." Raph says.

Z blinks down at him. "Whatever. I don't pry." They keep walking and Z speaks up again. "You know, you did a lot better than some of us on our first store run after coming here. I think Cameron tried to give you a little more time but we were really running low on stuff." Raph nods and they quickly search the store for the other two boys.

"I'm telling you Brit, this shirt is so you!" They enter the clothing section of the store and they see Lincoln holding up a shirt with rainbow sleeves and a blue center, a happy cloud in the center. Britney sighs and snatches up the shirt, shoving it in the black basket he held. Z raises his eyebrows and Raph picks up the shirt. "You're getting this?" He asks. "I don't think I've seen you wear anything brighter than grey."

Britney rolls his eyes and grabs a bright yellow hoodie, throwing it into the basket. "Cameron said I need to start wearing _'happy colors'_ to _improve_ my mood." He moves and grabs a pair of light jeans. "He has on the list I need at least three outfits worth of _'happy clothes'._ " Raph shrugs. "He said to come find you guys." Raph informs them. "Okay." Britney says, walking away. "Ooo! Wait! How 'bout this!" Lincoln says, holding a pink hat with an embroidered symbol on it. It was a circle with a plus sign coming off the bottom.

"Whatever." Britney sighs, grabbing the hat and walking away before the excitable boy could put more clothes in the basket. They start going to the front of the store once again as a group, hoping for the best. "How'd you guys do? No fights or nothin'?" Lincoln asks. "There was one." Z says. "Did you get _caught?_ "Britney asks, head down and hood up. "Sort of? I think Cameron's gonna let it slide." Raph says

"I think that was the loudest I've ever heard you." Z comments. "Yeah, well whatever." Raph says very quietly. Lincoln chuckles. "Raphael? Loud? you gotta be pullin' my leg! He's the quietest dude I've ever heard! Not quiet as in not talking but quiet as in volume." He says quickly and loudly. Britney nods. "Quiet dude" He says with his hands in his pockets. " _Thanks guys._ " Raph says sarcastically as they reach the registers.

The locate Cameron and dash over to that register, putting the items from within their baskets onto the conveyor belt. "Got some nice choices here Britney." Cameron says, noting the bright clothes. "Uh-huh." Britney mumbles, leaning his elbow on the counter and resting his chin on his hand. As the items go down the belt Cameron yanks one off. "Lincoln? What is this energy drink doing in here?"

Lincoln cringes. "Well, uh, you see I was gonna ask if we could get it just for those mornings where we're all drained you know? And then I totally forgot it was in the basket and it must've gotten buried under Brit's clothes there." He explains quickly. Cameron hands the drink to Lincoln. "Put it back." He groans. "And don't lie." He adds, watching as the last of the items are scanned and put into bags.

Lincoln puts the drink back into the small fridge in the isle and huffs, blowing a piece of blue hair out of his face. Quickly they finish checking out and go out to the van. "I really think You'd look good as a blond though." Lincoln says to Britney, trying to pull down his hood. "No. I wouldn't. Back off." Britney says, yanking his hood up. "Could work." Raph says. Z shakes his head at their antics, all four climbing in the van.

"I could not be a blond." Britney says again. "Fine, what about purple? That's kinda like black." Lincoln says, peering back at them from the front seat. "What would be the point? If it's _like_ black then why can't it just _be_ black?" Britney rolls his eyes and leaves his buckle undone while Cameron pulls out. "It'd be a change." Raph comments. "What if I don't _want_ change?" Britney sasses back. Raph shrugs, not wanting to push much harder for fear of setting him off.

Britney turns, staring out the window and seeming to block out the entire world. Raph glares at Lincoln as he reaches around the back of his seat with the pink embroidered hat in his hands. Raph shakes his head but Lincoln just smirks, yanking Britney's hood down and slamming the hat down over his eyes. "LINCOLN!" He shouts, making Raph want to shrink in his seat.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" He lunges forward, whacking Lincoln twice in the back of the head before Z reaches forward and yanks him back into his seat. "Safety first." He says, buckling him in. " _Britney!_ " Cameron says sternly. "Do you _want_ to have your privileges taken away? Because if _one more thing_ happens today _no one_ gets to do anything for a _month!_ "

"Knock it off you two!" Z says urgently. Raph just watches. He didn't feel he'd been there long enough to really do anything. Britney huffs and pushes the hat up so that he could see before pulling his hood over the hat, the symbol sticking out the bottom. Lincoln rubs his head and glances back. "I know you'd do it." He says, the slowest he'd ever talked and probably the quietest.

Britney's eyes widen slightly. "Sit straight." Cameron says, eyes never leaving the road. "If we don't get back without another interruption he's not the only one who's going to want to off you."

* * *

 _Raph sits up, holding his head. It was pounding hard and it hurt like hell. "What the heck?" He mumbles, swinging his legs out of bed. He takes his hand away and it had a patch of blood on it. Raph looks around and frowns. His feet don't hit the wooden floor like he had expected, instead they land on grey, stained carpet. He stands up, shaking slightly and looks around more, rubbing his eyes. They layout was all wrong._

 _There was no dresser, there was a lamp in the upper corner across from the bed. There weren't any windows and there was a small pile of clothes behind the closed door. Raph walks over to the door, confused about what was going on and tries to open it. He tugs on the handle but it wouldn't budge. It was locked._

 _"What?" He mumbles. Raph tugs harder and harder, ending with slamming a fist into the door. He felt a sudden wave of fear wash over him. It was like someone had a loaded gun to his head but much, much worse. He lets out a small noise and backs away from the door, still not knowing what was going on._

 _He backs himself to the back wall and stares at the door. It rattles and shakes before exploding open, hitting the wall and leaving a deep indent. A large man stands in the doorway, anger clearly printed on his face. "You called the fucking police!?" Raph shakes, staring at the man with absolute fear._

 _"Y-You were- were d-drunk." Raph barely gets out, not knowing how he knew this. "Does it look like I give a shit!?" Raph presses himself against the wall even harder, hoping to somehow faze though it. Raph knew not to answer the question. "You're so fucking lucky I get that damn'd check every month otherwise you'd be out of here faster than you could spell piss! Then again, you can't spell anything so that ain't exactly a good example is it?"_

 _Raph sets his gaze low to the floor. The man stalks over to him. "Look at me when I'm fucking talking to you you piece of shit." Raph raises his gaze. "You're fucking worthless. The money is for the pain of keeping you here. Anyone who takes a fuck like you on is only doing it for the money." The man says, grabbing Raph's chin tightly._

 _He shoves Raph's aching head back into the wall, a trickle of blood rolling down his forehead. "You call the police again and you'll never leave this room. Got that?" Raph nods rapidly and the man lets him go. Raph sighs, thinking he was safe until he feels a fist slam into his stomach. "AH!" He shouts, being knocked to the ground. He was kicked repeatedly in the side and he covers his already bleeding head, praying for it to be over._

 _It stops for a spit second and he looks up at the man that was supposed to be taking care of him. "Pathetic." He spits out, slamming his foot down onto Raph's skull._

* * *

Raph shoots up in bed, sweat dripping down his head which made him feel even more freaked out. He puts his hand up to his head and pulls it away, checking to make sure it wasn't blood. He keeps breathing heavily but tries to slow it. He hadn't had a nightmare like that in a long time. His throat felt dry and all he wanted to do was stay awake for the rest of his life.

He looks around the room, relieved to see the wooden floors and double window. He slides off the tangled, sweaty blankets and moves to the headboard, letting out a sigh he starts regulating his breathing, _in and out. in and out. in and out._ He puts his head back and stares at the ceiling as his heart starts to slow from it's earlier pounding. It was at this point that Raph truly realized-

 _His life was scary._

* * *

 _ **I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)  
So many times I've lied  
(So many times I've lied)  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself**_

 _ **So what if you can see the darkest side of me?**_  
 _ **No one will ever change this animal I have become**_  
 _ **Help me believe it's not the real me**_  
 _ **Somebody help me tame this animal I have become**_  
 _ **Help me believe it's not the real me**_  
 _ **Somebody help me tame this animal**_

 **Animal I have become**

 **Three Days Grace**

* * *

 _ **I hope you all liked this chapter! I know ya'll are anxious to give Leo what he deserves but you just got to wait for the next update! (At least he got a good yelling at this time) I had to have the song lyrics go just a bit longer because I couldn't figure out the perfect spot so I chose two. I just really want to thank you all again! Thank you for your reviews and thank you for reading! Thank you all for the follows on the story and the faves! They all make me so happy!**_

 _ **Oh! and if you're interested in the next couple of days (Could be today, could be tomorrow) I'm posting a picture of Raph and the wandering boys on my deviantart: MissPunnyPuns!**_

 _ **Now, to my lil' guestidoodle from the last chapter, no, they're not the mutnimals, but that would've been a much better idea! Mutanimals have a different role in this story!**_


	14. Chapter 14: Ancient History

**(3879 Words)**

 _Donnie and Mikey stare at their father, both completely shocked. "W-We might not know the_ whole _s-story b-but we know R-Raph did-didn't do anything!" Donnie stutters out, getting panicked. "H-He couldn't have d-done anything!" Yoshi stands and turns, walking to his room in the upper left corner of the room._

 _Donnie makes a distressed noise and feels a pressure in his legs. He wanted to scream, he wanted to yell at his father that he wasn't being_ fair _. that it wasn't the right choice. Mikey watches Donnie, still stuck in shock. He could see it going down and he knew it was just a matter of time. Donnie walks back and forth for a moment before his arms pound down on on his legs like they were held back by spring locks._

 _Mikey tries to go over to him, knowing that this was one thing he could do. "D-Donnie-" He starts but Donnie hits his legs again. "Donnie. Donatello." He says, taking hold of Donnie's shirt sleeve, not actually touching him. He pulls him to the couch and has him sit down, putting a pillow on his lap. "It's not fair." Donnie says almost robotically. "He didn't- He didn't." Mikey starts to have a painful expression, wanting to just reach over and hug his brother._

 _Mikey wanted Leo to help calm Donnie down but he just wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere. Mikey wanted to be able to cry, to freak out, to straight up yell but he couldn't, not while Donnie was having a meltdown. "I know, I know Donnie." He says, not touching Donnie but sitting half a foot away. "S'not fair." Donnie says, folding his arms into his stomach and leaning over them._

 _Donnie makes another noise and Mikey restricts himself from holding him right then and there. "Donnie, can I give you a hug?" He asks tentatively. After a couple seconds Donnie nods and Mikey envelopes him in a tight hug, letting Mikey get some of his feelings out while helping Donnie at the same time. Mikey feels something tap his leg and he looks down, tears welling in his eyes._

 _Spike had put his two front feet up onto his leg, looking at him like he was a puppy. Mikey lets go of his brother and picks up spike, holding him up by his chest. "Don, d'you wanna hold Spike?" Mikey asks, wiping the tears from his eyes. Donnie rigidly nods and Mikey passes the turtle to Donnie and Spike sits nicely on his lap. Donnie continues nodding and scoops Spike in a little closer before starting to rock back and forth._

 _Mikey could tell he was extremely distressed, he was too. Anyone would be, he just had a different way of showing it. Mikey feels his own throat tightening and his stomach twists. He could feel himself wanting to start bawling but he only lets out a couple small squeaks and crocodile tears sit on the rim of his eyes. He just had to wait it out. Wait it out or hope that someone who cared came to help._

 _Mikey turns away after a minute, sucking in a quick breath. He couldn't hold it in much longer and he knew if he started crying more than he was Donnie would feel horrible later. Mikey feels the couch dip all the way on the other side of Donnie and he looks up, meeting eyes with their father. That was it. Mikey lets it all out, his anger, his sadness, it all comes out._

 _He pulls his feet up onto the couch and hides his face in his arms, sobbing. He hears his father stand and walk to his side, a hand on his shoulder and slides it to his back, rubbing it up and down. "I'm sorry my son." He says quietly. "I am sorry."_

 _Mikey had quickly retreated to his room after a few comforting minutes with his father, leaving Donnie with him just rocking and holding the small turtle. "Donatello, I am sincerely sorry." He says, looking to try and meet eyes. Donnie shakes his head, over and over and over. "No. No y-you're not. Raph... It's not fair." He says quietly._

 _Yoshi tries touching Donnie's shoulder but he violently shoves him off, nearly dropping Spike and stopping his rocking. "It's not fair."_

* * *

Leo sits in his room, door unlocked and cracked open. Just like it had been for a week. He could feel guilt boiling in his stomach. He had a garbage can sitting next to him, feeling like he could throw up at any moment. This had to be the worst Leo had ever felt in his life. Neither Donnie nor Mikey had spoken to him since the day Raph left. Mikey actually had said a word or two if he was forced but Donnie would not open his mouth to anyone but teachers or Mikey.

Leo glances out his door as Donnie walks past, his arms up by his chest and his hands fidgeting. "H-Hey Donnie." He calls awkwardly. Donnie doesn't pause in the slightest, walking straight past to his own room, going in and closing the door with the click of a lock. Leo sighs and looks down at his hands. A new feeling hits him and it makes him jump in his seat when he identifies it.

 _Self hatred._

He shutters and snatches up his phone, his hands shaking slightly and dialing a well know number. He sits, tapping his foot and leaning over, letting his elbow rest on his knees. It rings three times before there was an answer. "What do you want Leo?" Karai's voice comes through Leo's phone. "I need to ask you something." Leo says. "I know we're not together but I really need an answer."

Leo could almost hear Karai roll her eyes. " _Fine._ What is it?" Leo shifts his weight back and forth for a moment. "What happened that night? The night with the fight?" Karai scoffs. "You mean with your freak of a foster brother? He didn't even let me do anything. I got up there fooled around a little but the second I got him on the bed he freaked out." Leo groans.

"You instigated everything?" He asks, a small hint of panic in his normally calm voice. Karai sighs, annoyed. "Yeah, he was no fun. You done now?" Leo shakes his head, knowing she couldn't see him. "No, you-you need to come forward with what happened. Raph, he got sent away- Karai-" Karai cuts him off. "No. _No way Leo_. I could be caught- _will_ be caught and then I could go to _jail_ or something!"

"Karai _please!_ He-He was sent away and now I saw him at the store and he's _hurting himself Karai,_ you don't know how _guilty_ I feel right now. My brothers won't even talk to me and Donnie- Don has been doing so much worse since he left. He's melting down more and I'm afraid if we don't get him back soon Don might start going down the wrong path-"

"Leo, none of this is really my problem. I'm done with the whole dating thing but if you want..." Karai pauses. "We can still be _friends with benefits._ " Leo furrows his brow. "No- _No!_ You can just go _screw off_ okay!? I really needed you to help me out here! I'm going to try to make things right and if I have to do it without you then _fine_ but I can't live with this whole thing on my back. I have no freaking idea how you can but I guess you'll have to figure that out on your own too."

Leo hangs up the phone and chucks it against his pillow, flopping back on his bed. "How am I going to fix this...? I didn't know... I didn't know... I wanted to keep them safe..." Thinking back to when he was at the store just earlier that day. His father needed him to pick up some calming tea for him while he went through his families old mourning process.

He didn't know why he would say all those things to Leo other than him having to leave. Now he understood. He didn't do it. Just like he said. "I gotta fix this." He stands up and quickly swings his door open. He had kept it open just in case one of his brothers wanted to talk to him but they never did.

Leo rushes down stairs, mind set on going to his father's room and fully intending on interrupting his father to set things straight when he hears something shatter in the kitchen. "Aannggghh!" someone shouts from inside. Leo takes an unexpected right turn into the kitchen, seeing Donnie clutching his head and crouched on the ground with Mikey beside him. "Hey, Hey, it's fine Don, it's okay. We can clean it up."

Leo stands in the doorway for a moment, watching. Donnie makes another noise. "It's okay, here, look, you don't even like jelly that much." Donnie shakes his head. "T-The jelly- I-I was- Ngghh..." He closes his eyes and shakes his head again. He had been so stressed for the last week it was like he was deteriorating.

Leo cringes and walks in the room, crouching down beside Donnie along with Mikey. Mikey glares at Leo but doesn't say anything. "Hey Don?" Leo says, scooting a little closer. "Do you want me to help clean the jelly up?" They all are silent for an awkward amount of time before Donnie answers. "Mm-Hm." He mumbles, nodding his head. They all stand and Leo takes some paper towel, picking up the chunks while Donnie stands next to the mess, looking like he wanted to pull his fingers off.

"Donnie, how about you get a rag and clean up the residue and I'll take care of the glass." Mikey says, ripping off more paper towel and picking up the shards from the jar. Donnie stands still, processing for a moment before finally getting himself to start the action. Donnie cleans up the residue and stands up, dropping the rag in the sink. Leo feels the urge to congratulate his brother but knows he hates being treated like any little thing he did was an accomplishment.

"Thanks Don." Leo says, giving him a small pat on the back. "I d-don't have a sand-witch now." Donnie says, raising and lowering himself onto his toes. "Well, we can make a new one." Leo says. Mikey shakes his head behind Donnie's back. "No. T-There's supposed to be jelly." He says. Leo purses his lips. "It can be a different kind of sand-witch." Donnie shakes his head.

"N-No. It needs to be a peanut-butter and jelly sand-witch. That's what I have on Saturdays. Saturday at one forty-five I make a peanut-butter a-and jelly sand-witch." Donnie says, tapping the counter three times. "Maybe you can _try_ a different one?" Leo asks. Mikey rolls his eyes and turns away from them. Donnie stays quiet for a minute.

"Why would you do that Leo?" Donnie says out of the blue. Leo furrows his brow. "What? The sand-witch?" Donnie shakes his head. "No-No. Why would you send him away? He didn't do anything. Why did you tell Dad he did something? He- Don't you know how hard it is to be sent away. It's so-so hard and you made it happen like it was no big deal."

Leo stands there, not completely shocked that his brother was saying this but shocked that he was doing it now. "Leo, why would you do that? Why would he make him out like he was some sort of sick gross person when he didn't even do anything!? Leo, he didn't- He didn't- He didn't-" Donnie repeats, almost stuck.

"Donnie, I know, I'm sorry. I'm going to fix it okay?" Leo says in a calm, almost patronizing voice. When Donnie was sure Leo was done talking he starts again. "You're not supposed to interrupt people when they're talking." He says, recalling it as a memory linked social rule. Leo nods. "yeah, yeah, I'm sorry Don. You're right." He glances over at Mikey. "But I promise. I'll make it right."

Mikey sits with his arms crossed. He didn't believe Leo in the slightest. "Uh, Donnie, can you bring some tea to Father for me?" Leo asks, taking out a box of tea bags and pulling two from the box. "He's been using the portable stove top to heat the water so you can just bring him the bags." Donnie takes the bags and walks out of the room and down the hall towards their father's room. Leo turns to Mikey and frowns. "Mike, I know you don't want to talk to me. I know you don't believe me but I'm going to fix this okay?"

Mikey slams his hand down on the counter and glares at Leo. "No. You don't understand Leo. Since you lied about Raph and he was sent away I've had to keep an eye on Donnie. He's so stressed out all the time and the only thing he really does like he used to is school. I don't even have time to be sad myself because I have to make sure Don isn't having a meltdown every three seconds."

Mikey throws his arms up in the air, taking a step forward. "You're no help with your door open all the time and neither is Dad, no matter how hard he tries he just keeps saying it was for our family but what neither of you get is that what you did is tearing us all apart!" Mikey shoves Leo back and stomps from the room, going up to his room and slamming the door.

Leo sighs and throws away his paper towel. Mikey was never this outwardly explosive. Leo goes out of the kitchen, heading into the living-room with his mind back on track. He knocks on the far door and waits patiently. "Come in." His father calls from inside. Leo opens the door and wanders inside the dimly lit room. He spots his father and Donnie sitting quietly in the center of the room, cups of tea in both their hands. "I don't like tea." Donnie says, holding the cup up to his eyes. "You may like this tea." Yoshi says, sipping. "I don't like it though." Donnie replies.

Leo waits for their conversation to finish but he doubts it'll end with Donnie drinking the tea. Yoshi takes another sip. "You could try-" Donnie shakes his head. "I don't want to try anything new today!" He says, putting the cup roughly down on the short table. Yoshi nods silently. "Okay." He says before motioning to Leo. "I am sorry to keep you waiting my son. What is it that you need?" He asks.

Leo lances at Donnie who was sitting with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. "Can I talk to you- uh- alone?" Leo asks. Yoshi looks to Donnie. "Could you give us a minute Donatello?" Donnie shakes his head and tenses up his muscles. _He wasn't moving_. Leo sighs and Splinter stands and takes a couple steps over to Donnie, pulling him up from the floor and trying to look him in the eye. "Just for a moment, then you may come back in." He says, walking to the door with him.

Donnie doesn't say anything, just walking slowly out of the room and sitting down right beside the door. Leo closes it and goes with his father into the room a bit more before they sit down in front of each-other. "Father I need to ask you something." Leo says, fidgeting with his hands. "Yes?" Yoshi asks. Leo remains silent for a moment, not meeting his father's eyes. "Why... Why did you send Raph away? Why did you not want to hear his side of what happened?"

Yoshi nods. "Yes. I knew this would come up sometime." He bows his head slightly. "I trust you Leonardo. I believe that what you say is truth but that wasn't the only reason." He takes a long pause and Leo tries his best to be patient. "We may lose the dojo." He says solemnly. Leo's eyes widen. "But that's- that's your job?! That's where we train!" He exclaims.

Yoshi nods and takes up his cup once more. "The payments on the dojo have gotten far too much, even with the extra payments coming in from Raphael's stay. If we lose the dojo then it will take those payments off but there are still more bills to pay and I will be out my only job. Having one less person in the house, no matter how horrible it sounds to say, would help very much."

Leo looks down. "I-I'm so sorry father." He says. "For what Leonardo?" Yoshi asks honestly. "I lied. I called Karai and made sure. She instigated everything. She tried- She tried to get Raph to have sex with her after we fought." Yoshi's eyes widen and he stares at Leo. "I"m so so sorry. I-I wanted to do what was best and I thought that he would just cause us more trouble but then the guys, they just stopped talking to me and I felt so bad and then Donnie was- was-... And I-I had to..." Leo's words sizzle down to nothing before his father, feeling so low.

"I can not believe you would do this." Yoshi says, his voice stern. "This is very serious. You know this. I would have thought you to be more responsible than this Leonardo." Leo puts his hands on his knees. "I know. I'm so sorry. I'll never do anything like this ever again." Yoshi looks as if he was ignoring everything Leo was saying. "Go to your room. I will come up in a minute to tell you your punishment." He says plainly.

Leo nods and stands quickly before rushing out of the room, leaving the door open. Yoshi puts his head down and holds the bridge of his nose. He hears soft foot steps and looks up, seeing Donnie walk back in and sit across from him again, seemingly enjoying the calm atmosphere of the room. Yoshi moves around the small table and sits next to his son. "Donatello, come here my son." He says, pulling Donnie into his arms.

He pets back his messy brown hair and squeezes his arm. "Why are you hugging me?" Donnie asks, staying still but ridged in his father's arms. "I think we all need a hug right about now." Yoshi says.

* * *

After a few minutes of being with Donnie Yoshi found a way to get away for a while to speak with his eldest son of his punishment. He opens the door without knocking and Leo's head snaps up. Yoshi walks to his son and stares at him disapprovingly. "Leonardo. You have betrayed my trust and that action has affected much more than just you." Leo nods, his head low once again.

There was silence and then Yoshi hardens his voice. "You will not use the car for two months. You will apologize to your brothers, Raphael and Mr. Gregory. You will not speak to Miss Karai ever and you must not go anywhere other than school and training as long as we have the dojo. You may not use your cellphone other than to call for emergencies and you may not use your laptop nor the television."

Leo nods, feeling he was getting off easy with this. Yoshi leaves the room and Leo feels his stomach twist. He felt like the lowest of the low. He felt like there should be more punishment, like he needed more. Maybe he could do something? Do good things, cancel out the bad? Leo looks around as if to pick up on something he could do. "What was it that Mikey said? He-He watches Donnie now? Maybe I could do that, help him out so that he has time to calm down." He whispers to himself.

He stands and starts downstairs. He knew Donnie was with their father but he also knew their father would want to be alone. He stops just outside of the closed door and takes a deep breath. He had to apologize to him anyways. He knocks quietly and the door opens a moment later. Donnie was standing at the door. "H-Hey, d'you want to go hang out for a while?" Leo asks awkwardly.

Donnie stands there staring at him for a minute before starting to close the door. "Donatello, it is rude not to answer someone." Yoshi says quietly from inside. The door opens back up and Donnie reappears. "No." Leo holds the door open this time. "Come on Don." He whines. "I'm sorry. I-" Leo stops as Donnie turns to go back into the room.

Leo grabs his arm and Donnie immediately tries to get him off. "I'm trying to fix things Donnie. I told the truth and I'm trying my best. I don't know if we can get Raph back but we can try. So I'm sorry okay?" Leo finishes. Donnie finally being let go looks at Leo. He sighs and blinks a few times. "Okay." He says quietly, walking out of the room.

They start up the stairs together, silence bouncing between them. Donnie was relatively easy. Mikey would be a different story.

* * *

 _ **It's fun and games until we both get hurt  
We play with fire 'cause we like the way it burns  
No use in patching up a sinking ship.  
This is the last time we do this, baby  
This is the last time you taste my lips**_

 _ **I know, I know how to drive you wild  
You know, you know how to make me smile  
But I need you to be  
My ancient history  
I know, I know who you really are  
You know, you know how to break my heart  
But I need you to be  
My ancient history.**_

 **Ancient History**

 **Set It Off**

* * *

 **EEEEEEP! Please don't be mad! There's more in store for Leo I promise! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! The reviews are much appreciated and hey- Just so you guys know the ones who review and have it allowed to PM back if you ask questions I can normally answer. You'll a lot of the time get extra or early info on the story!**


	15. Chapter 15: Suffer

**(5193 words)**

"Raph! Yo-Yo Raph!" Raph sits up quickly, his head nearly smacking against another. "Awgh- Lincoln, get outta my face." Raph says groggily, pushing him away by the face. "What do you need? It's Saturday, I can do what I want." He rolls over and closes his eyes. "Come on man! We're going to the community center!"

Raph shakes his head. "I was up almost all night. I ain't getting up for nothin'." Lincoln huffs and whips the blankets off of Raph. "It's like one and the guys will kill you if we have to stay back. We all have to go." Raph glares at him and Lincoln glares back. "It's either you get up or I'll make you get up." He says, crossing his arms. "You can try, muscles." Raph grumbles, reaching for the blankets.

Lincoln yanks the blankets off the bed and pulls off the pillow, slapping it in Raph's face. "Get up dude!" He slaps it down again and jumps up onto the bed, jumping up and down and chucking the pillow onto Raph's head. Raph slowly lifts his head and glares, fire in his eyes, at Lincoln. "You fuckin' twelve or somethin'?" He says, pushing himself all the way up before hitting him in the stomach with the pillow. "At least your up." Lincoln snickers.

Raph shoves him down on the bed and stands up, glancing at a clock. "It's one?" Raph says groggily. Lincoln sits up with a lopsided smile. "Yeah dude. So hurry up we're leaving like in ten minutes." Raph groans and walks over to his open dresser, snatching out a fresh shirt. "Get out." Raph says, turning to look at Lincoln. "Dude, your just changing your shirt. Plus if I get out how am I supposed to make sure you don't just go back to bed?"

Raph rolls his eyes. "I'm not changing with you in here." He says, crossing his arms. "What's the big deal? It's not like you've got tits or something... Do you?" Raph makes a disgusted noise. "NO. I just don't like changing in front of people. So get. Out." Lincoln squints his already squinty eyes. "Fine. I'm giving you three minutes." He says, walking out and shutting the door.

Raph sighs and slips his shirt off, throwing it onto his bed and putting on a new t-shirt. His wrists were still covered by wrist-bands and he glances down at them for a moment, scratching beneath them. Raph decides quickly he wanted to wear jeans and slips off his sweat pants. He grabs a pair of jeans and starts putting them on when he hears the door open. "Times up dude! Better not be in bed!"

"HEY!" Raph shouts, quickly yanking his pants up before Lincoln got very far into the room. "What the fuck dude?!" Raph says, flinging his hands back. "Hey, come on man. Chill." Lincoln says, his hands up. "I'm not gonna _'chill'._ Fuck off!" Raph says, feeling completely exposed even with his clothes on all the way.

Lincoln opens his mouth but then closes it, looking up. "Ooooh, I get it." He says, taking a step towards Raph. "Because of Matthew?" He says quickly. Raph shivers at the name. "Get. Out." He growls. Lincoln shifts his eyes to the door and back. "Struck a nerve." He says quietly through his teeth. "Well, better hurry up. Got like five minutes." He slinks out of the room and Raph lets out a shaky breath.

"Fuckin' asshole." He mumbles, putting on a pair of shoes and heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth quickly. He may be messed up but he didn't want stank breath. He rubs the brush quickly across his teeth before heading down the stairs, his bad mood slapped onto his face. "Alright, Raphael. Now we may leave." Cameron says, looking at a bouncing Lincoln.

"Oh my gosh yes finally." Lincoln huffs, flinging open the door. Z comes out from the kitchen, a banana in one hand and a sandwich in the other. " _Hey._ Put the banana back. You may have gotten away with making a sandwich but the banana can be put back. We already had lunch." Cameron says, pointing back towards the kitchen.

Z sighs and starts to turn around. "Hey, I'll take that. I didn't eat anything yet." Raph says quietly. Z shrugs and hands Raph the banana before they all start filing out of the house. Raph walks up behind Z and taps his shoulder once everyone else had gone out. "Just don't hide it in your pocket." He says, holding back a smirk. Z rolls his eyes but takes the berry.

They all clamber into the van once again, taking the same seats as they had each time they'd been in the vehicle. Raph looks at everyone as they got settled, reading their expressions. Before he could open his mouth Lincoln starts talking at the speed of light. "Britney, what's eating you? You haven't talked like all day."

"Fuck off Lincoln." Britney says, crossing his arms tight against his chest. "Hey, come on. I'm just tryin' to be friendly-" Lincoln says with a lopsided smile. "I said _fuck off_ Lincoln." Cameron sighs." _Britney_. Do you want me to turn this car around." Cameron says warningly. Z glares at Britney and he glares right back. "No." He grumbles, sitting back.

The rest of the ride was quiet aside from the off comment about how bored they were. It took around forty-five minutes to get there and no one wanted it to be a painful ride.

As soon as they arrived the doors were flung open and the boys flew out of the van. "Oh my gosh we've been stuck in that damn van for _days!_ " Lincoln says dramatically. "It's been less than an hour." Z says, tossing a banana peel in a nearby garbage can. Raph looks around and raises his eyebrows. He knew this area.

This was the area where he dropped off Angel. It was only a couple streets over. They picked this area when that place started because there was so much around here to help them. The community center, soup kitchens, homeless shelters. All of it was in this area without any police stations. As they walk in Raph tries to think of every single way he could make his way over there, hang out with the people he really wanted to be with.

"Hey Raph, wanna check out the court?" Z asks him as they push open the doors. "Huh?" Raph asks, looking around the building. He hadn't really come here himself so none of it was familiar. "There's basketball courts out back." Z explains. "Oh, Yeah, maybe later." Raph says, clearly distracted. He sits down on a big green arm chair and thinks.

If he got caught, what was the worst that could happen? _Really_. What was the _worst_ thing that he could have happen to him. "Hey- Hey Lincoln, you've gotten in trouble a lot right?" Raph asks as Lincoln passes him. "Yeah, tons of times." He says quickly. "What about it?" Raph shifts in his seat as Lincoln moves to the chair across from him. "Well, what would be the worst thing to happen if I were to get out of here for a while. If I got caught or something."

Lincoln narrows his eyes. "Well a couple different things could happen. We could all get our privileges taken away. You could go on lock-down. You could _possibly_ get thrown out but this would be a first offence so that's unlikely. Oh! And Cameron wouldn't let you out of his sight." Raph nods. "Not so bad..." He mumbles. "He sounds pretty chill compared to some of the foster homes I've been in."

" _Really?_ He's _way_ more strict than my mom and dad ever were." Lincoln says offhandedly. Raph frowns. "You remember your parents? Like your actual ones?" Lincoln nods. "Yeah, it wasn't _that_ long ago." Raph leans forward, urging him to go on. "...It was like six years ago or something." Lincoln sighs. "So like I had to be nine or ten or some shit. I don't really know what happened for sure but somehow the house caught fire I barely got out but my parents didn't."

Raph looks away for a second. "Oh... I'm sorry man." Lincoln waves his hand. "It's whatever. I got out of there real quick. Ran to this one place for a while where I basically went around stealing things till I got busted." Raph nods. "Yeah, I did something like that when I was that age." Raph says with a chuckle. "What about you?" Lincoln questions, leaning back in his chair.

"I have no idea if I even had parents." Raph says with a shrug. "If I did, which I assume I had to, it was _way_ too long ago for me to remember." Raph sees a large shadow fall over him and he looks up to see Z standing above him. "Hey Z." Raph says quietly. "Yo Z, we're sharing parent stories, come tell Raphael yours!" Raph was about to tell Z he didn't have to when he shrugs and plops down in a beanbag.

"Sure, why not." He says deeply. He rubs his chin for a second, thinking. "I was seven maybe. It's been a while, like ten years? I don't know. Anyways, my family wasn't the best. I had three brothers and three sisters. I was smack dab in the middle, three younger and three older. It was crazy. My mama kept us safe for the most-part, cooked us up some food every now and again."

Z looks like he was remembering fond memories. "Now the real kicker-" He says, gaining an odd smirk. "Was that she was one hundred percent addicted to heroin. Sometimes she was so high she'd just be in this daze all day." Z starts to chuckle a bit. "An'- An' then our pa' he got so drunk, like all the time!" Z looks as if he were going to explode with laughter.

"He'd try and yell at our mama for bein' so high when he was drunk as hell!" Z lets out a loud laugh while Raph sits, looking on horrified. Lincoln smirks and looks straight at Raph. Z calms himself down slightly and continues. "He'd try and beat the drug out'a her but that shit ain't ever workin'!" Z laughs so hard he starts gaining small tears in his eyes.

"How is any of this funny?" Raph asks, sounding distressed. "Well-Well me an' my siblin's always cracked jokes about it." Z says, sobering up. "Things like _yo mama so high she found the sky's limit._ It was the best way to deal with it... Till we all got split up. No sane person takes on seven foster kids. No sane person has seven kids _at all_."

Raph nods, barely understanding. Some people just cope with things in odd ways. "Oh, I know, let's get Britney in on this!" Lincoln says, starting to stand. "Lincoln I wouldn't. Sh- He'd get real upset talking about parents." Z says, suddenly very serious. "Oh come on man, it's not that bad." Lincoln says, rolling his eyes. Raph senses that this could get bad fast and stands up.

"Anyways, I'm gonna take my chances and head over to that place I mentioned before." Raph says quietly. He starts walking away but Z grabs his arm. "Hey-" He says, causing Raph to whip around. "Be careful... And be back by four or we're all screwed." Raph nods and Z lets him go. He quickly and smoothly slips out of the building without anyone noticing, rushing away from the building as fast as he could before anyone saw him through a window.

He lets out a breath after sprinting a while, hands on his knees. "Oh gosh... Why- Why am I so out of breath..." He gasps out to himself. He stands up and starts walking the familiar streets, looking around and feeling safe with the old buildings and dusty street lamps. He navigates his way through the city like he was walking down a hall, evading any possible threats to himself easily until he reaches his destination.

It was routine at this point. Go inside, knock, password, inside. He takes a deep breath and looks around the warehouse with a small smile. This was the place that felt like home to him. The busy rustle of all the kids and teens talking and shouting to each-other. It felt so good to be somewhere familiar Raph didn't care that he could be in trouble for being there.

He walks up to a black haired boy with a crown like hat on. "Hey man, anything new goin' on here?" He asks. "Not much." He mumbles, staring at a pencil and slowly turning it. "Just this new kid. He came in with Mitchy real shook up." Raph makes an understanding noise and puts and arm around the boy's shoulder. He didn't seem to even notice Raph had moved. "You should stay Raph. I heard through the grape-vine that you're in some group home thing."

Raph nods and scratches his chin. " _Yeah,_ but I'm not sure I should run just yet. It's a real weird situation and it's possibly better just to stay put for now." The boy nods. " _Ah._ " Raph moves away a bit. "So, who's this new guy?" Raph asks. "'Dunno, he wasn't talking at all. Just kinda... moved if he was moved but touch the guy's arms and he _screams_ bloody murder. Link won't make _that_ mistake again." The boy finishes with a laugh.

"Where is he? Maybe I can talk some sense into the guy." Raph says, bored. "Back center." The boy says, laying down his pencil and picking up a half eaten burger. "Cool, thanks J man." Raph says, patting the boy on the back before jogging to the back of the warehouse. "Hope this is what I think it is and not some nutter..." Raph mumbles to himself.

He moves through a crowd of people and his jaw drops. He couldn't believe his eyes at first but he had to after a few seconds of blinking. It was Donnie. He was siting on the floor, people all around him and his hand plastered over his ears. "Don?!" Raph exclaims, pushing the last few people out of the way. "Donnie, what are you doing here man?!" He takes hold of Donnie's shoulder and Donnie screams loudly.

He backs up, remembering what the boy had said when he first came in. "Don- Donatello?" He says softly, well, as soft as he could be. Donnie shakes his head. "Where's Mitchy?" Raph says into the crowd. "Over here." A boy's voice calls from a few yards away. A blond boy rushes over and rubs his head. "Hey dude, what's up?" He asks.

"Where did you find him?" Raph asks, pointing loosely to Donnie. "Him? He was on the corner, a street over. He looked like he really needed help so I brought him here, thought maybe one of the older guys could help figure something out." Raph rolls his eyes. "Once again, your heart is big enough for half this city Mitchy."

He waves him off and he just backs into the crowd, still watching the scene. "Don, does anyone know where you are?" Raph asks. Donnie shakes his head. "Can you come with so I can help you back home?" Raph asks, feeling like he was talking to an unstable toddler. Donnie shakes his head again.

Raph growls and looks around, jumping into the crowd and yanking a girl out. "Marcy, phone, now." He says with a scowl on his face. The girl quickly reaches into her dress pocket and drops an old flip phone into Raph's hand. He hated having his phone taken away. He tries his hardest to remember one of the Hamato's phone numbers but the only one he could remember unfortunately was the dreaded leader in blue.

"Gaaaahhhhhhh- _Fuck._ " Raph groans, starting to dial the number. It rings and rings before someone finally picks up. "Hello? This is Leonardo, who is this?" Raph sighs heavily. "Hey fuck-head, your brother is with me and totally freaking out or something so you'd better get over here and get him." Leo is silent for a moment. "Raph? Wha- Where are you? You found Don? He-He's been missing for like an hour!"

Raph glances at Donnie who has his face buried in his knees. "Yeah. You can come get him outside the community center if I can get 'im there." He says, hanging up quickly. He wants to chuck the phone against a wall but instead shoves it into his pocket. "Okay Donnie boy, lets' go." Raph says, yanking Donnie up from the floor, avoiding his shoulders and arms.

He pulls the boy through the crowds quickly, pushing open the door to outside like a bull. "What are you even doin' man?" Raph tries to ask. Donnie seemed mostly unresponsive. "Gosh damn it Donnie, answer me!" Raph shouts as they speed walk down the street. Raph was annoyed that he barely got to stay in his _'home',_ annoyed that he had to call Leo, and annoyed that Donnie was being so difficult.

Raph stops and lets go of Donnie where he had grabbed him by the shirt. "What the fuck dude?!" Raph says, poking him harshly in the chest. Donnie makes a noise and his hands twitch. "Why did you just show up at that place like that? Why are you being so weird? Why won't you _answer me!?_ " He finishes, yelling straight at Donnie.

Donnie drops to the pavement and digs his chin into his chest, hitting the palms of his hands onto his knees. "Whoa-!" Raph exclaims, taking a step back. "Uh- I'm- I'm sorry man, I-" Donnie's eyes are filled to the brim with soft tears and he makes small upset noises. "What do I- How- How can I help?" Raph says awkwardly. Donnie doesn't- _can't_ answer.

"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, sorry, I'm sorry." Raph says, yanking out the phone from his pocket. "Gosh, only for you man, only for you." Raph mumbles, dialing the number back in. It was picked up within the first ring. "Raph, were are you guys?! We were already out and close but where are you?" Raph looks around. "Not far. A street away or so." He says. "Down past _The Little Elf Soup Kitchen._ "

Raph looks down at Donnie and cringes. "Aaaaa- And um, what should I do if Don were to be... Melting down?" He could almost hear Leo wincing on the other end of the line. "Um-Ah- Um... Do- um. Just- uh, make sure he doesn't hurt himself or something." Raph hated the sound of Leo's voice. "Okay, whatever." He mumbles, bringing the phone slightly away from his ear.

He looks down at Donnie who was in more distress than he had ever seen him before. Why hadn't he noticed? Why had he all of a sudden just become this angry ball of shit when it was obvious something was wrong? Donnie hits his legs now, head down and silent. "Donnie, Don, don't do that man." Raph says quietly, his off demeanor returning.

He tries to take Donnie's hands away from his legs but there was no way Donnie was going to allow that. Instead he sits next to him silently. There was only one thing that could possibly equate to what Donnie was going through that Raph had experienced and it was not a good time.

So he does what he would've wanted if he were in Donnie's place. He lets him hit himself. He doesn't say a word. He just sits next to him, staring out into the street like nothing was happening. Soon he starts rubbing the older boy's back in slow, soothing circles. "Leo's gonna be here soon dude, it'll be fine." He says quietly. Though he hated the fact that it had to be Leo he knew Donnie needed someone from his family to come get him.

"Almost there" Leo says from the phone suddenly. Raph hadn't realized it was still on. He hangs up quickly and shoves the phone in his pocket, seeing the Hamato's van pulling up. Leo jumps out quickly, leaving the door open. "Oh my gosh, Don wh-what happened? You just ran off!" Raph stands up and glares at Leo. "Hey, fuckin' chill man. He's not feeling good right now." Raph tries not to roll his eyes at his own statement. He's never sounded so caring.

Leo sighs. "O-Okay, come on Donnie, Father's bound to be worried about you." He takes Donnie's hand and helps him up, leading him halfway to the car so that he could finish the action himself. Once he was in the car Leo turns back to Raph. "Raph, I-I'm really- I'm so, so sorry. I didn't know what all had happened, I just assumed and I-I made a big mistake-"

"Fuck yeah ya did." Raph interrupts, a deep scowl on his face. "Yeah... I feel so damn horrible about all this and I swear to you I'm going to try and fix this. I've already told my father we lied, me and Karai. I can't get her to confess but I did. I'm so sorry Raph. I just- I was so hurt and upset in that moment I-"

"Fuck off ass-hat. I don't give a shit anymore. I gave up on family already." Raph says. "Just take care of Don and leave me alone." Leo feels his chest tighten. "Don't say that! That's horrible. Listen, I'm going to try and fix everything maybe even get you back with us, I don't know-"

Raph starts walking away. "You can try fucker but when you're taken out of a home you're gone. You don't go back." Leo grabs Raph's shoulder. "That's because they don't want you back. We do. Just stay out of trouble until this whole thing blows over, we can get you back I promise." Raph rolls his eyes. "Promises aren't normally kept when it comes to me."

"So- So do it for Donnie. Do it for Mikey. They hate me right now. They barely talk to me. I've been trying all day to apologize to Mikey for all of this but every time we're in a room together he ignores me or leaves. That's why Donnie left. I was trying to make everything okay again and Mikey lashed out." Leo lets go of Raph's shoulder and he rolls his vibrant green eyes.

" _Tell you what._ " He says "You somehow find a _shred_ of evidence that I'll be put back in that house, then I'll _'be good'_. Other than that, I'd say I'll do whatever the hell I want." Leo takes a step forward. "Oh come on Raph-" Raph whips around, shoving Leo back. "I _tried_ to be good. I _tried_ and I told you all I didn't do anything but _oh,_ everyone's going to believe the preppy little _fuck_ who could _do. no. wrong_. I'm sick of it. Take your brother and go. He probably doesn't want to be hanging around here."

"Please, can you at least promise me you won't hurt yourself again?" Leo calls. Raph freezes. "I-I saw the cuts... Please, I can't feel okay letting you go if I know you're going to keep doing that." Raph holds his wrist tightly. "Like I said, I'll do whatever the hell I want." He replies quietly, walking away and leaving Leo standing next to the van.

* * *

Leo closes the front door behind him, watching Donnie retreat into his room without a word. He sighs and rubs his face tiredly. The whole way home he couldn't stop thinking about Raph. He tried to apologize but he wouldn't take it. He tried to help in some small way, even if it was planting the seed that he cared, that Raph should do what he does.

Leo sulks into the kitchen and plops down at the table. He absolutely hated everything that was going on. "Leonardo?" Leo nods his head on the table. "I got 'im." Leo mumbles. "Is everything alright?" Leo looks up at his father, wanting to tell his father about everything that happened, about Raph and his wrist and the scars. "I-... I think Donnie should go back to therapy." He says as if he was giving up.

"Why do you say?" He asks, sipping a cup of tea. "He- He can't handle things anymore. He's melting down all the time and his anxiety levels are off the charts." Leo shakes his head. "I just want everything to go back to normal." He mumbles. Yoshi nods. "It will my son. Eventually, it will." Leo stands up and goes to the doorway. "I'm going to try Mikey again." He says solemnly.

He goes up the stairs and knocks on the second to last door and knocks quietly. "Mikey?" Leo calls. There was no answer. He knocks again, this time a bit louder. "Mike? Can I come in?" Still nothing. Finally Leo just pushes the door open. The room was a mess and he could barely see Mikey laying on his bed with large headphones on. Leo starts into the mess further and he could actually see Mikey actively ignoring him.

"Mikey, I need to talk to you." Leo says, pulling the headphones off. He could hear the faint sound of rock music that had just been blaring into his little brother's ears. " _What do you want_." Mikey says snappily. Leo holds his hands behind his back and takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry Mikey. I- What I did was completely wrong and there's no good excuse for it. I-I just assumed something bad was happening and even with how bad Raph freaked out I just- I just felt like I had to keep you and Donnie safe. And my mind saw Raph as something dangerous."

"Well your mind royally screwed up." Mikey says venomously. "I know it did..." Leo says, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I'm trying so hard to fix things now so-" Mikey sits up abruptly. "No, Leo, you need to shut up. Donnie might be eager to forgive you and Dad might still see you as the golden boy but I see you as my _jack-ass_ of a brother who sent away someone who really needed a family."

As Mikey finishes his voice breaks, going from strong and angry to pleading and sad. "Mikey..." Leo says, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. Mikey smacks it away. "Mikey, I'm trying so hard to help. I saw Raph at the store the other day and then today when I was trying to find Donnie- I have to help him now, otherwise-..." Leo stops.

" _Otherwise what?_ " Mikey asks, leaning forward, angry tears in his eyes and his cheeks red. "Otherwise I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself..." Mikey's eyes widen slightly. "Wha-What do you mean?" Leo takes Mikey's hand and squeezes it tightly. "He cut himself. I don't want to tell a whole lot of people just yet because I don't know how anyone else will react."

Mikey yanks his hand away and shoves Leo back. "THIS WOULDNT'VE HAPPENED IF YOU HADN'T SAID ANYTHING!" Mikey stands up as Leo gets off of the redhead's bed. "Now Raph's hurting himself and who knows what else because of you and your stupid, selfish girlfriend!" Mikey starts hitting Leo, strong at first and then slowly dwindling down until he's leaning against his older brother, tears sliding down his face as he takes comfort in him.

"I just hate you so much right now." Mikey says quietly as Leo rubs his back. "I deserve it." Leo says as Mikey wraps his arms around him. After a few minutes Mikey backs away and asks Leo to leave which he obliges quickly. He didn't want to make him more upset.

Leo, with two upset brothers retreats to his bedroom, sitting on his own bed and rubbing his chest where Mikey had hit him. He could tell there'd be some bruising later on. He could feel his stomach churning, partially from his emotions and partially from hunger. He knew his father was making an early dinner but he really didn't feel like he deserved any food. Leo flops back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

His stomach growls but he ignores it, rolling to his side. He didn't deserve to be upset. He was the one who made all of this happen, he was the one who made Raph go away, he was the one who made his brothers mad at him. He had no right to be upset, yet, that didn't stop his dumb teenage heart from pounding and slapping him in the face with a wave of sadness. It felt like hundreds, maybe thousands of people were looking down on him with hatred.

It all weighed down on him and he holds back any inkling of tears that tried to force themselves into his eyes. "Leonardo! Dinner is ready!" His father yells from the kitchen, knowing full-well that Mikey and Donnie were not in the mood for food. "I'm not hungry!" Leo shouts back without thinking. His stomach tries to disagree but doesn't get very loud. It wasn't like he needed food anyway.

* * *

 _ **Cut you open and make you sick**_

 _ **Suffer, suffer, suffer like I did**_

 _ **Take the poison and lock your lips**_

 _ **Suffer, suffer, suffer like I did.**_

 _ **"Suffer"**_

 **Get Scared**

* * *

 ** **Yooooo! Hey guys, thanks for hanging in there! I've been honing in on my art for the last couple weeks. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and tell me what you think about it! Tell me all your theories or ideas about what's going to happen, tell me what you think of each and every character, I don't care! It's so great getting feedback from you all! I'll write you next time dudes!****


	16. Chapter 16: Give Me Back My Life

**(4585 Words)**

Raph sits on his floor, the exact spot he had sat in the first time he cut. He had his sleeve rolled up and his eyes trained on his wrists. He hated them. He hated that he did any of this. But what he hated the most was that smug-ass Leonardo. So he takes his knife and places it against his skin. "Fuck you Leo." He whispers, pressing and sliding just under the last one, going up his arm that much more.

He goes over the initial cut three more times, the blood soaking into the blade. A spite cut. That's what it was. Raph didn't want anyone telling him what to do, especially not Leo. Raph sets the knife down, a few droplets of blood getting on the wooden floor. "Fucking fuck fuck fuck..." Raph mumbles, the profanities feeling helpful.

He lays his head back on the bed and closes his eyes, his bloody wrist facing the ceiling. He was so tired. It was a moment of bliss before panic jolts through his whole body. The door is unexpectedly pushed open and Raph is frozen. "Raph, can I talk to you for a minute?" Raph's reaction was just barely too slow, swiping the blade under his bed and his hand behind his back.

Z stares at Raph and closes his eyes for a second. " _Ugh..._ Does anyone know?" He says simply. Raph thinks for a moment about lying, saying that nothing actually happened but he knew it wouldn't work. "Britney... My old foster brother..." Raph grunts out angrily. Z moves into the room and sits next to Raph. "Cameron?" Raph shakes his head and Z bows his.

He swipes his hand under the bed and grabs the knife, closing it up with Raph's blood still on it, and sticking it in his pocket. "Dude, I don't want to but I have to tell Cameron." Raph feels his heart skip a beat. "This- It's not good for you. And I know I shouldn't care but I do. You're like the first person to come here that I've actually kinda enjoyed." Raph scoots away a bit and pulls his arm back around to the front, grabbing his wrist.

"No. you- You can't..." Raph says quietly. "I-I don't do this like all the time or anything. there's only like... six cuts..." Raph says, realizing too late that his plead didn't sound good. "Dude, you'll thank me later, I promise." Z says, standing up. "I'll talk to you later about what I came in here for." He says before going back to the door. Raph wanted to stand and grab the blade back, to punch Z and make it so he wouldn't tell anyone but before he could figure out what he was actually going to do Z was gone.

" _Fuck._ " Raph says. He stands shakily and slips out of the room and into the bathroom where he could lock the door. As soon as the door was closed he let himself go. His chest fills with anxiety and sadness. He felt like his head was filled with pounding liquid and it's one escape was his tear ducts. He backs himself to the door and slides down, his face filled with tears. He didn't want anyone to know. The people who did know didn't care. He really should've learned from the first time someone caught him.

He presses his hands to his eyes and his face contorts into one of extreme pain. His breaths come in and out shakily and loud. Someone thumps up the stairs and Raph sucks in a loud breath. "Raphael come out here right now." Cameron orders. Raph shakes his head, though he knew no one could see him. The door jiggles with Raph against it. " _Raphael._ " Cameron says again. "I know you're scared right now. Come out and I can help you."

Raph hears the door starting to be unlocked after another set of footsteps joins Cameron. Raph presses himself against the door harder, knowing the door opened inward. It starts opening but only an inch or two. A hand starts to slide in and Raph pushes back harder, trapping it. "Ah-! Raphael stop!" Cameron yells. Raph was panicking. He couldn't hold them off forever. He feels like he was truly dying.

The door is pushed open and Raph is slid further into the bathroom. Cameron comes in and bends down to Raph's level where he won't meet his eyes. He rubs Raph's upper arms and squeezes him"It's okay now, it's okay..." Cameron says, trying to keep Raph calm.

Raph knew it wasn't okay, that he'd be mad at him soon enough. Cameron squeezes him one more time, knowing how upset he was. "Let me see it." He says, reaching for Raph's bloodied wrist. Raph pulls it away, hiding it between his legs and his chest. "Go away." He says quietly.

"No. Come on now. We're going to clean you up and then we're going to have a short talk." Cameron says, grabbing the towel from the sink and wetting it. He puts his left hand out to take Raph's. Raph puts his head down on his knees and gives Cameron his arm, feeling him wash off his cut before taking out a first aid kit from under the sink and wrapping Raph's arm up quickly.

Cameron forcibly lifts Raph from the floor and half drags him to the boy's room. He sets him down on the bed and Raph curls up in the corner. "I don't wanna talk." He whispers. "Don't then." Cameron says. "just nod or shake your head." Raph hides his face. "Have you been doing this for long?" Cameron asks. Raph shakes his head. "Were you doing it before you came here?" Raph shakes his head again. "Do you... enjoy it?" Raph shrugs, his muscles tightening.

" _Do you want to die?_ " Cameron asks carefully. Raph doesn't do anything for a moment. He shrugs. "Did any of the boys know before Alexander came to me?" Raph nods. Cameron thinks for a moment. "Was it _Britney?_ " Raph twitches but nods slowly. "Okay..." Cameron and Raph sit in silence for a few minutes. "I-I wanna be alone." Raph whispers, moving back an inch or so.

"I don't think that's a good idea tonight." Cameron says. Raph makes a noise and dig his head into his legs. "I'm not going to do anything, please, I just want to be alone." Raph says just a bit louder. "I'm going to have Z sleep in here tonight." Cameron says, standing up to leave. "You'll have some time alone for now."

Raph hates all of this but it's what he brought on himself.

* * *

Downstairs Cameron takes the land line from the charger and dials in a number from a sticky note beside the phone. He waits a few seconds before the other end of the call is picked up. "Hello, Manhattan Social services, this is Greg." Cameron smiles. "Greg, it's Cameron from the Wandering Boy's home. I'm glad I caught you just before you left for the night."

"Yeah, I was just about to head out." Greg says. Cameron glances at the stairs. "We had a little indecent here with Raphael-" Greg interrupts, annoyed. "Again? Yeesh, I swear this kid is getting worse and worse." Cameron nods. "Yeah. He's been cutting apparently. He didn't want to talk understandably but he's only been doing since he came here." Greg sucks in a breath. " _Oh..._ " He says quietly, and Cameron continues.

"I feel like Raphael might do better in _just_ a foster home, not a group home. And since he's been suspended from school he's not getting a whole lot of time with other kids not in the home." Cameron sighs. "I know there weren't any more foster families in New York but maybe he could be moved out of state." Greg hums again. "Maybe. It'd be hard and complicated but he _could be_ moved out of state. I was contacted by Raphael's last foster parent, Hamato Yoshi earlier today."

"You were?" Cameron asks. "Yeah, He said he wanted to meet up with him and I tomorrow. I was going to call you in the morning to set something up." Greg replies. "Okay... Well anytime tomorrow would be fine with me, just call beforehand." "Thanks." Greg says. "I'll see you tomorrow then." They say their goodbyes and Cameron hangs up the phone. He just hoped everything would be okay until then.

Cameron stalks up the stairs with a huff. He had to talk to Britney and he knew it would be an uphill battle. "Britney, can I come in for a moment?" Cameron calls calmly through one of the doors. "Whatever." Britney calls back, sounded extremely inconvenienced. Cameron opens the door and walks over to the bed where Britney lays with his head near the foot board. "What?" He asks.

"Did you know that Raphael was hurting himself?" Cameron asks quietly. "No." Britney says seamlessly. "He tells me otherwise." Britney doesn't even blink. "Well if he's been hurting himself then he could be lying about this too." He turns a page in the magazine he was reading. "I mean, he lied about raping his foster brother's girlfriend didn't he?" The smallest of smirks appears on his face.

"Britney, let me see your arms." Cameron demands. Britney rolls his eyes. "Oh _come on._ I'm not _doing_ anything. Just because someone _else_ is cutting doesn't mean _I_ am." Britney says, dramatically getting frustrated. Cameron takes His arm and pushes up the brightly colored sleeve, revealing multiple new cuts, just barely healing. " _God,_ what am I going to do with you two. Maybe you shouldn't live here. Maybe you need to go to a psychiatric ward."

Britney, at this point used to being caught folds his arms. "I'm not going to a nut house." He says darkly. "I'll fucking kill myself before I go somewhere like that." Cameron rolls his neck out. "Britney, please, let's not go there. If you don't stop we both know what's going to happen." Britney lowers his chin and closes his magazine. "I don't need to stop. Don't want to." Britney mumbles.

"Well you will want to soon because there's only one place you can be taken to after this if you don't get clean." Cameron leans closer. " _And I know you won't like it._ " Britney is silent for a couple moments before a small, choked sob escapes his lips. He puts a hand to his mouth and tries not to let it out. "Hey, come here." Cameron says soothingly, pulling Britney into his arms.

"Don't touch me! I'm fucking _disgusting,_ don't touch me." Britney says, scrubbing at his eyes furiously. "Stop now. You're beautiful. You've just made some bad choices. Life hasn't been kind to you but I promise you'll be okay." Britney struggles in his grasp. " _Please, just let go._ " He cries. Cameron rubs his arms like he did for Raph earlier. "I'm not going to let go Britney. You are beautiful and you don't deserve those scars."

Britney tenses everything. "Today I'm beautiful, yesterday I was handsome, what am I anymore!? This shit doesn't make any sense!" He presses both hands to his eyes. "Anything you want to be Brit. You can be a beautiful, wonderful boy or you could be a handsome, loving girl, nothing matters except for that you stop hurting yourself. You can be whoever you want" Britney Yanks himself out of Cameron's grasp and sits as far away from Cameron as possible.

He stares at his feet, his head resting on his knees which were pulled up to his chest. He shook very slightly, choking back little sobs. Very slowly he stops crying, going completely silent and just picking at fuzz on his pants.

It was a few minutes before he spoke again."I'd... I'd take Raphael's long sleeved clothes if I were you. He'll do it again. No doubt. He'll be scared at first but he'll still do it." He says dully, looking away. "Check the whole room. There will be more blades. Don't leave him alone, no matter what. _Don't fucking do it._ "

"You really want him to stop? Watch him like a fucking hawk." Cameron nods, knowing the best advice would've been from someone who experienced it. "I'm going to bed." Britney says as Cameron stands up. He digs himself deep under the blankets and keeps his head covered. "Good night Britney." Cameron says quietly.

* * *

Raph didn't sleep all night. It was terrifying knowing that someone who could do something knew about his _'secret'_. Every few minutes he'd watch Z sleeping on the bed that used to be Matthew's, wondering how many people that asshole had done things to on that bed. Once the sun started rising Raph rubs his eyes, dark circles residing under them. He sits with his chin on his knees, picking absentmindedly at the bandage around his wrist.

Sometime in the night Cameron had come in and taken any long sleeved shirts out of his drawer. Raph had pretended to be asleep for those few moments but afterwards he felt his eyes burn again. He didn't even trust him with long sleeved clothes. He was screwed.

"Hey man, you okay?" Raph shakes his head, trying to get himself out of his thoughts. "What?" Raph says in a near whisper. "You've been spacing out for like twenty minutes." Z says, putting a hand on Raph's shoulder. "I-I'm fine." Raph mumbles, staring at his hands. "Um, okay... _Anyways_ , Cameron wanted you to get ready to go somewhere soon."

"Wha- Where am I going?" Raph asks. Z shrugs and sits on his own bed, picking up a thick book he was nearly finished with. Raph didn't want to get up. He just wanted to sit in bed all day and not talk to anyone. Begrudgingly Raph pushes himself out of bed and goes over to the dresser, pulling out an old t-shirt and new jeans before heading out the door to the bathroom.

He goes to close and lock the door when he feels a small void where the lock should be. "The fuck?" He mumbles. The lock had been removed and once again a pang of guilt jabs his chest. This was because of him. He quickly changes and rubs his toothbrush across his teeth, ignoring the fact that he probably needed to shower.

With a grumble he stalks downstairs to see Greg sitting on in a chair across from Cameron. "Uh..." Raph says, folding his arms behind his back. "Hello Raphael, ready to go?" Greg asks, pushing himself up from the chair. "Um, where am I going exactly?" Raph asks, hoping with all his might that Greg hadn't seen the bandage.

"The Hamatos wanted to meet up with you today, talk things over you know?" Greg says, walking up to Raph. "We're going to meet up at a small diner about fifteen minutes away." Raph nods. "Y-Yeah, okay." Raph says, pushing back some stray hairs with his left hand, keeping the bandaged one behind his back.

"Behave Raphael." Cameron says as Raph and Greg walk to the door. "Yeah, whatever." Raph mumbles. Greg closes the door behind them and smiles at Raph. "Hey, you okay man?" Greg asks as they walk to his car. Raph nods, keeping his hand behind his back. If there was one person he didn't want to know about those cuts it was Greg.

"How's it been, you know being in the group home. Does it seem better, worse than a foster family?" Greg asks, starting up the car. "I don't know." Raph huffs, trying to figure out how he'd hide everything this whole time. "It's fine I guess. Don't have to worry about disappointing anyone or anything. Don't have anyone that really cares so I can do what I want for the most part."

Greg hums. "I'm sure Cameron cares a little bit at least." He says, driving down a slightly busy street. "And I care too." Raph rolls his eyes and instinctively crosses his arms. They sit silently in the car before they're stopped at a light. "Raphael, before we get there I think we should talk about what happened last night." Greg says calmly.

Raph's heart jolts into his chest. "Uh... Uh..." He manages out, sticking his arm back behind him again. "I'm not mad. I understand how you've gotten to this point, to be honest, I expected you to get there a lot sooner. But you've been so _strong_ through all of this mess. I just wish you'd never gotten here. I wish we could've found you a good home before this happened."

Raph slouches in his seat. "Please try and stop. It's much harder to find homes for kids who self harm." Greg says, driving forward again. "And I know for a fact you want a home." The words being said aloud by one of the only people he really trusted felt like knives being driven through his chest and pins jabbing his fingers. Raph crosses his arms again, not caring anymore if the bandage was exposed.

They pull into the parking lot of an old styled diner and Raph immediately gets out of the car, feeling slightly claustrophobic. He stands by the vehicle, hand on the closed car door and staring at the diner. There was a small set of stairs going up to the door of the diner and he notices a familiar van parked close by. Raph takes a deep breath and glances to his right to see Greg waiting for him to make a move.

"I want you to stay calm, control your temper in there okay?" Greg says. Raph rolls his eyes and starts toward the building. Greg takes hold of Raph's shoulder. "I mean it. I know you're not exactly on good terms with old foster families." Raph shrugs him off. "Yeah, whatever." They walk in slowly, Raph ignoring the fact that his hands felt like they were burning.

As the door swings open a small bell rings and four heads turn towards them. There they were. They were all just sitting at a booth staring at them. All the Hamatos. Raph swallows hard and walks over shakily with Greg at his side. _Why was he so_ damn _nervous?_ "Hello. Mr. Hamato, boys." Greg greets, knowing Raph wouldn't.

"Please, sit." Yoshi says, motioning to the seat across from him. Yoshi was in one side next to Leonardo and then Michelangelo while Donnie sat alone in the side Raph and Greg were to sit in. Greg motions for Raph to sit first, trapping him inside as he sat. Raph lets out a quiet "Hi..." When he sits, keeping his head down.

As soon as the two were settled Donnie leans his head on Raph's shoulder, which was a feat seeing as he was so much shorter than the genius teen. Greg smiles awkwardly at the people sitting across from him. "How about we order some appetizers an then we can discuss-" He's cut off by Mikey who, out of the blue gains his happy-go-lucky attitude once again. "Do they have pizza here?" He asks loudly. "Michelangelo. Do not cut people off when they are talking."

Donnie nods his head on Raph's shoulder. "You have to wait your turn." He says. "It's a rule." Mikey rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I guess." After a few minutes they order some small dishes, luckily they did have pizza at the small diner. Everyone dug into their small meals except for Leo who had a glass of water. Said boy sighs and flicks his clear straw, making it spin around in the drink. "Raphael, I am extremely sorry for what I did. By not bringing the truth to light I hurt you and everyone in unimaginable ways."

There was a moment of silence before Leo raises his glance to Greg. "Mr. Gregory, I am sorry. I exaggerated the truth without full knowledge of what happened. What I did was absolutely wrong and Raphael should not have to pay for my _stupid_ mistake." Greg nods. "I hope you know what you did would normally be called attention to by the state." Leo grimaces. "But I know your family. So I won't bring it up. No matter how much I feel I should." Greg finishes.

Leo nods thankfully. "Thank you. I know I don't deserve it." Mikey beside him folds his arms. "You got that right" He mumbles, only allowing Leo to hear. Raph picks at a small serving of fries, watching lazily as Donnie reaches over and takes a short fry out of his small container and eats it. "What, are mine better than your's?" Raph asks, glancing over at Donnie's fries.

"you have less soggy ones. The soggy one's are gross." Donnie says simply as if it was obvious. Raph sighs. "Y'wanna trade?" He asks and Donnie nods, head still on his shoulder. Raph shuffles the fries and takes Donnie's soggier ones while Donnie smiles at his new container of fries. "So, down to business." Greg says. "You said on the phone you had made a decision?"

Yoshi nods. " _Hai_. I believe we may give, as my sons say, _One more shot_ with us." Raph's eyes widen. "We may have to make some cutbacks and possibly more drastic measures but we will make it work. I will make it work." Greg smiles and lets out a small breathy laugh. "That's- That's great! I mean, there will be a lot of paperwork, mostly on my part, and there will probably be some other conditions to it but I'm sure anything that could come up would be handled by the state."

"Great." Yoshi sighs. "When is the soonest Raphael could come back with us. That is, if he wants to." The Asian man looks to Raph who looks back in total shock. "I-I mean yeah. If- If that's a thing y'know..." Raph mumbles. Greg thinks for a moment. "If I plan things right it could range from a week from now to tomorrow."

Mikey brightens quickly from his gloomy silent state. "Really!? Oh my gosh!" He exclaims, nearly knocking over his soda. Greg laughs a little. "Yeah man." He says calmly. "Hey boys, why don't you go check out that old arcade room. They've got an original pac-man table and everything." Greg says, hinting that they boys should leave. Leo takes the hint and moves to stand. "Yeah, I bet I could take all of you on at that old pinball machine."

Mikey rolls his eyes but stands anyways, knowing he'd enjoy a game just not with Leo. Finally Greg slides out so that Donnie and Raph could leave with the two other boys. Raph tries to move but Donnie sits planted in his seat. "Hey come on Don." Leo says, motioning for him to follow. Donnie shakes his head. "Let's go dude, you like computers and stuff, that pac-man table is like an old table so maybe that'll be cool or something." Raph tries in hopes to get the stubborn boy to move.

Thankfully it works. Donnie sits up off of Raph and they both slide out, following Leo and Mikey over to the small side room with a few old fashioned games. Greg folds his hands on the table and looks Yoshi in the eyes. "So as I told you on the phone, there's been _things_ going on with Raphael so in order to come back with you Mr. Hamato, He would have to be put back in therapy for no less than six months."

Yoshi nods. Greg pulls out his phone to check the time and notices a new text message that read: _"Checked Raphael's room. Found two make shift blades under the mattress and behind the dresser."_ Greg sighs. "The state would cover most if not all of the costs. His child support would go up slightly but really not that much."

Again Yoshi nods. "How soon were you wanting to take him back on?" Greg asks. "As soon as possible." Yoshi replies. "Uh-huh. Okay. If you don't mind, I could head over to the office and get things started now and maybe I can get everything done by the end of the day. I can push back some of the other paperwork deadlines."

Greg obviously felt more invested in Raphael's case than any other he was currently working on. The two adults look over at the boys. They all seemed happy. Leo and Donnie watched as Raph and Mikey went head to head in a boxing type game. Leo was smiling and Donnie was spewing words out like he had been holding them all in since Raph left. Mikey had his tong stuck out of his mouth as he pounded the buttons, his eyes unblinking.

Raph had a small smile on his face. He was actually enjoying himself. There was a ding from the game and Raph shoots up, fists in the air as Mikey puts his head down on the game table. They were getting along. Yoshi smiles. They were getting along like the brothers they should be.

* * *

 _ **I know that I'm fucked up and infected**_

 _ **I've been hiding in the fear rejected**_

 _ **Thank God that you finally found me**_

 _ **Cause you got to get me out of here**_

 _ **I've been sick and disconnected**_

 _ **I've been loving like I've been neglected**_

 _ **All the walls coming down around me**_

 _ **And you got to get me out of here**_

 _ **I can't take anymore**_

 _ **I don't wanna to breathe I don't want to die**_

 _ **I can't feel I'm paralyzed**_

 _ **I'm not taking this tonight**_

 _ **Give me back my life**_

 _ **I can't breathe I can't fight**_

 _ **I don't wanna feel like I'm alive**_

 _ **I'm not taking this tonight**_

 _ **Give me back my life**_

 _ **Give Me Back My Life**_

 _ **Papa Roach**_

* * *

 **Once again, I had to put an extra long song clip in there to make it feel right. I know these updates aren't really that consistent but it's the best I can do. I hope you all are ready for some extreme drama though! We're going to have some FUN in the next couple chapters! ;P _(Oh, and have any of you guys seen Spiderman Homecoming!? I saw it twice in the same day, its so freakin' good!)_**

 ** **Thank you all for being so patient with me and thank you for reading! I catch you in the next chapter!****


	17. Chapter 17: Old ScarsFuture Hearts

_**(5102) words**_

Raph had spent two more days in that hell hole of a group home. He didn't talk at all within that time, not to anyone. He had his phone service turned back on and connected to the Hamato's so that they could communicate which was all Raph did in that time. Besides chores, Raph just sat on his bed, texting with the Hamato boys.

 _"Hey Raph!"_ Mikey had texted. _"Sup Mike."_ Raph texted back. He'd rather call normally but then again, that involved speaking. _"So you're coming back later today right?!"_ Mikey texts quickly. Raph smiles a little. _"Yeah, cat'n wate to get outta here."_ Raph types, not noticing his misspellings.

 _"Oh! I just remembered! There's a school dance this weekend! You should come! It'll be like a welcome back party but like no one needs to know! Lol."_ Raph reads Mikey's text. He must have something Raph didn't because it was like he didn't even have to type at all with how fast he was sending these. _"I don't know dude. I don't even have a date or aneething."_ Raph texts, again misspelling things.

 _"you don't technically need one. Plus, I bet you could find a date no problem-o"_ Raph rolls his eyes. _"Maybe I'll go."_ After this Mikey sends a few excited emojis. _"Yeah man! It'll be sick!"_ Raph leans against the wall. _"Shur man. I need to get my things reddy if I'm coming back today so I'll see you latr."_ Raph sets his phone down and stares around the room.

He really didn't have that much to pack up but he had to give himself time to soak everything in. He was going back to the family he thought was pretty good and was making a connection with. It really was a first. Something new that hasn't happened before. It was weird but... _exhilarating_ at the same time.

But then came the dance. He didn't have anything nice enough to wear. He barely had anything nice enough to go out to a dinner. He shouldn't have said he'd go. Mikey would never let him back out of it now. "Wha'sup Raph?" The voice breaks him out of his trance. He looks over to the other bed where Z sat, closing the book he had been reading. He must've finished it.

"Uh, nothin' man. Just thinking." Raph whispers. Z smiles. It had been the first time he talked to him in two days. He was beginning to think that he didn't like him. A few seconds of silence go by before Raph speaks again. "What were you going to talk about? That night when you caught me." Z squirms a bit. "Oh, um... I was just going to tell you something. 'Bout Britney. It doesn't matter though really, 'specially since you're leaving now anyways."

Raph squints his eyes at Z but turns his gaze away soon enough. He glares at the dresser. He had checked as soon as he got back, Cameron had taken the make shift blades he made. It felt like such an intrusion of privacy but he knew he deserved it. As soon as he got to the Hamato's he could find a new blade. Raph was surprised at how quickly he got hooked on this cutting thing.

So far he had only cut for specific reasons, or people. Not that he hadn't felt the need to do it without a specific reason. Raph blinks out of his daze, scratching at the bandage around his wrist. "Hey Raph, do you wanna go shoot some hoops one last time?" Z says. Raph could tell he was trying to distract him from whatever thoughts Z thought he was having. He was right to do so.

Raph pushes himself up from his bed. "Yeah, sure. Why not?" Z smiles genuinely and gets up from the opposite bed. The boys stomp down the stairs and past Britney who was laughing at a horror movie. Raph rolls his eyes and they head out the front door to the drive way. They threw a few free throws to warm up before doing some one on one.

"Let's go man! Gimme your all!" Raph says. Z laughs and Raph goes to shoot but Z comes in and budges past him, knocking him to the ground. Raph groans as his right arm scrapes the concrete. He blinks his eyes open and his heart skips a beat. He was looking directly under the blue ass van at a small chunk of sharp metal that must've fallen off the vehicle.

He doesn't think twice before grabbing it and quickly shoving it in his back pocket. "Yo Raph, are you okay? Didn't hit your head or nothing did you?" Raph chuckles and stands up. "Yeah man. That's not keeping me out of the game just yet!"

* * *

Raph Smiles awkwardly as he steps into the Hamato's household, the boys talking and moving excitedly. Greg and Yoshi step into the kitchen to talk and Raph wants nothing more than to be alone. Yes, he wanted to be with the Hamatos but he had a pinching in his chest and a burning in his wrist he needed to take care of.

"Hey guys, I know you're gonna hate me an' all but I kinda just want to go chill by myself for a bit. Maybe take a nap or something." Raph says, scratching the back of his head. Donne and Mikey deflate a little but Leo just nods. "I understand, go relax, it's been a crazy month for you." Raph smiles and heads up the stairs with his bag, the faux happiness leaving his face as soon as it was no longer visible.

He pushes his old door open and sighs. Everything was just the way he left it. Blankets bunched up on the floor, things shoved behind where the door had been flung open. _Oh God it hurt_. Raph didn't want to be in this room. The wound was still fresh. He slowly closes the door, trying to make everything seem like he wasn't freaking out internally.

He sits on the floor, right up against the door, and takes out the rusty piece of metal. He quietly undoes the bandage around his wrist and cuts into his skin with a small gasp. It was so satisfactory to feel that feeling. He had been clean for two days but it had felt like forever. It deserved another cut. He goes again, just below the first one.

The fact that they had put bandages on him was so helpful. He could hide the cuts, fresh and old. Raph learned from last time though. He covers his arm back up quickly and wipes the blood off the metal, hiding it directly on his person. Raph's breathing gets heavy as he once again takes in the room. Somehow the full effect hadn't hit him yet. but now he had his hand over his mouth, holding back small whimpers. He was terrified to be in this room.

His chest clenches even tighter, tighter than before he cut. It was only okay when he was focused on tearing his skin open. He tried to remember he was back with the family he wanted to be with but it only made things worse as he remembered the last time he was in this house.

Raph shakily stands and tries to move to the bed but stops half way. He lies down on the floor and closes his eyes. He said he'd be taking a nap so he'd take a _damn nap_. He breathes out heavily and takes short quick intakes of breath. He focuses on his breathing. _In and out. In and out. In and out_. Soon enough his breathing evened out as much as it could and lulling Raph into a light sleep.

* * *

 _Raph spins around. He was in the darkened room at the Hamato's home that he had called his own. His heart was pounding and his head hurt like hell. He hears a cackle echo in the room before some invisible force shoves him to the bed. It felt like hitting cement. Raph chokes on air and coughs multiple times._

 _The cackle sounds again and Raph's head is picked up and slammed into the concrete bed. He screams, the pain unbearable._ "Help me out?" _A voice says almost like a serpent. Raph struggles to get up but nothingness holds him down. "Let me up!" He shouts. His legs feel like they were being stabbed by a thousand knives. He screams and he feels something touching-_ groping _him._

 _"_ Don't touch me! _" Raph screams at the top of his lungs. It was like his past, everything was coming back to haunt him. He takes a sharp inhale of breath as his arms start shaking uncontrollably, letters carving themselves into his skin, deeper and deeper till it cut into fat. '_ gross', 'dirty', 'disgusting', 'DIE'.

* * *

Raph Screams bloody murder, swinging out and hitting someone square in the jaw. He keeps screaming, his arms burning so bad. Raph rips off the bandages on his arm and scrambles as far back as he could, hitting the dresser. He screams as someone gets closer to him and swipes at them before his screams turn to sobs. He was so scared. He was so so scared, he didn't want to die. Not today.

Someone grabs him and squeezes him tightly. "It's okay Raph! No one's going to hurt you!" Someone yells, though it sounded as if they were doing so through jello. "I-I don't want-! I don't-don't want to- to die!" Raph cries out. "You're not going to die. I won't let you. Breathe Raph, breathe..." Raph tries, he really does but the panic was too high.

"I can't-! I can't-! I- I-" Raph sobs, choking on the words. "Raph, Raph, it's okay. It's okay. Look at me. _Open your eyes and look at me._ " The person commands. Raph opens his eyes and blinks into ocean blue ones. "You. Are. Okay. I've got you. You're not going to die." Raph didn't care who this was, it was comfort and he needed that.

Raph latches on, shaking like a leaf. "Leo, what's going on?" A quiet voice from the doorway asks. "Nothing Mike, go back to bed." Raph sucks in a breath. " _Really_ Leo, what's wrong with Raph?" Raph feels Leo move a little. "Nothing Michael, now _go. To. Bed._ " The door closes and Raph's vision starts to clear. He could tell what was going on around him a little better.

Leo was holding him in his arms, his hands pinning Raph's to his chest so he couldn't do any more damage to his wrists. Raph hated that all this was happening and he wished it didn't but it was. It was happening and he had to calm down. " _It- It hurts._ " Raph mumbles, his arm still burning severely.

"What hurts?" Leo asks. Raph shakes his head, realizing he had just outed himself. Leo was about to let the comment slide until he feels his had get wet. Leo moves his hand and stares at it. It was covered in blood. Leo's eyes widen. It should've been two days at the very least without him cutting. He had heard his father and Greg talking about it, so why would one of them just split open like that.

Two. There were two open ones. " _Raph, you didn't..._ " Leo says. Raph closes his eyes and tries not to move. Leo lifts his Raph's arm to look at it closer. It was definitely infected, the cuts were oozing white pus along with the blood from ripping back open. "Don't tell, don't tell, please don't tell." Raph pleads, trying and failing to pull out of Leo's grasp.

"No, no, I'm sorry, I have to. I have to." Leo takes a breath. He can't lie anymore, about anything... _Almost anything_. "We have to get these things cleaned out." Leo says. "No. No, I want to stay here. I'm tired, let me go to bed." Raph curls up as Leo tries to make him stand. "Raph, these are infected, if we don't clean them out you could end up getting your hand cut off." Leo says, going to the extreme.

"I'm going to bed!" Raph says loudly, pushing Leo away and covering his face with his arms. Leo backs off for a moment. He stares at Raph. He wanted to be able to help, start to make things right but... He just can't fix this right now. Leo shuffles back and stands, moving silently to the door.

He moves quickly through the quiet house, passing a ticking clock that read three AM. He blinks a couple times and maneuvers his way through the living-room in the dark, finally making his way to his father's room, knocking twice on the wooden door. He waits only a few seconds before the door opens. "Leonardo, it is late, what is it?" Leo breathes raspily. "It's- It's Raph. I tried to help but he wouldn't have it."

"What do you mean my son?" Yoshi asks, taking a step forward out of his room. "He had a nightmare or something and he... He did it again. I don't know when but it must've been sometime today." Yoshi nods, taking the lead back up to Raph's room. "Please wait outside or go to bed Leonardo. You have done enough." Leo feels himself stiffen up. The words themselves hurt but the tone was still loving.

He hugs himself and walks back to his room. _He'd done enough_. Yoshi rubs his eyes tiredly before entering the distraught teen's room. "Raphael?" He says quietly. "Mm-Mm." Raph mumbles. "Did you have a nightmare?" Yoshi asks, coming in and sitting next to him. Raph knew he knew about the cuts but he didn't know why he didn't say anything about them.

Raph folds in on himself tighter. "Do you want to talk about it?" Yoshi asks. Raph shakes his head. "I just wanna sleep." Raph says, though his voice is muffled by his arms. "You do not look very comfortable here. Would you like to sleep elsewhere?" Yoshi offers, moving closer. Raph nods and Yoshi stands alongside Raph.

They walk without any noise to Yoshi's room where there was a folded up cot leaning against the wall. "Sometimes my sons come to sleep in with me as well so I keep a cot in here just in case." Yoshi lets out a small chuckle and sets up the cot. He goes over to a small closet, taking out a small wooden box. He motions for Raph to sit on the cot and he complies.

Yoshi opens the box and takes out a large bandage. Raph cringes. Yoshi turns over Raph's palm and inspects the cuts. He nods and takes out a small package of anti bacterial wipes and cleans off the cuts before adding a cream to the bandage and putting it over both cuts. He adds a layer of tape over top as well. "May I have your weapon." Yoshi says, phrasing it like a questing but saying it like a command.

Raph pulls the metal out of his pocket and gingerly places it in the man's hand. Yoshi nods in thanks. He puts the medical materials away and lays Raph back on the cot. "Sleep well." He says quietly as he goes over to his own bed. Raph pulls a blanket over his head and squeezes his eyes shut.

He was exhausted but expected for it to take a long time to fall asleep but within a matter of minutes he was breathing softly and sleeping easy.

* * *

Raph wakes up, not knowing what time it was and feeling like total shit. He holds his head as he sits up, looking around the room. He groans. "Fuckin' idiot." He mumbles, standing up and walking out of the empty room. The living-room on the other hand was were the buzz was at. All three of the brothers were sitting on the couches while Yoshi sat in a char in the corner, reading a renascence book. "Hey Raph come'ere!" Mikey shouts, waving him over.

Raph rubs his arm and walks over slowly and nervously. "Hey! So there's the school dance you know right? It's like for the whole school and it's coming up really soon! Like in two days real soon. We need to get you a tux or something!" Raph gives him a confused look. "Wait, what?" Donnie nods, staring at his hands. "If I have to go then so do you." Leo smiles awkwardly. "It'll be fun. I promise. Besides, none of us actually have dates. I mean, I was planning on going with Karai but..."

As Leo trails off the room gains an awkward air. "We get tickets to bring one person who doesn't go to the school." Donnie says, breaking the silence. "So you get two tickets and you can take anyone you want, even someone who is younger." Mikey and Leo both nod. "Hey, you know, I think dad has an old suit or something you could use. The rest of us have suits from various things." Mikey says, standing and moving over to Raph.

"It'll be great man!" Mikey says, throwing an arm around his shoulder. Raph twitches almost violently. "Oh, sorry, yeah..." Mikey says, backing off quickly. "Uh, anyways, It's gonna be real cool and fun and we're all going so there's no getting out of it." Mikey finishes awkwardly. Raph folds his arms. "Okay." He says quietly.

"Who're you gonna bring?" Donnie asks and Raph shrugs. "I don't know. I don't really know anyone at the school and anyone I'd bring outside of it isn't really... kid friendly." Mikey snorts and holds back giggles. Leo stands and stretches his back. "Well, I'm going to go out. I need to stop in the candle store." Mikey rolls his eyes. "You're so weird Leo."

Leo returns the eye roll and starts to head out of the room. "Wait." Raph says suddenly. "I- Can I come with?" Leo narrows his eyes. He glances over to their father and Yoshi give a small nod. "Yeah, sure man." Leo replies. "Go get dressed though." He says with a laugh in his throat. Raph brushes his hair out of his face and goes upstairs to change out of his musty clothes.

Raph groans when he realizes he has only t-shirts but decides quickly what to wear and heads back to the living-room. He stops abruptly, coming face to face with Leo. "Uh..." Leo doesn't seem to register the awkward air. "You ready?" He asks. Raph nods and Leo holds his stare a bit longer. "Let's go then." He says, opening the door and walking out like nothing had happened.

They walk silently to the van and climb into opposing sides. Leo puts the key into the ignition but doesn't turn it, just staring out the front windshield. "So why did you really want to come?" He asks. Raph rubs his upper arm and looks away. "I thought of someone to bring with to that dance thing. I just kinda needed a ride." Leo smiles. "Why didn't you just say so?"

Raph shrugs and looks as if he wanted to retreat into the shell that he didn't have. "Who was it you wanted to bring?" Leo asks, finally turning the key. "You know that girl that was involved with that guy shooting himself?" Leo nods. "I thought she'd have fun with that whole thing. Besides, dances have food and the kids where she's at don't get a whole lot of that."

"Awe, Raph, that's so sweet." Leo says as he starts to back out of the driveway. "Oh, shut up." Raph replies, looking broodingly out the side window. The rest of the drive down to Leo's stop was silent. "Come on." Leo says as soon as the van is turned off. "Ugh, do I have to come in?" Raph groans.

"Yeah. Let's go." Raph rolls out his neck and pushes open his door with a huff. As they walk inside Raph feels the need to remind Leo that he still hates him but he keeps his mouth shut. He still needed the ass to take him to Angel. They enter the shop and Raph looks around slowly. There was a giant assortment of candles along with candle holders and other metallic creations.

Leo heads for a large shelf of candles near the side of the store while Raph heads to the back. Surprisingly enough there was an offshoot of the store that had clothing, men's and women's. But what had Raph interested was a small shelf of knives. Some were locked up in cases, probably the more expensive ones, but some were just hanging on hooks.

Raph's heart started pounding and he hugs himself a bit. He glances over the knives and is entranced by a small red pocket knife with a single blade. Raph turns away from the display for a moment and seeks out the cameras and then Leo who was still scanning the shelf for candles. Raph takes a breath and looks back at the knife display and pulls out a blue knife that was behind the red one, making it fall to the fabric covered table below.

Raph looks it over and puts it back, standing in front of the red knife to conceal it from the cameras. He puts his hand behind it and pulls back slowly, making it seem as if the knife was never there. He drops it in his pocket and walks away towards the clothing section. If he knew stores correctly there were going to be dressing rooms somewhere in this area.

Raph internally applauds himself when he sees two rows of dressing rooms in a secluded area. Perfect. They weren't really his first choice but stupidly this store didn't have a bathroom. Raph starts skimming the shelves of clothes and grabs a pair of shorts to _'try on'_. He goes to the dressing rooms and picks one right in the middle and steps in. there was a small bench and unfortunately a mirror.

Raph sits and flips open the knife, staring down at his bandaged wrist. _They wouldn't notice if there was one more_. He undoes the bandages and presses the blade to his skin, feeling the sweet release of pain. He presses harder and gasps a little as he cuts deeper than before. His hands tremble and he drops the knife, the bloody blade bouncing under to the next stall over.

He reaches down with his cut left wrist to pick up the knife but a dainty pale hand gets to it before he can. Raph hears a small gasp and the knife is dropped. He quickly snatches up the blade and holds it close up to his chest. He needed to get out of there. He leaves the shorts and opens the door quickly, noticing the door beside his was open as well.

Raph moves away from the door and tries to leave the clothing area but stops when he notices those same dainty hands attached to a tall woman wearing a blue sundress with a large, messy blond bun sitting atop her head. She looks at Raph almost afraid and notices the still bloody blade in his hand.

They both freeze, unsure of what to do. Raph realizes he never re-bandaged his wrist and the woman's eyes wander down to it. Raph presses his lips into a thin line and stands very stiffly, his hands balled into fists. "Um... Are-Are you alright?" The woman asks quietly. Raph stands still for a moment but then nods, wiping the blade off on the inside of the back of his t-shirt. Luckily he liked the color red.

"Do you need me to call anyone for you?" The woman asks, fidgeting with her hands. Raph shakes his head and turns to leave, hugging himself a tightly and hoping the woman wouldn't ask any more questions. "Are you here with anyone?" She asks. Raph freezes and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. He nods and walks back to the other half of the store, placing the knife down on the display it came from and regaining his composure.

He quietly wraps his wrist back up just in time for Leo to grab him by the arm. "What are you doing?" He asks quietly. "Nothing, fuck off." Raph replies, wiping his slightly running nose on his arm. Leo glances at the knifes and glares at Raph. "Fine, let's go." He says, letting go of him. They walk towards the exit but get stopped half-way there.

"Excuse me-" They turn around and Raph instantly grabs his wrist. The woman in the blue sundress was standing behind them, a worried look on her face. "I-I know this isn't really any of my business but I just wanted to make you aware of something that happened..." Leo frowns, it was clear she was dancing around the subject, but what was it.

"Your friend-" The woman starts. " _Foster brother_ " Leo corrects. "Oh, uh, Your foster brother, um, how should I say this... He was um, hurting himself... In the dressing rooms..." the woman holds her arm awkwardly. "I-I just thought you should know..." She says. "Thank you." Leo replies, side eyeing Raph. The woman quickly retreats back into the store and Leo grabs Raph's uncut wrist, yanking him out of the building.

" _What the hell man_." Leo says, dragging him to the van. "What were you _thinking!_ You stole a knife and then _cut yourself_ with it!? You're _damn_ lucky I caught you last night because otherwise that infection could've gotten _so much worse_ and you could've been going around as _one hand Stan_ in a month! Now this?! I thought you could control yourself a little better than that!"

Raph scrunches up his face. "You don't know _**Jack shit**_ _Lameanardo!_ You can yell at me all day but until you know how _I feel_ it's not gonna make a fucking _inch_ of difference!" Raph feels himself boiling over with anger. "And you know what?! You'll never know how I feel! Because you're an _entitled little rich boy_ who's never had to struggle a day in his life! Never had any kind of hardships, no losses or traumas that are so bad you think about _dying_ every fucking day!"

Unknown tears start to leak out of Raph's eyes as he balls his hands into fists. "And once you _finally_ think shit's goin' your way, when you think the universe is _finally_ gonna give you a break! It crashes back down on you, leaving you there to _ROT!_ " Raph drags his nails down his arm, leaving deep red marks.

"So don't tell me what the _fuck to do! You don't know me!_ You don't know what I'm going through and you _never will!_ " Raph slams his fist into the side of the van before pushing his back against it and sliding down it, putting his head down on his knees and his arms around his legs, letting it all go.

Leo was prepared to come back at Raph with another rant but stops as soon as he hears his sobs. _He was right._ He'd never know what Raph was going through. _Never would_. Leo slides down the van next to Raph and looks at him sorrowfully. "I'm... I'm sorry Raphael." Leo says quietly. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for what you went through and I'm sorry for any of the things I caused. Let's just go home and forget about all this okay?"

Raph doesn't move and Leo understands. They sit for a little bit and eventually a cop car rolls up, pulling into the nearly empty parking lot. The officer, a black haired woman, slams the car door shut and walks over to the two boys. "Something going on here boys?" She asks, hand on her belt holding her gun. "No, not really." Leo replies. Someone must've called the police after Raph's screaming match. "We're fine." Leo says.

The woman motions to Raph. "And what's up with him?" Leo glances at Raph. "He's fine. Just a little depressed." The woman stares at the pair for a moment, trying to decide what to do. "Go home boys." She says, walking back to her car. Leo pulls Raph up and walks around to the driver's side of the van, watching as Raph gets in the van.

"I won't tell" Leo says as they sit in the van. Raph nods. "Thanks..."

* * *

 _ **In the dark there's a light that's calling everyone out  
If you could see beyond the walls that you have built  
I know it's hard to escape the past and start it again  
Those memories of all the future hearts you killed**_ **  
**  
 _ **I don't wanna be the one that's left behind  
Don't blame me, don't hate me  
I don't wanna be the one that's left behind**_

 _ **Old Scars/ Future Hearts**_

 _ **All Time Low**_

* * *

 **Yeeeeeee... I hope you don't hate me for not updating in literally forever. But guess what! The new episodes of tmnt made me up and ready to write some more! Hopefully I'll stay in this writing mood so I can start up with the next chapter! I actually had to chop my idea for this chapter into two chapters because it was going on for too long. ^^: Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter and I can't wait to hear your feedback!**


	18. Chapter 18: We Don't Have To Dance

_**(3056 Words)**_

True to his word, Leo never told a soul about Raph's newest cut. For three days Raph sat at home with Yoshi while the three brothers went to school. He did mundane chores like washing dishes and vacuuming the living-room floor but every once and a while he'd freeze up, just kinda stop what he was doing and sit down on the ground. He caused the sink to overflow more than once.

Even with these _'brain freezes'_ , Raph couldn't help but think about the dance. He still wanted to go, mainly so that Angel could have some fun. _He wished he could've had fun like that when he was younger, maybe he wouldnt've turned out like shit._ He made a deal with Yoshi. If he didn't keep any secrets, or hurt himself up through the dance then he could go and invite Angel.

It was a hard deal but he just barely made it. It was the day of the dance and Raph hadn't touched a knife in three days. It was stupid but he was proud of himself. Raph's chest filled with pride when he and Donnie went to go get Angel for the dance. When he asked her to come with she gushed and joked around for a while until she realized she didn't have a dress.

She promptly begged for them to take her dress shopping.

"Please! Please Please Please!" Angel begs, bouncing up and down. "I don't have anything fancy enough to go to an actual dance!" Raph shrugs and looks at Donnie. "I mean, I-I don't have a lot of money but we-we could go to the thrift store and look there. Cheep stuff but it's sometimes good." Angel grins and Raph crosses his arms. "Sounds like my kinda store."

And they were off. Soon enough they were walking through the dirty thrift store, searching for a dress for their little date. "Oo! Look at this one!" Angle nearly shouts, bouncing on her toes. She yanks a sparkly purple dress that was just long enough to reach her knees. Raph rolls his eyes. "Is that what girls your age like?" Angle glares at him. "Doesn't fucking matter now does it." She mumbles.

Raph snatches the dress out of her hands. "Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language? Nobody likes a girl with a trucker mouth." Donnie snorts as Raph checks the price tag. "Fifteen bucks? I thought this was a thrift store! This is a rip off!" Raph complains. "It's really not that much..." Donnie says, hugging his stomach.

"We should just take it." Raph says with a huff. Angle grins and tries to take back the dress. "No, we're not stealing a dress Raph." Donnie says as if it was the most ridiculous thing in the world. "It makes absolutely no sense." Raph shrugs. "It's not _that_ ridiculous." Donnie takes the dress from Raph. "The dance is tonight, let's just pay and go. We're going to have to get ready soon."

"Fine." Raph grumbles, following Donnie to the front of the store to pay. At the register there was a couple small displays. Lighters, cigarettes, and small pocket knives. Raph immediately walks away, leaving Donnie and Angel at the register. Donnie frowns and Angel follows quickly after, catching up to Raph just as the door swings closed.

Donnie sighs, paying by himself and jogging after Raph and Angel. "Gosh I wish someone could'a come with." Donnie complains. He catches up to Raph who was leaning up against the van, arms crossed and a scowl on his face. Angel was laying on the pavement in the middle of a parking space. "Uh... Angel?" Donnie says. "Shh! I'm trying to make people think I'm a dead body!" Donnie nods as if he understood and turns to Raph.

"And what's up with you?" Donnie says, unlocking the van. Raph scratches at his wrist. " _Nothin'._ " Angel breaks character and bobs her head from side to side. "Liar liar, pants on fire." Raph pushes off the van and opens the door. "Oh don't be such a child." He grumbles, climbing in. Angel pops up from the ground and jumps in the van like it was about to take off without her.

As soon as everyone was in Donnie starts pulling out of the parking lot. "Hope you guys are ready for the night of your lives."

* * *

A couple hours later and a lot of fussing about looks, all the boys plus Angel were ready and primed up to go to the dance. "Thanks for doing my hair Mr. Hamato." Angel says sweetly, picking up a hand held mirror. Raph smirks and folds his arms, the sleeves of the slightly too-big suit tucking and folding in between each-other. She really was a cute kid. Raph felt oddly protective since the second he saw her, like she could've been his little sister for all his life.

Raph shakes his head a little, trying to get back into the present. "MY SUIT IS ITCHY!" Mikey shouts, pulling at an orange tie. "Oh buck up." Leo says, rolling his eyes. Mikey glares at Leo but then trots over to Angle who was devouring a sandwich. "Yo little dudette! You look so rad!" Angle wipes her mouth and grins. "Thanks dude!" she replies, mimicking Mike's lingo.

Raph tugs on his sleeves, pulling them all the way down over his hands. He relishes in the fact that he could keep his sleeves down tonight. Donnie taps a wrist watch and looks at Leo expectantly and they all decide it's time to leave. The short car ride was just enough time to let Raph's thoughts run wild. _What if people know I was in the group home?_

Raph tugs at his sleeves. _What if they find out about my cuts? What if they all think I'm disgusting. What if Karai told the school that I tried to do something to her. What if Leo did!?_ Raph could barely breathe. He was pulling at his sleeves so hard he thought they'd rip right off. The van stops and the brothers climb out, Raph following hesitantly behind.

Angel sprints ahead of the rest of them, slamming past a blond boy and his date. "Yo! Wait up dudette!" Mikey shouts, sprinting after her. Leo Rolls his eyes. "He is such a child." He says with a smirk. Raph walks slowly behind the rest of the guys, his mind frantic. _'I can't do this, why did I think I could do this!? I should leave, I should just sprint back to the house and forget this whole night was even going to happen.'_

Once the last Hamato was inside the school Raph starts backing away from the doors, stumbling down the steps and onto the paved parking lot. His knees were weak and his legs were shaking. Raph collapses to the ground, staring straight in front of him at the ground. he hugs his arms around himself and tries to get himself to breathe.

He reaches under his sleeve and scratches over the top of his bandages, red seeping through quickly. Inside the school Leo and Donnie stood and watched as Angel and Mikey had a cookie eating contest. "They really are ridiculous." Donnie comments, picking at a thread in his suit. They laugh and Leo turns to talk to Raph. "Hey Raph, do you want- Raph?" Leo looks all around but still can't see that little ball of anger.

"Have you seen Raph?" Leo asks Donnie who was taking a sip of punch. "No... But I think someone spiked the punch. This burns going down." Donny replies, throwing away his cup. Leo looks around again. "I'll be right back." He moves easily though the crowd of teenagers and out the front doors to the parking lot. _They hadn't even been there ten minutes and he'd already lost him._

Leo looks around and quickly focuses in on the form of someone sitting on the pavement, head in his hands. Leo goes quickly down the stairs and jogs over to the form, which was no surprise, Raph. "Raph, what's up man?" Leo asks, standing in front of him. Raph just breathes raspilly, no words coming out. "Raph?" Leo bends down to be on his level and was finally able to see he was trembling hard and his face was contorted into a hard grimace.

"Oh my gosh, what's wrong?" Leo asks, suddenly concerned. "I-I-..." Raph breathes out. "Hey, hey, it's okay, everything's fine. Raph nods quickly but the rest of his demeanor didn't change one bit. "Breathe man, breathe." Leo coaxes. Raph finally takes a huge gasp of air, loosening his grip on his hair He sits there breathing with Leo crouching in front of him for a good five minutes before Raph calmed down enough to talk and listen.

"Do...Do you want to go inside?" Leo asks, fidgeting with his hands. Raph shrugs and slowly stands up, his legs shaky still. "It'll be fun, I promise... Mikey promises." Leo says, smiling. His stomach growls and Raph raises an eyebrow. Leo just starts leading Raph into the school. Inside Raph somehow feels his panic diminish even more. None of the things he thought would happen were happening.

He walks over to the brothers and Angel and picks up a sugar coated cookie. "RAPH!" Angel shouts over the music. "Thank you for bringing me here! It's fu- Freakin' awesome!" She bolts off to devour the rest of the snack table and Raph smiles. "See? Not so bad." Leo whispers to him. Raph folds his arms together and rolls his eyes.

Donnie stares at Leo for a minute. "Hey Leo, isn't that tux from like two or three years ago?" Leo shrugs. "Yeah, I think so." Donnie nods. "It's probably just the lighting or something..." He mumbles. "You just kinda look a little small in it." Donnie shrugs and walks away to request a song. Raph moves to the punch bowl and scoops out some punch. "Oh, Raph, Donnie said he thought someone spiked that." Leo says quickly.

Raph stares Leo straight in the eyes and chugs his whole cup of punch. "Grow up man." Leo says, snatching the cup from his hands and throwing it in the nearby garbage. Raph laughs and makes a move to grab another cup. He glances up and drops the cup straight into the punch bowl. He saw a blond boy wearing a white t-shirt and black skinny jeans just barely exit into the rest of the school from the gym.

"Something wrong Raph?" Raph shakes his head. "Na... I'm- I'm just gonna go to the bathroom real quick." He doesn't take his eyes off the doors he knew he saw move and goes quickly over to them, shoving people out of his way. Raph pushes open the doors slowly and carefully and sighs before jogging down the hall, just barely catching the sight of someone in a black pant-leg making a left turn. Raph runs harder and skids around the corner, staring down the hall.

There was a cackle like in a horror movie and in the middle of the hall was a tall boy with blond hair and a black gun held tightly in his hand. "Miss me _naughty boy?_ " He says. Raph takes a staggering step backwards. "Wh-What? How-How are you-" The boy chuckles. "It's _amazing_ what you can do with a little _fucking_ and threats." He starts walking forwards.

"And now Matty-boy's back and ready to play." Raph feels himself start to shake and his hands burn. Matthew cocks the gun and lifts it, firing a bullet straight past Raph's head, whizzing past his ear. Raph screams and Matthew laughs. He could hear distant screams from the gym and the loud, pounding music was cut off.

"Attention all students and staff please make your way out of the emergency exit immediately." A woman's voice says over the speakers. " _OoOo,_ they're leaving you babe, no one to come save you now." Raph turns to run and he hears Matthew fire off three more bullets, one just barely nicking his suit. He's sprinting now and he can hear Matthew's foot falls directly behind him. _Gosh he was fast._

Raph feels himself panicking so hard his breathing stopped completely. He wouldn't be able to keep running for much longer but he bursts through the doors to the gym, the emergency exits all flung open and the students completely evacuated. He could hear faint sirens coming closer but it wasn't close enough. The gun is fired again and the bullet slides across Raph's hand, causing him to gasp. It hurt so bad.

" _Baby, baby, baby._ Just stop running and I won't have to shoot you!" Matthew says in a sickly sweet voice. Raph stumbles and falls onto his side, his bloody hand staining the gym floor. Matthew catches up to him and rolls him to his side, holding down his shoulders and sitting on his chest. " _Hey._ " He hisses out slowly. Raph was thrashing around as hard as he could, screaming yet no tears escaped his eyes.

Matthew holds the gun sloppily to Raph's temple. "Seeing as the cops are almost here, let's play a little Russian roulette!" Matthew says, emptying all but two bullets. "You go first!" Matthew pulls the trigger to Raph's head and Raph sucks in a breath. _Nothing happened._ Matthew giggles and cocks the gun again, putting it to his own head. He pulls the trigger and nothing happens. " _Ooo!_ This is getting _interesting!_ "

He puts the gun to Raph's head again and pulls. Thankfully again, nothing happened. Raph was crying at this point, his eyes closed tight at each pull of the trigger. "Why are you doing this!" Raph sobs out. " _Because my little_ _ **fuck boy**_ , I have nothing left to live for. I'm already going to _hell_ so why not have some fun before I'm sent off!" His voice fluctuates from light and airy to grim, rough and dark.

"If I had time I'd jack off one last time, but the pigs are almost here." Matthew spits on Raph and he shutters at the statement. Matthew lifts the gun to his own head and pulls the trigger again just as the doors are flung open and the police barge in. "Looks like our time is up babe." Matthew moves and kisses Raph roughly, a trail of his spit connecting their lips. Raph sobs and Matthew cocks the gun, pulling the trigger to his own head again. _Nothing._

 _The cops come closer._

 _He pulls the trigger again._

 _Nothing._

 _He pulls the trigger again._

 _It fires._

Raph screams as Matthew's limp, bleeding out body falls on top of his , soaking his suit in blood. He flings the body off of himself and scrambles away, sobbing and screaming into his hands. He couldn't take it anymore. The police come in and start trying to do their job while one comes over to Raph. "It's okay son, it's alright, calm down. You're okay." Raph tries to listen but he just keeps screaming and sobbing. He had so much fear and rage and sadness pent up and now this happened.

He wasn't going to be able to calm down. They had medical staff running in and taking care of Matthew's body while a couple come to try and take care of Raph. He wouldn't let anyone get close to him. He lashes out at anyone who comes within three feet of him. He screams until his voice was gone and cried until he had no more tears, just ragged breathes. Soon enough there were sounds of concerned parents outside, yelling for their children.

Raph looks up when he sees Yoshi being lead into the gym by two police officers. He bends down to Raph's level and Raph's eyes start tearing up again. He clings onto Yoshi with all his diminished strength. He sobs into his shirt and takes comfort in his presence. "I-I-I can't- I- can't- Dad, I'm so- I can't do it!" He rasps out.

Yoshi, not caring that he was getting blood all over his clothes rubs Raph's back, hushing him as if he were a small child. "Raphael my son, I am so sorry. I am so sorry." He repeats, squeezing him back tightly. Somehow Yoshi lifts Raph easily, carrying him as he clings onto him. They get outside and Yoshi sits him down next to the brothers and Angel where they all start speaking at once.

"Boys!" They all stop at Yoshi's call, even Angel. "Now is not the time." Raph sits with his knees to his chest and sobbing into his legs. He didn't care what it took, he didn't want to feel like this ever again.

* * *

 _ **You're never gonna get it  
I'm a hazard to myself  
I'll break it to you easy  
This is hell, this is hell  
You're looking and whispering  
You think I'm someone else  
This is hell, yes.  
Literal hell.**_

 _ **We don't have to talk**_  
 _ **We don't have to dance**_  
 _ **We don't have to smile**_  
 _ **We don't have to make friends**_  
 _ **It's so nice to meet you,**_  
 _ **Let's never meet again**_  
 _ **We don't have to talk**_  
 _ **We don't have to dance**_  
 _ **We don't have to dance**_

 **We don't have to dance**

 **Andy Black**

* * *

 **So that was that chapter! I hope you liked it! It's going to be the last emotionally charged chapter for a bit so relish in the angst! I honestly was going to make this longer but I just had someone say something to me on a blog I run that shook me up really bad. I can't even type correctly right now.**


	19. Chapter 19: You Are Loved

**(3690) Words.**

Raph sits in the Hamato's van, breathing slowly and deliberately.

 _In and out._

 _In and out._

 _In and out._

"Are you ready to go inside Raphael?" Raph looks up at Yoshi sitting in the driver's seat. He nods and slowly slides out of the middle seat. "Remember, you only have to say what you want to say alright? But that doesn't mean you do not have to try and push yourself eventually." Raph nods, holding his stomach. He felt like he was going to puke and his head was swirling.

"Maybe... Maybe I shouldn't..." Raph says, taking a step backwards. "Na man, you got this!" Raph turns his head and looks into Mikey's baby blue eyes. He was sitting in the very back of the van, a forgotten game-boy on the seat beside him. "Besides, we already paid for it." Donnie says, coming out of the shadowy back corner of the van to sit in one of the middle seats.

"And you need this. Backing out won't help anything." Leo says from the passenger's seat. Raph nods and looks back to the small building, a small silver plaque was planted on the brick wall next to the door. _'Miller's psychiatric'_ Raph takes another deep breath and walks inside. There was a quiet waiting room and a small reception desk where a woman with dark black hair typed away on the computer.

Yoshi goes up to the desk while Raph hangs back a little bit. He scopes the room and folds his arms across his chest. There weren't that many people in the waiting room but with how many people _were_ there and how small the room was Raph felt too insecure.

There was a tall, thicker blond girl sitting next to what looked like her grandfather. There was a boy, not too much younger than Raph who was looking around very nervous like and holding a sandwich that looked as if it consisted of bread, and then there was a big boned boy with dark blue dyed hair and a black leather jacket. The jacket had a metal 'S' on it that looked like it came from the hood of a car. There was a man in a clean suit next to him.

The last person in the room was a black girl with short curly hair and a tight, cyan tank top on. She glared at everyone in the room accept for an older man sitting next to her and holding her hand who could've been anything to her. Raph tried to sit down where he'd be the farthest away from everyone as he could, obviously not trusting anyone here.

Yoshi comes to sit next to him after a couple minutes of talking to the receptionist and they just wait. Raph was getting more and more anxious as time went on. "Raphael?" A quiet voice calls and his head bolts up to a doorway where a woman wearing a pantsuit stood. Raph suddenly feels like he's glued to his seat. _He didn't want to go in. He didn't want to talk to someone. He just wanted to leave and hide forever._

Yoshi pulls him up and walks him over to the woman. She smiles at him and leads down the hall and into one of three offices, her's being the one on the far left. Inside was two chairs that were identical, a large window, and a small table waterfall sitting on the side table beside one of the chairs.

"Take a seat." She offers. Raph nods and sits next to the waterfall. "So, Raphael. Do you have any nicknames you like better?" Raph nods, sitting very stiffly in the soft, comfortable chair. "Uh... R-Raph." He mumbles. "Okay then Raph. Tell me, has anything been going on in your life? Anything you wish to share?" The woman crosses her legs and brushes away strands of black hair. She was obviously Asian in decent. From where exactly Raph couldn't tell.

"Uh..." Raph says, holding his freshly bandaged hand. "There-There was a-a Sho- a shooting at my-my school." Raph stutters out, staring at the waterfall. "Mm-Hm. How did that effect you?" _'Damn it.'_ Raph thinks. She probably thought seeing as he was relatively unscathed nothing really happened to him.

"It was... There- He was some guy that I knew... He shot at me and then..." Raph stops talking, suddenly too entranced by the waterfall. The room is silent for a little while. "Then what?" She asks. Obviously she wasn't going to let this go. "Things." Raph mumbles. He remembers what Yoshi said and he sucks in a breath. "I-I- He held me down and played Russian roulette until he shot himself." Raph says, squeezing his eyes shut like he was bracing for impact.

"That must've been very scary." She says. Raph opens his eyes and glances up at the woman. "How long ago was this?" She asks. "Three days ago." Raph mumbles, sticking his finger into the waterfall. The woman nods. "Would you like to talk about it longer?" Raph shakes his head and sticks a second finger into the rushing water.

"Well, that was quite a good start Raph. Now, tell me about your family..."

* * *

Raph flops down on the couch face first, letting out a tired groan. He felt exhausted and he just wanted to lay down and die. "Hey Raph, do you want any supper?" Raph hears Mikey call from outside the room. _Supper? There was no way it was supper time._

Raph picks up his head and stares at a clock at disbelief. It felt like he just laid down and it had been an hour since then. "No." Raph calls back, his voice muffled from the couch cushions. There were foot steps and then Mikey calls again. "Hey yo Leo! Wan't any supper brah!?" Raph waits to hear Leo's reply. "Nah, I'm good Mikey!" Leo calls back from up the stairs.

Raph pucks up his head again as he hears heavy foot steps stomping up the stairs. "Leo, I know for a fact you barely ate today. Yesterday too." Raph pushes his upper body up off the couch and listens intently. "I ate enough okay? Besides, I'm just not hungry." Raph jumps a bit when he hears Mikey shout. " _Bullshit!_ I see more than you think I see okay? I _know_ you ate a banana this morning and that was _it_. Don't even _try_ and tell me you're not hungry."

Raph is sitting straight up at this point. "I-... I'm not hungry. Go finish cooking before you burn whatever you're making." Raph hears a huff. "It's gyundon with tempura on the side." There was a long silence. "I'm not hungry." Leo says firmly. "Leo I know that's a lie! And I know even if you weren't hungry you'd eat it anyways!"

Raph isn't sure weather he should get involved or hang back. Raph didn't want the fight to escalate too much but then again, what would he do if it did? _He should just stay back._ "Leo, I know it's your favorite! Just-" Mikey's voice is cut off by a loud shout. "I'm not fucking hungry okay!? How come you're not hounding Raph like you are me?! He said he didn't want any either!"

 _'Oh shit.'_ They were dragging _Raph_ into this now and he _did not_ like it. "He has a reason to not want any food! You on the other had I've been watching gradually eat less and less! It's not healthy Leo!" There was a loud thud and Raph sees Mikey tumble back into the wall across from the stairs through the doorway. "Don't you _dare_ tell me what's healthy and what's _not_." Leo say angrily. Leo stomps back up the stairs and Mikey stares in disbelief, bracing himself against the wall.

Raph pushes himself up from the couch and moves quickly over to Mikey. "Uh... What... What just happened?" Raph asks, helping Mikey up from his semi-squatted state. "I-I don't know..." Mikey says, trailing off. Raph folds his arms. "Where's D- Your dad? He cant've _not_ heard that." Mikey shrugs. "He went with Donnie to that electronics store twenty minutes ago."

Raph puts a hand on his face. "How was I _so_ out of it..." He mumbles. Raph drags his hand down his face and glances over at Mikey. He was wiping at his eyes and staring away from the tired teen. "Uh, Mikey?" Raph asks, feeling a small pinching in his chest. "I'm fine. I'm fine." Mikey says, waving a hand towards Raph.

"Uh... Are you sure man?" Raph says, furrowing his eye brows. " _No._ " Mikey whines. "He- Leo's never just-just pushed me like that. I mean there's- there's training but we're supposed to do that then. But He just..." Mikey's eyes were welling up and he swipes a hand across his face.

"Uh..." Raph looks around for a moment. He wasn't good with emotions, especially other's emotions. Raph pats Mikey's back twice. "It'll be okay?" He says awkwardly. Mikey's sniffles stop but something else bubbles up. Raph backs up, thinking he'd just made it worse until Mikey looks at him, wiping the last of his tears away with a small smile on his face and chuckling.

"Dude that was the most awkward thing I've ever heard." Mikey laughs out, moving closer to Raph and putting a hand on his shoulder. Raph flinches but it was small enough that Mike didn't notice. Raph chuckles nervously and grabs his arm. " _Yeah..._ " Raph timidly points to the kitchen doorway.

"Do you want me to, uh..." Mikey shakes his head. "Nah man It's fine." Raph gives Mikey a thumbs up and starts up the stairs. "I'm just going to like lay down or something." Mikey nods and starts to move to the kitchen, waving behind him. "Cool man." As soon as Mikey disappears through the doorway Raph lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

He nearly trips on the stairs as he moves sluggishly to his room, pushing the door open slowly. Raph stares inside and frowns. This room didn't hold the best of memories that was for sure, but this was just about the only place he could go that he wouldn't be bothered other than the bathroom and he couldn't stay there for very long without seeming suspicious.

He leans on the door frame and sighs. He for sure didn't want to go inside. Nothing good came of this room. It might as well have been cursed. Raph suddenly grabs his wrist. Standing here, it made him feel things. It made him feel scared, sad, angry. He feels his chest tighten and he knows what the feeling meant.

Raph knows he shouldn't do it but he hated the pressure that built inside of him when he didn't. Raph pushes away from the door way and goes to the door next to his, pushing it open and taking the room in. It was filled with old and new computers, random stacks of papers, and drawers spilling over with tools and mechanical instruments of all sorts.

Raph takes large, quiet steps towards the drawers and pulls one all the way open that was labeled _'school supplies'_. He digs around a little before pulling out a small pencil sharpener. _He didn't know where, but he'd heard somewhere that you could take the blades out._ Raph stares at the tiny screw holding the blade in place before striking gold.

Right there on the desk was a small screwdriver laying next to a portable alarm clock that looked like was being turned into a little robot. Raph quickly undoes the little screw and pulls out the blade, placing the tool back on the desk and leaving, hoping everything else looked enough like how it was before he came that Donnie wouldn't notice.

Raph closes Donnie's door back to how it was before and starts towards the bathroom. He closes the door and locks it, hanging onto the door nob for a moment and breathing heavily. _They weren't checking his bandages all that much so it'd be fine. One cut._ Raph sits on the bathroom floor, unwrapping his arm and holding the blade steadily over top.

Slowly he presses into his skin with the metal tool, sliding it across in a straight line, his face unchanging. It honestly wasn't enough for him. He still feels the pressure in his chest and it panics him that it wasn't gone yet. He tries cutting the same one deeper but it was still nothing. his eyebrows knit together in worry and he moves up his arm a bit, going faster and harder.

Still the pressure builds. In a panic Raph digs the blade into his skin where his forearm meets his elbow and pushes hard as he drags it down to his other cuts. He gasps and the pressure releases. Raph lets his head fall back into the wall with a soft thud. It was all okay for a moment. For a moment he wasn't some foster kid, he wasn't a mental case, he wasn't Raphael. He was just... _There_.

That feeling dissipates after that moment, leaving behind horrifying dread. He hadn't been cutting for days now and they were going to be _so_ mad at him. _Yoshi_ was going to be so mad at him. _He_ was so mad at him. Raph lifts his head back up and looks at his arm. It was completely covered in blood and starting to drip onto the floor.

Raph's heart skips a beat and there's a sharp pain in his chest. Fear fills his body from the center out and he jolts to his feet, turning on the sink and shoving his arm under the running water. He wipes at his face with his right hand, trying to clear his vision. He was surprised when he didn't see any fat sticking out of the wound for how deep he cut.

He keeps the water running as it keeps bleeding. He didn't have enough bandages for this. Someone was going to have to find out. "Oh God... Oh God... Oh Fuck..." Raph says shakily, wincing as the water stings his cut. His mind goes a mile a minute as he stands, frozen, at the sink. _'What if i bleed out? What if they find me dead in here? What if I have to tell one of them? What if I have to tell both of them? What if they hate me? Oh God they hate me.'_

Raph squeezes his eyes shut. " _Fuck, think Raph_ , who _don't_ you care if they hate you? Who are you okay with hating you _and_ will help?" Raph turns off the water and dries his hands on the towel before grabbing tissues and pressing them down on his bleeding arm. "C-Casey." Raph mumbles. "That dude's a moron. I couldn't give less fucks if he hates me."

Raph opens the door slowly, barely remembering to grab the bloody blade. He peers out and realizes he's the luckiest teenager in the world at the moment. No one was in the hall so he dashes to his room, entering like he hadn't just been avoiding the room five minutes ago.

He scrambles to his phone, hoping there was a still some sort of service on it. He shakily searches his contacts until he find's one labeled _'dumbass'_. He immediately starts a text conversation _. 'Need help. Like right now. Pleese come over.'_ Raph types, pressing his right arm against the tissues to try and stop the bleeding.

"Oh God, I hate everything." Raph mumbles quietly, laying back on the bed, hoping with all his heart that Casey would answer quickly. After a few minutes of Raph thinking he was going to die, he hears a small ping from his phone. _'What's up man? Are you ok? You haven't talked to me in weeks.'_ Raph fumbles with the phone again. _'Just get your ass over here ok!?'_ Raph doesn't look when the next text comes in. At this point he didn't know if he cared if Casey came or not.

Raph has his head under the pillow, hating every inch of his existence when he hears a loud knock on the front door. "I'LL GET IT!" Mikey shouts, thundering to go answer the door. Raph sits up on the bed, standing quickly. Their voices were muffled but he could still make out what they were saying. "Uh, hey. Raph texted me." Casey says. "Oh! He's just upstairs, last door on the left." Mikey says loudly.

Casey thumps up the stairs and Raph goes to the door, anticipating the other teen's arrival. Casey barely gets a knock out onto the door before its swung open and he's pulled into the room. Raph slams the door shut and huffs, out of breath. Casey and Raph just stare at each other for a minute, Casey's eyes naturally wandering to the red tissues on his arm.

"Oh fuck dude..." Casey says. "I don't know what to do." Raph says weakly, hating himself for even saying that. "Okay, Okay, chill out man. Lemme see it." Casey says, almost professionally. Raph slowly peals the tissues off his arm to show Casey the cut. "'Aaaiite, I can deal with this." Casey says, more to himself than Raph.

Raph feels a small bit of relief to find out Casey would at least help. "Do you have any like bandages or something? Or like a first aid kit? Raph nods. "Yeah, bu-but it's downstairs..." Casey rolls his eyes. "Let's go downstairs then." Casey says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I-I can't. Mikey-" Casey holds up a hand and gives Raph a gap filled grin. "I gotcha covered man." Casey goes and opens the door. "I'll meet you outside dude. I just need to take a piss real quick." Casey says loudly, nudging Raph towards the stairs. Raph isn't exactly sure what Casey is planning but he takes the hint and rushes out the door before anyone can see him.

Raph sits on the front steps for a couple minutes before Casey comes out, things from the first aid kit stuffed in his pockets. "K' dude, come on." Casey says like Raph knew what he meant. "Where are we going? What the fuck?" Raph asks. "Just chill out man. I told Mikey we're going to go hang so there's nothing to really worry about right now." Casey stops. "Well, except for the gash in your arm, but whatever."

Casey unlocks a dirty black car with a bad paint job and wordlessly tells Raph to get in. "Do you even have a licence?" Raph asks. "Y' only need it if the cops are after ya." Casey says, starting up the car. Raph stares at his arm. It was bleeding again, pooling up on his arm. "I hope we get wherever we're going quick."

* * *

"There you go, all good man." Casey says, looking at the finished product of twenty minutes, a roll of gauze, and some athletic tape. It had been a short, but fast car ride where Raph was sure they would get pulled over. Casey had taken them to an apartment building where they climbed to the top and sat on the roof, Casey starting work on Raph's arm.

They sit in silence, Raph rubbing his newly wrapped arm. "So... how ya feelin'?" Casey asks out of the blue. "Eh..." Raph replies quietly. Again the silence settles back into place between them. "You know, I used to cut like all the time man..." Casey says casually. Raph's eyes widen a bit but he keeps his stare on his arm.

"Yeah, I started when I was ten or some shit and stopped like a year and a half ago." More silence follows. "Dude, I didn't have anybody to stop for okay? But you? You've got a whole family, a future, all types of normal shit you can stop for. I'm not telling you that you have to stop or anything but I'm just saying... You got people who love you okay?"

Raph pulls his knees up to his chest, glaring off the edge of the roof. "Mm'kay."

* * *

 _ **Cause I've stood right where you're standing  
Bruised, battered, beaten, broken down  
Wore the frown  
But I'm here to tell you, that you are loved  
You are loved  
That you are loved  
You are loved**_

 **You Are Loved**

 **Set It Off**

* * *

 **Ahhhhhh! This chapter took sooo long! Like, it's not too far off from the last update, but I've been writing this chapter like all day. Oh, tbh I've been looking forward to this chapter for a while. Not the exact chapter but the concept with the song. I seriously suggest that you check out this chapter's song even if you normally don't. It's super good! (Not that the other one's aren't. They're all fantastic songs but this one is just special to me.)**

 **And I know I said in the last one that that was the last emotionally charged chapter for a while but to be fair, this is the least emotionally charged I can get without it being a random filler.**

 **Ah, but I'll write you guys in the next chapter! Can't wait to hear what you thought of this one!**


	20. Chapter 20: Secret

_**(2709) Words**_

Raph returned home at ten thirty the next morning, having slept over at Casey's place. He didn't want to face the Hamatos just yet. But there he was, sitting on the familiar couch facing Hamato Yoshi and his sons. Well, two of them anyways.

"Michelangelo and Donatello have suggested to me since the school is still on a lock down that we take a sort of... vacation day." Yoshi says calmly, sipping a cup of tea. "Boys, would you like to tell him what you've chosen?" Mikey bounces up and down and looks over at Donnie. "Go ahead." Donnie says with a small smile. "WE'RE GOING TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK!" Mikey shouts.

Donnie, foreseeing this to happen had already plugged his ears. Raph gives an awkward lopsided smile. "What?" He says in disbelief. "An amusement park." Donnie says simply. Raph stops himself from rolling his eyes. "Thanks." He says, almost sarcastically. "When are we going?"

Yoshi smiles at his two son's excitement and looks back to Raph. "It's a decent drive so I'd say in maybe twenty minutes?" Raph raises his eyebrows. "Uh, okay... Lemme just get dressed then." He mumbles, standing up and walking to the stairs. At the moment Raph was wearing a hoodie which he'd normally not be allowed to wear but he borrowed it from Casey so the Hamatos didn't say anything.

Raph Digs around in his bag and finds a quarter length t-shirt with red sleeves, slipping it on quickly and changing his pants before briskly leaving the room. _God_ he hated that room. He looks down at his arms and lets a small smile cross his face. The sleeves were low enough to cover his extra bandages, but high enough that it just looked like they were covering a few inches of the old ones.

Raph was about to go downstairs when he hears a small curse from Leo's room. He tentatively goes up to the door and knocks quietly. "Uh... _Leo?_ " He calls. "What?" Leo replies. "You going to the amusement park thing today?" Raph asks. "No Raph. I'm not. I-... _I don't feel well._ " Raph frowns. "You don't feel well as in like you're gonna throw up?" Raph asks, not wanting to catch whatever bug Leo had.

"No, I'm just really dizzy and stuff." Leo calls through the door. Raph shrugs. "Okay then." He says, going back down the stairs. He stops for a minute. "Make sure you eat. Sometimes you get dizzy if you didn't eat enough." There was a frustrated growl from the door. " _Yeah man,_ got it." Leo breathes out, annoyed. Raph rolls his eyes and goes all the way downstairs.

" _Try'n to help ya asshole..._ " He mumbles, shoving his hands in his pockets. He walks past the kitchen to see Mikey finish making a small stack of two pancakes. Raph steps into the kitchen and smirks. "Thought for sure you'd 've made at least eight." Raph says. Mikey turns around and smiles. "I don't want eight pancakes, I want twelve!" Mikey says, laughing. Raph raises an eyebrow.

"Never-mind." Mikey says, pouring syrup onto the pancakes. "Leo said he wasn't feeling good so I made him some pancakes. Unfortunately, he doesn't have the same stomach capacity as Me!" Raph rolls his eyes as Mikey fist pumps the air until he almost drops the food. "I'ma go take this to Leo and then we can bother dad until he takes us early."

Raph laughs and Mikey sprints out of the room, holding the plate of pancakes like a platter of gold. Raph walks into the living-room and sits on the couch, Donnie sitting on the opposite side tightening, loosening, and tightening his hair over and over again in a little low ponytail. "Got it yet?" Raph asks Donnie.

" _All-most..._ " Donnie says, droned out. He lets go of his hair, hands a few inches away from the finished product. "Yeah, got it." Donnie mumbles. After a couple minutes of silence Mikey comes bounding back down to the living-room. " _Hey~_ " Mikey says in a sing song voice, putting both hands on his father's shoulders.

" _Y'know what?_ It makes no sense to wait like what, ten minutes? That's ridiculous! _Let's just go right now._ " Donnie frowns and Yoshi laughs. "Uh, _no_ Mikey. We said we were leaving in ten minutes, so we're leaving in ten minutes." Yoshi looks at his bouncy son. "Well Michelangelo, your brother is right. We made a plan and we should stick to that plan."

Mikey deflates. "Awe, come on!" Yoshi laughs. "It's not even ten minutes now. You can wait." Mikey groans and flops over the back of the couch opposite Raph and Donnie. "But I don't wanna wait!" He whines. "Donnie, I'll never forgive you for this." Mikey says, sliding down onto his head on the couch and crossing his arms.

" _Somehow, I'm okay with that._ " Donnie says with a smirk.

* * *

Leo sits on his bed, staring down at a plate of untouched pancakes. He had heard the front door slam shut not fifteen minutes ago but he still felt pressure to eat the pancakes. The teen groans and sets the plate on a side table before letting himself fall back on the bed.

He felt like shit. He was dizzy, tired, and _so_ out of it. He was also _mad_. Mad that his family and Raph kept telling him to _eat_. When he first told his father he was feeling sick he told him to eat. When Raph found out he told him to eat. When Mikey brought those _God forsaken_ pancakes up he told him to eat. They didn't get it. He didn't _want_ to eat. He didn't _deserve_ to.

Leo stares up at the spinning ceiling, holding back anything that was still in his stomach from earlier. All he had eaten today was half a granola bar, the other half sitting in his oblong garbage can across the room. _Mocking him_. He sits up and immediately realizes it was a mistake. His stomach churns and he feels his mouth start watering profusely.

Leo quickly covers his mouth with his hand and stumbles to the bathroom, emptying his stomach in one small heave into the toilet. He spends the next ten minutes on his knees, dry heaving into the porcelain bowl. Once it was over he leans back against the wall, closing his eyes and breathing hard. " _Shit..._ " Leo mumbles, his head throbbing.

He lolls his head to the side and slits his eyes open, staring at the floor. _The floor_. The- Leo's eyes shoot open as he recognizes the sight of dried blood droplets on the tiles. " _Wha-?_ " He mumbles. "Raph..." He pushes himself to his feet and uses the wall to make it back to his own room. He sits on his bed and thinks. He knows he's not supposed to be using any electronics but...

Leo stands back up and hobbles shakily to Donnie's room, opening the door and walking in quietly as if his tall brother was near. He sits down at the desk and wakes up the computer from its sleeping state. He goes to the internet icon and creates a new tab, typing in exactly what he thought. _'I don't want to eat.'_

The results make his stomach fill with panic. They all were pertaining to eating disorders. Leo scrolls down the results more, hoping for something else, to no avail. He clicks on one of the links, his body tensing. He read page after page of stories from people with eating disorders, some seemed ridiculous, _but some..._

 _'Hi, I'm Michael. I used to be so healthy, working out (I was on the track team!), eating right... But then I did something. I did something I regret really bad and now... I don't eat. I mean, yeah I eat but barely. I still work out just as much as I did before but I eat so much less. I feel like I shouldn't. Like I don't deserve food. I eat less than seven hundred calories a day. I'm getting really weak but I still try and work out. I got kicked off the track team because they started realizing how dizzy I got during practice. Moral of the story kids, life sucks, food sucks, and chances are you suck too.'_

Leo feels his stomach lurch, wanting to throw up what he did not have. He closes the tab and goes back to his room, flopping back on his bed and staring once more at the spinning ceiling. He didn't want to have an eating disorder... But if that was what he was doing then. "Guess I have an eating disorder." Leo says aloud, chuckling at the end. He keeps chuckling until it turns into a laugh and laughing until they turn into sobs.

He slaps his hands onto his eyes. _If only Karai hadn't done that. If only Leo had believed his brothers. If only Leo didn't love Karai._ That was it. _He hated her. He didn't love Karai, he hated her. He hated her with all of his being._

Leo pulls his knees to his chest and finally, for once, let it all go.

* * *

Raph, Donnie, and Mikey walk around the large amusement park, talking about whatever came to mind. "Ugh, that last ride really made me dizzy." Donnie says, holding his head. "Let's not do another spinning one just yet." Mikey's eyes light up and he starts bouncing on his toes. "Oh! Oh! let's go on the Ferris Wheel! I bet all three of us could fit in one seat." Mikey suggests, pointing up at the large spinning wheel fifty feet away.

"Uh, what about that one over there?" Raph says, pointing to a big yellow rig. "Uh, you mean the _'Scrambler'_? No thanks." Donnie says. "I'm cool with the Ferris Wheel." Mikey smirks. " _Two out-a three Raph!_ " He says in a sing song voice. Raph looks around near frantically. "Uh, uh... What about-"

"NAH! Let's go!" Mikey say, grabbing Raph's hand and dragging him to the big wheel. In line Raph tries to fine an excuse to not go on the Ferris Wheel. "I have to go to the bathroom." He tries. "I'm kinda hungry" He says. "I thought I heard D- Your dad." None of them work. They stand, ready, next in line.

"Guys, I-I don't-" Before Raph can finish the man operating the ride herds them into the bench like seat and rotates the wheel. "I don't want to be on this." Raph hisses. " _Dude,_ I can tell. Your face is _so_ red right now." Mikey says with a weird little chuckle. "You guys don't get it. I- It's complicated okay?" Raph growls.

Donnie's expression turns from happy to concerned. "What? Wait, why?" He asks, looking Past Mikey to the other side where Raph holds on, white knuckled to the bar in front of them. "You're not scared of heights are you? We've been on a ride crazier than this already!" Mikey says loudly. "No- No, that's not it. It's just that..."

Raph stares down as they rotate more and more. They were now almost at the top and Raph feels like curling up in a ball and dying. "I-I- The last time I came to a park like this. The last time I was on one of these things... I-I was with-" Donnie stops him. "You don't have to tell us if you don't want to."

Raph shakes his head. "I'd rather tell you than having it play in my head _all fucking day._ " Raph goes silent. " _You ca-can't tell_ anyone _okay?_ " Raph says quietly. Mikey nods vigorously and Donnie gives a single solid nod. Raph takes a deep breath and stares down at the ground for a moment longer.

"The last- The last time I was on... One of these... I was with a really bad foster dad. He- He was one of the worst. He only took me because his girlfriend suggested we all go. I was ten i think?" Raph looks up at the sky. The clouds looked just the same as they would from the ground. It was a comforting fact.

"His girlfriend didn't like the Ferris Wheel and stayed on the ground to take pictures." Raph stops for a minute, thinking back to something the therapist had said the previous day. _'If you ever feel like talking to someone who isn't me it's okay.'_ Raph takes a deep breath.

"He didn't want to use the seat belt so neither of us were buckled in. I-I noticed a loose bolt on the bar that went across and I... _I made it looser_. I was going to screw it back in but then he leaned forward and... _Fell..._ " Raph looks to his right, away from both the brothers. He didn't want to see their reactions.

"I almost did too, but I grabbed the seat belt and pulled myself back up. I buckled back in and then... I don't really remember? People screamed and I _know_ I saw him dead on the ground. It looked like he was impaled by a sign or something too. _Guess it served the fucker right._ " Raph finishes, his anger starting to boil.

He glances over at the brothers to see two matching horrified expressions. " _Oh shit..._ " Mikey says. Donnie stays silent. "Dude, I'm _so sorry_ I made you come on this thing! That's _terrifying!_ I'm surprised you went on _any_ of these rides!" Raph looks confused. That wasn't the reaction he was expecting. He expected them to be horrified, yes, but at the fact that he killed a man.

"You're- I- Uh..." Raph mutters. Donnie puts his hand over top of Raph's on the railing. "It's fine. You didn't mean to do it, you said so yourself. And obviously no one thought you did it either." Raph rolls his eyes. "Only 'cuz they summed it up to the ride being faulty, an' I didn't correct them." Donnie moves his hand. "Well I'm not telling anyone." Mikey nods. "Yeah, me too."

Raph looks at them, both smiling honest smiles. "Heh... I guess Nut-Case was right..."

* * *

Leo barely gets himself up from the bed when he gets a call from his father telling him they were on their way home. He takes the plate of untouched pancakes and chops them up with the fork and takes them to the bathroom, sliding the copped breakfast food into the toilet and flushes, watching the food get flushed straight down the hole grimly.

* * *

 _ **Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell?  
They burn in our brains, become a living hell  
'Cause everybody tells  
Everybody tells**_

 _ **Got a secret  
Can you keep it?  
Swear this one you'll save  
Better lock it in your pocket  
Taking this one to the grave  
If I show you then I know you won't tell what I said  
'Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead **_

**Secret**

 **The pierces**

* * *

 **AHHHHHH! Can you guys believe I just write this thing in one day!? Like it's not even one yet and I'm posting this! didn't I just update like yesterday? Yes? I don't know but it's goin' up!**

 **This chapter was actually greatly influenced by efarraiz, my favorite Spanish speaking fan! I loved their idea they said in their review and thanks to them I was allowed to use it for this chapter! (Honestly was fantastic for moving along the plot, I was almost stuck in a writer's block!)**

 **anywho~ Thank you for reading and also, your reviews are amazing! I love reading and responding to them! I absolutely couldn't do this without you guys!**


	21. Chapter 21: Badly Broken

_**(3844) Words**_

"Come one man! Hurry up! We gotta go!" Mikey yelps. Donnie was standing in the bathroom, staring into the mirror and messing with his ponytail. "I can't leave until this is right Mikey." Donnie says, squinting and tightening his hair again. "But we have to get to practice! Dad's been at the dojo for like an eternity and we're totally holding him up!"

Donnie shakes his head and pulls at his hair once more. "Just hang on okay?" He hovers his hands over the ponytail for a minute, waiting to see if it felt okay. "Alright. Let's go." They walk downstairs, Mikey much faster than Donnie. "I seriously don't get how you're okay with being late in favor of your hair. Normally you would rather die than be late... Or early for that matter." Mikey says thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but I also won't be able to focus if all I can think about is how my hair feels weird." Donnie says pointedly. They go to the kitchen and both go separate ways. Donnie goes to the pantry where he grabs a couple granola bars for a snack later and Mikey goes to the fridge, taking out a box of leftover pizza.

He flings the box open and frowns. "Awe, what? I thought there was four pieces left? Now there's only one?" Mikey slumps. "Sorry." Mikey looks up to see Raph standing in the doorway, eating a piece of pizza. "But to be fair, I only took two. Someone else took that other one." Raph finishes, taking another bite of the pizza.

Leo sheepishly walks into the kitchen past Raph. "Uh, that was me, sorry." Leo mumbles, picking up his bag from the floor. "Oh, dude, don't sweat it. You only had like one piece last night too." Leo shrugs. "We should get going." He says, taking on a leader type tone. "We're going to be late."

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING!" Mikey shouts. Raph gets a smug look on his face. "Yeah, but now that Leo said it, it's important." He jokes. Mikey rolls his eyes "Oh, _ha ha. Hilarious_." Leo stares at the group with annoyance. "I'm leaving. Anyone who's coming better get outside within the next minute otherwise I'm leaving without you."

Mikey hops up on the counter, swinging his legs around. "You know, I could do with a day off." Donnie pushes him off. "No, you already had multiple days off." Raph watches as they bicker for a moment before walking out the door himself, following about a minute behind Leo. Outside Raph huffs, looking around at all the trees and their color changing. It was almost beautiful.

As he gets in the car he casually wonders if this family did anything for Halloween. "Uh... Are you okay?" Raph asks from one of the middle seats in the van. Leo had his head resting on the steering wheel and was breathing deeply. "Yeah, I'm fine." Leo mumbles. He picks his head up just as Mikey and Donnie come rushing out the door, butting at each-other in order to get the front seat.

"GUYS." Leo says, loud and annoyed. "If you don't get in the freaking car, I'm going to make Raph take the front seat and you'll both ride on the _roof._ " Both Donnie and Mikey immediately stop, staring at Leo to see if he was serious. Leo's face did not waver. Mikey slides the side door open and climbs in the back and Donnie closes it as he follows suit, sitting on the opposite side as Raph in the middle.

Leo makes a small huffing noise and starts the vehicle, pulling out of the driveway and driving quickly down the street towards their dojo. "Hey Raph, aren't you gonna get hot, you know, training with that long of a shirt on?" Mikey says. Raph looks down at his quarter length sleeves. "Nah, I'll be fine." He says nonchalantly.

* * *

The four boys stand in a line before Yoshi. They hadn't done any sort of training yet, just standing there, waiting. Yoshi sighs and looks the boys all in their eyes. "My... My sons. I regret to inform you that this may very well be the last time we practice here in this dojo." Yoshi says sullenly.

A chorus of _'what'-s_ and _'why'-s_ are thrown into the air before Yoshi holds up his hand to stop the fray. "We just do not make enough money to keep the dojo and the house." He explains calmly. The boys are all about to start speaking once again but Yoshi stops them. "I have found a substitute for both nearby." He says quickly.

The boys all look at each-other in confusion. "We will be moving to an apartment closer in town with a dojo below it." Mikey and Donnie almost look ecstatic while Leo looks mildly surprised. Raph just shrugs. He doesn't want to show it but he's just as excited as Mikey or Donnie. He hated the house he was in. That room never left him nightmare-less and it filled him with panic just sitting in there.

"When!?" Mikey almost shouts. Yoshi closes his eyes. "Two weeks. This dojo will close after tonight and relocate under us a week after we move." Yoshi smiles, cracking an eye open to see the excitement on their faces. He could tell Raph was hiding how excited he was.

"Now, let us begin." Yoshi says. They begin and Raph sits on the side, watching the three brothers train. He thought he'd be able to just jump right in but his chest had constricted when they were about to start. He had said he'd sit out for the first round but he continues to sit through two hours of practice.

"Raphael, would you like to try sparring?" Raph snaps out of a haze and looks up at Yoshi standing over him. "Oh, uh... Sure." Raph stands and tries to keep his focus up. He steps onto the mats and Leo steps forward. _The freakin' chosen one._ Raph swipes his hair out of his face and gets into a fighting stance.

Yoshi was about to speak when Mikey pipes up. "Can I say it Sensei?!" Mikey says loudly. Yoshi sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I guess so Michelangelo." He says, a small smile creeping onto his face. "Three... Two... One..." Mikey starts. "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLEEE!" He shouts, throwing his arms up into the air.

Donnie stifles a laugh as Leo and Raph start their sparring. Neither boy felt very up to sparring but at the same time neither of them wanted to show it or back off. Leo lunges at Raph, jabbing at his chest. Raph spins back, elbowing Leo in the back, making him stumble forward a little. Leo's vision spins and he has to take a couple seconds to recuperate.

He hadn't been this dizzy throughout all of training but he was exhausted very quickly. Raph takes these couple of seconds to slam Leo back, making him fall to his back. He goes to stand up but falls back once which gives Raph once again an opening to attack. He straddles his chest and goes to pin him when Leo takes him by surprise, flipping the situation over completely.

Now Leo was now sitting on Raph's chest, holding down his shoulders with his knees and grabbing his wrists. Raph's eyes go wide and he stops struggling for control, laying stiffly below Leo. The older boy senses something went wrong and immediately stands, stepping back from Raph. He stays laying on the ground, starting to shake.

"Raph?" Leo asks. The room was silent except for the sound of Raph's quickening breathing. Yoshi briskly walks over to the pair, kneeling down next to Raph. "Raphael, you are okay, you are alright. Can you hear me?" Raph Keeps staring straight up at the ceiling as Yoshi hovers over him.

"Raphael." Yoshi calls again. Mikey makes a noise behind them and snaps Yoshi back to the reality that his sons were all still in the room. "Boys, go wait in the other room." He says firmly. Donnie and Mikey leave quickly, but Leo is almost frozen in place. He didn't mean to do this. It just happened. " _Leonardo. Go._ " Yoshi says, looking back at his son with a twinge of anger in his eyes.

Leo couldn't tell if the anger was at him or the situation or something else but he runs from the room, taking it as he was a piece of shit and he would never be good enough again, and- " _Oh God..._ " Leo mumbles, rushing past his brothers and straight into the bathroom, throwing up his single piece of pizza.

Back in the dojo Yoshi attempts to get Raph to snap back to reality. He reaches out and touches Raph's face, feeling how feverish he was. Yoshi, seeing that Raph hadn't reacted badly to the touch, lifts Raph's head into his lap, brushing the long strands of black hair away and placing his hand on Raph's forehead, knowing full well his hands were normally cold.

Yoshi spends seven long minutes murmuring comforting words to Raphael until he comes out of the flashback. Raph sits up quickly, looking around frantically. "It's alright Raphael, You are in the dojo, you are safe." Raph digs his short nails into his upper arms, standing quickly. "I-I wanna go." Raph says quickly. He was so embarrassed this happened. He just wanted to lay down and die.

Raph walks stiffly and quickly out of the dojo, not waiting for anyone to follow. They had been at the end of training anyways so even if he had to wait outside the car it'd be better than being in there. Raph leans up against the van, glaring at the ground like it'd just called him a name.

He had seen that bastard Matthew. He was right there again and he couldn't move. He couldn't get him off. Raph shivers and stares up at the darkening sky it was pretty beautiful. There was streaks of pink and orange and red, all around in the sky. Directly above him however was a dark grayish blue. _How fitting._

"Yo, Raph, you gettin' in?" Raph blinks and looks at the van. Everyone was sitting in their seats, waiting for Raph to get in. Mikey hung out the side door, looking at Raph innocently. He nods silently and Mikey sits back down to make way for the distressed boy. Raph sits in the far back and tries to act like nothing happened.

* * *

 _Raph barges into the bathroom, pulling the door shut and locking it tight. He stares at his frantic expression in the mirror, his too long black hair frazzled and tangled. Raph's heart goes a million miles a minute and he slams his fist into the mirror. Everything was too much. Life hurt. He wanted to die._

 _He smashes the cracked mirror again, snatching up a sharp piece of glass and without a second thought digging it into his skin, dragging it down through his flesh and into the fat tissue. It didn't hurt, it felt like he was washing off a layer of dirt that had been there for far too long._

 _His hair. Oh god his hair. It was growing. It grew longer and longer, intertwining with itself and wrapping around his arms, torso, and his neck. It tightened and he chokes, grabbing at the strands of hair. They keep tightening and he starts to see spots. He had wanted this to happen. He really did. But now..._

 _"NO!" Raph chokes out as the hair tightens once more. It was too late. His skin kept peeling and his strangling tangling hair starts feeding itself down his throat. There was a knock at the door and he hears Leo's voice muddle through the wood. "Raph!? Raph, let me in! I can help you!" Raph tries to reply but he was dying. He couldn't do anything._

 _"Raphael!" It was Yoshi. He was banging on the door. "Raphael, open the door!" Raph tries to go to the door but falls to his knees, his hair growing and tying him up. A chorus of voices follow after. "Open the door Raph!" "Raphael open the door! Please!" "L open up!" "Open the fucking door!" He couldn't handle it. There was too many, too many telling him to do the impossible._

 _He collapses completely, letting himself slip painfully into the darkness._

* * *

Raph shoots up in bed, flinging off the sweaty, tangled sheets. He didn't want a reminder of that dream. He grabs his hair and feels the frayed ends tickling his neck. He jumps up off the bed, without thinking, and leaving the room. He stumbles quietly down the stairs and sneaks out the front door.

He didn't know what he was doing or why he was doing it, but he knew where he was going and that was enough. He walks quickly down the streets of Manhattan, arms crossed over his body trying to keep any heat he had left. It was twenty minutes before he arrived where he wanted. It was an old apartment building with a fire escape unprotected on the side.

Raph climbs up onto the dumpster below the ladder and wills himself to let go of his arms to start climbing up to the first platform. He climbs up to the third floor and taps on the closest window, knowing he had the right place. He waits a minute before tapping again. Muffled voices come from inside. " _Hang on, hang on._ "

Raph watches as Casey comes to the window, staring behind him at an unknown figure. He turns his head as he opens the window and his eyes widen. "Raph? What are you doing here man?" Raph stays quiet for a moment. "I-I needed some air." Raph mumbles. "At two in the morning?" Casey asks. "Casey what's going on?" April walks up behind Casey, a pen and notebook in hand.

"Oh, uh... Raph just came over to hang. Wanted to finish out this movie marathon with us." Casey says, lying. "Casey, I told you we should shut off the movies and actually study." April says with a roll of her eyes. She puts a hand on her hip and tries to change her expression from annoyed to welcoming. "Anyways, shouldn't you like, I don't know, _invite Raph in?_ "

"He's not a vampire, he can come in if he whenever he wants." Casey says, walking towards a torn up couch. "You know, that technically counts as inviting him in. He could be a vampire. Especially with that long black hair." April comments, sitting a foot away from Casey. Raph grabs onto his hair.

"You know, I really want to be a stylist. You should let me do something with your hair." April says to Raph, pointing and motioning with her pen. Raph tugs on his hair. "D'ya wanna practice dummy?" Raph asks. April starts to laugh but realizes quickly he was serious. "You're serious?" She asks.

"Damn straight." Raph says tiredly. "It's like two in the morning do you really trust me to keep it clean?" April asks, wanting to make sure he wasn't going to hate her if she did this. "I don't give a damn. I' been wanting a haircut anyways." April looks at Raph for a moment. "Well Casey, I guess you're getting your wish."

Casey fist-pumps the air. " _Yeah!_ Movie time!" April grabs a taller stool and sets it to the side of the couch. "Oh, Casey, I hope you don't mind the hair, I'll clean it up when I'm done." She says, too excited to try styling hair to think weather it'd be a good idea. "I don't give a shit." Casey says, pressing play on their movie.

April smiles and goes to the bathroom, finding some scissors and a comb quickly and rushing back to where Raph was sitting. "So, what do you want?" She asks, combing through some of the tangles. Raph pauses. "... Anything short." He says dully, a hint of anger in his voice. April smiles and snips the scissors in the air.

Nearly an hour later April is brushing Raph's shoulders off with a towel, hair littering the floor. Raph reaches up and feels his now short, spiky hair. "Nice." Casey comments, pointing at Raph's head. Raph smirks tiredly. "Thanks man." He stands up and stretches out his legs and arms. "It's a good look for you." April says, a hand on her chin.

Raph rolls his eyes. "You _would_ say that. _You did it_. If you said it looked bad you'd be saying you did a bad job." He grabs his wrist and stares at the floor. April looks at Casey awkwardly, nodding her head towards Raph. Casey's expression doesn't change. "Hey Raph, y' wanna stay over tonight?" He asks, not letting his true intentions show.

Raph shrugs and plops down on the old couch. "Why not?" He grumbles. April starts sweeping up the hair and tosses it in the overflowing garbage. "Well, I should get going. My dad's going to start getting worried, if he didn't already call the police." April says with a laugh. She puts a small stack of books into her backpack and swings it onto her back.

"I'll see you guys later." April says, walking out of the apartment. Raph tries to sit normally, not look like he'd been panicking earlier. "You doing okay man?" Raph shrugs and picks at the bandages on his arm. He knew it wasn't going to look like his dream but he honestly wanted to check. To make sure it didn't look like what he thought.

They sit, silent. The only noise coming from the TV playing explosions and swears. It couldn't have been long before they both fell asleep. If anyone had been watching they would've seen two boys, their heads together and sleeping soundly.

* * *

" _CASEY GOD DAMN JONES!_ " Both boys bolt up, one looking around in confusion, the other in panic. A plump man stands over the two, hands in fists and teeth bared. "Who the _hell_ is this!?" The man yells. Casey stands up, crossing his arms. "Just a friend." He says defensibly. "You lying _faggot_ , this is probably your _fuck buddy._ " Casey glares. "You'd know about those, wouldn't you."

" _Fucking disrespectful piece of shit!_ " The man backhands Casey and Raph pushes himself up from the couch, impulsively slamming his fist into the man's face. The man grunts. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!?" Raph holds his ground, glaring at the man for Casey who had turned from his glare to a shocked stare.

Raph feels his heart race. His face gets hot and his hands twitch. He'd been dealing with asshats like this since he was little. He could take one more. "I'm Raphael and I'm going to fuck you up if you keep messing with Case here." Casey raises his eyebrows even more. Raph knew this probably wasn't the most rational thing to do in this situation but then again, who said Raph was rational?

"You mother fu-" The man doesn't get to finish his profanity. Raph slams his knee into his beer belly and shoves Casey towards the window. Casey nods awkwardly and climbs out, rushing down the fire escape. Before the man could recuperate Raph lands a solid punch to his chin before bolting out the window, following his friend down to the ground.

He sees Casey walking down the street, looking like nothing had happened at all. Raph jogs to catch up to him and puts his hand on his shoulder. "Casey, what the hell!?" Raph asks. Casey shrugs. "He's totally piss drunk right now. He won't even remember any of this once he goes to sleep."

Raph shakes his head. "No, what the hell as in, _WHAT THE HELL._ " Casey shoves his hands in his pockets and the two look as if they were just taking a morning stroll. " _'S my dad_. He just does that sometimes." Raph crosses his arms. "I don't know if you know this man, but _parents aren't supposed to hit their kids._ " Raph hisses.

Casey rolls his eyes. "Of course I know that Raph. Just can't change it." Raph tightens his grip on his arms. "Well, why didn't you tell me?" Raph says, distressed. " _'Cause man_. You have your own problems to deal with. You don't need to hear about mine." They were quiet for a while. "Why didn't I see him last time I was over?"

Casey smirks. "Business trip. I got in so much trouble but I totally got back my shit he stole." Raph can't help but laugh. "You're an idiot." He says. Casey nods. "Yeah, I know... But I got my old game boy back, so that's cool." Raph looks at him and laughs again. "You did it for a game boy!?" Casey nods.

"That and a few other things. Like, there was this thing that was supposed to help with spelling and shit... Then there was this picture of like me, my mom, and my sister. It was literally the only picture we had without my dad hovering over us." Casey laughs a little. "The fucker probably wanted it because it was also the only picture where we're happy."

Raph's heart drops a bit. "That's sad dude." Casey nods. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

 _ **You know,**_

 _ **You know I'm not alright,**_

 _ **This is where I draw the line,**_

 _ **I've tried to run, I've tried to hide**_

 _ **But I'm so badly broken**_

 _ **You know you swept me off my feet,**_

 _ **And now I'm stuck beneath**_

 _ **The bridge you burned on top of me**_

 _ **And I'm so badly broken.**_

 **Badly Broken**

 **Get Scared**

* * *

 **Heeeeeyyyyy... Sorry for that really bad slur up in there. You know the one from Casey's dad? I had to put it in there for the effect but I absolutely hate it. Anyways, I forgot to say this in the last chapter but there was a joke in there that only the** _ **MOST**_ **youtube savvy will get. I wonder if anyone can guess it.**

 **And I hope you guys really appreciate this chapter because I literally wrote it instead of doing school today. I'm going to have to work through the night here...**

 **Anywho! Thank you so much for reading! All your reviews are so encouraging!**


	22. Chapter 22:Don't You Dare Forget The Sun

_**(3635 words)**_

Raph and Casey sit in front of a small pizza place, watching as the cars race past. "So why did you really come over last night?" Casey asks out of the blue, arms resting over the top of his knees. Raph flicks a pebble from the small concrete stair they were sitting on. "Dunno." Raph mumbles.

"Liar." Casey says, nudging Raph with his shoulder. "I smell some serious bull shit man. Spill." Raph sighs and rolls his eyes. "I dunno man. I had this fucking weird dream and needed some air. Like I said okay?" Raph watches the cars intently as they get stacked up apon a red light. Casey nods. "Okay dude." He says, yawning.

They really had only gotten a few hours of sleep. A moment of silence passes before Casey's phone buzzes from his pocket. He ignores it, staring at the cars with Raph. "You know... If you want to talk-" Raph shakes his head. "I ain't talkin' to anyone 'bout anything." Raph grumbles. Casey's phone buzzes again.

"If anything, _you_ should talk. That was fucking crazy back there." Raph says, lolling his head to the side to look at Casey. He starts picking at the bandages on his arm, ripping them a bit. Casey grabs Raph's hand and pushes it off of the bandages. "Dude, _don't_. It's _fine_. You don't need to stress over _me_ of all people." Casey rolls his eyes as his phone buzzes again.

" _Oh my God!_ I swear if this thing buzzes one more _fucking_ time I'm throwing it into traffic." Casey huffs. Raph snorts and stares at the ground. "Let's not talk about this _okay?_ Like, let's not mention ever that we've talked like we have _feelings_ and shit." Casey nods. "Yeah... Agreed." Again, Casey's phone goes off, this time a ring tone.

" _Fucking damn it. What the hell!?_ " Casey swears, looking at the caller ID. _'Leo Hamato'_ Read the screen. " _Oh fuck dude..._ " Casey says, holding up a finger to Raph. He answers the phone quickly, putting on a smile like the older boy was standing right there. " _Hey Leo_ , wassup man? I thought you were only going to call me for like projects and shit."

 _"Yeah, I was, But this is important."_ Casey feels a small pinch in his chest. _"We can't find Raph, have you seen him recently?"_ Casey shrugs. "Dude, I don't know. I haven't talked to him since the last time we hung out." He lies. Raph sits stiffly, waiting for any kind of slip up. He really didn't feel like talking to them, especially not Leo.

" _Okay, please call me if you see him._ " Leo says, hanging up the phone. Casey shuts off his phone and lets his head fall back. " _Ah, dude..._ I held him off for now but if he called _me,_ he's _totally_ callin' April too. She ain't lyin'." Raph drops his head and groans. "Thanks anyways Casey. 'S cool of you to try."

They sit a little longer until Raph jumps up with a high pitched scream. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell man?" Raph had backed away from the spot they had been sitting, breathing just a little too fast. Casey follows Raph's line of sight until he was staring at a small bug, a cockroach. "This thing?" Casey says, raising his eyebrows and holding back a laugh with a snort.

"Shut the fuck up." Raph says, starting to walk away. _He didn't need to stay, in fact he'd be better off going somewhere else anyways._ "Oh come on man! I didn't mean anything by it!" Casey shouts, now far behind Raph. _He didn't know where he was going, but knew it sure as hell wasn't going to be the Hamato's place._

He keeps walking down the street and Casey feels obligated to follow. "Raph, I'm sorry man, I-" Raph stops suddenly, staring down the street. "Dude?" Casey says, closing the distance between them. He puts a hand on his shoulder and tries to figure out why he stopped so suddenly. " _Fucking damn it..._ " Raph mumbles.

A taller boy with hair just as long as Raph's was the night before was walking out of an apartment building, a big black leather jacket tight around his larger frame. Raph had seen him before, _he didn't know why he didn't make the connection. He had been in the waiting room. The waiting room when he went to ther-_

 _He was starting to walk towards him._ "Raphael?" He says in a raspy low voice. Raph gulps. "S-Spike." The bigger boy's face lights up with a smile. "I haven't seen you in forever brother!" He pulls Raph into a bone crushing hug for a couple seconds before letting him drop. Raph wanted to rip all of his skin off.

He knew it'd been a while since they'd seen each other and he didn't know anything that had happened but it didn't make him feel any better. "Uh, who's this?" Casey asks. "Uh, this is Spike, he- He was one of my foster brothers." Casey nods, trying to figure out what Raph was feeling. "It's _Slash_ now." Slash says, folding his arms.

"Oh." Raph says simply, trying to get his brain out of a weird numb state. "Uh, this is Casey." Raph says, blinking a few times in hopes of clearing his slightly foggy vision. Casey nods in Slash's direction. "Hi Casey." Slash says, a tint of poison in his low voice. "How do you know Raphael?"

Raph shudders. There was something about his full name that just felt _wrong_. Casey shrugs. "Just school. We're in a class together." Slash snorts. "School's for chumps." He says with a smirk. "Dunno why m' boy here's even _botherin' with that shit._ " Casey glares at slash. "Yeah, whatever."

Slash shifts his gaze over to Raph. "What have you been doing lately? I haven't seen you since we were little!" Raph shrugs and nervously picks at his bandages once again. "The usual, jumping from place to place, hanging around you know?" Raph's faux calm demeanor was slowly deteriorating and Casey could tell he didn't want to be around this guy.

"Yo, Raph, we should probably start back to your place. Leo sounded pretty worried on the phone earlier." Casey puts a hand on Raph's shoulder and he barely responds, nodding slowly. "Come on Raphael, we should hang out! Let's do something together, how about one of our midnight runs later?" Raph slowly slips into a numb like state as Slash talks.

It takes him a moment but Raph shakes his head. "N-Nah, I-I'm just gonna head back." He says, starting to walk around Slash, still picking at his wrist. Slash grabs his upper arm, at first not saying anything and putting both of the smaller boys on edge. " _Raphael._ " Slash says slowly and calmly. "Are you cutting again?" Raph feels like dying in that instant.

Casey frowns. Slash yanks Raph's arm up closer to his face to look at it. "I thought we made a deal brother." At this point Casey could tell Raph was not okay with the situation and it definitely didn't seem like the time to sit back and watch, but his curiosity got the better of him. "What do you mean _'again?'_ " Slash holds on tight to Raph's shoulders as he turns the stunned boy around to face Casey. "We had a deal." He says.

"When we were little Raphael cut a lot, just not his arms. We made a deal that as long as he stopped cutting, I'd stop sneaking out to do things." Slash tightens his grip. "And guess who just broke that deal?" Raph's face goes bright red. It was almost like having an embarrassing parent, but worse. Raph breaks away from Slash and folds his arms across his chest. " _I'm leaving._ " He says in a low voice, walking away quickly.

Casey stares up at slash for a moment before chasing after Raph. Slash stands, watching the two other boys leave. He shoves his hands in his pockets and turns to walk away, a scowl fixed on his face.

* * *

Raph and Casey were only a block away from the Hamato's place at this point and Casey couldn't get Raph to talk to him in the slightest. "Raph, come on man, talk to me. What happened back there?" Raph huffs, sick of Casey talking non stop. "Shut the fuck up Casey!" He shouts, grabbing and pulling his short hair.

"I don't want to talk about it so just fuck off!" Raph screams, shoving Casey back and stomping away quickly. Casey stays on the sidewalk, watching him leave for a few seconds before he starts walking away in the opposite direction. He wasn't helping by bothering the guy so he leaves.

Raph just wanted to sit down and do nothing until he died, which he hoped was soon. But in reality he couldn't do that. He had to get back or risk getting in even more trouble. The thought crossed his mind that Casey might say something to the Hamatos and suddenly the idea of sitting on the sidewalk for hours sounded great.

Raph shakes his head, finding the feeling of air hitting parts of his head that were normally covered by hair slightly calming. He just needed this calming, isolating walk to readjust his thoughts. He had to think things through. _What was he doing?_ Raph stares up at the Hamato's house and sighs.

Raph knew how much trouble he'd be in the second he walked in that door. He knew They'd yell at him and that he'd be risking so much by even coming back. He knew he didn't have very many chances left, but he didn't know exactly how many. Maybe this was his last screw up.

Maybe he was an inch away from being kicked out again, slapped with the unplaceable label and sent to some group home or something out of state. Raph rubs his hand across the back of his neck. Everything was just so damn confusing. He felt frozen, like moving forward one step would take all the effort in the world.

He _did not_ want to go inside. It takes a moment but he makes a compromise with himself. _Just go to the front steps and sit down. No big deal, and no confrontation. It's a win win_. He puts his head in his hands once he's sitting and breathes deeply. He didn't want people to know about his past, at least, not if he didn't tell them.

 _And Casey... Oh God, Casey. He was such a nosy little fuck. And Spike being there didn't help either, the last time he saw him-_ Raph lets out a deep breath. "He tried to jump off a building... An' _fucking_ take me with. _Motherfucker_." Raph mumbles, rubbing his eyes with a pained expression. It was at times like this that Raphael wished he was normal, that his parents had just kept him and saved him all this trouble.

 _If his parents had cared then he wouldn't have had to be scarred in so many different ways, he wouldn't have had to move from school to school and house to house. If his parents had cared then... He wouldn't have gotten to live with the Hamatos. If they had cared how does he know they would've been good? Maybe they would've been just like his past foster parents._

He keeps his head in his hands. Before all he wanted to do was think but now he'd do anything to stop because it was making him feel, and he hated when he felt. Nevertheless, he didn't stop. He keeps thinking, He keeps wondering and keeps bringing up the _'what ifs'_. A burst of pure rage surges through him and he slams his fist into the concrete, making his hand throb.

"-then if I don't find him then we can try-" Leo stops talking, standing in the middle of the doorway. "Oh..." He says. Raph runs his hands through his hair, a stressed look on his face. He thought too much. "Uh..." Leo doesn't know what to say. He barely dealt with his own feelings lately, so helping someone else out wouldn't be the _easiest_ thing in the world.

Raph didn't realize anyone was even outside with him, he was just too absorbed into his own world of anger. Leo creaks back inside and a few seconds later Yoshi follows out. Leo stands to the side and watches as Yoshi sits beside him, carefully setting a hand on his shoulder to let him know he was there. Raph jumps a little and tenses up, knowing he'd be in trouble.

"Raphael." Yoshi says sternly. "Where were you." It sounded like less of a question and more of a demand. "Casey's." He grunts out, crossing his arms. "When was this." Yoshi takes a step closer to Raph and the teen stands, a glint of defiance in his eyes. " _Does it matter?_ I'm back _now_." His feelings were so out of wack, he just channels them all into anger.

"Do not take that tone with me Raphael." Raph cringes slightly at the use of his full name. "Why the hell not?" Raph pushes, turning his bored face to a glare. "Watch your language young man. You are on thin ice." Raph rolls his eyes. " _What the fuck ever_." He didn't need this. They may be the perfect family for him, and he may have bonded with them, but he needed to remind himself that nothing is permanent.

"Raphael!" Yoshi shouts, Leo's eyes widening behind the two and creeping back inside. "WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" Yoshi's nose wrinkels up. "I want you to stop shouting and tell me what you were doing, running out like that." He says loudly, but not loud enough to be considered a yell.

" _FINE!_ I WAS OUT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE FUCKING DYING AND I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D APPRECIATE HAVING TO CLEAN UP A DEAD BODY IN THE MORNING! HAPPY!?" Raph felt absolutely drained now. He had shouted everything out with that and now his legs were shaky and his arms burned, wanting the forbidden.

He didn't want to sit, being short and already feeling unintimidating but if he didn't he'd collapse and look like a bitch. So he takes the chance and plops back down on the steps, glaring at the ground with the passion of a thousand suns. No one spoke and Raph almost thought the older man had gone inside.

Minutes creep by like hours and Raph finally calms down. "Who cut your hair?" Yoshi asks calmly, out of the blue. Raph keeps his gaze on the ground, softening. "April." He mumbles. "You could have always asked me if you wanted a hair cut." Yoshi says, his tone growing more caring.

Raph nods, still not looking up. "Sorry." He says, picking at his wrist. "What happened last night?" Yoshi asks him, rubbing his back. "I-I-I don't know... I-I Had a-a weird dream and I just had to- had to get out..." He starts scratching at his wrist after this, knowing full well that Yoshi would pick up on it.

"I am disappointed in you that you would sneak out, especially since we brought you back." Raph's heart drops. "While I understand the need to get out at times, I do believe that there will be punishment." Raph nods and waits for the harsh words to begin again. "No leaving the house for a week other than school. No having anyone over either. And please, if you need to get out tell someone and we can figure something else out."

Raph nods and puts his head in his hands. He wished he had stopped thinking when Yoshi had come out by him but he didn't. He was thinking the whole damn time. He didn't think about this kind of thing often, _his parents_ , but when he did it was hard to stop. He never once told anyone he thought about them, but maybe... _Maybe this was different?_

Raph opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to get the words to come out before deciding it wasn't worth it. He subtly shakes his head and just now starts realizing the severe throbbing in his knuckles. "YO! WHY 'R YOU JUST HANGING WITH THE DOOR OPEN?!"

Raph looks up, just in time to see Mikey fling himself onto Raph's body, making him tense up. "RAPH! Where the heck did you go!?" Raph shrugs. "Just hung out with April and Casey." Raph says quietly. "You were with April?" Donnie asks, leaving the house to join the group. Again Raph nods. He was starting to feel a little claustrophobic but at the same time a little better. Leo creeps back outside to join the group, looking a little pale.

"Why? What did you guys do? Where were you guys? What happened to your head?" Donnie says, spouting off questions. "Uh... She cut my hair." Raph says, trying to break out of his mind a little. Donnie crosses his arms and sends a sort of glare at Raph's back, huffing in annoyance. Raph feels Mikey tighten his hug around his neck which pulls him out of his anger fogged state even more.

"Let us go inside my sons." Yoshi says, standing and heading towards the door. Raph sighs and starts to stand up but Mikey doesn't let go, hanging on tightly. "Mikey, what the fuck?" Raph says quietly. Mikey chuckles and holds on tighter, lifting his feet off the ground so he was hanging off Raph. "You're such a dick." Raph says, a small smile growing on his face. He stands all the way up and lugs Mikey inside, wiping a small bit of liquid from his eye with his shoulder.

* * *

Raph stands in front of the mirror in the bathroom, his shirt off and his head hung low. It was barely five in the afternoon and he was exhausted. He hadn't had a moment alone since he'd gotten back so he excused himself to go take a shower. Of course he didn't actually shower, letting the water run for twenty minutes before dipping his hair in the stream.

Raph looks up at himself and groans. He knew he was a fucked up mess but hey, the first step to getting better, as they say, is admitting it. He for sure had done that. He shakes his head at himself, knowing how ridiculous he'd sound if he was saying this shit out loud.

He bends down and grabs his shirt, about to put it on until he glances at the old bandages on his shoulder. Slowly he puts his shirt on the counter and takes off the bandages. It wasn't that bad... The lightning bolt shaped scar on his shoulder stood out prominently, dipping into his skin and, as he had assumed before, was discolored slightly.

He prods it gently and frowns. " _Fitting._ " He grumbles to himself, tossing the bandages in the garbage. He throws on his shirt and leaves the bathroom, trudging back downstairs. No more alone time for now, but maybe that was a good thing. He really didn't need to be alone anyways. "Hey Raph?" He looks up, looking tired as fuck. Donnie was standing in front of him, his hands tucked away in his pockets.

"So, uh. Did you and April talk about anything?" Donnie asks nervously. "Not really. She just kinda cut my hair and we all watched a movie. Casey talked to her though." He crosses his arms. "Something about a study date at the park or something. I don't know, I wasn't really listening." Donnie's eyes widen. "A date?" Raph yawns and waves him off. "Sure man, whatever."

He walks into the kitchen and sits at the table. He really didn't know why he was in there, just needed to chill. He takes a breath and drops his chin to the table. It was hard trying to not think about things. _Very hard_.

* * *

 _ **Well, I know you lay in bed,**_

 _ **Contemplating your own death.**_

 _ **Well, just look at what you've done.**_

 _ **Don't you dare forget the sun, love!**_

 _ **You look down on me, so casually,**_

 _ **In everything I know.**_

 _ **You look down on me, but not right on me.**_

 _ **Did I wreck this broken home?**_

 **Don't you dare forget the sun**

 **Get Scared**

* * *

 **Wow... You guys don't even know... I just had to rewrite the whole second half of this chapter. I had it too... Emotional? I mean, sure this isn't much better, but I like it better than how I had it before. I'm so sorry for how long this one took to get out, school is bustin' my ass right now ^^;**

 **Anyways, If I can, I'm going to try and update twice before halloween, but don't know if that'll happen, so if it doesn't then you'll get a random halloween chapter after halloween. XD**

 **Thank you guys so much for reading! I love hearing what you have to say, so go ahead and talk to me!**


	23. Chapter 23: Imperfection

**(2492 words)**

"And you're sure there's nothing else you want to tell me?" Raph sits in that same therapist's office, his fingers in the small water feature beside him. "Nope." He says dully. "Nothin'" She looks at him skeptically. "Well your father told me you had an interesting dream the other night. Do you want to talk about that?"

Raph glares at the ground. "'Dunno what you're talkin' about." He mumbles, pulling his fingers out of the water and folding his arms across his chest. "I can't help you if you don't try Raphael." She says calmly. Raph's face scrunches up and his heart pounds. It was _that_ kind of thing that made him angry. Those patronizing, too kind, sickening words.

Raph doesn't talk. He wants to just wait until the session was over. He probably would be able to make it. There was probably only a few minutes left. As the seconds tick by Raph sees his therapist shift in her seat a bit before speaking once again. " _Fine then_. I'll make a deal with you. We can end today early, and I _won't_ make note of how you won't cooperate but _next week,_ you have to talk for at least thirty minutes _each_ session."

"No excuses." She adds. Raph continues to glare but glances up at the clock. _Damn_. There was still fifteen minutes left, and he knew sitting in an office for that long without talking was going to be awkward as hell. But was it really worth it. Raph and the therapist's eyes lock and Raph looks away quickly. _Yeah, it was worth it_. "Fine." Raph grumbles out, sitting stiffly in the chair.

"Can I go now?" He asks. The calm woman nods and Raph pushes himself up quickly and barges out the door. He felt so stupid once he was out. He knew he wanted to _'get better'_ , but he didn't like talking. At all. _To anyone_. He stomps through the lobby, shoving past a few people he didn't care to try and recognize and out the doors.

"Hey man, you're out early." Leo says in a bored tone, leaning up against the van. "Whatever." Raph grumbles, getting in the passenger's side door and slamming it shut. Leo follows suit and gets in the driver's seat. "Sounds like you had fun." Leo says sarcastically. Raph stares out his window. "I legit just spent an hour talking, I don't want to start up again." Raph says moodily.

They were quiet for a minute until Leo cracks a small smile. "' _Legit'_?" Raph punches Leo's arm half playfully, half seriously. " _Shut up._ " Leo tries to hold in a laugh. "Where'd you get that?" Raph lets out a low growl. "I said _shut up_." He runs his hand through his hair, calmed slightly by the feeling. Leo takes an unfamiliar turn on the road and Raph frowns.

"Where are you going?" Raph asks. Leo shrugs. " _Well_ , I only get the van when I pick you up, so I thought we'd go and get some ice-cream or something." Raph rolls his eyes and glares at the older boy. "I'm not some kid, you can't just offer ice-cream to fix all of life's problems." He says. Leo gets a smug look on his face. " _Fine,_ I guess you don't _have_ to get any. I know _I_ want some, but if you don't _want any..._ "

"Let's just go get the damn ice-cream." Raph says.

* * *

"So... Chocolate? I would've taken you as a vanilla guy." Leo says, trying to make small talk. Raph shrugs and stabs a plastic spoon into his ice-cream. They sit on the top of the van, a fall breeze blowing past. "I didn't think you'd want ice-cream. You've been sick or something for the past few days." Raph mumbles.

Leo nods and takes another bite. "Yeah, but I just thought it'd be nice to get out of the house for a while." Raph nods in understanding. Soon both small bowls were empty and the boys slide off the roof of the car and climb in, driving back in relative awkward silence. Back at the house Raph trudges to the living-room, plopping down on the couch and draping and arm over his eyes.

"Hey Raphie, glad you're back!" A goofy, fake voice says as something cold touches Raph's shoulder. Raph moves his arm and sees Mikey holding spike on Raph's shoulder. "You dork." Raph says, taking Spike off his shoulder and to his chest. "So what took you two so long?" Mikey asks normally, flopping backwards over the couch.

"We stopped for ice-cream." Raph says simply, patting Spike's shell. "What!? Without me!?" Mikey shouts, flinging himself up. "Why would you do this to me!" He whines. "You can go get ice-cream yourself." Raph says, waving him off. " _Fine._ Maybe I will." Mikey pushes himself up and stalks out of the room, leaving Raph and his pet alone.

"You understand me Spike." Raph mumbles. "I'd talk to _you_ , you don't care about anything." He gives him another little pat and smiles. Raph huffs and slides down to a laying position. "Life is fucking stupid."

* * *

Leo sits on his bed, holding his stomach in pain. He _hated_ that ice-cream, but he could tell his father was getting suspicious. He _was_ eating more than those first couple days, but it still was very little. He couldn't tell if the pain in his stomach was hunger or pain from eating, but he wouldn't be surprised if the universe gave him both. He deserved it.

Even if his family didn't know, it made him feel better, like appeasing hundreds of invisible eyes. Hundreds of invisible ears gaining some sort of joy from him when he empties the contents of his stomach. The weight of guilt lifts off his shoulders every time until it comes crashing back down on him.

"Leonardo?" Leo looks up and fakes a smile. "Yeah?" It was his father. "You were out later than normal, did something happen?" Leo shakes his head. "No, I just thought Raph could use some time out so I took him to get ice-cream." Yoshi looks at Leo for a moment. "You had some?" He asks. "Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I was kind of craving it." Leo replies with a laugh, trying to hold back a growl in his stomach.

"Tell me if you feel sick. You haven't been eating as much as you normally would." Yoshi replies in his usual calm voice. "Yeah, yeah, of course." Leo says, wanting his father to leave. "Alright. Next time, ask if you may go." Yoshi says, turning away to leave. "Of course, I'm sorry." Leo starts to fold over once again, his stomach hurting still. Finally he leaves, closing the door behind him.

Leo lets out a small groan. He really wished he didn't eat that ice-cream, but he saw how that little act made his father calm down about his _'eating habits'_. "Why does everything suck..." Leo mumbles.

* * *

Mikey strolls down the sidewalk, his active mind jumping from thought to thought. "I wonder what _flavors_ they'll have. I haven't had ice-cream in _way_ too long!" Mikey says aloud. He looks around at the falling leaves, the colors making him smile. He wasn't far from the ice-cream place when he hears someone call his name.

He turns around and sees April waving her arms rapidly in the air, jogging up to him. She was wearing a big jacket and scarf to keep herself warm. "Mikey! Hey!" She says, catching up with the younger boy. "Hey April!" Mikey says just a bit too loudly. "What are you up to?" He asks, flinging an arm around her shoulder.

"I was going to get some ice-cream, I've been craving it since two days ago." April says with a laugh. "Whoa! Me too!" Mikey says excitedly, bouncing on his toes. "What kind are you gonna get?! I was thinking about one of the old school flavors, but then I remembered that there's tons of new flavors, and then the flavor of the day could be good and also, sometimes you just want something new, you know?"

April smiles as Mikey rambles, his words coming out a mile a minute. In no time they were walking through the doors of the parlor. "-and that's why I never eat vanilla ice-cream without sprinkles." Mikey says, finishing a story. "That's... Interesting Mikey." April says, an awkward smile on her face. Mikey smiles back genuinely.

He bounds up to the glass separating him from the frozen treat, and stares at the wide array of colors. "Yo April! Check out this one!" Mikey says suddenly. April walks over and looks through the glass at the ice-cream the boy was pointing at. "It's called play-dough and it looks _amazing_!" He grabs her shoulder tightly and stares her in the eyes. "You have to try it with me." He says seriously.

"Okay, okay." April laughs. They order the ice-cream and sit down at a table for two. "What have you been up to today?" Mikey asks, small talk being no problem for him. "Ah, I've been trying to work on this stupid chemistry homework, but I just can't get it. Plus, my dad is out of town for like a week, so I'm kinda on my own with this.

Mikey smiles and stabs his spoon into the ice-cream. "Donnie's really good at science and stuff! He could _totally_ help you!" He exclaims. "Come on! We can go now!" Mikey says, shoving the rest of his ice-cream in his mouth and dragging April up and out of the shop, almost making her drop her cone. "Whoa! Mikey, what?" She says.

"Yeah, come on!" He says happily as they jog down the street.

* * *

Donnie paces his room, a path through the mess cleared long ago by shoving things aside. He'd been doing this for hours and He showed no sign of stopping. "What happened? Why were they together? They were probably on a date or something." Donnie mumbles to himself. "He's not even good looking." He groans, dropping his head back.

He shakes his hands a few times before quickly sliding into his desk chair and letting his fingers fly over the familiar keys. Within a few seconds a social media profile pops up and Donnie starts scrolling. He goes past the gap-toothed grin of the profile picture and looks at the bio. He furrows his eyebrows and frowns. " _'Single, but not for long'_?" He says. "What the hell man?"

He keeps scrolling and looks at the posts. "Let's see what you post _Casey Jones..._ " Donnie glares at the pictures of Casey and hockey games, a couple with him holding a beer, but stops at one picture of him and a little freckle faced girl with jet black hair like Casey's. He clicks open the picture and reads the caption. _'I'm gonna miss this lil' freak.'_.

Donnie stares a little longer. "He has a sister?" He mumbles. "Huh..." They looked happy in the picture, he didn't look like the asshole Donnie knew him as. Not in that picture at least. He hears the front door slam open and He listens as he stares at the computer screen. "YO DONNIE!" He quickly closes the tab and switches over to something he had been programming before going downstairs.

"What Mike-" He stops talking when he sees the redheaded girl waving awkwardly. "Uh... _Hey..._ " She says. "I told April you could help her with some science stuff!" Donnie nods one too many times and an awkward air immediately forms around them. "Yeah, uh... What- What is it? Um, Chemistry right?"

April smiles. "Yeah, thankfully I had my backpack with me when Mikey grabbed me." She chuckles. "Otherwise this would've been all for nothing." Donnie's heart twinges. "Yeah, heh heh..." He mumbles. They walk into the living-room to go through the books, but stop, staring at Raph fast asleep on one of the couches.

"Oh um..." Donnie mumbles, thinking of a quick solution. "Let's just go to the kitchen, we can just sit at the table." April shrugs and they move to the kitchen, spreading out three large books. "Believe it or not, Chemistry is pretty interesting." Donnie says as he pulls one of the books closer to him.

April nods. "Yeah, I feel like I'd like it if I could understand it. Like, I totally get trig, I even tutor Casey in it, that's why it's interesting to me." Donnie stares down at the books instead of answering right away. "You and Casey study together a lot?" April shrugs and starts flipping through her notebook. "Maybe once a week."

Donnie swallows the lump in his throat. "Ah... Okay then... So um, Chemistry..." They awkwardly transition into the work, going from not talking unless necessary to getting way off topic as teens do. They talked about chemistry for a grand total of twenty minutes until they were talking about other things, like food and families.

It was nice for a while, talking like they were friends, that is until... "So did you know your real parents?" April asks casually. Donnie frowns and tenses up a little. "Uh... N-No, not really." He says almost embarrassed. April picks up on his feelings and she covers her mouth. "Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Donnie cuts her off mid sentence. "It's okay, really. I've just never really thought to talk about that."

"Don't worry about it." He adds with a smile. after a few moments of silence they start back up on the work, both silently agreeing to forget any of that had just happened.

* * *

 _ **You fall to your knees  
You beg, you plead  
Can I be somebody else  
For all the times I hate myself?  
Your failures devour your heart  
In every hour, you're drowning  
In your imperfection **_

**Imperfection**

 **Skillet**

* * *

 **Well, you know how I thought I was gonna update twice before halloween? Hahahaha, yeah we all know that was never gonna happen. Guys, Donnie is the living embodiment of *Tries not to be awkward* *Fails* Just thought I'd share that with you haha! Anyways, the next chapter is going to be a way late but important to the plot halloween chapter, so get ready for halloween all year long. XD**

 **Anyways, sorry for not updating for a while and I hope you enjoyed this pretty choppy chapter!**


	24. Chapter 24: Mona Lisa

_**(4503 Words)**_

"So wait, what are we doing again?" The Hamato boys were walking down the street, a pumpkin in each of their arms. Mikey shrugs and shifts his pumpkin. "IDK dude, Dad didn't tell us anything either. I mean... He told Donnie..." They both glance at the long haired boy who had headphones plugged in and something playing just loud enough for the rest of them to hear a whisper.

"He's not telling us though." Leo says out of the blue. "The headphones are in for a reason." He says with a sly smile. Mikey chuckles and nudges Raph. "Heh heh, it's because he sucks at lying about almost anything." Raph looks at Donnie and nods. "Yeah, that makes sense." As they walk they wonder where they were going while Donnie points in different directions for them to turn.

It was Halloween finally and there was fake gravestones and blood splattered windows abound, the fake decorations making the whole city feel in the spirit.

Suddenly Donnie stops, holding up a hand to show the rest of them to stop as well. He takes out his headphones and folds them carefully into his pocket. "We're here." He says, opening the doors of a building none of them had seen before with a stripped sign above the doors. Once inside the boys realize what was happening.

They were standing inside a decent sized dojo, mats and punching bags were all set up already. Donnie's hand shakes against the side of his leg and a smile grows on his face. "Welcome to the new dojo guys!" He says excitedly. Mikey jumps around the room, touching everything. "You guys haven't even seen the best part!"

Donnie opens what looks like a closet door, revealing a staircase. Mikey sprints to the door, barely holding onto his pumpkin. They climb the stairs as a group, Mikey sprinting three stairs ahead of the rest of them into a mostly empty living-room connected to a kitchen. "This is nice..." Raph mumbles, looking around. They all end up setting their pumpkins in the living-room.

A short hallway on the left side of the room leads to four doors. The boys quickly move to explore. Leo opens the first door and looks inside to find the bathroom, a small one, but nice. He closes the door and walks to the next where Mikey was already barged in. "Yo dude! This room has a literal window seat!" Leo smiles and walks in. "It is pretty cool." He says, walking straight across the room to sit and look out the window.

Back in the hall Raph goes to the second to last door and tentatively opens it. It was an empty room with two large windows, one of them leading to the fire escape. He opens the window and climbs out, looking towards the street and feeling the cold fall wind hitting his face. It was nice, he felt like never leaving. "We'll have to share because I already chose this room before." Raph looks behind him, being dragged from his small portal of bliss.

Donnie was standing, inspecting the walls for imperfections and cracks. "We should decide where we should put what because I don't want to be putting things in here and not knowing where they're going or miscalculating the distance between things and stuff, you know?"

Raph shrugs. "Yeah, I guess." He says, looking around the room. "You know what? How about you just decide where everything'll go. I don't really care and you'll probably do it better without me anyways." Donnie tries to hold back a smile as Raph walks out of the room. He goes down the hall and back into the living-room where the pumpkins were just in time to see the door to the stairs swing open.

"Ah, my son, I'm glad you made it safely." Yoshi says as he enters with an armful of paper shopping bags. "Do you want me to take a couple bags or something?" Raph asks tentatively. Yoshi laughs. "Yes please." Raph takes two heavy bags and takes them over to the counter, setting them down and taking a peek inside.

"Wow... That's uh- That's a lot of newspaper... Planning on catching up on current events?" Raph says, tensing up at his own joke. "No, these are for the pumpkins. We're pumpkin carving!" Yoshi says in an uncharacteristically excited voice. Suddenly it clicks and Raph rolls his eyes at himself. "Ohhh..." He says, grabbing the back of his neck.

"Yoooo! What'd ya get!" Mikey shouts as he bounds into the room. He tears into the bags impulsively and yanks out a small carving set and a roll of newspaper. "We're carving pumpkins here! That's so rad dude!" Mikey shouts. Leo comes out of the bedroom he and Mikey had chosen, being drawn out by the noise.

"Hey..." Leo says awkwardly, adding himself to the group in the living-room. "Ah, Leonardo, I was just about to ask you to make sure your brothers don't run amok here while I pick up some things from the house." Leo nods curtly. "Of course." He says, making eye contact with his father. "Good, You boys go ahead and start on those pumpkins, I will be back soon."

As Yoshi leaves Mikey leaps over to his pumpkin and sticks it under his arm. "I love carving pumpkins!" Leo shrugs almost in reply. "I'm almost an adult, I probably shouldn't be doing this kind of _kids_ stuff for much longer." Mikey glares at Leo as he pulls a roll of newspaper out of one of the bags. "Leo, that is such crap and you know it. If you think _this_ is kids stuff then how come you haven't stopped watching that _show yet_ , _Space Heroes?_ "

"Mike, that show is an artistic masterpiece that knows no age and no time." Leo says almost angrily. "Apparently you don't know time either seeing as you'll watch it all day." Mikey snaps back with a smirk. Raph snorts, holding back a laugh. "Uh- Um- Ugh, let's just start already." Leo says, unable to think of a good comeback.

"Were's Donnie?" He asks. Mikey shrugs and Raph glances back at the hall. "He might still be in the room he chose?" Leo walks out of the room and returns shortly with Donnie who was obviously calculating _something_ in his head. "Okay, now we may start."

The bags are lifted to the floor and tools taken out. All four boys sit in front of their pumpkins, all with blank stares except for Mikey who was using a marker to rapidly mark out lines on his pumpkin. "How the hell do you know what to do already?" Raph asks, picking up a larger carving knife and looking it over.

"How do you not?" Mikey replies. "There are so many things you can do, you just have to go with one!" Donnie frowns. "That's the problem." He mumbles, an open marker getting ink on his chin. Leo slowly carves the top part of the pumpkin out, getting ready to gut it. "I'll probably be doing something... traditional..." Leo says, pausing slightly in between the words.

Raph watches the brothers all working on their pumpkins while he softly runs his forefinger across the sharp end of the blade. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he felt awkward just sitting there. After a few minutes of sitting in thought he pulls the cap off his marker and starts drawing on the pumpkin.

Slowly they all carved into their pumpkins, their designs finished and pumpkins placed inside and lit. "It's a masterpiece!" Mikey shouts, hands on hips in front of his pumpkin. It was an impressively designed cartoony ninja, nun-chucks in either hand. Donnie stares at his own skeptically. "It's still not anatomically correct..." He mumbles, pointing out the flaws in his head.

There was a slightly lopsided brain carved into the oblong pumpkin, not all the way through which made it look even more impressive. Leo's just had an obviously Japanese symbol in it that no one but him and their father would recognize. And finally Raph's. In the center of his almost perfectly round pumpkin was a small turtle. It wasn't that bad either, just not Picasso.

"Guys..." Mikey hisses out, a smile creeping onto his face. "These. Are. Amazing!" Mikey wraps his arms around the three other's shoulders and pulls them close. "You know what we should do!? We should go trick or treating!" Leo looks at Mikey and frowns. "Mikey, even you're too old for that." Donnie shrugs and lifts Mikey's arm off his shoulder. "Na, Unless you're like an adult or something, you can totally trick or treat bro!"

Leo pushes away from the group. "I'm practically an adult Mikey." Mikey groans and rolls his eyes dramatically. "Fine." He groans out. "You can come as a chaperone, but you have to be in costume." Leo scowls but doesn't say anything. Donnie on the other hand starts mumbling in an increasingly louder voice. "- and then there could be cloak too..."

"What are you _talking_ about?!" Raph says, almost annoyed that he was left out of something. "I- Just, um... Thinking about what I'd need for a costume." Raph scowls. "You're not _actually_ thinking of going trick or treating. Isn't that like, for three year olds?" Mikey jumps over to Raph.

"No way dude! We all totally went last year!" Mikey, being the physical creature that he was, threw his arm around Raph and yanked him close, using his free arm to _'paint'_ an arch in the air. "Donnie was this mad scientist dude and Leo was this totally wicket samurai and I was this hella cool super hero! _The turtle titan!_ "

Raph looks at Mikey, amused, and pushes him off. " _Okay, I get it._ " He grumbles. "What am I even supposed to dress up as, we don't have anything to like _use._ " Leo face palms as Mikey's face lights up. "We've got _tons_ of stuff!" He shouts. "I mean, there's _no way_ you could've known this, but we totally used to LARP!"

Leo groans and Donnie shrinks back slightly, a sheepish smile on his face. "We were always down one team member too! Had one person in only _three_ of the four classes. But now we finally can have _all four!_ Isn't that rad!?" Mikey bounces in excitement. Raph just stares at the redhead, obviously unimpressed.

Like another new idea popped into his head, making him near bursting, Mikey sequels. "You can be the _dwarf barbarian!_ " Raph's face drops even more, if that was possible while the other two hold back chuckles. " _No_."

* * *

Raph huffs in annoyance as he walks down the sidewalk with the Hamatos, all in costume, himself a fitting dwarf barbarian. "I can't believe you talked me into this shit." Raph grumbles. Leo tugs on his clips holding up his cape. "He has a way with words." He sighs. Mikey chuckles as he shoves through his brothers to reach the next house as they made their way back to the city.

Mikey bounds up to the house, knocking on the door and shouting the famous " _Trick or treat!_ " before the door even opened. At this point all three of the others groan, expressing their annoyance. "Do you have to stop at _every house?_ " Donnie asks, stomping his makeshift wizard staff on the concrete.

Once Mikey gets down to the rest of them he smiles. " _Yeah dude!_ The houses give _way_ more candy than the apartments!" Donnie groans but continues on as the group moves down the street. "What I don't get-" Raph mutters mostly to himself. "Is why we're skipping over most of the houses if that's why we're even out here."

Leo glances back at him from the lead and shrugs. "Logically, if we go to the apartments we _'hit more houses'_ in one because we don't have to walk far in between doors." He smirks. "And we can be done faster." Raph shrugs and the group finally comes across the apartment buildings. "Let's make this fast." Raph says. "This costume itches like hell."

Mikey slinks past the grumpy teen. "That's how you know the magic is happening" he whispers in the most mystical voice he could summon. As the rest of the boys start inside Raph feels a wave of nausea hit him and he wraps an arm around his stomach. He suddenly realized going inside a bunch of different apartment buildings wasn't really the best for his sudden crippling anxiety.

He leans up against a post outside and crosses his arms. "I'm gonna wait out here." He says, a frown on his face. Both Leo and Donnie look back at him while Mikey sprints onward, slapping the hand of the lobby manager and jumping in the elevator, a huge grin on his face as the doors close. "What? Why?" Donnie asks, re gripping his staff.

"No." Leo says flatly. Raph's eyebrows drop low. "You don't get to tell me what to do." Raph challenges. "Yes. I do. My father put me in charge which means-" Raph cuts the leader off from his rant. "Which means I don't give a flying fuck." Leo fumes. " _Listen_. I know you're all _lone wolf_ and stuff but we're kinda a family and we try to stick together, especially when trying to keep someone out of _harms way_."

Raph looks away, staring off to watch the cars go by. At this point Donnie had left to follow Mikey and Leo sighs. "Fine. _Fine._ Whatever. I don't care. But if I come out here and you're _gone_ , I'm calling the police." Leo's face scrunches up and he leaves to follow his brothers up to the apartments.

Raph huffs, swinging his fake axe by his side. "Callin' the fucking police, who does he think he is? It's fucking ridiculous." He stands there for a while, feeling the cold fall air blow though his clothes, making him shiver. It was only a few minutes later that he hears heavy footfalls coming from his right. He turns just in time to see a girl run straight into him. At first she seems shocked but then she grabs Raph by the shoulders, holding him down. "WHO ARE YOU." She yells, keeping him pinned to the concrete.

She had dark skin and short curly hair, close to buzzed. Her eyes were piercing yellow. Raph struggles under her, hoping on his life that he could hold himself together in this position. "G-Get off'a me!" He shouts, trying to push the girl off. He wasn't weak by any means, but she wouldn't budge even an inch. " _Who. Are. You._ " She says again, digging her nails into his skin.

" _Arg-!_ I'm- I'm Raphael! _Now get the fuck off of me!_ " She glares at him and leans in close. "Who do you work for." She demands. "Nobody! _Please_ get off!" Raph says, struggling. He didn't feel the outward panic that he usually would, just panic building up in his chest, getting ready to explode. "If you work for no one then you will help me."

Raph squeezes his eyes shut. "Fine, whatever! Just get off!" He feels the pressure leave his shoulders and partially his chest as well. "Get up now, let's go." The girl says, adjusting her belt. Raph sits up, trying to steady his breathing to a normal state. The girl grabs his wrist, yanking him up and causing a sharp sting to flow through his arm.

He inhales sharply but doesn't have much recovery time as the girl drags him down the street and through an alley. "Leo's gonna kill me... If not the police..." At some point the girl lets go of Raph and he ends up running beside her, knowing she wouldn't let him go. "What- Where are we going? Who are you?" Raph huffs, out of breath.

"We're going to stop the kraang." The girl says. "My name is Y'Gythgba." She says curtly. At this point Raph really takes a look at her. She was tall, very tall for a girl that seemed to be around his age. She was pretty, no gorgeous. It was almost hard to take his eyes off her. The only problem was, in his own words, bat shit crazy.

"Uh, what's that, African?" Raph asks awkwardly. Suddenly she grabs him by the chest and slams him against a building. At first Raph thinks he was about to be mugged but the girl flattens herself against the building as well. She glares at him. "That's kind of racist. Just because I'm black doesn't mean I'm from Africa." She says with a roll of her eyes. "I'm from _Salamandria_." She whispers.

"Never heard of it." Raph drones flatly. "What are we doing, uh, Y'gif-uh... Is there literally anything else I can call you while you're keeping me hostage?" The girl rolls her eyes again and then puts her hand over Raph's mouth, keeping him silent as a group of four shadowy thug like men dash into a warehouse across from them.

"What did I tell you?" She says with an almost relieved smirk. Raph, surprised that she actually knew something was going on, stays silent even as she removes her hand from his mouth. Before she makes him move again she whispers. "Mona Lisa." It was barely audible. "What?" Raph asks. "What the commander calls me sometimes. Mona Lisa. It's a much less regal name but it'll do."

"I think it's nice." Raph says awkwardly. He's not normally one for complements. She starts sneaking towards the building the thugs had gone into, motioning for Raph to follow. His heart rate goes up and he stays frozen for a moment. "Shouldn't we like call the cops or something?" Raph says quietly. Mona keeps going and the tense boy feels obligated to go after her.

She climbs up onto a crate that made her tall enough to open the cracked window and climb in. Raph, not knowing where the window lead was hesitant but he goes anyways. He was just barely tall enough to get up and through. "Ugh, short guy problems." He mumbles as he scrambles inside.

He lands on a metal stair case where he takes in the new environment. Mona Lisa was up the stairs and on a higher platform, crouched down and watching the main area where the thugs were all gathered around a large duffel on a crate. "What's with all these crates?" Raph whispers to himself as he silently joins the vigilant girl. His gaze wanders to some faded words on one of the main walls. _'Eastman and Laird Crate Company'._

"Ah..." He looks down at the men and frowns. They were all dressed in suits like business men but they still had the thug air around them. Their hair cut the same way and the same color. It was unnerving. "What's going on?" Raph asks. He never gets an answer because the second the words are out of his mouth Mona is dashing down the stairs and jumping the railing, running to take down one of the thugs.

Suddenly the empty building was in a panic. The men start drawing guns and Raph takes action. He follows the same path as Mona and goes after one of the men who was coming up behind the girl. He punches the man in the gut, obviously knocking the wind out of him by the way he stumbled back coughing. Raph sends another blow to the head and hisses in pain.

Skulls are hard. He didn't have time to focus on the pain too long before he hears the cocking of a gun behind him. On instinct he whips around, yanking the gun away from the man who had made it up behind him and just barely getting the barrel away from his face before the man pulls the trigger, firing into the ceiling.

It was loud and painful but Raph keeps going. He shoves the man back and he falls on the floor, gun left in Raph's hands. He puts his finger on the trigger and gets the gun ready to fire. Everyone at this point freezes. Raph wished he looked confidant and ready to fire any second but he knew he looked like a scared kid with a loaded gun in his untrained hands.

Mona kicks one of the men who was lying on the ground. It was unclear what she had done to him but he wasn't moving. A minute passes by where Raph is standing, pointing the gun at the two thugs that remain conscious. He was shaking hard now but Mona doesn't do anything. _She expected him to shoot._

He closes his eyes tight for a moment, hoping, _praying,_ for anything to happen, for _anyone_ to come stop this. There was a moment of silence after this thought. "Police! Drop your weapons!" Raph takes a gasping breath and literally drops the gun, luckily it didn't go off. He had had so much luck in his lifetime to get him here it was ridiculous.

Five police officers rush in, all holding their guns up and scoping out the scene. When they reach the middle of the room Raph starts trying to explain what happened. "These- these guys were doing something and she dragged me in here and when they saw us they pulled out a bunch of guns and wetookcareoftwoofthembutthenIgotagunfromoneandI-" He wasn't making any sense anymore.

The police handcuff the identical looking men and start looking through the duffel, checking for whatever was inside. "Chief, we got something." A female officer says. A man with a mustache looks inside the bag and then over to the two teenagers. "You kids might not know this but you just stopped what was the hardest to track down drug ring in Manhattan for five years."

Raph stands in shock while Mona Lisa smiles. "I know! I've been trying to tell you guys for months!" Raph looks at her, still shocked and confused. "I don't know what's going on... Can uh, can I just call my b- foster brother. I really gotta go." Raph says, his eyes almost glazed over. He felt like he wasn't _'in it'_.

He didn't really hear the chief's response but he heard him ask for his name. "Raphael uh... Hamato." After that he was told to go outside and wait with the officers out there. So he did. Mona Lisa however stayed back, talking to the chief about every single detail of her own investigation and what she did that they didn't.

"I'm so done with police shit." Raph mutters to himself. He picks at his wrist, feeling very tired and out of it, until a van pulls up to the scene. Raph sighs and stands up. "Raphael! Wait!" He turns around, seeing Mona dashing towards him. "I couldn't have done that without your help." She says, holding out a hand. Raph reaches out tentatively and Mona shakes his hand firmly.

"Let's stay in touch." She says, slipping him a piece of paper. Raph was about to turn to leave when Mona calls him back again. "Oh, and one more thing." She leans down a bit and plants a kiss firmly on his lips. Raph's eyes were wide and Mona pulls away, her face lit with a smirk. "I'll see you again Raphael."

As she walks away, heading towards a large man with a scar running down the left side of his face and body, talking excitedly. Raph turns around almost stiffly just to see Mikey and Donnie hanging out of the van " _Oooo!_ " they tease in unison. Raph huffs and looks away, crossing his arms. "Fuck you."

* * *

"Can we just forget everything about tonight? I'm so sick of... Everything." Raph mumbles as they settle into the living room. They were meant to start packing but instead the boys decided to stay in the living room, only with the sound of the odd candy being opened. Mikey had a growing pile of wrappers beside him as he digs through his bag of loot.

"Yo." Mikey says suddenly. He tosses candies one by one at Raph, some landing in his lap and some on the floor. "You didn't get any." Raph looks at the candies and picks one up, examining it. He throws it at Leo and picks up a mini chocolate bar. "I'll stick with the chocolate." He continues sorting through what Mikey threw at him, either throwing the non chocolate items back at Mikey or at Leo's face.

"Yeah, I don't really want any of this." Leo says, gathering up all of Raph's rejects and throwing them all at Mikey. "AH! It's like a shower of arrows on the battle field! Protect your elf!" Mikey shouts, falling over dramatically. "Leo, would you like some of my chocolates then?" Donnie asks. "You really didn't get much either and you just kinda split it for us?"

"No, guys I really just don't want anything." Leo insists. Mikey smiles as he digs through his bag of candy. "Oh? But what you don't know is that _I_ got a pack of pocky sticks!" He holds up a pink package and waves it above his head. "I can't think of a _single_ time where you turned down one of _these_ babies!"

Leo shifts uncomfortably and sighs. "You're right, I can't turn those down." Leo reaches behind the couch and grabs the pocky sticks from Mikey's hands. "I'm going to bed." He pushes himself up from his seat and starts to leave, opening the package and making a show of eating one of the sticks before disappearing completely upstairs.

Mikey smiles cheekily. "I knew he couldn't resist."

* * *

 _ **Mona Lisa wear me out  
Pleased to please ya  
Mona Lisa wear me out**_

 _ **Say what you mean  
Tell me I'm right  
And let the sun rain down on me  
Give me a sign  
I want to believe **_

**"Mona Lisa"**

 **Panic at the disco**

* * *

 **Euuughhhh, Halloween in January? Sure, why not? Heh heh, well I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Introducing a new character is always hard so I hope I did it right! As always constructive criticism is totally welcome!**


	25. Chapter 25: Twin Sized Mattress

**(3108 words)**

Raph Drops two heavy boxes to the floor, making a loud thud. "That's that I guess." He mumbles to himself. He glances to his right and winces slightly. Donnie was sitting on his bed, glaring at him and making it very obvious that he was covering his ears. "Oh, sorry."

Donnie puts his arms down. "Do you not know how to just like... Set things down? Like _gently?_ " Raph rolls his eyes and picks up one of the boxes, setting it back down gently before kicking it under the bed so that it hits the wall with another thump. "Wow, you really suck." Donnie says with fake surprise. "Yup, I'm a suck-ass suck-fuck." Raph replies, adding in unnecessary swears for fun.

"Real classy." Donnie gets up from his bed and looks out the window. "Did you know that we moved exactly 3.58 miles closer to April's house?" Raph raises his eyebrows and just looks at the taller boy. " _Really?_ " He says, commenting on the fact that he knew that. "Yeah, I checked." Donnie answered, not picking up on the tone of voice.

Raph shakes his head subtly and leaves the room, walking down the hall and into the living room-kitchen split. He sees Yoshi stacking food into the cupboards and fridge before his eyes wander to the little turtle cage that held Spike. Raph waves to Yoshi, who had glanced over at him, and takes the cage back to his room.

He sets the cage on his bed and opens the latch, setting the little turtle on his shoulder and giving his head a little pat. "I never got to ask-" Raph looks up. Donnie was laying on his bed, head hanging off the side and one leg up on the wall. "Why'd you name him Spike?" Raph holds back a nervous laugh.

"I- Uh... I had a friend... A while ago, I thought he was dead. It was almost a tribute. Turns out he's not so that's awkward." Raph mumbles the last part, looking away from Donnie. "Oh, okay." Don replies, grabbing a book out of an open box that was stacked up high enough to be within reach. "That's kinda nice of you. Didn't realize you could be _nice_ too." Donnie jabs.

"Oh _fuck y-_ " Raph stops, his phone ringing. He takes it out and checks the number. It wasn't any one that he recognized. "Uh... Hello?" Raph says, picking up the call. " _Raphael!_ I got tired of waiting so I did some research and found your number. Did you know you have had like twelve different phone numbers?" It was Mona.

"Uh, yeah. I know." Raph replies, glancing at Donnie who was watching him awkwardly. "You know, I had to call a few of those before I got the right one. There's some real assholes with your old numbers! Some even knew you!" As Mona talks Raph looks around and opens the window, climbing out and sitting on the fire escape. "Yup." Raph says, obviously annoyed.

"Why are you calling?" He asks, exasperated. "Oh, I just wanted to say hi!" Mona says happily. Suddenly there's an indistinguishable voice in the background of the call. Raph can't quite make it out until it's very close. "Mona, give me the phone please." Someone says. It was a man's voice, very authoritative.

"Hello? Who is this?" The man asks. Raph frowns and doesn't answer right away, prompting the man to ask again. " _Who is this?_ " Raph sputters a bit before answering. "Uh- Raphael... Who are _you?_ " The man huffs and says something under his breath. "I'm Mona Lisa's uncle, guardian I should say."

Raph watches people from above the New York streets, hoping this wasn't going to get nasty. "Listen man, she was calling me so don't-" Raph gets cut off as the man speaks over him. "I'm sorry she bothered you, I've been telling her she can't just call people she just met or doesn't know but she goes off into her own worlds, literally. Again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

Shocked, Raph furrows his brow. "Oh, uh... It's fine?" Raph and Mona's uncle stay quiet for a while. "What's... What's up with her?" Raph half mumbles. A sigh comes over the phone and there was a few more seconds of silence. "She has delusions that make her almost go into her own world, her mind changing almost anything."

"Oh." Raph gives himself a little shrug. "Okay." The man was shocked that Raph was so calm about it but it was very hard to tell. After a while the conversation ends. Raph says goodbye to Mona and hangs up, climbing back inside and laying on his bed. It was only five in the afternoon but it felt like he had been awake for hours longer than he really had been. It was mere seconds before he fell asleep.

* * *

Raph wakes up to the sound of someone knocking on his window. He looks outside, past the large crack in the window and noticing first how dark it was outside. He swings his legs over the side of his bed and climbs out, only seeing the dark figure once he was closer. Raph jumps back before the figure's bright eyes shine in the darkness.

Ralph's eyes widen and he flings the window open. "Spike? What the hell man!?" Raph whisper shouts. "I told you Raphael, its Slash now." Raph shakes his head tiredly. "Slash." He mumbles. "Why are you here? I thought they- you're not- the last time you came to my window at night like this you jumped off the roof of a seven story fucing building." Raph says cautiously. "I don't know what you want, but I'm _not_ going on another roof with you."

Raph wasn't about to tell his old friend that if he jumped off a building Raph might just follow. "Don't worry Raphael, I just came to hang out." Slash says, rolling his near glowing eyes. "In the middle of the night?" Raph says with annoyed skepticism. He checks behind himself over his shoulder to see Donnie fast asleep. "Well, did'ja really think I was gonna come in the light of day? You almost said it yourself. You thought right. _They did send me away._ "

There was a moment of tense silence between them before Slash speaks up again. "Look, I'm sorry about all the shit I put you through. You didn't deserve it and I shouldn't 'a done any of it. But I wanna make it up ta'ya brother." Raph crosses his arms and scowls. "I promise, No roof tops, and nothin' that'll kill tha' either of us."

Raph looks away at the floor and then the small digital clock that sat between the two beds. It was just past midnight. He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a big, silent sigh. "Okay man, _fine..._ What do you want to do?" Raph asks, feeling a little uncomfortable. "How about one more job. _For old times sake._ " Slash says gruffly.

Raph tightens his folds arms and avoids eye contact. "I-I dunno know man. I don't want to get in any more trouble..." Slash squints his already small eyes. "Awe, _has 'ol Raphie gone soft?_ "

Raph growls. "Not in a _million_ years." He says, a small smile creeping into his face. "One more. _For old times sake._ "

* * *

Raph creeps down an alleyway, leading his 'friend' towards a small shop. "'Kay dude, this place has an apartment above it so you gotta be super careful with this one." Slash rolls his eyes. "I can handle it." He says gruffly. Raph goes to the back door of the building and picks up the large lock on the door.

He sets to work, pulling out a few tools from his pocket and spending five minutes picking the lock before he pulls the door open quietly. "So what's in this place anyways?" Slash whispers. "It's like an antique shop or something. We could get some good shit here and sell it online." Raph says, moving stethily in the dark.

The boys search around the store for easy grabs and expensive items. "Fuck dude, the good stuff's all locked up." Slash says, motioning to a glass box. Raph barely gets to look away from the item he was inspecting before Slash says something that makes Raph's blood run cold.

" _Not that I can't get through this._ " Raph jumps as Slash slams a lamp through the glass box, absolutely shattering the case with the biggest crash Raph had heard in a long time. "SLASH! What the hell!?" Raph shouts quietly. "'M gettin' some shit and we'll get out'a here." Raph wasn't completely sure but he thought he heard the creaking of stairs behind him.

Raph spins around when the lights in the store all flick on. His breathing stops and his eyes go wide. Standing in the doorway behind the checkout counter holding a small pistol was none other than April O'Neil. Raph takes a staggering step back before sprinting out of the store, the one item he had taken still in his hand.

Raph couldn't breathe and he was running out of energy to keep going. He hides three alleys away, trying to breathe at all. He didn't know where Slash was but he hoped he'd get out of there while he could. After a few minutes of deep breathing Raph realizes how much trouble he was really in.

If it was anyone other than April he would've been fine. He could get out quick and no one would actually know who he was. But it WAS April. She knew him and she knew the people he lived with. She could get him in so much trouble. Raph holds his head in his hands. "Fuuuuuck." He drones out.

He knew he shouldn't have gone along with Slash, he'd always gotten him in trouble. He just wasn't thinking. He couldn't get into more trouble right now but he went anyways. This made his breathing speed up two fold. He sits, just trying not to get flung into a panic attack when a hand clasps onto his shoulder.

Raph jumps and looks up into Slash's glowing eyes. "Haha! Brother, that was the best! It's been so long since we've done anything like that." Raph goes from scared to furious. "Slash! She _knows me!_ I'm going to get in so much trouble, do you know that!? The Hamatos, they're my only chance here okay?! If I fuck this up too badly then I'm out of luck! I'm finished okay!?"

Raph slams his fist into the trash can beside him. "Whoa, man... I-" Raph pushes himself up from the ground. " _Shut the fuck up_ Spike." Raph says, seeing the frustration in Slash's face at him using the wrong name. "I need to fucking try and fix this before April tells my foster family to throw me out."

Raph shoves past Slash and marches down to the antique store, almost holding his breath all the way there. "What the fuck am I doing." Raph mumbles as he knocks on the door frame. He could see April standing at the broken counter, just barely setting the phone back down on the hook.

"April-" Raph starts. "What the hell!?" April screams, the pistol she had before lying on the unbroken part of the counter. "What- _WHY-_ why the _hell_ were you _robbing_ me!?" April screams. Raph crosses his arms. "It-It wasn't my idea." Raph tries to start. "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO'S IDEA IT WAS!"

Raph cringes. April wasn't one for swearing. "April, I'm sorry, I-I- My friend, he- gah-!" Raph grabs his head, frustrated. " _Here._ " He says, thrusting an arm out towards her, a small statue he had taken in his hand. April looks at him skeptically before cautiously taking the statue.

"Please don't tell the guys or Yoshi... I- They're my last chance." Raph says sullenly. April glares at him and picks up the pistol, holding it at her side. "Maybe you should've thought of that before you went breaking, entering, and _robbing_ people." Raph cringes. "We didn't take anything else and-and... I don't know what to do about the counter... I'm sorry." Raph takes a step towards her and her arm instinctively jerks upward, wanting to point the gun at Raph.

Raph wants to ask her why she even _has_ a gun but assumes it's for situations like this. "Where's you _friend?_ " April asks, never taking her eyes off of Raphael. "He-I don't know." Raph replies. "Doesn't sound like a very good friend if he doesn't stick with you when you screw up together." April says.

She was trying to prove something, that was for sure. "Tell me who your friend is and I'll leave you out of all this. But _just. This. Once._ If I catch you doing this shit again, I will not hesitate to call the police _and_ get you sent away to juvie or someplace else _much, much worse._ " Raph shivers. He didn't know how dark April could sound until this moment.

"Uh, Slash. Slash... Snafing." Raph says, having to think for a moment as to what his last name was. "Okay." April says. "Now get outta here. I called the police five minutes ago." Raph nods and turns, sprinting out of the store and down the street, going through alleyways and back roads to get far away as fast as possible.

Raph was running so hard he could barely see, he needed to just get back to his room. He needed to run faster, get back quicker, be safer. He runs like this for only a few minutes when he gets caught by a large form. "Ah!" Raph screams, stumbling back. "Hey kid. What'dya runnin' from?" A gruff, but calm voice says.

Raph shakes his head and looks up at a tall, scarred African man wearing a faded green tank top, even though it was pretty cold outside at this point in the year. "I-I-I um f-fuck." Raph mumbles, grabbing his own arms tightly. The man smiles a toothy smile. "Hey, it's alright." The man says. "I've got to go-go home." Raph says quickly.

The man looks him up and down, taking in his restless and frazzled demeanor. "Is it alright if I walk you?" He asks. Raph shakes his head slowly, taking a couple steps back. "I-I don't think-" the man holds up a hand, his middle finger missing. "I know it sounds pretty sketchy. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm an army veteran. I served for twelve years."

Raph stares at him, realizing how high this panic really was as it goes down. "My name is Jeremiah coonly, but I got the nickname _Leatherhead_ because of this." He points to the right side of his head where the skin looked leathery. "Burned but I got a cool nickname out of it."

At this point Raph's breathing was less sporadic and his eyes were actually starting to focus. "I actually have this ID if you want to take a look at it." The man, Leather head, says. He pulls out his wallet and hands a card to Raph from it. Raph takes it, his hands shaking from adrenaline.

 _'Jeremiah coonly: born: October 15th 1986.'_ Raph doesn't read much more of the card after this, his eyes jumping around on it too much to put effort into reading the whole thing. It said more about his ranking and blood type and things but he got the general Idea. Raph looks around a bit before saying anything more. "I guess... But only till we're like a block away." Leatherhead smiles and nods.

Raph leads the way and they make small conversation, all while avoiding the topic of why Raph was running. It was almost peaceful. The streets were surprisingly empty for the city and the calm back and forth of the talks the two shared were nice. It was nice to not think about anything important for a little bit.

Suddenly Raph stops, staring at the street signs. "'Kay, gotta go." He mumbles, standing awkwardly still and hoping that Leatherhead would take the hint to leave before he revealed where he lived. "Alright Young one, be safe." The older man says, turning to walk away. "And stay out of trouble." Raph nods curtly and waits for him to be half way down the opposite street before he starts speed walking back to the new Hamato residence.

* * *

At this point it would've been easy to forget all that had happened that night. To forget that he'd ever gone out, that he'd even ever woken up. It would've been easy... If it wasn't for the fact that on the news the next morning he finds out Slash is being tried as an adult for crimes that could easily get him sent to jail. Just as easily as Raph could have forgotten that he had gone out that night all together.

 _Life is funny like that._

* * *

 _ **It's no big surprise you turned out this way  
When they close their eyes and prayed you would change  
And they cut your hair, and sent you away  
You stopped by my house the night you escaped  
With tears in my eyes, I begged you to stay  
You said, "Hey man, I love you but no fucking way" **_

_**Twin Sized Mattress**_

 _ **The Front Bottoms**_

* * *

 **Yeeeiiiikkkeeessss~ Do you guys know that most of this chapter was written on September tenth of** _ **last year?**_ **Crazy right!? I had the idea while being bored at my cousin's birthday party and I'm just now using that giant splurb of word vomit!**

 **Haha, anyways! I hope you liked this chapter! It's a little divergent from the "Main story line" Kind of but this was the best place to use my September Splurb. Welp, it's not too late but I'm still tired so I won't "talk" too much more. Comments and reviews are always welcome!**


	26. Chapter 26: You're Gonna Go Far Kid

**(2955 words)**

None of the Hamatos knew that Raph knew the boy on the local news. The boy who they criticized and shamed. The boy who Donnie swore to _'take down'_ if they ever met for breaking into April's place. At that Raph freezes up. He doesn't want to move for fear of them somehow knowing he was a part of it too.

"Really, who does that kind of thing?" Leo says, more to himself than the rest of the family. "People who need money or people who are just kleptomaniacs." Donnie replies, getting up and pacing just in front of Raph who stood behind their couch. "I hope April's okay. If that big of a guy broke in, he could've really hurt her."

"I am sure that we would've heard if April was injured." Yoshi says in an attempt to calm his son's nerves. "Maybe, but what if she is scared and completely alone? Her dad is out of town or something." Raph sighs. "Dude, I'm sure she's fine." Raph mumbles. Donnie glances at him and shakes his head. "How would you even know."

"Uh... Well, she just seems like the kind of person to be okay in this kinda situation?" Raph replies quietly. "Well, you can ask her if she's okay at school tomorrow." Leo interjects, getting up from his spot on the couch and walking down to his and Mikey's room. Raph sighs, forgetting that school was starting up again. There was a few moments of silence before a loud groan was heard from the room.

Mikey jumps up, his curls messy from sleeping, and dashes for the door that would take him down to the dojo. "MIKEY!" Leo shouts just as the boy swings the door shut. Leo sprints out of the room holding an older looking comic book with globs of paint all over the back side of it. The oldest boy doesn't take any time to look in the livingroom before going out the same door Mikey did.

"Oooo... Mikey's dead..." Donnie says, holding back a laugh. "That was Leo's original issue one Space Hero's comic." Raph cringes. He knows how some of those comic geeks get when their comics even get touched. "Remember boys, fifteen minutes until training." Yoshi says, still watching the tv as the news plays out.

Donnie replies respectfully before Raph clasps a hand down on his shoulder, making him shiver. "Don, can I talk to you for a sec?" He asks quietly. "Uh, sure?" Donnie says, taking Raph's hand off of his shoulder. "Don't touch me."

The two move to their room, sitting on their respective beds in silence. Raph felt bad. Worse than bad. He needed to do something to make it up to April, even if it was something small. For his own sake more than hers. The problem came when Raph doesn't know anything about her. He knows small things, but nothing personal. Luckily he knew someone who did.

"So... Uh, really fucking weird question, but what do- what is it that you like about April?" Raph asks awkwardly. He hopped that Donnie would look over how odd the question was in favor of ranting about her like he would about computers and such. "Well, she's really nice and smart and pretty. She likes school and not a lot of people like school-"

As Donnie spouts off all the things he liked about the redheaded girl, facts and opinions. Raph was sure that Donnie could've talked for hours about April but he was cut off when he notices the time. "She loves animals and she talks about being a vet for all types of creatures too and she could totally do it- Oh crap..."

Raph glances at the clock and cringes. They were already five minutes late. Donnie tears out of the room, leaving Raph behind to slowly trudge towards the door. He wasn't a big fan of training. He was very much behind the brothers and it made him feel inferior. There was also the fact that whenever things got too heated things turned bad.

He makes his way down to the dojo and takes a seat next to where Yoshi stood, already giving directions and orders to the brothers. They were about to start a warm up round of last man standing sparring and Raph opted to sit this one out. As the round started Mikey was immediately moving everywhere, making himself a moving target, nearly impossible to hit.

Donnie was standing, guarded and clearly looking for the best way to attack. Leo used a combination of the two strategies, moving much sooner than Donnie but still strategizing in his head. It was a short match. Leo attacks Donnie and just barely takes him down before Mikey jumps on his back, pulling him back wards.

Leo leans into this motion, ready to use Mikey as a cushion to fall back on. Mikey lets go, falling only a few inches to his back and rolling away fast enough to let Leo fall to his own back, allowing the curly haired boy to stand above triumphantly, foot on his older brother's chest. Just before Mikey starts to gloat, Leo tugs on his leg and rolls, pulling the boy into a sort of split until he collapses.

After that there's a few seconds of a wrestling type battle on the floor until Mikey weasels himself free from Leo's weakening grip. With Leo just barely standing up, Mikey sends a quick kick to his chest, sending him straight back down, unable to get back up and accepting defeat. Mikey starts celebrating, jumping and pumping his fist before remembering what he was supposed to do.

He walks a few feet closer to Yoshi and bows, giving respect to his sensei. "Well done Michelangelo." Yoshi says with a slight bow to his pupil. "That's a first." Leo mumbles under his breath, annoyed. "Raphael, would you like the winners battle?" Yoshi asks. Raph shrugs. He's sure he could take Mikey, even if he loses, it wouldn't be as bad.

"I guess." He stands up and stretches a bit before stepping onto the padded floor. "You think you can take the Battle nexus champion?" Mikey says slyly, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Raph rolls his eyes, having heard that line from the kid more times than he could count in the time he had been with them.

Raph takes one of the few stances he'd learned and readies himself for the fight. They take off as soon as Yoshi gives them the go ahead. Mikey zips around Raph, attacking from the back. He only lands a few hits before Raph twists, grabbing Mikey's leg and pulling it back around to the front, swinging him all the way around through brute force.

He lets go and Mikey turns the sprawling fall into a decent roll, spinning and going straight back for more. It was an odd match. Raph, who attacked in brute force, becoming like a stone when attacked, against Mikey, who floated and sped around, landing jabbing punches and quick kicks, dodging things easily and fast. Neither one would win unless the other faltered in their techniques.

It went on much longer than the last man standing match, taking at least ten minutes until they were both huffing, out of breath. Finally the match changed. Raph started moving more, his tactic changing slightly and ultimately bringing him to his downfall. He yelps as he's flipped to the floor, Mikey standing over him, one foot on either side of his body. "HA!" Mikey says, crouching down until he was sitting on Raph's chest.

Oh boy was Mikey lucky he was light. Raph's chest tightens only slightly and he pushes the chipper boy off of himself with a growl. "Well done, both of you." Yoshi says as they both stand up and bow. "Leonardo, Donatello." He calls, motioning for them to spar next. Again, this match lasted only a couple minutes.

They started sparring but a minute in Leo starts wobbling on his feet, leaving himself open for a low attack. Donnie knocks him off his feet easily. After they leave the floor Leo sighs. "I'm sorry Sensei, I just got dizzy, I'll do better next time." He rarely lost and never twice in a day. He felt that he needed to explain himself. Yoshi frowns and nods.

* * *

After training Raph heads straight to his room while the others go to get something to eat. He pulls out a school notebook and a pen, staring at the paper for a few minutes before he starts scribbling words, sentences down, leaving a big space at the bottom.

Eventually Donnie walks in, sandwich in hand. By then Raph is folding his paper in half over and over again until it's folded as small as possible. "What'cha doin'?" Donnie asks before taking another bite. Raph not so discretely shoves the paper into a side pocket of his backpack. "Nothin'"

Neither say anything for a while, just staring at each other in silence. "Okay. Dad wants to know if you want anything to eat." Donnie says blandly. Raph shrugs and gets up. "Yeah, I guess." Once in the main area of the apartment Raph stands and watches the scene go down. Mikey was hanging off of Leo who was arguing with the monkey like boy on his back.

"Mikey, I told you. I'm just tired." Leo says exasperated. He must've been saying that same thing since Raph parted with them. "Yeah, but it's not gonna hurt to eat some more because, you know, like sometimes people are dizzy because they haven't eaten enough." Mikey squeezes his arms tighter around his brother's neck as he tries to shake him off.

"I know you know that because _you're_ the one who told _me_ that." He plops his head onto his shoulder, looking even more like a curious animal than he normally would. "Well I'm not hungry so it doesn't matter." Leo says, finally getting Mikey to let go. He goes off to his room and Raph decides it's now or never to grab some food.

He shuffles over and grabs a couple pieces of bread from the island counter and lathering a good amount of peanut-butter on it, trying to leave quickly. "Hey _Raph_." Mikey says in a sing song voice, waltzing up behind him, hands clasped behind his back. "I'm _bored_. Wanna go skate?" Raph gives him an annoyed look. "Last time I went out with you-" He stops for a second. It felt _exactly_ like last night.

"Yeah, yeah, but that was last time! Besides, it's getting way colder and it'll snow in like a month so there's not a whole lot more time to skate bro!" Mikey says, rolling his eyes. "Come _on,_ let's go!" Before he could react Mikey grabs his free arm and yanks him out the door. They cross through the dojo and by the door sat a big locker that was swung open to show four skateboards, all different in design, style, and size.

Mikey grabs his which was covered in stickers and passes Raph's old, banged up one to him. "Lets roll dude!"

* * *

"So I heard that there's this skate park not too far away. I think it's supposed to be closed kinda but nobody cares about that. People skate there all the time." Mikey says as he and Raph walk down the sidewalk. Raph had insisted that they walk there instead of skating so they didn't crash before they got there.

"Uh... Never mind, let's go." Raph had said. He worried about getting in trouble, but he didn't want to have to be. Mikey shrugs and they continue on. It wasn't long before they were at the park, looking on it didn't seem like there was anybody there. "Lucky us, we've got the whole place to ourselves!" Mikey says, dropping his board and skating over.

He was right, the skate park was deserted. By the time Raph had gotten over to the cement playground Mikey was already warming up with some simple to do-impossibly hard looking tricks. Raph drops his board, letting it clatter to the pavement and steps on, scoping out the ramps and rails.

Once he gets going all his worries melt away as he focuses only on doing the tricks, not falling off, and trying to show off. After a while they stopped to take a break, Mikey sitting on a ramp that went nearly straight up while Raph stayed on the ground, sitting on his board. "If people skate here all the time, how come nobody's here right now?" Raph asks, picking at his wrists.

"It's supposed to rain." Mikey replies, holding a hand out like he was feeling for the aforementioned rain. "Nobody skates when it's supposed to rain." Raph shrugs. It makes sense. He'd never seen anyone skate when rain was in the forecast. That or it had just been raining. Raph, bored, looks around the area, taking note of all the buildings nearby.

There was a coffee shop, a shut down candy store, a small clothing shop, a soup kitchen-. As Raph's eyes wander over the soup kitchen that he just now realized felt much too close to the park, he watches a big man with a large scar over his head. He scrambles behind the ramp Mikey was sitting atop instinctively

"Pfftt- What was that?" Mikey asks with a chuckle. He really had no reason to hide, he just felt a pang of panic in his chest after seeing this man, the man who was the closest thing to a witness of what had happened. Next to April that is. "Wait, isn't that... Yeah! That guy came to our school like two years ago! That guy's like a hero! He talked about how he was in the army and saved like a whole village or something!"

Mikey hops down from his perch and quickly skates over to the man, leaving Raph mortified. "HEY! HEY YO LEATHERHEAD!" Mikey shouts, probably louder than he thinks he is. The man looks up from a newspaper he was reading and smiles. Raph watches as Mikey talks to him for a couple of minutes before pointing over at him.

"RAPH! COME OVER HERE!" Mikey shouts. Raph cringes and reluctantly trudges over, holding his board under his arm. " _Hi._ " Raph says dully. Leather head reaches out a hand like this was the first time they had met. "Hey, I'm Leatherhead, nice to meet you. Michelangelo here has already done the honor of introducing you Raphael." The scarred man gives a low chuckle.

Raph shakes his hand awkwardly, tearing at his writs as soon as he gets his hand back. "I hope you're staying out of trouble young one." He smiles and glances at Raph. " _Of course._ " Mikey says in a sing song voice. "I'd never do _anything_ to ever get in trouble anywhere!" Raph smirks. "What about a week ago when you left expired mayonnaise out and then let Donnie use it anyways."

"That doesn't count because I didn't technically get in trouble, Don just got a little mad and a little sick..." Mikey mumbles the last part. Leatherhead wrinkles his nose but smiles anyways. "How's it been going? School good? Making friends?" He says, sounding like an old uncle that hadn't seen them since last Christmas.

"I've been great! Amazing grades, _TONS_ of friends! We'd be hanging out right now too but I told them _no_ , that I was gonna spend time with my bro" Mikey slings his arm around Raph's shoulders and leans into him. "That is good." Leather head says with a slow nod. "I have to be off now, I have some laundry I left in the washer."

"Okay, see ya later!" Mikey says, waving as the man walks away. "LH is super cool." Mikey breathes out as he watches him walk away. "So tons of friends huh?" Raph asks, arms folded now. "Yeeaah... Something like that... There's not a ton of people at our school that are really actually friends with me."

"You could, you know, just make friends online." Raph says, turning to walk back to the skate park as a light drizzle from the sky starts down. Mikey stays behind for a second, his hair starting to soak up the rain. "Huh... I guess I could..."

* * *

 _ **With a thousand lies  
And a good disguise  
Hit 'em right between the eyes  
Hit 'em right between the eyes  
When you walk away  
Nothing more to say  
See the lightning in your eyes  
See 'em running for their lives **_

**You're Gonna Go Far Kid**

 **The Offspring**

* * *

 **Euughhhh, sorry for the filler chapter, it had to happen to set things up ^^; I hope you liked it anyways! I promise you'll like the next one! 100% guarantee! OH! By the way, that rain-skatepark thing? Totally real. I've witnessed it so many times. Nobody is there if it's supposed to rain soon or if it has rained pretty recently. Perfect timing for beginners who don't want to be seen in front of those expert skaters.**

 **Thanks for reading and be ready for a cannon episode inspired chapter next time! (I bet you can already guess what too."**


	27. Chapter 27: Nerves

**_(4723 words)_**

Mikey walks down the halls at school, a smile planted on his freckled face while the people around him talk among themselves and glare at other students. It was like they all projected negative energy while his glowing personality blocks it all out from his view. He waves at a couple of people, flashing them his grin and continues on to his locker.

He plops a few books inside and yanks out a plastic bag with pizza flavored chips in it, being starving all the time. "Hey _Michael._ " Mikey whips around and smiles. A kid from his gym class was standing in front of him, a sly smile aimed at his bag of chips should've stood out like a sore thumb, but not for Mikey.

"Hey Jake! It's Mikey actually, but what's up?" Mikey says, holding his hands in front of him, bent like he was typing at a computer with limp wrists. "Oh, nothing much, I'm just _starving_. My mom didn't get the right bread so I don't have a lunch today." Mikey holds his smile. " _Moms right?_ " He says like he understood completely. "I could really use something to eat." Jake says, looking pointedly at Mikey's bag of chips.

" _Oh!_ Do you want some of my chips? I don't really like them anyways." Mikey says, handing the bag over to the boy. "Ah, thanks man! I owe you one!" Quickly, Jake walks away from Mikey, eating the chips quickly. The cheerful boy's smile falters for less than a second before he moves on, heading to his next class.

His stomach grumbles and he walks a little faster. He gets to his class early and takes out his notebook and starts doodling. Nothing complex, just little characters doing things like jumping, kicking, playing, _kissing_. "Hey Mitch." A girl says from his right. "It's Mikey, but hi." Mikey says cheerfully. "We're friends right?" The girl says.

Mikey smiles awkwardly at her, putting his pencil down. "Yeah, I guess Jazz." Mikey was sure to memorize everyone's names just in case they decided to talk to him, he didn't want to waste time on introductions. "So, that guy over there, the one like right to your left? Blue shirt." Mikey looks and nods. It was a short Indian boy who was right in front of the window.

He looks back at Jazz and nods. "So, _cute or nah?_ " she asks, a semi smirk on her face. "Oh, uh... I don't know, I guess. He's got nice hair." Mikey says with a shrug. "Oh, but like smash or pass." She asks again. Mikey shrinks in his chair a bit. "I-I don't know. Isn't that like a rude way to think about someone?"

"Of course not!" Jazz says, giggling a little. "Besides, it doesn't matter unless you're _gay_. He's gay, that's for sure, but like if you're _straight_ then it doesn't matter, just helping a gal pal out." She puts a little bit of sugar sweetness into her voice and Mikey takes a moment to look at the boy and then back at Jazz. "Um... I guess uh smash? He's cute and nice and helped me with my homework that one time."

" _OH EM GEE_ , MIKE'S TOTALLY _GAY_." Jazz says, _much too loud_ , loud enough for the entire class to have heard and to start immediately gossiping about it. Mikey's eyes go wide and he sinks so low that he's just sitting under his desk, trying his hardest to hide his blush. His savior came in the form of the teacher settling down the class as he enters the room.

Mikey glances up at the desk to his left to see the boy they had been talking about laughing. Their eyes meet and there was half a second of pity and remorse in his glance before he lets out another laugh. Holding back tears, Mikey climbs out from under his desk and quickly asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher obviously could tell he was the center of this movement and let him go.

He rushes through the halls to the bathroom where he locks himself in a stall and sits on top of the tank of the toilet. He didn't like to cry. He liked being happy, he liked smiling and trying to make friends. This was just a bad day, or that's what he told himself. He just was off, he could normally take a class laughing at him, in fact he liked people to laugh at him. It meant he was making them happy.

None of that mattered though. All that mattered that he was here, in the bathroom, holding in the tears that he desperately needed to release. He thought back to what Raph had told him before. "I can make friends online..." He mumbles to himself. He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and turns it on. No messages. Well... One message from Leo telling him to remember his gym shoes.

He taps through a couple apps until he goes online, making a profile on a site he didn't care to read the name of. It was like any other social media. You can make posts, create profiles, _friend_ people. As soon as his profile was made, using a photo of himself outside and sticking his tong out, winking almost as if he was a living emoji, an alert comes up. He had a friend.

He looks to see who it was but it looked like a spam bot so he discards the alert and starts searching for people he might know. He starts out looking for people who went to his school but eventually just starts looking for anybody. He looks up the name of one of his favorite stars, Chris Bradford. He had an old show of him doing different kinds of martial arts, teaching people through his videos.

He friends him and it's immediately accepted. Mikey smiles and wipes his eyes, his cheeks red under his orange-y freckles. He starts looking at different group chats and joins one but staying silent, just watching the people talk like an other worldly being watching people on earth go about their daily lives. Suddenly there's a ping on his phone. It was a message. From _Chris Bradford_.

Mikey's eyes go wide and his mouth drops open. He opens it with shaking hands. _'Hey! Haven't seen a fan of mine on here in a long time! How are you?'_ Mikey smiles and giggles to himself. _'Whoa, are you really talking to me!? This is so cool! I'm doing great!'_ He types back. Raph was _so_ right, meeting people online was the _best_.

 _'That's good. So, you're not in school today? Your profile says you go to NYHS.'_ Mikey cringes. _'No, no school today, still off from a shooting thing a while ago.'_ Three little bobbing dots dance on the bottom of his screen as the man types back. _'That must be nice. You said you practiced martial arts correct? I actually had someone cancel class today and my office is in New York if you wanted to stop by.'_

At first Mikey's heart jumps. He had an opportunity to go train with his favorite star, but he can't just leave school. He doesn't even know why he lied about having school. _'I'd love to but I don't know... My brother is home with me and he won't like it if I leave...'_ Mikey wasn't sure about leaving school but it couldn't be too bad being with Chris Bradford, He was a tv star, they never do anything wrong!

 _'I'm sure he won't mind for his brother to meet his hero! Besides, you don't have to stay long. What can I show you that you don't already know? ;)'_ Mikey laughs and looks at the time. He had already been in here for nearly ten minutes, someone would come to look for him soon. He had to act fast.

* * *

"April-" The sassy redhead turns around, hand on hip and glare strong. Raph, who was holding a now smashed piece of paper, shrinks back. "I'm sorry about the other night, it was really really stupid and I-I can't really excuse any of it but I wrote this for you and I really hope you can forgive me." It almost pained Raph to apologize like this but he'd gotten used to the pain in situations where he had to or he'd be hurt more.

April snatches the paper and reads. _'April, I can't tell you how absolutely idiotic and sorry I am, I know you probably hate me and would tell someone I was involved in a heartbeat if you hadn't told me you wouldn't. You stick to your word. That's admirable. I can tell you're caring and kind because if you weren't you probably wouldn't even be reading this. I can't give you anything else to make things up to you but if I can do anything else tell me. I also drew this for you because I heard you liked animals. Don't get used to it or show it to anyone, I don't draw ever.'_

At the bottom of the page there was a realistic bunny with a few blades of grass and flowers around it's paws. After April finishes reading Raph's chicken scratch she folds the paper back up and holds it in her left hand, giving Raph a hug with her right. Once she lets go of the shocked teen she holds a sad face. "I can't totally forgive you right now, but this is a start. It's also kinda sweet, so thank you."

The two stand silently together for a minute before another joins their group. "April! Are you okay? I heard about that robbery and how you stood up to that guy! You're so strong, I hope he didn't hurt you." Donnie swoons over April, verbally pushing Raph out of the group. He waves and walks away, head low and hands in pockets, avoiding all eye-contact.

"I'm fine, he bolted as soon as I got down there. They- He only stole a couple things and only like one of them were _actually_ valuable." April says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm so glad you're okay." Donnie says, letting out a sigh like he was holding his breath. "If there's anything I can do to help just tell me. In fact, we can trade numbers so in case something like this happens again..."

Donnie trails off but April nods. "Sure, that'd be nice, like a personal security guard." She chuckles and pretends not to notice Donnie's vibrant blush. "I could use some help doing inventory and cleaning up a little if you want to help with that." April adds. Donnie smiles awkwardly. "I can come over whenever." April gives him a quick hug.

"Thanks so much! I'll text you or something later, I have to get to class early to make sure Casey _actually_ did his homework." A rush of jealousy runs through the boy's veins but he lets it go after that hug. "O-Okay, see you later April." April smiles and walks away, leaving him alone in the hall.

* * *

It was the end of the school day, all the students were making their way out of the school and back home to unwind in their own ways. All but three. "Have you seen Mikey?" Leo asks Raph, the usually calm leader of a brother now looked restless and worried. "Nah, he wasn't even in science _which blows cuz now I have_ no _legible notes for today_." Raph mumbles the last part.

Leo looks around the thinning crowds of teens, looking for the little ball of sunshine that was their little brother. "Mikey's normally the first one out here. He's always sprinting the halls to get out here first." Donnie comments, also looking around from his higher vantage point. "He probably just got caught up getting food from the vending machine or something." Raph says.

"I dunno" Leo mumbles. "He's really fast at everything he does after school to get out fast. And he's already fifteen minutes late." Soon there were only a few friend groups chatting around the stairs. Still no Mikey. "Guys, what if something really bad happened?" Donnie says, voicing the thought that was tucked away in the back of their minds.

No one spoke. Finally Leo perks his head up. "Oh! There's that marathon of old cartoons on today, Mikey probably went back without us to get started on that." Donnie and Raph nod in agreement. "Let's just go then, I'm fucking freezing just standing out here." Raph says, leaving the group. Donnie shrugs, following after. Leo sucks in a breath. "God I hope I'm right."

* * *

Mikey glances down at his phone and back up at the building he was standing in front of with a smile. It was a dojo not unlike his own. There was an apartment above it and a sign that said open out front. Without a second thought Mikey pushes the door open and a little bell rings, telling the empty room he had arrived. "Hang on! Uh- Would you mind meeting me upstairs?" A gruff familiar voice calls from up the stairs straight ahead.

As Mikey ascends the voice calls again. "Sorry, I was making something and I got a little caught up." Once Mikey is upstairs he takes in the apartment. It was much more spacious than his home, the living room being the size of his and his kitchen combined. "Whoa, Chris Bradford..." Mikey mumbles to himself as the man dumps a tray of what looked like botched cookies into the garbage.

He sets the tray down and walks over to the livingroom, sitting down on a couch with a _'womph'._ "ahhh, sorry, I am exhausted. I had a trainee here earlier who got a hit to my back, right between my shoulder blades. Would you mind just pressing in on it?" Mikey nods and trots over. He couldn't say it wasn't a little underwhelming, he was meeting one of his heroes and he wanted a back massage?

He goes up and Bradford turns so that his back was facing the boy. Mikey starts massaging the older man's back and he groans in relief. " _Ah, yeah, right there._ " He mumbles, making Mikey feel very uncomfortable. After a few more minutes of this Mikey stops an backs away. "So, should we go down to the dojo?" He asks, not liking spending time in his house.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, in a bit." He says. "Why don't we talk a little first?" He pats the couch beside him with a smile. "Uh, I guess..." Mikey replies. He sits down next to Bradford, a foot or so of space between them. The man quickly closes that gap. Mikey wrinkles his nose at the up close smell of sweat and... beer? He puts his arm around the young boy's shoulders and takes a deep breath.

"Uh-" Mikey starts, but he's cut off. "You're _so_ cute, you know that?" Mikey shifts away but Bradford pulls him back, his grip tightening. "With that curly hair, you could put a little bow in it and look like a little girl." At this point Mikey was thoroughly creeped out and tries to get up. The man breathes in right next to his ear, making him shiver violently.

Mikey tries to elbow his way out of the man's grip but it was too tight. "What, you want to leave already?" The man asks in a fake voice. "I'm just getting started." It was then that the cheerful boy knew what exactly was going on and what his _'hero'_ planned to do. He uses his flexibility to his advantage, pulling his leg up and smashing the heel of his high-tops into the man's face, surprising him and pushing him back far enough to break free.

Just as fast as Mikey had acted so did Bradford, moving to block the door back to the dojo and eventually the exit. Mikey sprints to a separate room, locking it as soon as he was inside. Unfortunately he didn't know the layout of the apartment, leading him straight into the bathroom with no other exit.

Shakily Mikey pulls out his phone, thankful that he hadn't taken it out of his door nob rattles and he sucks in a breath, waiting for something to happen. "Come on out, there's nowhere for you to go in there." Bradford calls through the door. Mikey shakes his head and starts to dial in his brother's number before stopping. He shouldn't call. He'd hear and get away. Instead he starts texting each of his brothers one by one, making sure they each got the same message.

 _'Trapped, help, I can't get out.'_ Along with the location of his phone. Then he sat and waited, listening to the calls of his so called _'hero'_ outside enticing him to come out and join him. Mikey puts his head down on his knees. " _This was a bad idea._ "

* * *

"Mikey?" Leo calls as he steps into the apartment. The place was silent besides the sound of the first of the classes their father taught downstairs. The three brothers walk around looking for their missing sibling. "Michael?" Donnie calls, looking into the bedrooms. No sign of Mikey. "Where the fuck is that idiot?" Raph says. "I-I don't know. I can try his phone again but he wasn't answering before."

Leo turns on his phone and the second he does his face goes pale. There was about thirty texts from Mikey all saying just about the same thing. "Guys we need to go, NOW." Without grabbing their coats they had already stripped of, they sprint back out the door, Leo's panic feeding into the other's. They didn't bother saying anything to their father as they dashed through the class.

The oldest boy doesn't even tell the others what happened until they were all three sprinting down the sidewalk. "Mikey's in trouble, He's trapped somewhere by some guy. He didn't say much but he has the address here. He glances at his phone and then back up to make sure he was going the right way. Shakily he types back to Mikey, letting him know they were coming.

"Shouldn't we like, you know, _call the police?_ " Donnie says with annoyance in his voice. "Yeah, you do that." Leo replies absentmindedly. Donnie rolls his eyes and starts dialing nine-one-one himself. "I swear, I'm more responsible than you sometimes." Raph frowns. "Should we have told Da- your dad?" Raph sighs when no one answers but it comes out more as a huffing breath as he runs.

Soon Leo abruptly stops, wobbling on his feet. "We're here." Donnie stays on the phone but brings it away from his face. "They're coming but they told us not to go inside." Leo cringes and looks up at the building they were in front of. "I guess-" A scream comes from the upstairs window and Leo's words disapear into the cold air. Without another word he rips the front door open and goes inside.

"Never fucking mind then." Raph says with a shrug. He charges in himself, following after the usually calm leader. Donnie stands outside, conflicted. He wanted to help his brothers but the police had told him to wait outside. "Ngghh..." His brow furrows and he bounces on his toes. He looks to the street and sighs, starting to pace back and forth in front of the building.

Inside Leo and Raph barge into the apartment, moving past the living-room and straight to the bedroom. The bathroom door had been wrenched open, the wooden frame mangled. " _GET OFF!_ " It was Mikey, the door busts open and they see Mikey resisting as best as he could against the large man who was caressing his face.

Raph acts first, slamming his fist into the man's face, knocking him back and stunning him just enough for Mikey to scramble away and behind Leo. As the eldest looks over their brother, Raph throws another punch but it's caught and blocked easily. Instead of straight punches he moves to kick him in the spine. It knocks him forward and in the perfect position for Raph to continue the beating.

He may or may not have been taking out his own aggressions out on the man from his past, but he deserved it either way. Raph continues beating the man until his knuckles are stained with not only the man's blood but his own too. A kick to the stomach ends the beating and gives the boy's time to shut the door and run. They go out the door and into the dojo but stop as they come face to face with a pair of police officers.

Mikey clings tightly to Leo's arm, leaving red marks. Leo didn't care. He just wanted to get his brother out. "Are you boys okay?" One police officer asks as his partner goes past, creeping up the stairs. They nod and he leads the three out to a distressed Donnie. Biting his knuckles he leaps towards Mikey, ripping him off of Leo and into a bone crushing hug.

"I'm gonna kill you." He murmurs. "Thanks Don... Can you put me down now?" Donnie squeezes him one more time before setting him back on the pavement. All four stand around Mikey as he speaks to the officer. Leo and Raph stay glaring at the doors, waiting for Bradford to be walked out in handcuffs, but it never happens.

The second officer comes back out alone. By now Donnie had called their father and he was on his way but that didn't help the sick feeling boiling in the boy's stomachs. The two officers step away for a moment, talking quietly, but not quiet enough. "I searched the whole place, there's no sign of anyone." The other officer sighs. "For a bigger guy, he sure has gotten away with a lot. Call in backup, we'll start a search... Again."

Mikey keeps a stiff grip on both Donnie and Leo's shirt hems. Like he would float away if he let go. Raph looks to an alley way just two buildings away. It made sense. Bradford could've gone out the fire escape in the back and down the back street. He glances to the police officers and glares at them. They weren't doing anything to go look for the criminal so he would. Raph turns and leaves, jogging towards the alley.

"What way would he have gone..." He mumbles to himself, starting down the alley. Raph jumps when a hand grabs him by the shoulder and he whips around to see the stern face of his foster father. "And just _where_ do you thing _you_ are going Raphael." Raph's face drops. "I-Uh- Mr. Hamato, He, that _guy-_ " Yoshi shakes his head. "That is the authorities work my son. Leave it to them." Raph sighs and reluctantly follows the older man back to his brothers.

* * *

Once again, the day had passed with speaking to police and clearing things up. They had gone home late at night and everyone was ready to collapse onto their beds. It had taken a while but Donnie had fallen asleep first, too worried about not being able to sleep for school the next day. Leo was next, though he checked in on Mikey multiple times before allowing himself to even close his eyes.

Their father had left to meditate and no one really knew weather he had really been meditating or if he had fallen asleep somewhere. Things like this were what Mikey was thinking as he lay awake in bed, eyes wandering the ceiling for any kind of entertainment. Of course, he had gotten his phone taken away so he had no way of doing anything other than read a book while in bed.

He thought about getting up and watching t.v. in the living-room but the thought of getting up out of bed was laced with anxiety. He sits up and runs his hand through his curls, pulling his knees up to his chest. It seemed like everyone else was sound asleep but him. Mikey looks over at the bed across the room, watching his brother's chest go up and down, up and down, up and down. Slowly, evenly.

It was near calming. He could try and match his breathing to Leo's. Maybe he could sleep. With a quick glance at a clock burried in his pillows he plops down in bed. It was much too late for this. Or much too early. He closes his eyes and breathes steadily. His father always told him to slow his breathing and he'd fall asleep, but ten minutes had gone by and all that had happened was him focusing on breathing so much he couldn't sleep.

A cough from the hall takes away any sleep that could've been in his system. Quickly and quietly he swings his legs out of bed and pads to the door, creaking it open. There was a raspy clearing of a throat and Mikey looks down. "Raph?" Mikey whispers. He was sitting just outside the door to the right. His back was pressed up against the wall and his arms were draped over his knees lazily.

"What are you doing in the hall?" Mikey asks him. "Just sittin'" He mumbles with a shrug. Mikey clasps his hands together behind his back. "Can I _join_ you?" Raph shrugs again and Mikey takes it as a _'yes'_ and sits down. "What are you doin' awake anyways?" Raph asks, holding back a yawn. " _Eeeee-I..._ Couldn't sleep..." Mikey replies awkwardly. It _was_ true. He _couldn't_ sleep. Raph grunts and nudges the freckled boy.

"Ugh- Raph-... _What if he comes back?_ " Mikey mumbles the last part. It had been on his mind since he was out of that building. They hadn't caught him. He could come find him. He knew what _school_ he went to. "That's what I'm here for." Raph says, mostly emotionless. "It'll go away. You'll stop thinking about it after a while." Neither of them say anything for a minute. "Did you?" Raph's eyes doge away from their original position.

"I used to." He replies simply. Mikey lets his head droop onto Raph's shoulder. "You're gonna stay awake all night, aren't you." Mikey says. Raph nods and Mikey holds back a smile. It was just what he needed to fall asleep. Slowly he nods off into a relatively peaceful sleep. He'd dream about the day but it didn't matter. There were three knights to the rescue every time.

* * *

 ** _I have a heart that gets on everybody's nerves  
They don't want the truth, they just want the words  
Blah blah blah blah and I can sing until I'm dead  
And none of you'll remember a single thing I said _**

**_"Nerves"_**

 ** _Icon For Hire_**

* * *

 **This chapter took me soooo long! I mean, I love it but it took me much longer than I had expected. I had it all planned out too. Just couldn't get myself to write! Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter, AAAAAND, If you want to see a piece of art that goes with this chapter, you can go to my deviantart- MissPunnyPuns and as of posting this, it's the second newest piece I've done!**


	28. Chapter 28: Help

**(1721 Words)**

Raph stayed up all night. All night for three nights in a row. Each time he felt himself nodding off He'd hear the door he was guarding creak open and Mikey plop down beside him. That kept him awake for the rest of the night. That and the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about some not-so-helpful actions he could be taking. School had been taking a toll on him, being unable to sleep and then the stress of being unable to focus just wasn't good.

Seeing April in the halls every day wasn't helping either. He'd pass her, she'd mostly ignore him, and then he'd be off to class just in time for Casey to rant to him about how he'd _'pummel the dick_ ' who broke in at April's. Raph would sit and listen, go home, forget to do his homework, and then stay up all night just to start all over in the morning.

The fourth night he gave in. He sat down outside the door at his usual post, not ten minutes go by when he falls asleep. He's only half woken up when he hears the door open. "Oh-..." Someone says before the door closes again. It takes him a while but Raph wakes himself up enough to realize he had been asleep and Mikey had come out of the room as usual to find his guardian unavailable.

"Ugh- So _stupid!_ " He whispers to himself. He pushes himself up and wobbles to his feet, wandering to the kitchen almost absentmindedly. He didn't _think_ he was thinking about it, but when he realized he had made his way over to the kitchen knives he realized it was _all_ he was thinking about. He knows what he _should_ do. He _should_ back away, go to his room and go to sleep. He _should_ wake someone up and ask them to keep him accountable.

What he _does_ is very different from that. He slowly reaches out, taking one of the smaller, sharper blades, and looks it over. No rust, not too dull, pristinely clean thanks to it being Donnie's turn to wash the dishes. He quickly turns, his actions now fast and choppy, and walks swiftly and quietly to the bathroom, nudging the door mostly closed. He leaves the light off and huffs a few breaths, suddenly having all the air escape from his lungs.

Staring down at his arms made his feet tingle and his stomach drop. He takes off the bandages and throws them to the floor. He could still see the nasty cut he made still healing. It would hurt more to reopen it. To cut over it, making new and old wounds open up. This was what he wanted _right?_ He couldn't stop thinking about it so it _must_ be what he wants. He lifts the blade to his arm.

 _Wait-_

* * *

He couldn't stand it. His stomach was growling so loud and it hurt so bad. Leo lays on his bed, Mikey laying partially beside him, partially on top of him, sawing logs like a pro. He didn't want to wake his little brother, but he also needed to get up before his stomach seemingly ate itself alive. Carefully Leo pulls his arm out from under Mikey's sleeping form and shifts himself in such a way as to not wake him but also to be completely free from his grasp.

At some point in the night Mikey had made his way into Leo's bed, assuming the elder was asleep. In fact, Leo hadn't slept well since the incident with Bradford. _How could he have not known his brother was in trouble? Why couldn't he have stopped it? Why didn't he just-_ Leo shakes the thoughts from his head. Right now the only thing he wanted on his mind was _food_.

Leo swiftly moves down the short hall, past the bathroom and into the kitchen. He was _so_ hungry. _He just needed a bite_. He opens the fridge and light floods into the room. It's such a bright contrast to the darkness of the apartment that Leo has to close his eyes to get used to it. After a few moments he squints them open, peering in. There wasn't much left, just a couple slices of leftover pizza, some cold Raman, random things like a package of ham and a bag of cheese, and condiments.

Leo grabs a slice of pizza. As he holds it to his mouth his stomach growls angrily. "Just a bite." He murmurs to himself. Slowly, he takes a bite. Then another, and another, and another. Soon he's scarfing down the second piece, and slurping the cold Raman, and ripping open the small sandwich sized package of ham. All of it he consumed, only taking a few minutes for all of it to be gone.

Suddenly he stops, realizing what he had just done. He'd eaten way more than he wanted to and his stomach didn't like it. It felt weird after some time to have his stomach full. It was churning and turning. He felt dizzy and sick. Without thinking he gets up and, doubled over, makes his way to the bathroom. He was _not_ going to have all that food inside of him. It was a mistake and he needed to _fix it_.

He pushes the bathroom door open and flicks on the light. Suddenly his focus wasn't on his stomach anymore. Raph, bandages on the floor and hair ragged, stood in the bathroom, knife pressed lightly to his skin. His glance didn't eve shift when Leo entered the room. It stayed down as if glued in place. His arms were shaking and the knife bounced slightly as his whole body begins to tremble.

It was like he wanted to look up and change what was happening but he couldn't. Leo, one arm still wrapped around his stomach, snatches the knife out of the angst ridden boy's hand. It took more effort then he thought it would. "-The hell are you doing?!" Leo whisper shouts. "Uh- I- Uh- Um..." Was all Raph managed. Leo scans for any new wounds or blood or anything indicating Raph had done anything to himself but finds nothing.

"Put those back on." He points to the floor bandages and Raph doesn't budge. Leo rolls his eyes and grabs them, handing them out to Raph. "You'd better put them back on because we sure as hell know you don't need them off." Raph picks them up and throws them in the garbage, crossing his arms over his chest. The cuts were mostly healed anyways. Leo sighs. "Whatever."

"What are you even doing awake?" Raph mumbles. Leo freezes. "I was... Getting a snack." He folds his arm, matching Raph's stance. "Doesn't matter anyways." He takes his foster brother's hand and takes him to the living-room, plopping him down on the couch. Leo knew he couldn't leave now. He couldn't leave Raph alone and even if he could, If he threw up now Raph would hear for sure.

Leo sits on the couch, a cushion or so away from the other, and turns on the tv. He didn't care what was playing, he just wanted some noise. Now both brothers sit in silence, wishing the other hadn't been awake to stop them but deep down, _very_ deep down, feeling the slightest bit grateful. Not knowing why, Leo speaks up in a small voice. "I'm sorry Raph." Raph furrows his brow.

" _For what._ " He says, more of an angry statement than a question. Leo sighs. "For me, for Karai, for that night and what happened." Leo takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry because if I hadn't- If I wasn't such a jerk the school would've never been shot up and you would've never been trapped inside. I'm sorry because if you never left you wouldn't want to cut yourself right now, I'm sorry because when you left I hurt Donnie and Mikey, I'm sorry because I can't fucking eat without wanting to throw up, I'm sorry that I never trusted you at the start, I'm sorry that-"

Leo stops when he feels Raph's scarred arms wrap around him. It only lasted for a couple seconds and only after it was done did Leo realize his face was wet with angry tears. "Shut the fuck up." Raph says. He never wanted to hear about most of what Leo brought up again, but he needed to. "I don't give a shit anymore. I don't _care_ that you ended up being a lying bastard, I don't care that you bitch of a girlfriend came onto me, I don't care that I keep getting thrown around. I just don't- _I don't want it to happen again._ "

Leo closes his eyes. "Well I'm never getting back with Karai, so that's not gonna happen again hopefully..." Raph pulls his bare feet onto the couch and folds his arms on top of his knees, head sunk low. "I'm... trying... I hope that's enough." Raph says. He glances over at Leo who was either asleep or close to it. He puts his forehead on his arms, hiding his face completely, and closes his eyes.

* * *

 _ **I think I need help  
Cause I'm drowning in myself  
It's sinking in, I can't pretend  
That I ain't been through hell  
I think I need help  
I'm drowning in myself**_

 _ **They're preying on my weakness**_  
 _ **Believe it**_  
 _ **I'm thinking to myself "No not again"**_  
 _ **And I won't keep listening**_  
 _ **When temptation's creeping in**_  
 _ **If I wanna make it another day**_  
 _ **I've got so much I need to say**_

 _ **"Help"**_

 **Papa Roach**

* * *

 **I haven't written in quite a while... haha, whopsies~ Sorry this chapter is so short, I needed a shorter one to get back in the grove of things. But get ready for another big story arch because this is just the beginning. ;D**


	29. Chapter 29: You Can Run

**(2139 Words)**

Fridays are normally a day teenagers celebrate. It's the last day of school for the week, plans are made for the weekend, everybody is happy and in a good mood. Most of everyone that is. In the morning Raphael wakes to an empty couch and a bustling apartment. It seemed like everyone was doing something everywhere. It was overwhelming to say the least.

As he pulled himself off the couch he feels his joints crack and pop, leaving him to only wince at them. Trudging to his room, he meets Donnie in the hallway. "Hey, would you mind not getting up in the middle of the night? I can't sleep when you do that." Donnie says quickly before dashing off to make his lunch. Mikey dashes out of the bathroom just for Leo to take it right after. "Sleep well?" Mikey asks, stopping only for a moment and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Raph barely catches him glancing down at his arms, probably to look for fresh cuts after neither Leo nor himself had put the knife away last night. "Yeah, m'fine." Raph says grumpily. Everyone must've woken up late or else they wouldn't have been in such a rush like this. The only one that seemed to be going at a normal speed was Mikey and that was only because he already gets ready for school like a chicken with it's head cut off.

Raph walks to the kitchen and reaches for a package of bread but retracts his hand, looking over his shoulder quickly out of habit. The only person there was Donnie who was packing things into his backpack for the third time on the couch. Raph turns back and grabs the bread, shaking his head. He makes a couple pieces of toast and slowly eats them as he gets ready, getting dressed and brushing his teeth and such. Though he was going slow, Raph somehow gets ready in time to leave relatively close to the time he should've.

Of course, the others had left without him. Donnie needed to be to school on time, Mikey obviously needed to tag along, and Leo had to keep an eye on them. The last time those two went alone, Mikey got to school an hour late with his pockets literally filled with candy and Donnie had his hands covered in grease and oil. Turns out there was a broken down candy truck that had offered them all the candy they wanted if they fixed the truck. If they went alone, _anything could happen._

Raph waves over his shoulder to Yoshi, who was setting up for an early morning class, and then is out the door. As soon as he's on the next street Raph gets a weird feeling. He felt suddenly like he was being watched. He whips around but nobody was there. Nobody suspicious anyways. There was the usual stragglers a good thirty feet behind him and a business woman on the phone who was just entering an apartment building, presumably having forgotten something.

Raph walks on, shaking his head. He must just still be thinking about what happened with Mikey. His odd question like he knew exactly what happened to him in the past. His mind must just still be on that. Who's wouldn't be? His little brother had essentially been kidnapped, of course he's still thinking about it. There was a lingering feeling of fear and forgetfulness. Like he had forgotten something that was really important and really _bad._

While the feeling of being watched never wavered, Raph made his way to school untouched and unharmed. "See man, nothing to be paranoid about..." He mutters to himself. " _Kore wa nani mo imi shiani._ " Raph mumbles. He wasn't as fluent as the others but Yoshi had been teaching him Japanese here and there.

According to Mikey there was going to be a day when they all only talked in Japanese but based on the other's reactions and how stupid that idea was, Raph rolled his eyes and ignored it. He wasn't told what the phrase meant but he was told to utter it when he wasn't feeling well or afraid. The others seem to know what it meant, Leo and Donnie nodding in solidarity while Mikey giggles every now and again. "I have to ask what that means..."

As Raphael walks the halls of the school he feels increasingly uncomfortable for two reasons. One, Yoshi saw him without his bandages while getting ready and told him he could keep them off now but he had to have his sleeves rolled up, making his forearms completely visible.

He could almost _feel_ the looks he was getting. He kept sliding the sleeves back down but each time he ran into the Hamatos they reminded him to put them back up. The second reason was that there was someone new in the school staff apparently. Someone who seemed to be everywhere he looked but never really _doing_ anything.

He was tall and thin, dark skinned and always seemed to be giving Raph dirty looks. He puts it off on paranoia but doesn't exactly let his guard down. He hadn't seen the Hamatos much that day either. Besides when he woke up on the couch and sluggishly got ready to leave, he only saw each brother once.

He saw Mikey in class and gratefully accepted the notes he handed to Raph under the table. It was an especially rough day and Mikey seemed to have been stocking up on extra notes for the past few days. He saw Donnie in the hall, awkwardly flirting with April. She just barely acknowledged him, giving him a glance and a tiny wave without really lifting her arm. He sat with Leo at lunch while Donnie and Mikey sat at friend's tables, glaring at Leo until he ate something.

He hadn't been eating until there was ten minutes of lunch left. "If you don't eat, I'm _not_ staying clean, _and_ I'm telling your dad." Raph had said. It was a good enough threat to get Leo to eat something. At this point Raph knew what was going on. He'd seen it before in other houses. Some teen would be trying to _'eat healthy'_ , then they'd be exercising way too much, then heart problems. It tore families apart and Raph wasn't about to let that happen to his last chance. Every time he'd been kicked to the curb to take care of their _real_ kid and they didn't have time to care for an extra child.

Though Leo had a deal to make as well. "Fine. But if you cut again I'm not eating and _I'm_ going to tell my dad." After lunch Raph had watched Leo head straight to the bathroom. He spends half a second debating weather or not to go after him before dragging him out, having him claim he was only going to pee. It felt weird to be the one in the right for once. As Raph heads into his last class of the day, just wanting to get out of school and hide in a dark hole for forever.

Just before he gets into the class he feels a hand grab his shoulder and he jumps, whipping around to see a gap-toothed grin staring back at him. "Fucking hell man! You scared the shit out of me!" Raph says in a low voice, making sure his foul language wasn't caught by any teachers. Casey punches his shoulder lightly. "I _am_ a pretty scary dude." Raph rolls his eyes and crosses his arms anxiously. "What do you want anyways? I was just about to go take a nap." He nods his head towards the class room and earns a chuckle From Casey.

Casey smiles even wider. "Well... You know how I'm just with my dad an' all right now, right?" Raph nods. "Well, he's outta town and my mom and sister are gonna try and video call tonight!" Raph lets a light smile fade onto his face. "That's great man-" Casey interrupts him. "An' I want you to come too." Raph raises his eyebrows. "Me? Why?"

Casey shrugs. "I just thought it'd be cool if you met them. My mom is super nice and would practically adopt anybody she met on the spot and my sister is such a little prick but adorable and sweet and shit. You'd love her." He laughs. Raph shakes his head like his friend was spewing nonsense. "Alright, but only because you're such a dork I can't say no." Casey fist pumps the air. "Alright! I'll see ya after school, we can walk to my place then." Raph gives a thumbs up and takes out his phone as he walks into the classroom.

He picks out one of the few contacts he has and sends a quick text. _'going to Casey's after school, staying the night.'_ He puts his phone back before he gets in trouble for having it out and readies himself for class. The hairs on the back of his neck tingle and stand up on end. Quickly he glances out the window just in time to see the new staff member pass the window. He shivers.

* * *

After class he sees a text from Casey. He had managed to get himself a detention so he'd be late getting out but he told Raph how to get in the apartment without him so he could wait there. He wasn't surprised, it would be odd if he _didn't_ have detention. The second Raph steps out of the school two things happen. A weight lifts off his chest, and he suddenly feels much more anxious.

He wasn't around as many people but he felt open and exposed. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was just the fact that he had his arms out, or maybe it was just because he went outside after a long school day, but he didn't like it. He pulls his sleeves down. Nobody would know anyways, he was staying at Casey's so it's not like it mattered.

He speed walks away from the school in the opposite direction from the Hamato's towards Casey's apartment. It was in a slightly less safe neighborhood but it wasn't anything Raph wasn't used to. He'd lived in worse places. Going past each break in buildings, side streets, and alley ways Raph looks down them, expecting to see something but never seeing anything. He just had that feeling. As if walking alone at night on a deserted street.

Every time he passed someone he felt a small wave of calm wash over him, knowing there was another human there that didn't even know him and most likely wouldn't be trying to cause harm to him. Here and there Raph glances over his shoulder, feeling like someone was watching him but nobody was there. This should've given him some comfort but each time there was an empty sidewalk behind him he walks a little faster.

Finally he looks over his shoulder and catches someone dashing into an alley. At this point Raph was ready to bolt but thinks better of it. Though he hated the idea of it, he turns on a street that wouldn't take him to Casey's and instead towards the nearest police station. Unfortunately to make his way to the police station in the fastest way possible, Raph had to cut through three alleys. He made it through the first two okay, breathing heavily but keeping his pace even and not too fast, but the third one was a different story.

He had been hearing footsteps behind him for the past five minutes, since he started to go towards the police station, and they were getting louder. He didn't dare look behind him but he sped up more and more until he was in a sprint. He only stops when he's met with a fence that hadn't been there before. It seemed to be recently installed to stop people from cutting through privet property. Raph turns around only to be met with dark unconsciousness.

* * *

 _ **You saw things that shook your core**_

 ** _Things you've never seen before_**

 ** _Could've walked away instead_**

 ** _Ah_**

 _ **Now you got no one you can trust**_

 ** _Thinking you sold your soul unjust_**

 ** _Point your finger and deny_**

 ** _Ah_**

 _ **You can run**_

 ** _You can run_**

 ** _ _You can run__**

 ** _ _I don't mind__**

 ** _ _I don't mind__**

 ** _ _I don't mind__**

 ** _ _...__**

 ** _ _"You can run"__**

 **Adam Jones**

* * *

 **...**


	30. Chapter 30: Towards The Sun

**(3313 words)**

In and out. In and out of consciousness Raph slides, groggy and sluggish in the moments he's awake and death like while asleep. He can't see anything while he's awake but he can feel around himself. He feels the bumpiness of a road, then firm hands on his limbs, then cold cement and metal. His arms are pinned behind him and he can't move, all his limbs feel heavy and thick like they were still asleep. "Lil' bastard. Thought he'd get away with it." A voice.

"Gon' be dead when I'm done with 'im." Raph knew the voice, it was so familiar... His head hurt so bad... He feels the pinch of something burrowing itself into his skin, going deeper though his muscle and then back out. Again he slips into the realm of sleep.

* * *

 _"Go. Go now." He was tall, very tall. A knife pressed to Raph's back leaving a small pinhole prick in his skin along side dozens of tiny scars. "I SAID NOW." With a whimper he scurries forward, walking through a busy festival, snatching things here and there, a package of orange slices, a wallet or two, a lost watch left on the ground. Quickly he brings it back to the tall man. "That's it?! That's pitiful! What is this worth? a couple hundred dollars? This is bullshit!" He grabs Raph's wrist, digging his fingers into the young boy's skin._

 _"You'll go again and you'd better not get caught." The man rasps, shoving him forward. Raph stumbles and ducks through the crowd again. This time he takes in the festival completely. There was so much going on. There was an older man who was buying a lace scarf, probably for his wife or daughter. There was a young woman eyeing up a young salesmen at a tent with produce._

 _Around the corner there was an old woman who looked either dead, or asleep at a table with nothing but a purple and gold carpet, a clear orb, and an open chest full of money. Nobody was around this tent and the people who were weren't paying any attention to the deathly old looking woman._

 _Raph swiftly dashes up to the table and reaches up to take the chest, glancing over his shoulder to make sure nobody was watching. The second his fingers touched the chest, the woman wakes up, grabbing his small wrist in a wrinkly death grip. "Nice try young man but I'm not as blind as you may think." She says, her voice nearly quivering with age. Raph's eyes go wide and he tries to pull away. "Stop pulling boy. You haven't much time, the woman from the booth across and just to the right left for a bathroom break, go and take a couple of her jewels, that should pacify that man."_

 _Raph doesn't question anything as the woman lets him go and he walks over to the jewelry booth. There were a few imitation pieces but he knew the ones stored in the containers would be the most priceless. He opens two boxes and takes out a necklace with five large emeralds on a pure gold chain and a bracelet with a light pink jewel in the center with little ones all along the rose gold chain._

 _As fast as he could he leaves the booth area, feeling the old woman's eyes on his back. How did she know he was there? She looked like she could've been dead, how did she know? Why did she help him? All of these questions were things a young Raphael would never get answered. Sometimes you just don't get to know._

 _He makes his way back to the man and shakily hands the two pieces of jewelry to him. "This is still a pitiful haul but it'll make do for now. You're lucky you got ones that even look real." The man snatches Raph's hand and tugs him along behind him, his long legs taking strides much too big for the child. "With your eye you're lucky you didn't pick up a candy ring." As they make their way through the crowd, the hoard of people grows thinner and thinner until the streets of parked cars are visible._

 _Raph has his eyes trained on the car so hard that when he runs into something he falls back on his butt, falling out of the man's grip. "Oh, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" Raph looks up at a beautiful young woman. Her emerald green eyes rivaled Raph's and her long black hair was tied up into a bun. Her skin was a milky chocolate which made her yellow sundress pop against it. Raph nods and stands up. "I'm so sorry, he's really not all there. He runs into things so much." The man says._

 _"Oh no worries. He's such a cute little thing, isn't he?" The woman says, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Oh-_ adorable _." The man says with a hint of contempt. "I just adore children. I'd go into the same business as my husband as a social worker if it wasn't for the fact that I'd just want to take all the kids home with me!" She lets out a laugh and smiles. "Sorry anyways." She says. The man smiles and waves before turning and glaring towards the car._

 _He swipes Raph's hand up again and squeezes it much too tight. They speed walk back to the car and the man glares at Raph. "Don't you EVER fuck up like that again boy or I'll kill you myself." Thrown in the back of the car, Raph curls up in a ball, watching as the tall man gets in and speeds away, jostling him back and forth in the back seat having no seat belts installed. In no time he was inside a house. It was tall and looming, looking as if it'd devour him whole. He scampers inside after the man._

 _The man heads straight ahead to the kitchen, yanking open the fridge door and taking out a beer bottle._ He must've been in a good mood, he went for the bottles and not the cans _. Raph stands and watches for a moment as the man struggles with the cap before smashing the top half of the bottle on the counter._ He was in much less of a good mood now _._

 _Unfortunately for Raph he had over stayed his welcome for just a little too long. "YOU, get over here and clean this shit up!" Cringing, Raph cautiously makes his way over while the man shoves by him to go sit in the living-room. The young boy bends down and starts to pick up the pieces of glass out of the sticky, throat burning liquid. He would've used a broom but the man had thrown it out a week ago. He throws away the small pieces of glass and a smell wafts up to his nose, a sent that would remind him of this house for years to come._

 _He wipes his sticky hands on his pants and dashes down the the stairs in the entryway to the basement. There was a small cot in the corner under the stairs with a pole out in front of it and a desk across the room from it. There were a couple toys scattered around and a ripped up backpack thrown against the back wall. Raph grabs the pack and sprints his short legs back up the stairs and out the door as quietly as possible. A little boy still has to go to school doesn't he?_

 _Speed walking down the street he waves at a homeless man under an awning. "'Sposed ta rain today kid, you got an umbrella?" He asks. "No." Raph replies with a smile. "You got a house ta hide out in?" The man shakes his head. "Nope." It was a game they played. They both knew the other didn't have the necessary yet they ask anyways._

 _It was funny how such a simple thing could change the young boy's mood from one end to the other. Raph jogs on, his backpack feeling as if it'd rip apart if he went any faster. The school was a good twenty minute walk if you stuck to the sidewalks but Raph had to get creative when it came to his route to school._

 _Instead of continuing down the sidewalk, Raph turns to a fence with a ripped up corner. He squeezes through, ripping his pack a bit more in doing so. "Awe man..." He mumbles, looking at the tear. A pencil falls out and he picks it back up and sticks it into a side pouch. He sets down his bag and pulls out a band-aid, carefully ripping the paper off the back. He lifts his shirt up in the back and feels around a bit before sloppily placing the band-aid over the small bleeding wound on his back with decent accuracy._

 _The little boy continues on, no longer jogging in order to keep his bag from falling apart. He walks through an alley and it comes out to another sidewalk, this time much closer to his end goal. "Oh_ _no." Just ahead was a group of teenagers, big and scary to little Raph. He had_ not _had good experiances with older kids and it was doubtful that today would hold any new results._

 _He quickly switches sides of the street, weaving his way through stopped cars and causing a lot of honking from the drivers. His eyes remained wide and attentive, switching back and forth from his path and the teenagers with their menacing laughs and their much too sudden movements. He feels his bag ripping even more but ignores it, making sure the teens didn't follow him as he made his way to his school. For a first grader, the kid was pretty smart._

* * *

It was quiet but even that was too loud. He could just barely lift his eye lids but Raph could feel something dried to his scalp. He fights to stay awake and buys himself a bit more time. It was dark and his hands were bound behind him to something very cold. The room looked familiar but he couldn't exactly remember from where. There was a couch all the way to his right, edge just even with what he assumed was stairs.

In front of him was a blurry broken down desk. It was so blurry, so blurry and his head hurt so bad. He just wanted to sleep.

* * *

 _"Raphael! You're late- And what happened to your bag?" A woman in a long skirt asks. "It got snagged on my way here." Raph says, holding his backpack together. If he let go it'd surely fall apart. The woman frowns as her nose wrinkles up. A smell that definitely shouldn't be at a young children's class room came off Raph in waves_

 _The woman looks around the class, making sure all the students were working. "Would you mind stepping out into the hall for a moment honey?" Raph shrugs and walks out with the teacher. Normally he'd be scared to be alone with an adult but some adults were okay. She'd never done anything wrong, nothing to hurt him._

 _The woman crouches down to be closer to the same height as Raph. "Honey, you know you can tell me if something is wrong, right?" Raph nods. "Nothing's wrong." He says automatically. He didn't_ think _anything was wrong. "Are you sure? Are mommy or daddy taking good care of you?" Raph shuffles his feet back and forth. "Ḿ̧͞͡r̵͝.̴̧͝ ҉͟X҉̴ is okay." The woman frowns. "Is that what you call your dad?"_

 _Raph shrugs. "I_ guess _so." The teacher sits there with him for a moment in silence. "Maybe you can ask him to buy you a new backpack? Yours looks like it's a little... Worn?" Raph shakes his head. "Ḿ̧͞͡r̵͝.̴̧͝ ҉͟X҉̴ says he doesn't want to waste money on me because he doesn't need to." He says with a flat expression. The woman's eyes go wide. "Ḿ̧͞͡r̵͝.̴̧͝ ҉͟X҉̴ Doesn't_ hurt _you, does he Raphael?" Raph just shrugs again, rocking back and forth on his feet. "Can I go back into class now?" He says quietly._ He knew where this was going _._

 _He could tell that his caregiver wouldn't like him talking about the other without him there. "Are you hurt now?" The Teacher asks carefully. "CAN I GO BACK INTO CLASS NOW." Raph asks louder._ He was so uncomfortable _, he just wanted to go through the day and go to sleep. For a moment it's quiet again. Even the class beside them seemed to go silent. "Let's go to the counselor. Do you need a band-aid or anything?" She asks, taking the little boy's hand. Raph shakes his head. "I did it myself." He mumbles, barely audible._

 _Raph knew he couldn't get out of this one. He could try running but where would he go? Where_ could _he go? The teacher leaves Raph outside the office, letting him sit on a bench to wait. This would be his chance to run. He could get up and run, run anywhere. He could run to a closet and hide, he could try and make it to the front doors or maybe- His thoughts are cut off after just a few minutes of anxiety ridden leg-swinging when the office door opens and He's called inside. The counselor was an older man with dark skin and a short white beard, looking as if all his hair had migrated from the top of his head to his chin._

 _As the counselor spoke the teacher, standing to the side, tries to keep her composure. "Raphael." He starts, hands folded professionally on the desk. "Your teacher has come to me with some... Concerns... You can tell us anything." Raph nods. "I know." He squeaks out. The counselor nods back. "Now, Ḿ̧͞͡r̵͝.̴̧͝ ҉͟X҉̴ , Would you like a better caretaker than him? Someone who really takes care of you and loves you and won't ever hurt you?"_

 _Raph doesn't respond. Yes, of course he wanted someone like that, but now many people could be out there that would want a kid like him? "Yeah..." He says slowly. The counselor keeps a straight face. "Then you need to tell us everything about-"_

* * *

" _Mr. X_ " Raph grumbles, his eyes flicking open quickly. _Sometimes when something bad happens your brain blocks it out for you._ Raph pulls his hands away from each-other but they don't move more than an inch. _It was all falling into place._ He frantically yanks the chain against the pole he was leaning against, his eyes watering. Though he didn't remember it all, it was enough to send him into a panic. Maybe the fact that he _couldn't_ remember it all was what made him panic.

He was still groggy but it didn't help him to calm down, in fact it made him spiral into his panic even more. If he was groggy he could've done anything- He _could do anything._ "Shit shit sit slit shlit- Fuck." He couldn't even get his words out right. He could hear him upstairs, walking around, _acting_ as if he hadn't just kidnapped someone and stashed them in the basement. The longer Raph was awake, the more he tried to free himself, and the more tired he got.

After a few minutes that seemed to take an hour He starts clanging the handcuffs that bound his hands against the metal pole. He knew it wouldn't work but a part of him wished it would knock something inside it loose. The quick movements along with the force of them weren't helping him much though. With every tug he could almost feel his brain hit his skull, thundering each time and making him feel as if he were about to throw up.

He stops, his vision swirling, just in time to hear his captor stomp down the stairs. His chest _hurt_. His heart was pounding so hard and his head was pounding in time with it too. Once the man was in view Raph starts hyperventilating. While being on the ground the man looked so tall. He felt so small and weak, him freaking out wasn't helping much either. It was only a few seconds that he was standing there while Raph sucks in breath after breath of air before he lands a swift kick to the boy's side.

"Cállate el coño, you knew you had this coming." The kick knocked what little air Raph had in his lungs straight out, making him cough repeatedly. "Lucky for you I'm not ready yet. _Tomar una siesta._ "

* * *

 _"It's okay honey, that's enough, you don't have to keep going." Raph was sitting in a too big chair, taring at the edges of his fingers and holding back tears. They weren't tears from what had been done to him, they were tears from what might happen in the future. If they didn't take Mr. X away after this then Raph would have a_ very _bad time._

 _As the teacher tries to console the child, the principal folds a piece of paper and stands. "I'd hope you had someone take over the classroom?" He asks. "Yes, I asked Carol from across the hall to cover for me." The teacher replies in a hushed voice. The principal walks out and the teacher rubs the child's back. "It's okay honey, don't worry, you don't have to go back there." Raph wipes his nose on his sleeve and nods._

 _Suddenly his head jerks up as a thought pops into his head. "H-He's not coming here is he?!" He asks, panicked. The teacher almost laughs. "No, no honey, he will_ not _be coming here, hopefully never." They stay seated in the office for what felt like hours until finally there was a knock on the door. Raph practically jumps in his seat while the teacher just calmly stands and opens the door. The little boy looks cautiously behind his chair to see a familiar face. Name... Name... -Greg._

 _Greg smiles sadly at Raph and talks to the teacher for a moment before going over to him. "Hey buddy, it's been a while huh?" Raph shrugs. It HAD been a while but to him, an hour was a while too so it didn't seem like a well worded sentence. "Where now?" Raph mumbles. Greg sighs. It was sad that a kid his age knew all that he did. "To a shelter, just for a couple nights until we have a new foster family for you."_

 _Raph looks very uncomfortable. "Hey-" Greg says, making Raph pick up his head to look at him. "-One down, not many more to go. You'll never have to come back to him again."_

* * *

 _ **Turn your face towards the sun  
Let the shadows fall behind you  
Don't look back, just carry on  
And the shadows will never find you **_

_**Towards the Sun**_

 **Rihanna**

* * *

 **Soooo... I know this chapter is a** _ **bit**_ **late but I totally forgot how I left off and took a break. I hope this chapter was... Comprehensive. This is gonna be a little wild but when it settles down again I can definitely promise... More craziness.**


	31. Chapter 31: Afraid

**(3282 Words)**

"RAPH'S WHAT!?" Leo puts a hand on his little brother's shoulder as they stand outside the school, staring into his baby blue eyes and rolling his own. "He's staying over at Casey's. It's fine Mikey." Mikey throws his brother's hand away from him. "Like- Like all night and stuff?!" Leo shrugs. "Yeah, probably. Just chill man, he'll be back tomorrow at school." He watches as Mikey's eyes begin to water. "Do you want me to stay up with you tonight?" He asks, already knowing the answer. The redhead bobs his head up and down quickly.

It was only three fifteen in the afternoon but the hours ahead that await them was pressing on the boy's mind harder than anything else. "Fine. But you'd better actually focus in training when we get home otherwise you're on your own." Mikey quickly bucks up and starts walking. Leo glances between the doors of the school and Mikey for a moment until Donnie comes bursting out. He scrambles over to Leo and they both start speed walking to catch up to Mikey.

"SORRY- Sorry, I got hung up talking to one of the teachers and then I ended up saying something that made him mad so I had to explain that and then he was going to send me to the principal but then just kept me for longer and yelled at me- Well not yelled but like talked loudly?" Donnie rambles on, talking about how he hated being late for things and what all held him up for a while before stopping half way back home. "Where's Raph?"

Leo goes to answer but having caught up to Mikey, is interrupted. "He's staying over at Casey's and it's totally not fair." At first it seemed like the youngest boy was actually very hurt and upset by this. "How come _I_ don't get to have sleepovers!" He adds, turning and throwing his hands up in the air. They continue on, ignoring the obvious mood change. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I don't think Casey is the... Best of influences." Donnie says, squinting his eyes.

Leo rolls his neck out. "At this point, it's not my problem. They haven't gotten in serious trouble together- _Yet_ \- So I don't really know." Donnie taps his leg. "I guess. Do you think he asked dad first?" Leo shrugs. "I honestly don't know, and don't care. He can do what he wants. I mean he's not going to _do_ anything while he's with Casey... _Right?_ " They both stop and look at each-other. There's a much too long, much too awkward silence between them. " _Probably?_ "Donnie replies.

The slowly keep walking, noticing Mikey half a street ahead of them already. "I mean he _did_ go there that one time and he was fine. Somehow they're pretty good friends..." Donnie almost rolls his eyes as he says this. "Even though Casey is a stupid meat-headed jerk." Leo raises his eyebrows. "Um, what was that about?" Donnie taps his leg. "I heard him and April talking in the halls in between classes, and they're going to _'hang out'_." He makes finger quotes as he says _'hang out'_. "Do you _KNOW_ what _'hang out'_ _means_ Leo!?"

The older boy, a little taken aback, shrugs. Donnie taps his leg. "It _means_ that they're going to go on a _DATE!_ " Leo looks at his little, but much taller, brother. "Don, it does not mean for sure they're going on a date-" Donnie taps his leg. "You don't know that Leo! April is WAY too good for a punk like him! She's _smart_ , and _pretty_ , and _capable_ , and _strong_ \- She shouldn't be with someone like him! Some dirty little _street rat!_ " Donnie taps his leg.

As they get closer to the dojo Leo sighs and looks Donnie right in the eyes which he quickly looks away from, though Leo holds his glare. " _It's fine_. Even if she _does_ like Casey and the _are_ going on a date, you can't stop that. Love is a crazy thing and you can't really help who you fall in love with, it just happens." They go into the dojo with Donnie looking defeated. "I've told Mikey that countless times, it's just something you have to accept."

Donnie trudges up the stairs to the apartment to slowly get changed, tapping his leg one more time before he's out of view, once he was, Leo looks over at the edge of the mat covered floor to see Mikey, sitting cross-legged and ready for practice. "Oh- You're ready early." Leo comments. Mikey nods. "If I didn't get ready right away, I'd forget or I'd do something else and then I'd be late and distracted all practice." Leo raises his eyebrows. "Oh, you're really taking that seriously, huh..." He didn't realize this was that big of a deal to his little brother.

Mikey nods curtly, keeping his glare on the middle of the floor, trying almost too hard to keep his focus. Leo nearly shutters at the unusual focus. "I'll tell Father that Raph's going to be out today." He mentions and heads up to the apartment to change, leaving Mikey alone. The dojo goes quiet and Mikey's ears start to ring. He rubs them on his shoulders but keeps his gaze on the mats in front of him. _'Focus on the mats, nothing else. You loose focus and that's it, practice is gone down the drain.'_ He thinks to himself. He knows how his mind works. The second he stops focusing, he won't be able to get that same, or any focus back.

His concentration is broken for just a moment when he hears a sharp knock on the front door. He tries to ignore it but they knock again seeing as Mikey was in plain view of the glass door. "HEY! Is anybody gonna open the door!?" Mikey looks up sharply at the deep, gravely shout. There was a big man with growing stubble and dirty hands that left large prints on the door. The younger boy stares up and out at the man outside, his eyes wide.

He knew in his mind that this was some random guy who probably thinks he had a class right now but the correlation from his eyes to all parts of his brain was severed. All he could see was that man- That horrible man. He didn't understand what really panicking was like until now. He was frozen. It looked like he had just lifted his head and nothing else had changed but inside so much was going on.

His mind was whirling, showing him images of what happened in excruciating detail. It slowly went from what had happened to what could happen. This man out side could've been Bradford, half shaven and dirty on the run from the police, coming back for him to take him away. He could be taken and gone from his family for forever. His fear and panic turns to sadness as he thinks this. As his eyes tear up there's another bang on the door. "Hey kid!" The man shouts again.

He takes a moment after this to study the boy inside the dojo. "Uh... Kid?" He says, much quieter. Mikey could barely hear it through the door but with every word it felt like he locked his muscles and joints in place. It was such an entirely new and unreal feeling that he wanted to cry just from that. He was much more emotional than his brothers in the first place. If he felt like crying, he was going to cry.

Finally he hears someone coming down to the dojo, calming him a bit already. He watches as his father walks around him and to the door, telling the man outside that class schedules have changed. The man whispers something and points back into the dojo. A few more words were exchanged and the dirty man leaves. The next thing Mikey knows a comforting hand is on his back, making his joints feel like they unlocked and relaxed.

"Michelangelo, what's wrong hachimitsu?" As his muscles loosen, Mikey brings up a hand and wipes his eyes. "It's okay, I'm fine." He says. He mumbles a couple words before his father could actually make anything out. "-'s just really weird..." Yoshi takes his son's hand and looks at him, worried. "What happened." He asks seriously. Mikey shakes his head. "I dunno, like just- I don't know, that guy outside just made my head go all over the place and stuff."

The older man sighs and closes his eyes. "Why don't you go upstairs, you don't have to practice tonight." Mikey frowns and furrows his brows. "Why? I-" Mikey stops, having learned not to question his father extensively. "Tonight, no practice." Yoshi says again, helping him up. They walk back up to the apartment together and Yoshi lets him go and sit on the couch. "Leonardo, Donatello, it is time for training."

The two older boys follow their father to the door that lead to the dojo, but Donnie stops once he gets there. "What about Mikey?" He asks, looking back over his shoulder. "Michelangelo is taking a break for today." Yoshi replies without hesitation. Donnie stays at the top of the stairs for a moment, his mind pressing with a million questions, both for his brother and father. He does eventually stumble his way back down to practice, but not without a last glance at his little brother who looked as if he was trying to solve the hardest math problem known to man.

Mikey, once again left alone, was sitting cross-legged on the couch. He was just so confused. He wanted to stop thinking, to stop focusing on things but he had tried for too long to focus that he just couldn't stop. He could hear the birds outside, and the running of the fridge. He could hear every command from the room below him, knowing exactly what he was missing. "Ugh..." Mikey groans out, wanting any type of noise other than the constants going on around him.

"What was that even..." He mumbles to himself. He stretches his arms out in front of him and above his head. "I-... I'm gonna go text Raph." After a few days he had been granted his phone back but with plenty of restrictions and his data turned off. Mikey stands up and walks out into the hall and to his room where he had thrown his bag before changing quickly and hurrying back down to the dojo earlier. He grabs his phone out of a side pocket and has to type in his password three or four times, making mistakes with how fast he was trying to type.

He sighs and slows himself down, opening his phone and letting his fingers hover over the keyboard about to message Raph. "What am I even going to say?" He says. "Why do I keep talking to myself." Mikey laughs out, lolling his head to the side. After a couple minutes of finger hovering he finally sends a text. _'Hey dude. What's up.'_ He nods to himself. "That works I guess..." He sits down on the floor next to his bed and stares at his phone. He didn't like messaging people anymore but he could stand to text a brother.

He stays there, waiting for a reply for a long time, long enough for practice to end. "Mikey?" _That hyper focus must've still been kicking._ He looks up and behind him at a sweaty Leo looking down at him. "Oh, hey man." Mikey says with a smile. "Are you... _Okay?_ " Mikey's brow furrows and he turns around. "Yeah, why?" He asks. Leo bends down by him. "Because you're shaking." Mikey takes a hand away from his phone and runs it through his hair. "No I'm-" He glances down at his now sole hand holding his phone, noticing the quiver in the plastic.

"-not..." Mikey didn't know what was going on. _First that weird paralyzing thing in the dojo, now he's shaking, what next!?_ "Mikey, do you want to lay down or something? Do you need something to eat or water or anything?" Mikey shakes his head. "No, no, I'm just having a weird day..." Leo pulls Mikey up and points to the bed. "Sit down." Mikey complies and Leo leaves for just a moment and comes back with an orange water bottle and hands it to his little brother.

Mikey takes it and puts the spout to his lips. As soon as he took a drink he realized he was _very_ thirsty. After thirty straight seconds of chugging water Mikey lets the bottle drop from his mouth. "Do you want to talk about what happened earlier? Dad told us you needed to have a break and that's not a thing you usually... _Do..._ " The younger boy squints and lets his head bob from side to side. "I don't know, nothing really happened." He says nonchalantly. "I just saw this big guy and just kinda froze up an' stuff."

Leo holds himself back from glaring at his little brother. " _That's all?_ " Mikey nods with a lopsided grin. "Yeah, don't worry, it's totally fine." There's a small beat of silence before Mikey pops off the bed and stands up. "Let's get something to eat, I'm starving!" Leo frowns but lets his little brother lead him away from the bedroom and to the kitchen. "Mikey, I'm not especially hungry or anything, I might just skip dinner for now and lay down."

Leo glances to the couch where Donnie had passed out already, legs flopped over the arm and hair pulled in twenty different directions. "Like Donnie. He's got the right idea." He says. Mikey ignores him. "Besides, I still have to shower. The dojo was super hot and because there was only two of us we did a lot of one on one sparring." Mikey turns around with a triple decker peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "Well it won't take long to eat this. And you said you'd stay up with me." He says, handing the sandwich to his brother and then scavenging the fridge for something else to eat.

Leo frowns at the sandwich. _He didn't want to eat that, he didn't want to eat anything!_ He slowly meanders to the couch and moves one of Donnie's arms so he could sit down. _He knew he'd made a deal, but then again, Raph wasn't here right now..._ The oldest boy sighs and takes a bite of the sandwich. No matter what deal he made, he couldn't let the rest of his family know. Eventually Mikey comes over with a sandwich of indescribable features, sitting on the floor below his brothers.

As the two boys eat, the silence grows thick. It wasn't a comfortable silence, it was the kind of silence you feel when you _know_ something is wrong, but you just don't know _what_. Mikey takes his phone out of his pocket and brings up his texts again. None of them were read. He sends another one quickly, asking if Raph was getting any of them. Leo looks down and notices Mikey's worry. "He's probably just too busy messing around with Casey." Mikey nods. "Yeah, probably."

* * *

Leo was not prepared to stay up all night, but stay up all night he did. Mikey didn't even hint at being tired, no yawning, no head bobbing, or even slumping over. He stayed wide awake all night. They played a few recorded movies but as the night went on, they just forgot to keep something playing. Mikey had stared down at his phone nearly the entire time, going out of his messages and going back in, turning his phone off and on, restarting it, even asking to use Leo's phone to message their foster brother. He tried calling a few times near midnight but Leo assured him that he was probably just asleep by then and that was why he wasn't answering.

Near five am Leo had finally passed out, leaving Mikey as the sole brother left standing. He watches out the window as the sun rises over the city and glances back at his phone with his exhausted eyes. _'Hey Raph, morning.'_ He sends. He had sent over twenty texts that night, just trying to get some response. His early riser Father walks through the room, brewing a small pot of tea. "Good morning my son. You are up early, yes?" Mikey glances up and nods, looking back down at his phone.

"You must ask if Raphael will be coming home first or going to school from his friend's house. I have an opening from my morning classes so I would be available to pick him up if need be." Mikey purses his lips and looks up at his father. "I've been texting him all night and he hasn't even read any of them." He says quickly, almost running his words together. Yoshi takes his whistling kettle off the stove top and pours some into a cup. "He is with Mr. Jones, correct? Have you spoken to him?"

Mikey shakes his head and quickly switches contacts, having gotten Casey's number from Raph a while ago. He could've slapped himself for not thinking of this earlier. He quickly asks when Raph would be back and waits with his eyes glued to the screen. Not a minute later, three little bouncing bubbles appear at the bottom, soon being replaced with a message. _'Raph ditched me yesterday. Never came over and didn't tell me why either.'_ Mikey drops the phone and stands up, looking wide eyed at his father. "Raph's not at Casey's."

The old man puts his tea down and frowns. "What do you mean Raphael is not at Casey's" Mikey swipes his phone up and shows the screen to his father. "Casey doesn't know where Raph is, he never went to Casey's yesterday." He says in a strained voice. " _Where is Raph?_ "

* * *

 _ **Being me can only mean  
Feeling scared to breathe  
If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything  
That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down  
Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up  
Let me breathe **_

_**"Afraid"**_

 _ **The Neighborhood**_

* * *

 **Hahahaha... Okay so I'll be honest here... I didn't really want to write this chapter. Not because I don't like this story anymore, but because I found an old story of mine that I was revising and writing and I love it. It's another tmnt thing and I'm thinking about posting it but I want to know people will actually read it first. I don't know, maybe I'll post the first chapter and see how it goes!**

 **Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter! Make sure to tell me what you thought and I'll see you next time! ;) (Haha, you thought you'd get to find out what happens with Raph in this chapter didn't you. XP)**


	32. Chapter 32: Dear Agony

**(3008 Words)**

It had been so long since he'd seen sunlight. It felt like weeks but it could've been days, he had no way of keeping track of time where he was. It was cold, dark, and horrifying. He'd had bugs crawl all over him for countless hours while he was paralyzed on the floor. He'd been stuck with what felt like a million needles over and over again, just to keep him stuck in one spot.

Raph knew what was going on and it was torture. This man came down every day to inject some sort of fluid into him that kept him from moving. Sometimes it'd make him fall asleep and sometimes it'd just immobilize him, leaving him broken on the floor, limbs useless until the drug had worn off. He was going to keep him here until he killed him. _It was an odd thought, that he knew he was going to die..._

Every once and a while Mr. X would come down the stairs, his heavy shoes hitting the creaking floor boards and striking the smallest bit of panic into the boy's chest. He'd turn the corner and stare at Raph, snarling and glaring at him with pure rage. He'd beat him relentlessly until he'd had enough fun and then go back upstairs, leaving him un-drugged but in massive amounts of pain. It'd only happened a couple times but the last time he could've sworn that if Mr. X had gone for half a second longer he would've broken something.

Now, once again, Mr. X stomped down the stairs, yelling and cursing at the boy. "You fucking bitch! You motherfucking bitch!" He stops in front of Raph, holding a swishing bottle of vodka with bloodshot eyes. "You ruined my life!" He'd said this countless times since he'd been there, that Raph had 'ruined his life'. "How- How's that?" Raph mumbles. He was afraid but that didn't change the fact that he didn't know when to shut up. "How's that you say?! _HOW'S THAT?!_ YOU were the little fucking snitch who told the police _all_ about how _'bad'_ I was."

He takes a threatening step forward and Raph instinctively flinches. "I was good to you! I gave you a roof to sleep under, I _fed_ you, I made sure you didn't _die!_ You were lucky to have me! Nobody else would ever want something as pathetic as you! I took you in and _how_ did you repay me?! TEN YEARS IN PRISON, THAT'S HOW!" The man smashes the bottle on the pole above Raph, showering him in sticky alcohol and glass shards.

"I could've _DIED_ there and now I'll give you the same treatment!" Mr. X says with wild eyes. " _Ten years in a shit-hole where you- Will- Die._ " Raph shakes off some of the dripping liquid and glass, looking up at the man who held him captive. _He knew he'd probably die here. There was no chance for escape or rescue. He knew he'd die here, but him saying it made it too much of a reality._

He throws the neck of the bottle he'd smashed into Raph's face, giving him a small cut on his left cheek. "Now fucking thanks to you I have to get a new bottle. _Idiota jodido._ " He turns to walk away but stops for a moment, turning back and bending down in front of Raph, who at this point was trying his hardest not to panic with the man this close to him. "I couldn't do any real damage before chico but now I can do _whatever_ I want. I could slit your throat _right here, right now_. Or I could rip you open from the bottom and leave you broken in this basement until you _rot._ "

He stands up and steps on Raph's leg harder and harder. He could tell it hurt when Raph lets out a small gasp of pain. He lets up soon after, kicking him in the ribs and stomping back upstairs, leaving Raph with a few passing words. "I haven't decided what I'll do yet boy but when I do you'll wish for this to be all that happened." He stays there on the stairs, his presence intimidating for minutes on end.

As soon as he was gone Raph starts breathing heavily. He had been holding in his already frantic breathing which almost made it worse. "Oh gosh- Oh gosh I need to- I can't- I can't get out. There's no way to get out. I can't move I can't call for help, nobody knows I'm gone." Raph whispers to himself. _Sure he wanted to die sometimes, but not at the hands of someone else. He hated the dripping of the vodka on his head. It dripped and dripped and dripped- He hated alcohol._

"I need to get out."

* * *

It had been at least a day. At least a day had passed since he decided he needed to escape. He didn't know how and he didn't know when, but he knew he needed to get out. _It was so hard not being able to find a way out._

At the moment Raph was just too tired to move. He wasn't drugged or paralyzed, just exhausted. He was dehydrated and starving, he hadn't had food since he got there and he'd gotten just a little bit of liquids a while ago. The taste of burning liquor still lingered on his tong from licking the dripping drink from himself. He hated it but he needed _something_ to drink. Mr. X hadn't been down for a lot longer than before. _It worried him. What if he'd died? There would be nobody who knew he was down there._ Raph cracked open his eyes, feeling something crawling on his leg.

A small cockroach sat on his calf, staring at him for a moment before crawling towards his shoe and down to the floor. If he could he would've thrown up. He needed to keep any food he had left in his stomach in because he had no idea how long it'd be before he could get any real food. He may have been scared of bugs before, but now he would've had a full blown panic attack if he wasn't half out of it. Finally he heard those terrifying footsteps coming down those stairs. They sounded _different_. They sounded _slow, uneven, heavier_ even.

Mr. X stomps into the basement, a beer can crushed in his hand. He tries to throw it at Raph but misses by at least three feet. "Maldita perra, ¿crees que eres demasiado bueno para mí? FOLLARTE." Raph only had an inkling of what he was saying. It was slurred and angry but he'd learned some of the language from living with this man for far too long. " Voy a llevarte a un descanso, pero eso es jodido." Raph didn't understand a word of that sentence but when Mr. X bends down and un-cuffs Raph from the pole he knew this was his chance.

The second his hands were free, he weakly kicks the man back and in Mr. X's drunken state falls back, sitting on the floor for just a moment. Raph scrambles up and wobbly runs up the stairs. He hadn't used his legs in days, it felt like years. "¡REGRESA AQUÍ!" His captor screams from the basement below.

Raph was breathing hard, his eyes watering with panic and fear. His usual exit of the side door right at the top of the stairs was locked and bolted shut with planks of wood hammered across. _Of course it couldn't be that easy._ He freezes for a second, scanning the house he hadn't seen since he was so young, contemplating where he'd go. He sprints through the kitchen and dining room and into the living room to the front door. His hands shook badly as he tried to unlock the door. There were at least five different kind of locks on this door, thankfully none were code or key based.

He could hear thundering footsteps behind him as he undoes the last lock and flings open the door to the moon-lit patio. Mr. X was right behind him as he sprints out the doorway and trips on the stairs. He falls hard, barely able to duck and roll to save himself from a little bit of the pain and ends up scraping his chin on the cement. At the bottom he tries to get up but is tackled back down. "¡Te salvé! ¡Te salvé! ¡Te mantuve bajo mi techo y te salvé! ¡Me encarcelas y NO voy a dejar que te salgas con la tuya! ¡NO TE ESTÁS ALEJANDO!"

Raph screams, his unused voice cracking and raspy. He thrusts his foot up and into the man's chest, pushing him off enough to get back up and run. He doesn't look back but he knew that Mr. X was taking his time standing up. They were on a dead end street, there was only one way out to run. He runs in the middle of the street past _three, four, five_ houses until a house with it's lights on catches his attention.

He hated strangers but he hated being kidnapped even more. Raph thunders up the stairs of the porch and bangs on the door desperately. After a couple seconds the door swings open and an old couple stand in front of him. "Oh, hello there, is something the matter dear?" The woman says. Raph's eyes widen as he hears someone else walking up the wooden steps. He ducks under the man's arm which was propped up on the door way and falls to the floor behind them, his legs finally giving out.

"Oh dear!" The woman exclaims, looking behind herself. "What are you-" She's cut off when a deep, accent tinted voice speaks up from in front of them. "I'm- I'm so sorry. That's my- My foster son, he's ch-challenged. _Mentally._ " Mr. X says smoothly. _Well_. As smoothly as a drunken man could. "No-N-No! He's lying! He's lying, Please help me!" Raph says from the floor, nearly screaming his words out. The old man looks down at Raph, who looked just as bad as he felt, and then back out at Mr. X.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" He asks, his kind voice being tinted with anger. "I'm- I'm Xever Alejandro." Mr. X, Xever, puffs out his chest slightly at his fake last name. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave my property." The old man says, stepping in front of his wife. "But that's my foster son, I need to take him home." Xever says, taking a step towards the door. "Stop right there. Leave now, or I'm calling the police." The man says, taking a step back, ready to slam the door shut. Xever narrows his eyes "But that's-"

" _Leave. Now._ " The older man commands. He closes the door and locks it, turning around to see his wife and the young intruder on the floor, the woman looking him over while he sits stunned and still panicked in the entry-way. "I'm going to call the police. Janet, you and him move away from the door and then _stay put._ " The man leaves to the right of a dividing wall and disappears into the kitchen at the far end.

"Come along dear." Janet says, helping Raph up to move not too far into the open living room to the left of the wall. She sits him down on the old yellow couch. "What's your name darling." The woman asks, holding Raph's shaking hands in her own. At first he doesn't answer, not wanting to say anything to anyone. "Raphael." He answers quietly. He knew they'd need his name. "That wasn't my foster dad." Raph says shakily.

"Who is your father?" Janet asks kindly. Raph stares down at his hands and the woman closes hers around them. "Yoshi Hamato." He says. He knew in their house they say their last name first, but anywhere else it'd be weird. Janet nods and smiles at him. "It's going to be okay, alright honey?" Raph nods. He'd never had any grandparents before but he'd imagine this would be what it was like. "Do you need something to drink? Something to eat?"

Raph nods. "Can I just have some water?" Janet nods and gets up, walking swiftly to the kitchen. The boy sat on the couch, listening intently to everything that happened in the room cross the hall. He could hear a cup being filled with water and a lot of talking. The man was talking on the phone but he could hear the woman who he'd been sitting with talking as well, probably feeding her husband the information she'd gotten from Raph.

"Alright, sorry that took so long honey." Janet says as she comes back, handing a glass cup of water to Raph. He takes the glass and immediately feels it slip, almost dropping it and spilling all of the water. "Oh- Careful there." The woman says. Raph feels a small amount of guilt over almost spilling water all over a stranger's couch. "Sorry." He says quietly.

"It's okay." Janet says, pulling a blanket from off the back of the couch and wrapping it around his shoulders, not caring that he'd just get it gross and dirty. He was so tired, but sleeping was the last thing he wanted to do. If he slept he might just wake up back in that basement, all of this just having been a dream. If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up.

He knew he had to stay awake for other reasons. He'd have to talk to the police soon as they'd be on there way in no time. He was pulled out of his thoughts as the man walks back into the room. "The police will be on their way." He says calmly. "Are you okay there buddy?" Raph nods in response and the man smiles. "I'm Harold, but you can call me Harry." Again, Raph nods. He didn't feel like doing much else let alone have the energy to do much else.

"They said they'd bring professionals to help with those cuts, but I'm sure we can do a little something here, don't 'cha think?" Harry smiles, his face wrinkling in distinct smile lines. He steps out for a moment and comes back with a wet cloth, a box of band-aids, and a small bottle of disinfectant. Harry sits down next to Raph on the same side as his wife as to not close him in. Raph sets the glass he'd been holding close to his chest on the coffee table in front of him.

Harry takes the wet cloth and starts gently cleaning around any obvious wounds. "So, Raphael- Janet here told me- How old are you?" Raph watches the cloth very carefully, nervous about any sudden movements he made. "Fifteen." He mumbles. Harry nods. "Do you have any siblings?" He was obviously trying to keep the topic light and distracting. "Three brothers." Raph says, remembering the three other boys. He knew they'd miss him in some capacity, but he didn't realize how much _he_ missed _them_ until just then.

* * *

It was late, too late at night for any sane person to be awake. But when your son is missing, you're not going to be sane. Yoshi paces the kitchen, watching the land line phone every time he turned in his loop. Every night for a week he'd done this, waiting for a call, the call, that would tell him the authorities had found his missing son. His other three sons had camped out in the living-room every night after searching around town, asking business owners and strangers on the street if they'd seen the boy on the printed missing posters they'd made.

Yoshi stops his pacing and looks over to his sons. They looked as they did when they were little, all huddled together and sleeping soundly. They all had worried for much too long. The calm moment is broken when the phone rings loudly, making Yoshi jump and his sons jolt out of their impossibly light sleep, all their eyes trained on their father and the ringing phone. Yoshi picks up the phone before it could even ring again, answering frantically quick. "Hai-"

* * *

 _ **" Dear Agony  
Just let go of me  
Suffer slowly  
Is this the way it's gotta be?  
Dear Agony " **_

_**"Dear Agony"**_

 _ **Breaking Benjamin**_

* * *

 **Oooooo... I hope you enjoyed that chapter~ I couldn't have too many chapters with Raph away seeing as it was pretty much the same thing every day there but I hope this was good! I really suggest you listen to at least this song that this chapter was named after, if not all of the songs for this story. The feel of them all fit the chapter as I've written it and eventually this'll be one big playlist I'll give out to you all but that'll be when this story completely ends. My playlist has over a hundred songs in it so obviously you won't know all the songs in the playlist by the time this thing is done.**

 **Anyways, I've talked too much, I can't wait to hear feedback and I'll write you in the next chapter!**


	33. Chapter 33: Shut The Front Door

**(6214 Words)**

The second they knew Raph was missing they contacted _everybody_. Yoshi called the school, parents of students, family friends that Raph didn't even know about. The boys called friends and classmates, they had someone nonstop calling Raph's phone, and Mikey had started making missing posters. "Donnie- Donnie! Is this a good picture of Raph? It needs to look just like him now so that people can recognize him." Mikey was holding his phone with a picture of Raph just a day or two after he had April cut his hair.

"I mean, his hair has grown out a little since then but It's fine." Donnie replies, staring at his computer screen and nonstop typing. He had been putting missing ads all over online and looking at missing and found forums. "But it needs to be better than fine! It needs to be perfect so people know what he looks like." Mikey says, looking more stressed than he ever had in his life.

Donnie looks up from his spot on the couch and sighs, seeing spots from staring at his computer screen all day. "You need a good profile and front facing photo and I only have two similar ones like that from right after he cut his hair because it was a fresh thing and-" Mikey starts picking at his phone anxiously.

"Mikey. It's good." Donnie says, stopping his little brother's ramble. "Okay." Mikey replies. "Will you come with me to the printing place downtown? I don't wanna go alone." Donnie gives a small, tired smile. "Yeah, I'll go with. We can try and get Leo to come with too but he's been all about meditating right now." Mikey nods and slumps over a bit. Leo had been in his room meditating for hours on end, like he was trying to contact Raph that way.

Donnie stands up and stretches, grunting as he rose. "You found a way to contact Angel right?" Mikey asks. Donnie nods and walks around his brother to go towards the bedrooms. "I also got in touch with that one girl Raph met on Halloween. Well, more like she got in touch with me. Her uncle is a police chief and as soon as she found out about our report she called." Mikey smiles a little. _Having the niece of the police chief on their side might just help._

As the brothers reach the room they stop, staring at the door. "Should we _really_ go in?" Mikey mumbles. "He might get mad at us." Donnie shrugs in response. "It's your room too..." Slowly Mikey knocks on the closed door, waiting silently for a reply. "What do you want Mikey." Leo says from inside, sounding mildly annoyed.

"Uh- I uh- Me and Donnie were gonna go copy the missing posters I made and we were wondering if you wanted to come with." Mikey trails off and waits again. The two boys look at each other and Donnie sighs. "We can just go alon-" Just then the door swings open and Leo steps out. "Fine, but we can't be out long." He looked tired and angry. He had dark bags under his eyes and a disheveled look about him.

"D'you wanna get something to eat while we're out? You haven't come out of our room all day." Mikey mumbles. He knew everyone was stressed out so he didn't want to bring up anything too big but he knew Leo _needed to eat._ "I'm _fine_ Mikey." Leo snaps "Let's just go quick before it gets too busy." The eldest of the brother pushes bast them and stops towards the door.

They had all been given permission to use the van so that they didn't have to walk the streets without a way out. All but Mikey. "Donnie, you're driving right?" Mikey whispers, watching Leo in front of them as they walk to the vehicle. "Uh, why?" Donnie asks. Mikey looks at Donnie and then back to Leo. "He doesn't seem okay right now..." Mikey says, a shake in his voice. "I'd drive but not having a licence is a _little_ bit of a problem."

Donnie nods and they stop in front of the van. "I'll drive." Donnie says, swooping around to the driver's side door and pulls it open. Leo glares at Donnie and opens the passenger's side door, getting in and slamming it shut. Mikey sits in the back, folding his hands and pressing them into his lap. "So... Leo, did you have a good meditation time?" Mikey asks cautiously. Leo huffs from the front seat and rolls his eyes. "It was whatever Mikey."

Donnie starts the van and pulls out into the street. They don't talk for the rest of the ride. Thankfully it wasn't long until they pull into a parking space along the street, hopping out and alleviating the air of awkward silence. A bell rings as the brothers walk into the small copping store. "Hello boys, what can I do ya for?" A man says, propping a broom up against the counter. "We just need to copy something." Leo says quickly.

"How many copies do you need?" The man asks politely. "Maybe like a hundred?" Mikey says, more asking his brothers if they thought it was right. "Let's make it two hundred. Or three, one stack for each of us." Donnie says. The man laughs and Mikey hands the paper over to him. "You boys throwing a party?" As the man looks down at the paper Mikey speaks up. "No, our brother is missing."

The man's eyes widen and he puts the paper into the copier. "Oh, I'm so sorry..." As the machine starts printing out the copies the man puts his hand on it and looks at the brothers. "You know what boys, just this once I'm gonna let you take these copies, no charge." All three go wide eyed. They'd have to pay a lot normally for this many copies. "For real!?" Mikey asks. The man nods and leans on the counter in front of him.

"My little sister went missing when I was younger. We tried but we never did find her. I'm not about to hinder anyone's search for their siblings now." After a few more minutes the printer stops and he hands the boys a stack of papers each. "You boys go find your brother now." He takes one of the papers off from the stack and grabs a roll of tape from the desk. "Thank you so much." Donnie says, nudging Mikey. "Yeah, thank you!" Mikey says.

Leo purses his lips. "Thank you." He says dully. The man nods and walks around the counter, taping the poster up onto the window. "I hope you find him soon." The boys wave and leave the small store with Leo in the lead. "Do you guys want to grab something to eat now?" Donnie says as they walk back to the van. "We can start handing out the flyers after-" Leo whips around angrily.

"I already said _I don't want to get something to eat!_ " He balls his hands into fists and glares at his stunned brothers. "Lets just hand out these _stupid_ posters and go back home." Donnie and Mikey stare at Leo, eyes wide. "Leo... What's going-" Mikey starts, holding his pile of papers to his chest.

"You wanna know what's going on?! You wanna know why I'm so mad- Why I've been meditating all fucking day!?" Leo shouts. Donnie frowns. "Well... _Yeah._ " Leo lets out a loud frustrated noise. "All this shit that's been going on- It doesn't just effect _you_ , or _Raph_ or _Dad_ \- It effects ME too! I can't do anything to fix this and that sucks! I fucked up too many times before and didn't fix it and now that I want to- _I CAN'T!_ "

Leo waves his arms around as he shouts, leaving his two younger brothers to just take the verbal beating. "I've been sitting around all day just trying to ignore this stupid pain in my stomach because if I try and eat anything I'll just throw it back up anyways!" Mikey cringes while Donnie sucks in a breath. "I'm sick of lying and I'm sick of hurting you all! I know you guys don't believe me but I DO care about Raph! I know how much he means to you all and I've tried to make things better but-"

Mikey wraps his arms around his oldest brother. "It's okay Leo..." He says quietly. "We're all stressed out but we'll find him." Donnie nods, standing a couple feet away, opting out of the hug. "And statistically we still have up until tomorrow to find him before it gets... _harder._ " Donnie trails off, tapping his leg. _He was trying not to say 'nearly impossible'._

"We don't have to eat out if you don't want... But you should eat something... Even if it's small." Mikey says, letting his brother go from his death grip of a hug. Leo keeps a sad frown on his face, embarrassed that he'd exploded and spilled his not-that-long held secret. Donnie walks forward, hugging his arms around himself. "Let's just go home for now. We can pass out the flyers later I guess."

They walk in silence the small trek back to the van and all buckle in. "We won't tell just so you know." Mikey says quietly. "I already knew anyways." A small jolt of panic shoots through Leo's chest but he doesn't physically react. "You gotta eat though, keep your strength up while we look for Raph an' all." Mikey finishes.

Leo turns to look out the window. "I know."

* * *

They had passed out flyers for hours on end, asking to put them up in shops, tape them to poles, and gave one to a man who said he worked at a newspaper company. They didn't stop until it was too dark to see your hand in front of your face without any street lights on. They got calls from their father every hour and sent text updates every half hour, making sure they were always connected while they were out and he was elsewhere.

Finally they had decided to call it a night, trudging miles back to the van just to drive back home and collapse onto the couch. None of them really wanted to sleep though. At any second a call could come in saying that someone had found Raph. Their father urged them to get some sleep, telling them they still had school the next day, even though they had been excused for that day to hand out flyers. Begrudgingly they go to bed, All sleeping in Leo and Mikey's room.

The next morning was taxing to say the least. When they awoke and found there was no sign of anyone finding their lost brother, all their fear doubles. They get ready for school much slower than usual, all subconsciously hoping that the call would come in before they left. Unfortunately that was not the case.

Their father drops them off at the high-school, telling them to wait inside or on the steps of the building after school and he'd pick them up. It was all highly reminiscent of the first day at this school, all three of them being dropped off and being told all the 'safety' rules of this new area the school was in, telling them about how filthy the bathrooms were. The memory cast an odd sense of happiness over the down mood of the situation.

They wave good-bye and Yoshi only drives away once they had all entered the building. They had to immediately split ways which felt horrible, but necessary. Donnie and Leo head off to their classes while Mikey stands in the halls, watching as people slowly notice the new comers to the building. Once one person comes up to one of the brothers, they're all swarmed. Of course they knew that Raph was missing, they'd called almost everyone to see if they'd seen him.

Person after person comes up to Mikey as they bombard him with questions about his missing brother, some hitting more close to home than others. "Do you think he's dead?" Mikey rears back, tears springing to his eyes like a frightened child. "No-No, he's not- He can't be dead." He replies, oddly shaken by the question. "Why not? I heard of this one guy who was missing for _months_ and it turned out he had killed himself the day they found out he was _'missing'._ " The kid says again.

It didn't seem like he meant any real harm by the question, just morbidly curious. "Okay, I think you all should leave him alone now. We've got to get to class." Mikey looks over his shoulder and a taller boy with slick black hair tied into a man bun stood behind him with his arms folded. "But I-" The first kid says, taking a step back. "Nah, I've gotten too many late slips to stay here, come on Mikey." The black haired boy says, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the crowed of nosy kids.

"Math right?" He whispers to the stunned freckled boy. Mikey nods. "With Mrs. Kiegsly." The black haired boy nods back. "Cool, me too." They walk a little further and he speaks again. "I'm Kaito by the way." Mikey raises his eyebrows. "That's Japanese, right?" Kaito nods. "My parents moved to America when they were really young but are both still very traditional, all my siblings have Japanese names."

Mikey smiles. "My dad is actually Japanese. He didn't give me or my brother a Japanese name but you already knew that." He laughs awkwardly, rubbing his arm. The two stop in front of the class room, looking at each-other for an awkwardly long moment. "If you ever need to talk or anything, with everything going on with your brother, I'd be happy to give you my number. Just in case you know?"

Mikey stands, stunned for just a second before he nods with a small smile. "Thank you." He says, watching as Kaito pulls a pen out of his bag and scrawls a number onto Mikey's freckled arm. The taller boy walks in the class first, leaving Mikey behind to try and keep himself from blushing his face beat red. He purses his lips and walks into class, just hoping that his new friend doesn't sit too close to him.

* * *

Donnie had been trying to keep calm all morning. He knew all the statistics, at this point they still had time to find him before the window was closed. He'd been gone only one day, they still had by the end of the day to find him. People had tried to ask him questions and talk to him about Raph but he just pushed them aside _, figuratively_ , and walked away. Even in class he had people trying to pass him notes and whisper across to him.

He didn't talk unless it was forced upon him by a teacher. Once the first bell had rung and he finished holding his hands to his ears, he started to pack up his books, just wanting to leave and get the whole day over with. "Donatello, would you mind speaking with me for a moment?" His teacher asks. She was a kind woman, but at the moment he didn't want to talk to anyone at all.

After all the rest of the class had filed out of the room, Donnie trudges up to the front and waits for the teacher to speak. "I know you're probably hearing this right and left right now, but I just wanted to tell you that if you're feeling stressed or down, that you can come to me for anything. I know with your brother missing it might be hard not being at home but I'm always here to talk if you need it. Okay?"

Donnie nods and turns to walk out of the room. He knew it was rude to do so, that he should thank her or something, but he just didn't want to talk right now. He hears the teacher sigh behind him and the guilt he held for not saying anything went from unnoticeable to almost unbearable. It was in high stress times that things escalated like they had and it was going to suck for the rest of his day.

Out in the halls it wasn't much better. People still tried to ask him about his missing brother, ignoring the fact that he most definitely wouldn't want to talk about that of all things right now. Somebody puts their hand on his shoulder and he hits it off, spinning around almost angrily having had his fill of questions.

In front of him April holds her hurt hand with her other and frowns. Donnie sucks in a breath, blushing hard and his stomach sinking. "April! I-I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was-" April stops him mid sentence, shaking her head. "No, it's fine. I should've said something first." She takes a step back to give Donnie enough space between them.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry I couldn't help more. I wasn't best friends with Raph or anything but I hope we find him soon. I made sure to hang some of those flyers in the store." She fiddles with her hair, trying her best not to be too emotional.

"Casey said he'd help too." April adds. Donnie frowns as she keeps talking. "I haven't seen him all day though. I just hope he's not going to do something stupid." Donnie nods along and taps his leg, feeling a bit of pain this time. "Thanks." Donnie says awkwardly. He winces when he realizes it doesn't exactly fit this situation.

April doesn't seem to notice, taking a couple steps forward and giving Donnie a quick, tight hug. She pulls away and looks down at her shoes, holding back a small amount of tears. "I'm sorry, I know you don't really like hugs or anything but if nothing else I needed one." She laughs a little, wiping her eyes, leaving Donnie a little stunned but oddly happy. "Sorry, I- I just... I hope you find him."

* * *

Leo stands in front of the cafeteria doors, stuck in place. He knew his brothers were already in there so if he never went in they couldn't stop him. He could just hide out in a bathroom where nobody could find him for his lunch period, staying hidden until his next class started and he wasn't allowed to eat again. He _could_ do that.

He also _could_ just walk in those doors, sit down and eat something small to make his brothers feel better and then wallow in the pain he felt afterwards. He'd feel worse, but they'd feel better. _Isn't that what he wanted anyways? For them to feel better and himself to feel worse?_

He nervously pushes the doors open and walks in, scanning the room for his brothers. In a far corner he sees them, fending off people ruthlessly bombarding them with questions over and over again. As soon as Leo arrives at the table they all scatter. He did not look happy, hadn't all day, which was probably why he hadn't had many people asking him about what was going on.

He plops down at the table and opens a paper bag marked with his name and a couple doodles around it, signifying that Mikey had been the one to make up his lunch. He pulls out a half sandwich in a plastic baggie that had a little half broken heart on it. Inside the paper bag was the other half of the sandwich paired with the other half of the heart. Written on it was a little note. 'Make my heart whole?'

Leo shakes his head and glances at Mikey who was ignoring his lunch and tracing a finger over black marks on his arm. Leo frowns and tosses the second sandwich half into the bag again, just opening the first half. "What're you doing?" He asks, procrastinating on taking the first bite. " _You're_ not even eating lunch." Mikey blinks a few times, pulling himself out of his daze.

"Wha- Oh, nothing. I'm just distracted." Mikey says. Donnie chuckles. "When are you ever not?" He mumbles, his voice feeling awkward to use. Leo frowns, focusing on Mikey's arm. "Is that a phone number?" He says lowly. "Are you _hitting_ on people!? _Now_ of all times!?" Mikey's eyes widen and he shakes his head. "No! No, I'm- There was just this kid who said they'd talk-"

"Who is she?" Leo says, frowning. "There's no way someone would give you their number like that unless they liked you." Mikey blushes and covers his arm with his hand. "No, It's just to talk and stuff, there's no way this is like a dating thing." Donnie shrugs. "Whoever she is, you'd better text or call her right away. Girls don't like to wait if they like you." Leo and Mikey stare at Donnie, surprised.

"April told me." The brunet says bluntly. Leo shakes his head. "Anyways, just don't get too into anything. Our focus should be on finding Raph." He says seriously. Mikey nods, almost sadly, and hides his left arm under the table and starting back up on his lunch. The table goes silent as the two younger boys eat and Leo sits, staring at his half sandwich. Leo lets out a sigh and slowly takes a bite.

* * *

"Dad's taking forever!" Mikey groans. The three of them sat on the steps to the school, bags thrown around them. "He's not taking that long Mikey, we just normally leave right away." Leo says, eyes glued to the road in front of them and chin planted firmly in the palm of his hand. Donnie sits a few feet away from Mikey on his left, tapping his leg lightly though each time caused a small pinch of pain to be sent into his leg where he was certain there was a bruise.

"You gonna tell Father about your girlfriend?" Leo asks almost teasingly. Mikey narrows his eyes. "I told you, this isn't a dating thing. Besides, Dad doesn't need to know right now. We need to focus on finding Raph." Leo makes a noise that resembles a scoff and they settle back into the more comfortable silence.

Soon the familiar van pulls up in front of the school and the boys stand in unison. The two older boys start down the steps but Mikey stops after the first step down. "You guys can't tell him either." He says, holding tightly to his backpack straps. "Fine Mikey." Leo calls back, stopping and turning around. " _Can we go now?_ " He strains. Mikey lifts his chin up and rushes down the stairs after his brothers, all four of them getting in the van and slamming the door behind them.

* * *

After midday the next day was when all of the boys go into a panic. They knew it would be nearly impossible to find their missing brother soon and the thought of not being able to find him made things so much worse. They didn't sleep, they barely ate other than Mikey and Donnie forcing Leo to, and every single call or text they got made them all jump, hoping it would be about Raph.

The next day was even worse. Yoshi cancelled all classes for an undetermined amount of time and called off training. The boys could train on their own if they wanted but none of them did, spending all their time either anxiously sitting around the apartment or out on the streets, asking people if they had seen their brother.

At some point the idea that he had run away came up but they immediately dismissed it. They knew he wouldn't run away. _There was no motive_. The next two days were agony. Donnie wouldn't talk at all, staying on the couch at all times. Leo had to almost be force fed in secret by Mikey as the days went on. Mikey was stressed beyond belief, his usual happy-go-lucky attitude being reduced down to weak smiles and stressed thumbs up.

They all were grieving in a way. While they didn't know for sure if Raphael was dead or not, the statistics showed that there was very little chance of him being alive. Yoshi never left the phone, waiting for any sign of a call. The brothers never even saw their father sleep. He was awake when they passed out and awake when they woke up. They were excused from school by the principal himself, allowing them to take their time accepting the fact that they probably wouldn't find their missing family member.

It was the seventh day that Raph had been missing, way too late at night for any sane person to be awake. But when your son is missing, you're not going to be sane. Yoshi paces the kitchen, watching the land line phone every time he turned in his loop. Every night for a week he'd done this, waiting for a call, the call, that would tell him the authorities had found his missing son. His other three sons had camped out in the living-room every night after searching around town, asking business owners and strangers on the street if they'd seen the boy on the printed missing posters they'd made.

Yoshi stops his pacing and looks over to his sons. They looked as they did when they were little, all huddled together and sleeping soundly. They all had worried for much too long. The calm moment is broken when the phone rings loudly, making Yoshi jump and his sons jolt out of their impossibly light sleep, all their eyes trained on their father and the ringing phone. Yoshi picks up the phone before it could even ring again, answering frantically quick. "Hai-"

The boys watch their father on the phone, shaking. They knew he would slam the phone back down if it wasn't anything important, and at this point, anything that wasn't about Raph wasn't important. Tears gather in Mikey's eyes and he wipes at them furiously. Leo wraps his arms around his littlest brother, squeezing him tightly. Yoshi was leaning heavily against the counter as he speaks on the phone.

Finally he turns around, his own eyes welling up with his hand up to his mouth. "They found him." The boys scramble up, dashing over to their father and start asking endless questions. "Hush my sons, we must leave immediately. We have a long drive ahead of us." Yoshi says calmly, wiping his own eyes. Leo frowns. "Where _is_ he?" Yoshi shakes his head in disbelief. " _Dallas, Texas._ "

* * *

They had just barely packed the car with enough things to last them the trip. It would take them nearly twenty three hours without any stops and much longer if they waited for morning to leave. Yoshi drove them for hours on end until he almost passes out at the wheel. "I'll drive, let me drive." Leo says, putting a hand on his father's shoulder. He was barely sleeping before, driving all night would knock him out for sure.

They pulled over and Leo and Yoshi switch spots, allowing Yoshi to lay his head back on the back of the seat and rest his eyes. Leo glances to the back where Donnie and Mikey sit, knocked out against each-other. A moment later he pulls back onto the road, hoping to stop as little as possible.

A couple hours later their streak was lost, having to stop for gas and food. "Just a few minutes inside, we have to keep going." Leo says to his brothers as they walk towards a small gas station. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom, can you guys just grab me some chips and a soda or something." Mikey says. He turns to Donnie and frowns. "Make sure he gets something too." He nods towards Leo who had already walked away. Donnie nods in return and follows suit behind their older brother.

Mikey watches them leave to wander the store before walking swiftly to the bathrooms. Inside he locks himself in a stall and sits on the back of the old toilet, his feet resting on the seat while he pulls out his phone. He still hated texting people, but he could make an exception for some people. He couldn't have done this in the van without the others getting suspicious and he knew he shouldn't be thinking about this right now but...

 _'Hey kaito, we're like eleven hours in now. Still got half way to go but I thought I'd tell you since I dropped off the face of the earth after we left.'_ Mikey sends the text, smiling as he waits for a response. It was about three so he should be out of school soon. He had been talking with Kaito since the day he gave him his number. He'd told him that they found Raph and that it was a long drive away but had to stay off his phone while they were driving.

Mikey felt guilty thinking about his new _friend_ instead of on his brother but he liked talking to him and he had so much to think about already that he _needed_ some sort of escape. His phone buzzes and he smiles as he reads Kaito's reply. _'It's okay. I'm glad you found him and that you'll get there soon-ish. I hope once he's back I get to meet him. He sounds cool from what you've said.'_ Mikey replies quickly, telling his friend that Raph would _probably_ love to meet him and that he had to go.

The freckled boy puts his phone back in his pocked and flushes the toilet for good measure, opening the stall door and washing his hands before leaving back into the main store. He walks around, finding Leo and Donnie paying at the counter and walking out with them, looking inside the plastic baggie to see what they'd gotten him. "Leo, I hope this bag of sweet chips are yours because I'm definitely not eating those." He jokes, nudging his brother.

"Yeah, they're mine." Leo says, snatching the bag of food back from Mikey. "I'll give you your stuff when we get in the van." As they pile in, Yoshi just barely stirs, cracking his eyes open once again. Leo starts passing out the snacks and hands a small pastry to their father. "We have half way to go." Leo says, starting the van up. "I can keep driving so you can rest."

Yoshi nods to his eldest son and Leo pulls out of the gas station. They all settle back in for the ride, opening snacks and watching the scenery go by. Donnie keeps all his attention down on his snacks from the gas station, not looking up once for anything. An hour passes by and Mikey notices Leo still hasn't eaten his chips. To be fair, Donnie had barely gotten though his, but he was eating nonetheless.

"Leo." Mikey whispers, hoping that his father was asleep or close enough to it to not hear him. "Leo?" He whispers again, pushing on the back of his seat with his foot. "What Mikey?" Leo whispers back, annoyed. "Are you gonna eat those? You really should-" Mikey stops, seeing Leo glaring in the mirror. "I'll eat them later Mikey. Just go to sleep or something." Leo says, looking away from the mirror and back to the road.

Mikey pouts and glances at Donnie who was now staring down at his phone, a screen full of unreadable text staring back at him. The younger boy shakes his head and pulls his own phone out, only intending to check it. There were the now standard texts from classmates asking much too personal questions, and then one that made his heart jump. Kaito had messaged him back. _'Awe, okay cool. I'll talk later then.'_ It would've been a normal text if it weren't for the small heart plastered at the end.

He quickly ducks his head down to try and pretend to be sleeping, hiding his face from view. He blushed too easily. Slowly, with thoughts running rampant in his head, he drifts off to sleep, his phone clutched to his chest.

It felt like just a few seconds before Mikey jolts awake once more, looking up and around himself. "Wha-?" He mumbles, watching as the blurry shape of his brother moves from the front seat to the back, laying down on the three wide seat in the very back of the van. "What're you doing?" He says, wiping the sleep from his eyes.

Leo picks his head up for just a moment. "Sleeping. I'm tired Mikey." He plops his head back down and closes his eyes. Mikey looks at the time on his phone and wines. It was eleven at night which meant that they were only an hour away from reaching their destination. He looks around desperately. Leo was already sleeping, Donnie was asleep, and even if he were awake he probably wouldn't want to drive, and their father was asleep as well.

He knew they were all tired but they were _so close!_ How could he just sit there and _wait_ for them to wake up before they got to Raph? He was probably scared and alone. He couldn't make him wait hours more than he needed to. Finally an idea sparks. It wasn't a good one, but it was the only one he had.

Mikey waits for fifteen minutes to make sure everyone would stay asleep before quietly unbuckling himself and climbing up into the front seat. He'd watched his brothers and father drive before, it couldn't be too hard to figure out. He just couldn't get pulled over. You don't need a license unless you get pulled over.

He buckles into the new seat and puts his hands on the wheel. "Okay." He whispers to himself. "Easy, just like riding a bike." He turns the key in the ignition, cringing at the loud start up. Thankfully nobody woke up because of it and he continues on figuring out how a car works. He moves the main break out of park and into the drive position. He takes a deep breath and slowly puts pressure on the gas.

* * *

Mikey pulls into a parking spot, practically taking up two spots with the multiple times he'd tried it. He lets out a breath and looks back into the van. Everyone was still asleep but Donnie seemed to be stirring a bit. He looks out the front window and stares up at the big hospital in front of him. His breathing quickens and all he wants to do is sprint inside. He knew they'd let them in seeing as they probably had a lot of paper work to do but he couldn't go in. Not without his family.

He crawls back to his seat and pulls his knees up to his chest. " _We'll be in soon man, don't worry._ "

* * *

 _ **And she said, said, said  
when ya gonna call me back?  
when ya gonna come back home?  
And I said, said, said, said  
When I f-f-f-f-feel like it  
I'm much too young for this  
I'm too young for this **_

_**"Shut The Front Door (Too Young For This)"**_

 **Forever The Sickest Kids**

* * *

 **Well, Well, Well... Things are happening and people are doing stuff, isn't that cool? I'm just tired, this chapter took me a LONG time to write. Not as long as some I've done before, but still a long time. Mostly all in one day though. about three thousand of this was written all yesterday which is a lot for me in one day. Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter! If you want to see a piece of art I did for it go to my deviantart "MissPunnyPuns" And look for the most recent post as of now titled "** _ **The Family Way: Crushin'**_ **". Can't wait to see what you all think and I'll write you next time!**


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